Shit.
Chapter 1: Shit.
The sound of the wind pounding in his ears reminded him of Iron Man's repulsers a bit too much.
Peter opened his eyes.
He was no longer being carried by the wind, but by something someone with a glint of red and gold.
...
Peter's heart dropped to his stomach. He could feel his heart pounding rapidly in his chest, and his whole body froze for a second. His eyes were wide in terror.
Peter tried to tug and twist his arms out of iron man's grasp, but failed.
He couldnt breathe.
Peter tried to lift himself rather than just hang, he tried to bring his legs forward, but the wind pushed him back.
Peter looked down at the flashing city lights below, as they raced past.
He couldnt think.
He tried to fight Tony to free himself - to freefall into night, to the comforting embrace of his death - but he found instead he was fighting a strong and violent blast of air for control over his body.
Tony's Iron-man's grasp tightened around his wrists, as metal fingers dug into his flesh.
He was going to vomit.
He felt beads of tears moisture form around his eyes.
It always ended like this.
He didnt deserve peace, this was the universe's way of telling him that.
Peter could see the blinking lights of the tower getting closer.
He bit his lip until the taste of blood leaked onto his tongue.
Peter shut his eyes tight, willing himself to keep himself together he was already torn apart.
He felt them slowing down.
Peter stumbled as his feet were lowered onto the landing pad on the tower Tony had built for himself.
He opened his eyes when he heard the iron man suit's repulsers drop infront of him. It opened up as Tony stepped out.
He looked furious. It wasn't like him to be this serious - thats when it dawned on Peter how permanent the aftermath what he did would be. This was his fault.
"What the hell where you thinking?"
Peter didnt answer. He was too busy trying to get his head to stop pounding.
"Do you not-" He scoffed. "I mean, I knew you were stupid - you're a kid with superhuman abilities, anyone would make questionable choices if they had what you had at this age - but I didnt know you were this stupid. In fact, thats exactly what you are, A KID-"
"Wha- its not about that!" The words slipped out of Peter's voice involuntarily. He could feel himself falling apart, and didnt have the time to pull himself together and hide it. Tony could see him for the vulnerable mess he was.
However he didnt, Tony saw right past this. As if Peter's state was invisible. He wasn't exactly perfect himself, and his body had reacted with anger. He wasn't really angry at Peter - it was a mask which blinded even himself. He was convinced himself that he was PISSED OFF, screaming and shouting was an unhealthy coping mechanism that had seemed to work for his whole life - it was the only way he could feel like he had some sort of control, an upper-hand on the situation.
'What the fuck do you mean, 'its not like that?" He hissed through his teeth, like a snake threatened. "Alright then, explain. Why is it not 'like that'? GO ON!"
"I- its-" Peter looked at Tony with pleading eyes, but was unable to hold eye-contact. He struggled to find the right words. "It has nothing to do with my powers, or spider-man, or anything like that! Its just-"
"Just what? Spit it out! Im listening! Im listening to whatever crap you're about to say, so get it all out!"
Peter didnt know what to say. He always had trouble talking about his feelings, in a situation like this he couldnt just admit that his life was utter shit.
"I... cant."
Peter felt like the walls were caving in on him, squeezing him till he was gasping for air - lungs collapsing, rib-cage imploding. His head shrieked at him.
"Cant?! Is that all you're going to give me?! ARE YOU THAT SELFISH?! Peter, there are people that care about you, hell, I care about you, then you go and pull this shit without telling anyone, and thats it. You just 'cant'? WHY CANT YOU JUST-"
"I just wanted to be like you!" Peter felt hot tears burning in his eyes, threatening to spill.
"What?'
"I- you're iron man. You're perfect-"
"I'm nowhere near perfect, Parker. Im not a role model for kids, so I really hope im not yours. For mine and your sake."
