i wanna kiss you
Kyle has always loved Stan. Since they were just little kids in preschool. But, as they got older, figured out who they were, Kyle's love for Stan grew. What used to be a platonic love for his best friend turned into a stupid, silly little crush.
Kyle Broflovski has fallen for his best friend.
Kyle didn't even know he was gay. He had never thought of the possibility before. And the realisation that, yes, he was gay, and gay for Stan of all people, hit him like a truck on the freeway.
How could he be so stupid and get these feelings and mess up their friendship. Kyle and Stan were good. They were super best friends, as they labelled themselves when they were younger. And Kyle had to go on and fuck up and get all confused with his emotions.
For 3 years he had been aware of his feelings. When they moved up into grade 8 and onto another stage of life. He had tried to hide it. But he can admit he has slipped more than once.
Kyle can often catch himself staring into Stans eyes and getting lost in them. Zoning out while making eye contact for too long to be normal. Or, just admiring Stan as a whole.
Everything about Stan, Kyle thought was perfect. To the way he talks, down to the sighs he lets out often.
Kyle is the happiest when he's with Stan. Them being together is the only time Kyle feels okay to be himself. Stan brings out the best of him, and actually allows Kyle to be, well Kyle.
Stan’s everything to him. He's Kyle's whole world. He just wished the bastard would feel the same.
Kyle knows he will never be Stans love. That title has only ever belonged to one person. And it never stuck.
Wendy Testaburger. She has been on and off with Stan throughout middle school. But they both decided it would be best if they cut it off in high-school.
Kyle was always there for those bad nights. The ones where Stan would get his heart broke. Kyle can normally find him passed out drunk in some random park. And no matter how many times it happens, Kyle has always been there, and will always be there. He held Stan as he cried and stambered with drunken gibberish. The same self deprecating words Kyle had heard a million times before. And he would shush them away. Every single time.
Every-time, Kyle tells Stan to make it final. That they aren't good for eachother. and Stan eventually understood. It took some time getting over it. They were dating for years. But Stan did. And it helped both of them a lot. Wendy finds love in someone else. Stan on the other hand, stayed single. And in a disgustingly selfish way, Kyle's glad he did.
Sometimes Kyle gets this lingering anxiety over Stan finding love with someone else and forgetting all about him. It's obnoxious reasons like this on why Kyle will never tell a soul about his feelings.
He had tried to date other girls to get over the feelings he has for a boy. But he never feels anything with them. It's just not the same. What he feels for Stan is more. Kyle was stuck with the curse that comes with being gay.
He hates that he feels this way. If he could, he would get rid of all his emotions in a heartbeat. No matter how hard he tried, that goddamn black haired boy caught his heart. And he's dangling it on a string just too high for him to reach.
~~~~~~~~~
Stan was happy. Why wouldn't he be? He's with Kyle, his best friend. They're at Starks pond. It had unknowingly become their signature spot. They were just basking in the moment. Existing beside each other. A sentimental moment that is rare nowadays.
The two were just sitting in silence. Staring at the water flow below. When Stan's mind came up with a question. The wandering while looking into water making him have a realisation.
“So, Kyle?” Stan turned to look at the boy he just named.
“Yeah Stan?” Kyle faced him. Green eyes meeting blue.
Stan got a mischievous look on his face and he could see the slight fear that slowly coats Kyle's expression.
Stan coughs slightly.
“Do.. you have a crush?” He spits out.
Kyle started laughing slightly, looking away from Stan.
“Dude, what are we? 10 year old girls?” He questions. Eyebrow raising in suspicion.
“You never answered my question. Which leads me to believe that you do!” Stan was now fully facing Kyle. The ginger caught his full attention. Like he normally does.
Kyle gets a coat of blush on his face. Still looking away.
“Common man. You know I don't get crushes.” Kyle rolled his eyes. Finally looking back at Stan.
“I see that blush on your face man.” Stan puts his hand on Kyle's cheek.
“Your face is basically the colour of your hair.” Stan then pokes Kyle's cheek. Satisfied at his flustered, surprised look.
Kyle sighed. Then dejectedly looked ahead of Stan. Eyes wandering to the trees behind him.
“Yeah.. I guess I do.” Kyle then looked at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
“Oh my god. You do! Kyle?! Why didn't you say anything sooner?!” Stan doesn't know why, but he feels slightly sad over the fact that Kyle has a crush. He doesn't know why he feels sad over it. Shouldn't he be happy for his best friend? It's rare that Kyle ever has a crush. He's not really into relationships as much as others are. So the fact he actually does is surprising.
“I guess it never came to mind.” Kyle's voice has never sounded so quiet. His shoulders hunched to his chin.
“Oh common man, we tell eachother everything.” It's true, they did. Stan had always been the first to know whatever was on Kyle's mind. And vice versa. Kyle had told Stan about his ‘crushes’ before. Which is why Stan is so confused as to why Kyle would keep it to himself this time.
Stan put his hand on the ginger's shoulder. Making the latter look back up from the ground. Their eyes meet again, and Stan finds it hard to look away.
“It’s, uh, you wouldn't know them.” Kyle looks away again. Stuttering over his words.
“Kyle.” Stan says. He grabs Kyle's face and turns his head towards him.
“Stop looking away.” Stan needs Kyle's eyes on him. It hurts him a little every time he loses Kyle's attention. Like Kyle's eyes are as important to him as oxygen.
Wait, what? Why the fuck was Stan thinking about Kyle like that? It's not out of the ordinary for the noirette to think about Kyle a lot. Hell the ginger basically takes up 90% of his thoughts. But, like that? Stan is not gay. Of course not. He's never thought about another boy like that before. It's not weird to want your friends' attention. Although he never thinks like this for anyone else. Kyle is different. They’re.. They’re best friends. Yeah. just best friends.
It's then that Stan starts to notice the anxiety that is slowly creeping its way into Kyle's chest. The boy's breath slowly sped up.
“If you really don't want to tell me that's fine. I would never make you talk about something your not comfortable talking about.” Stan gives Kyle the most sincere look he can muster. Rubbing his shoulder slightly.
“You've never kept a secret from me before.” Kyle gets a sheepish look on his face from stan's words. Their eyes are still interlocked. Never once breaking since Stan got Kyle's eyes on him. Stan's hand moved from his shoulder to his hands. Interlocking the fingers together. He slowly rubs his thumb across Kyle's hand. Reassuring Kyle that he's there to listen.
“It's just that..” Kyle pauses for a second. Thinking about what he might say.
“I-I haven't really processed it myself, this is so stupid.” Kyle looks away for a second. Frustration slowly creeped its way onto his face.
“Well if it's bothering you this much it must be important.” Stan reminded. Squeezing Kyle's hand slightly.
“Yeah, I know. It's just this person. Why did it have to be them?" Kyle squeezed Stan's hands back. More aggressive than the former.
“Well don't feel pressured to talk about it if you can't. But, just know that I'm always here to listen.” Stan smiled. Kyle smiled back.
“Thank you Stan.” Kyle says. A sparkle in his eyes appears as the sky turns night and the stars paint what was once blue.
“I mean it, you know.”
“What?" Kyle looks at him with slight confusion.
“I mean what I said. I will always be here for you. Always. Forever.”