Doughnuts Are For Friends
Jim's Gordon's day had been going fine.
Until that gosh dang awful voice filled the room.
"HI!!" A tiny but loud voice came from the doorway. So, he sent Harvey over to investigate the commotion. Because there was no way every single agent in the room had stopped typing their mission reports for no reason.
"Do you like doughnuts?" The owner of the voice asked just as clear and succinctly as before.
Jim sighed and stood up. Guess he would be conducting the investigating himself then. He walked out of his office and into the large room where all of his officers congregated at the end of the day to do a debrief and write their reports. Forty service personnel stared at a short.. baby that was holding a hamper bigger than he was wide and smiling out at them.
Jim could only watch in confusion as the kid walked up to Officer Wilder's fairly clear desk and hefted the hamper onto it. Wilder was openly gaping as the kid then grabbed a stool and stepped on it so that he could undo the zip and then began taking out large containers.
"My uncle was a police officer the NYPD. So I know that you all like doughnuts. So you can totally enjoy these. They're vegan, gluten free and comlpletely homemade. I really enjoyed frying them the most." The kid began to natter away as he moved around the room handing out the containers.
Harvey turned to look at his friend and raised an eyebrow. Jim shrugged, content to watch the toddler move around his building.
"He was shot though. My uncle I mean. We were going out for ice cream when this thug cornered us in an alley and just shot him. Well, he was aiming for me actually, cause he wanted my aunt's pearl necklace. Real pearls too. She still has it. Anyway, I guess the thug was trigger happy, because he shot at me even though my aunt had already taken off the necklace for him. Uncle Ben jumped in front of the bullet. He took it for me. I always respect the straight police officers. The not corrupt ones." Peter had made his way around the front section of the officers, and was slowly moving towards the balcony where Harvey and Jim were stood watching over them all. "Actually, that sounds weird. I respect the not corrupt ones. If you're gay or bi or pan or whatever else, I don't mind. As long as you're a competent kind officer, I don't care."
Peter scurried back to his hamper and stool to get more containers to give the very confused adults.
"I had a friend at school that identified as a toaster. I know that is so strange right!! But I choose to respect people until they give me a reason not to. And you guys literally deal with crazy people every day. Noone is more deserving of a doughnut than you guys!! Oh. I'm Peter by the way. HI!!" The kid gave the last doughnut to Officer Berry and then waved up at the pair on the upper level of the police station.
"I brought doughnuts!!" He said and waved a hand in a broad gesture to showcase the agents with their doughnuts.
"I can see that, kid." Jim finally spoke.
"I love cooking, and Aunt May would have my hide if I didn't bring the local police station some gifts. She made sure that I have my head on straight between my shoulders. And she would absolutely not stand for stupidity from me. None of that shop bought stuff here. No sirree!! Homemade Pete, or not at all, she'd say. So I spent the better part of today making these. Mr Vishi tried one earlier and said it was really yummy. I took some to him to drop off at the homeless shelters after work. Mr Vishi knows me well. I love Mr Vishi. Anyway, um I was telling you why I brought them..." Peter furrowed his brows in thought. "Oh yeah!! Can I come up and give these to you, or will you come down?" The kid smiled up at them like they were the sun replenishing his very depleted vitamin D levels.
Harvey poked Jim again and the man sighed. "We'll come to you, kid."
Peter clapped his hands together and jumped up and down. "It's a doughnut party!! It's a doughnut party!!"
"Someone's off his nut alright." Harvey murmured as they descended the stairs.
"Be nice." Jim hissed. "Off his nut he may be, but we need to tread carefully. He's clearly been through a lot of trauma, and who knows what he may have laced these with as a result. We've trained these officers well, they're not eating the damn things. If we offend him, he could become violent. And we really don't need that after the shootout last week." Harvey nodded.
Peter was even shorter up close. He had to strain his neck to look at them. "You're really tall!!" He said, and then thrust the last two containers into their hands.
The small kid then put the stool back where he found it and hefted the hamper back into his arms.
"Well, I didn't come to disturb you all for long. Enjoy your doughnuts!!"
And just as he'd entered the room like a hurricane, he swept out again.
"No one eat them. Winter, test these immediately." Jim ordered as the door closed behind the psycho teenager.
"We met your little... friend today." The voice spoke through the phone.
"And what is your assessment?"
"As you said. Completely off his rocker. Uncle apparently was shot in front of him." Batman heard the police commissioner swallow.
"Yes, commissioner?"
"His story had rather striking similarities to your own origin." Jim's voice spoke steadily.
"Yes, commissioner?"
"We have concluded that he may be a little obsessed with Bruce Wayne. The details down to the pearl necklace, the alleyway, mugging, night out. It can't be a coincidence. He's taking from your story, and weaving it into his own."
"And the pastries?"
"They came out clear on all substance tests. I sent some officers round to the local homeless shelters, and had one subtly question Mr Vishi. Apparently he's been taking pastries there for weeks, and none of them have noticed any adverse reactions."
"So it's a slow working undetectable poison then?" Batman hummed.
"That is a large possibility, yes." Jim agreed.
"Peter, you said?" Batman suddenly broke the calm silence as they both thought.
"Yes. Peter."
Batman spun around in his chair and looked at Nightwing who had been standing behind him the whole time.
"So." Nightwing smirked. "We have a name."
Batman nodded.
Peter.
What are you up to?