Vagary

Chapter 9: “ Qualm ”

qualm:

//kwɑːm/ /Noun

A feeling of doubt or worry about whether what you are doing is right

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“ My eyes ache with unshed tears. You are my home, do you not understand?”

 – Amy Lowell, The Complete Poetical Works

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Late Spring, 1687, Aspartaxa, Crest Valley, Vanaheim

The golden sun of Vanaheim was setting over the hill on Idunn's villa, casting a warm glow over the veranda where Nova, Skadi, and the blonde woman sat. The air was filled with the scent of jasmine coming from the aromatic tea and fresh strawberries from delicious snacks, with the breeze harbinger of coming summer, creating a cozy atmosphere.

Nova, Ida, and Skadi had been guests of the humble house owner for the past week. The reason for their stay was not out of the ordinary; the hunt Ida and Angda were on for some criminals took longer than they expected, and Skadi had accompanied the little girl, simultaneously visiting an old friend, Idunn.

Nova was amazed by everything Idunn was and had. The villa was a sanctuary of peace and magic, filled with blessings she never saw in her life. The house owner was a kind and gentle soul, she took a particular interest in Nova, showing her various magical tricks and teaching her with patience and care. 

Her job wasn’t a hard one so far, as the little girl came out to be a natural learner, soaked in every bit of knowledge like a sponge. She was intrigued by what the Magpies had told her about Nova's powers and knew the young girl had much more potential than she realized.

"Our power, seidr is the rarest and the most precious gift given by Norns, dear,”  The long golden locks tickled the little girl’s pouty cheeks as the blonde woman fixed her shoulders from behind. The white light ball, crackling with radiating pure energy in Nova’s palm enlarged and shone brighter. 

“Lucky you, have this gift, as it won’t be given to anyone without a reason, " Idunn said, her eyes twinkling with excitement. "A gift that, with the right guidance, can be honed into something truly remarkable. Yes, Novandéyri, you’re made for it.”

You are born for the great, my little moon. Why did it sound like when she said that? The dark thought leaked through, spoiling her excitement and making the little girl uncomfortable.

Idunn smiled warmly, holding her face with a dotting expressure. "Your gift should not be wasted, my child."

The Huntress, who had been silent until now, spoke up. "We believe it would be best for you to stay here with Idunn, little deer. " She said, her tone gentle but firm. "She is the right tutor for you, and she will take care of you better than we ever could."

Nova's heart sank at Skadi's words. They don’t want me anymore.

She had grown to love and trust the three women who took her under their wings during their time together, and the thought of being separated from them was almost unbearable. I made a mistake, I must have done something wrong! 

"Bu-but why?" Nova asked, her voice tinged with sadness and confusion. "I am so sorry, Skadi! I will make it up, please don’t give up on me!” She started to beg her over and over and knelt near the tall woman sitting on her wooden chair.

“Honey, you did nothing wrong-”

 She shook her head in denial, her gray eyes filled with tears. “ Then why? We became family, right? Why do you want to take that away from me?"

Skadi desperately exchanged a worried glance with Idunn, their expressions filled with sadness. 

"We're not trying to take anything away from you, Nova," Skadi tried her best to be gentle, but couldn’t look the little girl in the eye. She had to be strong, they needed to do this for the little girl, it was what needed to be done.  With her eyes fixed on a point far away, she said, "We only want what is best for you, little rabbit. And we believe that staying here with Idunn is what's best." Her voice betrayed her when she spoke.

The little girl shook her head, fat tears dripping from her pointy chin. "No, I won't do it," she said, her voice breaking too. "I won't leave you. Please don’t abandon me like my mother did."

Both women were heartbroken by Nova's reaction, but they knew that they had to stay strong in their decision. They tried to convince Nova, to reassure her that they were doing this out of love and concern for her well-being.

But she refused to listen, consumed by anger and hurt. She wanted the ground to open and eat her away, instead of bearing what happened.