"Yeah, I know- its just that-" Peter let out an agitated sigh. "Yeah, some things aren't ideal, but youve atleast got some things worked out. Enough things worked out - maybe to not have a stable personal life - but to not just be a mess. You have purpose outside of the suit. And in you're suit, you save people, everybody loves you, you're one of the key people who basically hold the city together. You're life is needed, relevant, and has meaning in and out of the suit. I wanted to be like you."
Peter bit his tongue, and there was a beat of silence. Peter felt himself cower under Tony's cold stare pinpointing him as a target.
"And I wanted you to better."
There was another beat of silence, in which a familiar red-headed assassin came rushing.
Peter caught a glance of the hologram she had up, before she swiped it down back into her watch. It was camera footage of Tony and Peter, now also nat, currently standing outside.
Peter didnt know whether the feeling that flooded him was relief or dread when he saw Natasha. Maybe a bit of both.
She looked furious.
That anger wasn't directed at Peter, like he expected it to be.
"Tony. I-"
"Nat.Guess what shit this kid has been chatti-"
"Don't interrupt me. Now im going to say this once, as calmly as I physically can - cause for the record - you have fucked up bad."
She eyed him, a fuming fire in her eyes, as she struggled to keep that rage out of her words. She had always been crazy good with her masks, so her real emotions bleeding through made Peter thankful that he wasn't in Tony's shoes, being glared at by those eyes.
"Get lost."
".. What?"
"Did I not say that I would only say it calmly to you once?! So you want issues? Cant say im surprised." She scoffed.
"And what do you mean by that?"
"You know what- how did I not realise it before.. What you do, is enjoy problems-"
"Woah- so its MY fault?! You're blaming me?!"
"Yeah, I guess I am, because its always you who starts everything. You want shit to happen, because you never see how serious things really are. Just like how you taunted Bruce the first time the Avengers assembled. You told him to 'let off some steam', as if you wouldnt be squished like a pancake if he really lost control. You dont see the bigger picture. Just likenow!"
"Natasha, with all due respect, my life is difficult enough without you dictating it and telling me who I supposedly am, or what I supposedly dont do. How about you go, huh? Let me handle this. The only thing you're contributing by being here is bull."
"You're the one chatting bullshit! And if you call filling Peter's head with crap handling a situation, then yeah, you're handling it great! - do you not see how this is all going to affect him in the long run? No, you dont. Because you care for nobody other than yourself-“
”Wha- Romanoff, are you even thinking about what you’re saying right now?! I fucking care about people. Trust me, i care about this kid more than i care about myself. If anything, you’re the one who doesn’t care! You know why i think that? Because if you cared so much, you would be lecturing him right now- not me! I’m trying to help him see the extent of what he’s done, HE TRIED TO FUCKING JUMP OFF A BRIDGE, AND REVEALED HIS IDENTITY. Is that not important enough to you?! Or is your main goal ALWAYS gonna be ‘make Stark the bad guy’?!”
“I’m not trying to make you the bad guy, you just are! And I can see you care for him - it’s obvious - but you are not helping him right now, so don’t even try to say you are! While trying to ‘help’, you make things so much worse! So - i'll say it again - for once in your life, understand that not everything is about you, that this situation is bad enough without you interfering, and go. And, for the record, accusing me of not caring for my kid is past the line."
“YOUREkid, huh?! It’s honestly like you didn’t just hear a word i said! You think my way of addressing this isn’t helping, but you’re too soft on him! Like i said before, if you really cared, you would be the one telling him what i am. Dont go around acting like the hero in shining armour come to save poor peter from scathing stark, because it’s not like that! You and I both know I am far from perfect, and you’re not a saint yourself. But nobody is! I want this kid to be nothing like me. I want him to be better than me.”
”I see that Tony, I really do, but you’re treating him like Howard did to you! How do you expect him to be better, where you’re putting him into the same shoes you were as a child?”
“Hes not me.”
Tony lost composure, as he shook with anger.
Natasha was a bubbling volcano, about to explode.
“And i’m nothing like howard.” Tony spat his father’s name like venom.
