Alike
Tony loved it. He can’t recall having ever been this ecstatic. He had magic, actual, real, felt. He was so eager to be as proficient as Loki despite not being able to cast the simplest of spells yet, but Loki smiled and he showed such patience and Tony could feel his excitement, could see he was as eager, to share this part of himself that from the stories Tony knows he wasn’t with others able they favored axe to Seider wielders and Tony doubts they have brain cells,
because this, being able to conjure things into existence, manipulate material with all but sheer will and exude energy pure. It was, magic. And it mattered little that he could hardly do much yet it mattered he could feel it, humming under his skin coursing through his veins, warm and familiar and it purrs when Loki amplifies and zones it in just through touch intentful. To help him focus direct the current to one direction. He makes it hard to concentrate standing so close cradling his palms and looking at him like that, like Tony’s the reason his smile’s so wide without accomplishing much of anything. No really, he was quite bad at this but Loki never deters and persists like he’s so sure Tony’ll get it that he can.
Tony’s falling in love with him. The day it hits him square in the chest lights explode around their forms in bright gold swirls and Loki beams.
Never had he held such restraint than in that moment not to yank Loki down and kiss him senseless.
When Pepper returns from Malibu’s conference he goes up to their room and they have a talk long overdue but he must’ve chosen a bad time because already she was in a tense mood and him bringing up their distance and difference had her snap and bark and point. And maybe she’s right, he knows, that he’s a mess that he’s difficult and hectic and stubborn and, the problem. She really seems to have bottled a lot but really, he can’t be that bad! Or was he? Because he does this he drives people away, disappoints them like he might disappoint Loki like he’s disappointed his parents and everyone he knows, repeatedly.
He doesn’t register the flames till Pepper screams and tugs at him and tells him to stop. Horror in slowly seeps as fire licks up the curtains rising and he knows he can’t stop it
and he’s not as freaked as he should be, fixated almost – he only snaps awake when he feels less than hears Loki’s near, feels the mold of his cool hand plant top his shoulder, the lull to his soft voice stroking down his ear: “Control it. You can.” He can’t. Or he doesn’t want to. But Loki presses, so calmly: “Anthony.” And it’s Loki asking, and really he doesn’t know how but the embers die slowly.
A huff from Pepper as she stomps out the door pushing past the audience of Avengers that’d gathered in the commotion, exchanging looks of shock and concern, fear even. Some part of him likes it. Loki’s grip tightens, grounding, voice firm. “Show’s over. Out you go.”
“This is getting out of hand,” stressed Steve. Clint adds scornful:
“You aren’t teaching him shit.” To which Tony finds himself retorting sternly:
“Shut up. Don’t talk to him like that. Woulda burned down the tower if it weren’t for him.”
“Woulda burned down the tower because of him!”
“What because he gave me powers? Because they make me more of a threat than I already was?” And that gives them all pause. Colder now Clint answers:
“…Because they make you sound like him.” The smith’s chuckle lacked humor. Bruce reasoned:
“Tony. You could’ve hurt Pepper.” Loki answers:
“Yet she is intact, is she not?” Natasha pressed:
“What happened?”
“We broke up,” Stark spoke flatly. “Obviously.” Clint sneered.
“So you decided to have a little bonfire.” Loki shot back:
“One can lash out in whatever form. Foul words, violence or fires,” distasteful glanced Thor’s way when the latter dared speak:
“Loki, he is at risk of harming himself.”
“He is not, he will learn as one does with any concept – and do you know what’s quite fruitless, your incessant bitching. So find better use of your times and let us work in peace. Leave. Or I will set aflame your hairs. All of them.” Tony huffs a laugh sincere and Loki smiles for it. Glowering with concern and alert, the others leave in varying states of doubt and turmoil Loki gestures and the door shuts, the room’s atmosphere lightening instant in everyone’s absence.
XXX
He stops opposite their bed he’s taken the long rant on the conference – he really mustn’t delay this. “Pep, listen. We, need to talk.”
“About?” she asks sat at the bed’s end scrolling still through her tablet.
“…Us.” She looks up. The gravity of the matter on his face she can see. Posture deflating, she set down the tablet, starts calmly:
“…And what would you like to talk about Tony?”
“I uh. Listen. Pep,” he perched carefully aside her. “I’ve, been thinking and.”
“You wanna call quits,” measuredly said rather unstartled. He can see just as she, it’d been a long time coming. And it’s not just about Loki they’d been this way since before Loki they’d put it off because and because, what?
“…Are you happy?”
“I could be.”
“If I gave up the suit?”
“If you bothered to change.”
“Change.”
“Tony I hardly see you.”
“I hardly see you.”
“I’m here. A lot. You’re in the shop.”
“I…Look I-”
“No I get it. Obviously, what you’re doing is important,” she rose voice rising. “Obviously building a few dozen suits of armor is crucial.”
“I-”
“Obviously, the suits, the mission, Loki – you not bothering to see, that it’s all just one big distraction to deter the fact that, you’re not sleeping that the nightmares don’t stop that you won’t talk about it that you won’t let me help you or get help-”
“Help with what?!” he stands too. “Couple of bad dreams a little insomnia?”
“This is your problem, undermining every problem. Playing it off-”
“Pepper-”
“No you know what the problem is? This, from the start. We knew, we both knew, we wouldn’t work and I don’t know why we bothered. I cared. I still do. And maybe I loved you. Did you ever-”
“Of course I did-”
“Did…”
“…Pepper.”
“…Why did we start this? Really. Why did you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what did you think would happen what were you hoping to accomplish? Was I just, another distraction?”
“Of course not!”
“Then, why’s it pretty much that I’m still stuck outside the margins of your little Tony-circle? Never really crossed in – the priority’s always been, you-”
“How can you-”
“You haven’t changed. You won’t-”
“That’s just, not fair-”
“Not fair?!”
“After everything! What I did, with the company-”
“Do you wanna go back to why?”
“The hell do yo-”
“You just couldn’t stand the guilt, self-imposed guilt thinking the deaths your weapons caused were your fault.”
“…Well weren’t they?”
“You really just think that everything is about you! It’s just. Unbelievable! And you wanna break up, because this isn’t enough for you – what is, Tony?? What’s gonna make you happy? At what point does it end for you at what point do you say ‘here it is; I’ve crossed the finish line!’” A fire starts behind her.