With her heart swelled, she ran off into the night, with the desperate callings behind her. 

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May 16, 2013, Planet Ria

As Clint turned his back to leave Loki sat by the campfire, the tense ambiance was interrupted by a blood-curdling scream echoing through the jungle. They both sprang to their feet, their eyes darting around, searching for the source of the sound.

"What was that?" the archer asked, his hand instinctively reaching for his bow.

The Prince’s green eyes squinted to see better as he pointed in the direction of the scream. "Over there!" he exclaimed, his voice urgent. "That scream sounded awfully like Nova.”

As the two men burst into the clearing, the sight before them was both awe-inspiring and comical; Nova was floating twenty-foot in the air with her silver staff occasionally glowing with the sunlight hitting and the blue plasma on its tip, her hardly-seen face contorted in pain as she struggling and trashing against an invisible force. Angdrboda stood below her, her bow drawn, aiming at something unseen.

"What's happening?" Clint shouted, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Looks like we stumbled upon a party," Loki quipped, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Nova’s yelps and cursing hardly were heard from the ground as her location in the sky changed, and fluttered.  “You’re the one who’s being dramatic, pal! All I wanted was a tiny bit of mushroom from your bark! It’s like pimples, you could grow them back! ”

Angdrboda rolled her crimson eyes with a brilliant smile on her dark blue lips as releasing her arrow, “Got ya,” The huntress struck the invisible creature, causing it to become visible. A fifty-foot giant stood before them, its moss-green skin resembling a tree bark with its cracks and lichen covering everywhere and flourishing flora making it a formidable sight.

"Well, that's just great, it’s a Forest Giant!" the raven-haired man cried out, his eyes scanning the Goliath. "We're in Ria!”

The witch, still floating in the air, let out a string of creative curses as she struggled against the immersing force, squishing her in the palm. "Yeah, isn’t it just fantastic!?" she exclaimed, her voice laced with frustration.

As the giant roared in anger, her staff seemed like a mere toothpick compared to the towering creature. However, she wielded it without dropping it even all the motion, shooting a blast at the giant's shoulder.

The blond man couldn't help but remark as he took his shots, and found their mark, hitting vulnerable spots on the creature's body. The giant’s upper body looked like a porcupine. "Well, you look like a dwarf now," Earning him another glare from the fifteen-foot-tall Jotun woman next to him. “ Pity you then, little ant,” she snarked. 

Just as victory seemed within reach, disaster struck. The giant's palm unwinded and sent Nova tumbling from the sky, cursing creatively falling all the way down.

With a swift move, Loki caught her before she hit the ground, earning him a surprised look from the woman. " Thanks," she muttered, a hint of begrudging gratitude in her voice.

With one final shot to the eye from the Jotun huntress, the giant fell, breaking the equally gigantic trees with his conjunctly, creating dust and shaking the ground like thunder, it was defeated. 

"Welcome to Realm Ria, home of gnomes, trolls, and forest giants," Angdrboda declared triumphantly as she plunged her long blade into the enormous carcass, a hint of hunger in her eyes. "Looks like we've already caught our dinner."

Clint and Loki exchanged a look of disbelief. "You can't be serious," the archer said, incredulous. "That thing? It's probably tougher than shoe leather!"

Nova and Loki, however, were already debating whether the giant's flesh was edible or would poison them. Clint just shook his head, "Nah, I've had better and worse.”

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May 18, 2013, Avengers Tower, New York City, Earth

The room was tense as Natasha and Steve continued their interrogation of two caucasian women sitting right next to each other. Skadi chose to wear her long choral hair in a high ponytail, while her younger sister braided her short hair in Dutch braids. 

Over the past week, they had tried everything to crack the two Jotun women, but they remained tough and resilient, revealing nothing except their names.

"We've been over this countless times," the redhead said, her voice frustrated. " Where is Nova? What are you planning?"

