Bullying Old Men
“So, let me get this straight, you ran through a closing portal to a world you knew was where forgotten things go to be disposed of with no clear plan on how to get back?” Wade asks, seemingly still shocked as they walk through the muddy streets, well, at least it wasn’t raining anymore.
“Yeah…I didn’t really think it through, my Ammi would be SO disappointed.” She sighs dejectedly, kicking a stone and watching it sink slowly into a puddle, never to be moved again.
Wade shrugs, trying to lighten the mood, “It happens, actually, I’m surprised this time getting trapped here wasn’t my fault, unless you count my main character energy as fault enough.”
“Agreed, it’s not our fault we’re doomed by the narrative. They just hate to see girlbosses winning.”
Wade nods sagely, “Couldn’t agree more, sister. Now, we just have to figure out how to get out of this shithole.”
“There’s not a chance that there’s another Dr Strange portal ring anywhere here, right…” Kamala grins cheekily.
“Now, that my friendo, is one educated wish too many. There’s no way that they’d reuse the same plotline over again.” He wags his finger at her and shakes his head.
Kamala deadpans at him, “Wade…we’re in the void. Trapped, trying to get out, that’s literally the plot of your third movie…”
He throws his hands up defensively, “Hey, that’s just called recycling locations, no need to make up an entirely new setting when you got one right there for the using!”
The young hero smirks at him, “Sure, whatever you say, old man.” Before skipping ahead of him.
Their search that day bears no fruit, nor does the next day, or the day after that. In fact, Wade’s pretty sure it’s been well over a week, and they still haven’t found anyone else in this pocket of the void besides them, let alone a way out of here.
After another unsuccessful day, they settle down for the night in an overgrown garden, since they decided early on to avoid the moth-eaten beds and blood-stained floors of the dilapidated buildings surrounding them.
Wade is stoking a small campfire when Kamala walks over to him, a shabby basket full of vegetables that haven’t yet gone bad from the garden surrounding them.
He angerly shakes the lighter in his hands before cursing to himself, “Shit! The lighters is almost out of fluid, we might be able to make one more fire out of it, then we’re fucked. Also, Wolvie is gonna be SO pissed at me for using up his good lighter…”
“You stole the Wolverine’s lighter?” Kamala sits down next to him while munching on a tomato.
“I’d call it borrowing without prior knowledge, I was gonna give it back…now it’s a secret I’m taking to the grave.”
“You can’t die.” She tosses him a green bell pepper, and he catches it.
“That’s the point! He’ll never know. I’ll never tell!” Wade finishes by taking a huge bite of the vegetable.
“Kinda hard to keep secrets from someone when you live in the same house as them. Trust me, I know.” Kamala smiles sadly into the fire and Wade notices how small she looks, shit, now he’s really glad he got zapped here, or else this kid would’ve been left here all alone. He’ll get her out of here if it’s the last thing he does; he’s not leaving any kids alone in the void.
He decides she needs a distraction and elbows her, “How did you know I have the privilege to live with THE X-Man, Mr. Grumpy Cat?”
She smiles conspiratorially at him, “The end of the movie kinda implies it, that he moves in with you and Al. Also…you talk about him like you know him really well, a way only really REALLY good friends would.”
He raises a non-existent eyebrow, “Hey, hey, what are you implying?”
She rolls her eyes with a smirk and pokes his shoulder, “C’mooonnn, you’re telling me there’s NO chemistry between you two? Like at all? You two literally had a meet-cute.”
Wade laughs at that, “I don’t think most people consider kidnapping the other from a bar and throwing them into an entirely new universe a meet-cute, but hey, what do I know, teenagers’ interests are always shifting. Personally, I blame true crime and all this ‘toxic yaoi’ the youth is always going on about nowadays-”
“Hey, you’re deflecting, ya goof.” They bump shoulders, and Wade relaxes, seemingly cowed by the superpowered child by his side.
“Yea-yea-you kids are so smart these days…too smart. I swear it’s like you’re all conspiring against me, trying to make me confess my crush.”
Kamala lights up, “Ooohhhh! So, there are more people hopping on the Poolverine train?!”
He lets out a small laugh, “Yea, Obviously Yukio and Negasonic Teenage Pain in My Butt are always teasing me about it, but now mini-wolvie is figuring it out too! It’s torture! Logan will go and do something adorable-even yawning-how is yawning cute?! And I’m just whipped, absolutely whipped for him. Then Laura will just give me this knowing look and it’s the w o r s t. I can’t be left to pine in peace. UGH!” The merc dramatically falls backwards onto the ground and covers his eyes with his arm.
“I agree! You need to listen to them and just ask him out, he’s probably just as whipped for you! I mean, why else would he try and sacrifice his life for you just days after meeting?”
“Because he’s incredibly depressed?” Wade sits up and questions genuinely.
“He is, but that’s besides the point! You might’ve been too busy dying to notice, but that was the look of desperation on his face as he broke down that door to get to you, it was almost like he thought that if he couldn’t save you, he’d at least die with you, not wanting to live in a world without you…” She sighs dreamily at the end, as if that was a greater romance story than The Notebook.
“HA-okay! I get it! We could gossip about my pathetic crush on the Wolverine for hours. At least let me suffer in silence while we’re still stuck in the void. It’s not like I can even do anything about it right now.” He smiles bitterly, a part of him still pissed that they’re stuck in this void of nothingness and forgotten lore.
“We’ll get out. We’re superheroes, we always find a way.” Kamala smiles before going stone cold serious, “Plus, my mom will kill me if I don’t find a way to come back to her soon.”
Wade laughs, “Good luck with that one, Kiddo. C’mon, let’s get some sleep and we’ll keep looking tomorrow.” He says as he douses the fire and lies down, shuffling to get comfortable in the grass.
Kamala shifts but doesn’t move to lie down, instead getting eerily quiet, a trait that is quite unnerving for an ADHD ridden high schooler.
Wade opens his eyes to look at her and sees that she’s intensely staring off into the distance. “You okay, kid?”
She opens her mouth, closes it, and opens it again, like a fish trying to form words but only nods. She tries once more, and her vocal cords finally catch up to her. “Hey, uh-is that huge tower in the distance supposed to be glowing?”
Wade shoots up, wide awake, and looks in the direction Kamala is staring and sees it. It’s a tall ass tower that stood erected (ha) yet inactive in what the mercenary assumes is the middle of this city. But now…a strange orange light emits from it. What the fuck? “Uh! I don’t fucking think so! C’mon Twilight Sparkle, let’s go check it out!”
And just like that, the two are off, abandoning their campsite and making a mad dash towards the ominous glowing tower, eager well, for literally fucking anything to happen.