Werelizard or someone should have been clearer about that scientist’s midlife crisis

Marvel Cinematic Universe Numb3rs (TV)
Gen
G
Werelizard or someone should have been clearer about that scientist’s midlife crisis
author
Summary
William “Billy” Cooper is the best fugitive recovery agent the FBI ever had. They never sent him after someone he couldn’t recover. Just occasionally they needed to provide a little more information on exactly who or potentially what, was needing to be recovered. Agent Cooper does not have the appropriate handcuffs for these shenanigans.
Note
So Lady E and I have this absolutely crackish head canon about Agent Billy Cooper and his life as a fugitive recovery agent. That crack includes some choice moments of interesting crossovers, such as this Agent Cooper would totally be sent after Bruce and would have no idea that the Hulk is a thing.Lady E, it’s a rainy fall day, it’s cold, and I don’t have class. So, for the nostalgia of our undergrad days, I give you fic because I had time to write fic. Which is what we did on rainy cold fall days when we didn’t have class. Hope this improves your day.
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Tony Stark created JARVIS for expressly this reason

“Ugh, J, I hate meetings, I hate people who attend meetings, I hate people who plan meetings, make a note that I hate whoever came up with the concept of meetings, find that person’s name and rewrite their tombstone to include that I hate them, I might even go so far as to say I hate people who make me go to meetings, but today that was Pepper and Pepper can’t be hated, she’s too perfect. Scratch that, I might hate Pepper today because she is too perfect and made me sit through the entire day worth of meetings where nothing was accomplished and I’m not even sure that last report really contained words.”

“I am sorry sir. Would you like for me to order the standard I hate meetings, post meetings supply of foods, sir?”

“That might make me feel better, J.”

“Ordering now sir. Estimated time of arrival, 45 minutes.”

“Great. J. The meetings made my brain hurt, I can’t even work, J.”

“Might I suggest reading materials you shouldn’t have access to, sir?”

“That is my favorite kind of reading materials, J. Lay it on me.”

“May I present to you sir, the illustrated FBI fugitive recovery report on Dr. Bruce Banner.”

“Oh, yes, yes you may, J. That has some promise.”

J provided the report of one William Cooper, Fugitive Recovery in the main holo-screen.

Tony read it. Tony chortled. Tony giggled. Tony laughed maniacally when he encountered the photograph.

“J. Put this in the everything is awful maybe we won’t save the world this time file and find me this guy. Pay off his mortgage, put his kid through college, whatever, reward him for improving my day and properly taking care of Brucie- bear.”

“I apologize sir, that will not be possible.”

“J. Do not give me this wonderful thing and then tell me he died in the line of duty because he could sit down with the hulk for Mexican food but was shot by some two bit drug trafficker.”

“No sir, he is alive, he however does not have a house.

“Pay his rent for a year or two years, send him an email offering him a house and tell him it is not a renters market.”

“He doesn’t have an apartment sir.”

“Is he homeless? Do they let FBI agents be homeless?”

“It appears sir he is in possession of roving jurisdiction and as such does not maintain a permanent or semipermanent address.”

“Kids?”

“No kids.”

“Married?”

“No sir.”

“Interesting hobby?”

“It doesn’t appear so, sir.”

“Friends?”

“Unable to tell sir.”

“J. Leave the food in its containers and have it packed for transport, I’m going to go make a friend.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Give me the coordinates and prep the suit, J.”

“Right away sir.”

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