Besides them, SHIELD sent their best interrogators, and they came out with nothing.

The sisters remained silent as usual, their faces betraying nothing.

The Black Widow sat across from the big sister, her gaze steady and penetrating. Skadi met her eyes with a defiant stare, her jaw set in determination.

"We know you were planning something involving Nova Försterin," Natasha stated matter-of-factly. "Where are they? Who are your allies, how many are they?"

The Jotun remained silent, her expression unreadable besides the challenging glint in her black eyes. 

The spy leaned forward slightly, her tone becoming more insistent. "You do realize that withholding information will only make things worse for you. Tell us where they are, and we can help you."

The huntress’s plump lips curled into a descending smirk. "Help us? Like you helped them? No, thank you. We'll find them on our own."

Natasha glanced over at the blond man, who was similarly interrogating the younger sister.

"We're not here to hurt anyone," Steve chimed in, his tone reassuring. "We just want to find them and make sure they are safe. If you cooperate, we can help you. We're not here to harm anyone. We're just trying to find our friends. We want information on their whereabouts.”

Steve looked at Ida with a sympathetic expression. "Listen," he began, his voice gentle yet firm. 

 “ We know you guys have a connection with Nova Försterin. Nova's become important to us, too. She's done some incredible things and touched all our hearts with her courage and quick wit. She's the only one who could get under Loki's skin, and frankly, we all love her for it."

The Black Widow observed the subtle interplay between the sisters, lying in wait for any micro-interaction. She noticed the flicker of emotion in Ida's eyes when Nova's name was mentioned, a crack in her stoic facade. 

The redhead pressed on, her tone measured but insistent. "We know Nova lived with you for a while. We know she's important to you. If you have any information about her whereabouts, now is the time to tell us. We can protect her, but we need to know where she is."

Skadi shot her a warning look, but it was too late. Ida had already started talking, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It was only Angda..." she began, her voice trailing off as she realized what she had done. Skadi's eyes widened in shock, realizing that Ida had slipped up.

Natasha seized the opportunity, leaning forward intently. "Angda? Who's Angda? Angrboda?" she pressed, her voice sharp.

Ida clenched her jaw, regretting her slip-up. She glanced at Skadi, who shook her head slightly, indicating that she shouldn't say anything more.

Steve noticed the silent communication between the two women. "Ida, please," he urged gently. "We're trying to help. If Angrboda is in danger too, we need to know."

Ida hesitated, torn between her loyalty to her family and her desire to protect them. She glanced at her sister again, who gave her a barely perceptible nod. With a deep breath, Ida wanted to continue.

"She's my Love," Skadi spoke up before her sister, her voice soft but firm. "And she was the one who was supposed to get her to come with us."

Steve and Natasha exchanged a glance, sensing an opening. the blond man leaned forward, his expression sympathetic. "We understand that you care about her and Nova. We want to help, but we need you to tell us everything you know."

Skadi looked at the soldier, her gaze sharp and steady. "We want immediate release and information on what you know in return for our cooperation."

The Captain considered their request for a moment before nodding. "I can't promise immediate release, but I can offer you better accommodations in the meantime. And I'll do everything I can to get you the information you need."

The Jotun sisters exchanged a glance before nodding in agreement.

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May 17, 2013, Planet Ria

The presence of Angrboda didn’t do much to the tension between the group, she mused.

The azure skin and crimson eyes of the giantess turned mahogany and hazel as her size changed to proportional in a green sheen to the group as she sat on a trunk behind the campfire. 

As the fire crackled, casting long shadows around the camp, the group fell into a deep discussion about their options.

"We need to consider all possibilities," the human said, breaking the silence. "If we're going to make it out of here, we need to be smart about it."

The Prince was the first to speak, his tone contemplative. "The Bifrost is still in disrepair," he began, "and even if Heimdall were able to see us, he can’t challenge it to get us”

The blond man frowned, his mind racing with possibilities. "What about Thor?" he suggested, his voice cautious. "He's the only one who might have the power to reach us from this distance.”