“Howard didnt even look at me. Me giving Peter a firmer hand is nowhere near similar. How dare you compare me to him? You have no place to.”
A second went by in silence, a thick tension in the air made Peter feel as if he was being suffocated. Tony stared at Natasha with a cold, raging but slightly hurt glare in his eye.
Natasha turned to Peter, and spoke in a quiet, controlled voice.
“Peter, go to your room. You shouldn’t have to hear this.”
Now Tony turned to him.
“No- don’t. I still have t-“
”Stark, don’t interfere.”
Natasha’s voice was venomous.
“Don’t tell me what to do. He’s not your kid, whatever me and him discuss you have no control over. Now Pet-“
”DISCUSS? IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT?!”
“Do you really want to start this again?! GIVE ME A BREAK!”
”GIVE HIM A BREAK! HES ONLY A CHILD!”
”YEAH, EXACTLY! HES A CHILD! A CHILD WHO IS A VIGILANTE, JUST GOT HIS IDENTITY REVEALED, AND TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF PUBLICLY!”
“YOURE HANDLING IT THE WRONG WAY!”
“RICH OF YOU TO TALK! YOU ONLY TURN UP WHEN IT CAN MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD! I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO SHOW UP, ON THE NEWS, TO CATCH PETER BEFORE HE FELL TO HIS DEATH! I WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HIM HERE! I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING WHICH, I THINK YOU KNOW TOO, HE HAD TO BE TOLD! IT WAS THE HARD TRUTH, AND THEN YOU SHOW UP AND-“
Peter saw Natasha’s hand fly up, but he didn’t hear contact. A certain blonde haired and blue eyed super soldier had appeared between them, catching natasha’s hand in the air before she could slap Tony.
Peter looked inside, and saw the rest of the avengers approaching. Suddenly it was hard to breathe.
He wasn’t too sure what happened next, but there was a little huddle of chaos around Tony and Natasha. Steve, Bruce and Clint were around them, and all the raised voices and arms in the air blurred together for peter. He tried to focus on breathing in and out like Nat taught him to, in that alleyway. Eventually Clint was with him, but Peter didn’t really realise when. He felt like his head was going to implode.
Clint had him lightly by the arm, rushing him inside and whispering something reassuring but hurried in his ear. Peter couldn’t really grasp into the words he was saying, tho. Like he said before, all sound had blurred together. Be tried to break his arm free, but clint’s arm slithered around him as he tightened his (still soft) grasp.
Steve was trying to drag Natasha back inside, as Bruce encouraged Tony to calm it. His hands were up, as if he were consoling a scared animal.
Eventually Clint and Peter were in the lift, and slowly his senses went back to normal as the doors shut.
Count on tony to soundproof nearly everything he could.
Clint’s voice faded back in.
“Peter?
Peter!
Peeeeeteeeerrrrr…
kid, are you okay?
Answer me, then!”
”y-yeah, i think i’m fine.”
He wasn’t, and it showed in his shaking voice.
Clint looked at him for a second.
“No you’re not.”
Peter stayed silent.
The doors opened, and soon clint and peter found themselves by Peter’s door.
Clint ushered him in, with a hand gently pushing his back.
He hesitated before closing the door.
“Should i come in now, or later? To talk. You need to, and i’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be a good idea to have Tony in here, and if Nat were in here - tony would obviously know or find out - which probably isnt good either.”
Peter paused for a second. He sensed that he didn’t have an option, he’d have to open up to clint at some point. but the good thing about clint, is he wouldn’t be forced to talk about… it. Yeah, it would be encouraged, but if Peter just wanted to sit and talk about mario kart, clint wouldn’t have a problem. He liked that about him.
“.. You could come later?”
“Whatever you want, kid. When’s later?”
“i don’t know.. maybe like- few hours? Not too many obviously, but like- you know.”
“Alright, that’s fine then. I’ll bring chocolates.”
He smiled at him, and peter tried to mirror the smile but physically couldn’t. He felt like shit, he sounded like shit, he looked like shit- everything was just shit.