The witch shook her head, her expression grim. "It's unlikely," she said, her voice heavy with resignation. "Ria is far too distant from any of the Nine Realms.” 

"Even if we could contact Heimdall, the amount of dark energy my mother would need to send Thor here to get us back to Asgard is almost impossible," Loki explained, his tone somber. "It would require a monumental effort, and even then, the chances of success are slim."

Angda nodded thoughtfully. "What about your crystal?" she asked the young woman, a hint of hope in her voice. 

Nova shook her head, her expression grim. "Its fragments could be anywhere by now," she said, her voice tinged with regret. "And even if we did find all of it, it's unlikely that it would be of any use to us without the proper knowledge to fix it."

"Are there any other options?" Clint asked, his brow furrowed in thought. "How did you guys infiltrate the tower in the first place?" He asked the huntress, his voice unhelpfully holding some animosity.

Angrboda tsked and fended away any glimpse of hope the blond man held. “ That thing, it was no problem. We first used a dark gate between the realms. We landed somewhere called Colorado. Then used a location spell to find Nova.” her face grimaced, “ We got to her through your metal vehicles, those things were pretty crampy, and some humans stunk most terribly.”

Clint shrugged, “ Yeah some hippies still refuse to be aware that there’s a thing called ‘deodorant’, I can’t blame you.”  He looked at everyone else. “ Any other ideas?”

A sly smile played on the raven-haired man's face. "There are always options," he said cryptically. "But they may not be to everyone's liking."

Nova leaned forward, her eyes wide with curiosity. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice eager.

“ He means perhaps we should consider searching for a dimensional rift," The giantess murmured.

The witch’s gray eyes widened in surprise. "Do such gates exist everywhere?" she asked.

Loki nodded, a smug smile playing on his lips. "Of course they do," he replied. "How do you think I managed to slip past Heimdall so many times?"

"But do you know of any in Ria?" Nova pressed, her expression serious.

The prince’s smile faltered, his expression turning thoughtful. "I'm afraid not," he admitted reluctantly. “They are scarce and extremely dangerous, but they could be our only hope. And since I still don’t have my powers it would be impossible for me to find one."

Angda sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. "There is an old rumor I heard, it could be one possibility," she said, her voice low. "There used to be a sand mine in the south of the realm, abandoned eons ago by the Vanir and Dark Elves.”

Nova tensed with the information, as the others looked at the giantess bizarrely, “ How could a pile of sand help us, I don’t understand,” Loki was the one voicing their question.

Angdrboda gave him a knowing look, “Naive boy, that sand is the essence of Bifrost.”

His eyes widened in realization.  “It is dark energy reserve,” He exclaimed excitedly. “Finally there is some great news. If we manage to find some, it can create a rift, where is this mine?”

The huntress's expression soured, and a cylindrical bronze appeared with a green sheen. A green hologram of a magical map of the realm appeared in the air.  “ It's at least two week's journey from here, and the path is fraught with danger."

Clint shifted uneasily, his gaze flicking nervously between his companions. "So, what's the plan?" he asked, his voice tight with apprehension. "Are we going to risk it and try to reach this possible portal?"

The witch shifted uncomfortably in her place, her gut was telling her something was amiss about the place. But also thought she wouldn’t be able to explain how she felt she should not say anything.

After a moment of contemplative silence, the huntress spoke up, her voice steady despite the weight of their predicament. "I believe it's our best chance," she said firmly. 

Loki nodded in agreement, a determined glint in his eyes. "Agreed," he said, his voice firm. "It may be our only shot at escaping this place."

The blond man hesitated for a moment, chewing on his lower lip as he considered their options. Finally, he nodded, his expression resolute. "All right," he said, his voice steady. "Let's do it.

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Late Spring, 1682, Aspartaxa, Crest Valley, Vanaheim

Nova's footsteps echoed softly in the hallway as she made her way back to her room, her mind racing with thoughts and emotions. 

As she passed by an open door, the little girl heard the murmur of voices coming from the study room. Curiosity getting the better of her, she peeked inside and saw Skadi and the house owner sitting together around a wooden table, deep in conversation.

"...worried about her, Idunn," the huntress was saying, her brow furrowed with concern. "She's been through so much already, and now with everything that's happening..."

“The apprentices will find her, don’t worry,” Idunn put her hand on her shoulder. “ She can’t be too far away, there is also a force shield around the parameter, she can’t pass that without my notice.”

The tall woman shook her head, “No I mean, I just don't know what to do, Idunn," the Jotun sighed, her voice heavy with worry. "I'm so afraid for her. She's been through so much already, and I fear that she's destined for even more hardship."

The blonde nodded, her expression grave. "I know, Skadi. I can see it too. She carries a heavy burden, that one. A burden that is not hers to bear."

Skadi sighed, running a hand through her long jet-black hair. "I just wish there was more we could do for her. The things those mortals did to her before Ida found her…She's so young, and yet she's faced with challenges that would break most adults."

"She is the progeny of Moon Mene," Idunn said softly, almost reverently. "She was always meant for greatness, but her path is a difficult one."

The Huntress’s black eyes filled with tears as she thought of the little girl. She nodded, her brow furrowed in thought. "Every time I look at her, I see Vala staring back at me. She looks so much like her, it's uncanny. And I can't help but wonder what happened to that daredevil, where she is now. Nova deserves to know the truth."

The blonde woman’s expression sombered, a shadow passing over her features. "Valaryniel was always in trouble, even before Nova was born," she admitted reluctantly. "I pity the poor child, having to bear the burden of her mother's mistakes."

Just then, Nova stepped into the room, her eyes red from crying. "You knew?" a whisper, her voice barely audible came from shadows. the girl stepped in the door, her eyes filled with hurt and betrayal. "You knew who my mother was, and you never said anything to me?"

The women turned toward her, their faces filled with panic with regret. The huntress stood up slowly, her hands held out in a calming gesture. "Nova, please, you have to understand. We only wanted to protect you, to keep you safe."

The little girl's chest heaved with sorrow as she struggled to control her emotions. She felt like her whole world was falling apart like everything she thought she knew was a lie.

Skadi stood up and walked over to Nova, enveloping her in a warm hug. "I'm so sorry, Nova," she said, her voice thick with tears. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to reopen old wounds."

The girl pushed away the woman with her skinny arms, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "Old wounds?" she exclaimed. "I've been yearning for any single clue for years, and you knew her all along? How could you keep something like that from me?"

Nova's hands clenched into fists at her sides, and the room started to shake with vibrations. The objects and books in their staircases in the room started to fall, the cocktail vase and the glasses on the table blasted and millions of pieces scattered everywhere. They had seen her pain, her desperation for any clue about her mother's whereabouts, and they had kept silent.

The huntress hung her head, unable to meet the child's pained gaze. "I thought I was protecting you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I thought it was for the best. But I see now that I was wrong. I should have told you the truth, no matter how painful it may have been."

Nova's anger boiled over, and her magic surged out of control. The objects around her began to float and tatter, spinning madly with the silver plasma, caught in the whirlwind of her emotions. The wooden walls started to shatter.

 Skadi rushed forward and wrapped her arms around the little girl, holding her tightly." Please, little rabbit," she pleaded with tears of regret in her black orbs. "Let me explain. Let me tell you about your mother, about who she was, I will tell you everything I know. Please, let me make it right."

Nova's anger ebbed away, replaced by a profound sadness. She buried her face in the Jotun’s shoulder, her whole body shaking with sobs. "Why did she leave?" she cried, her voice muffled against Skadi's sundress. "Why did she abandon me?"

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