For science!
It was a dark and stormy night, the underground complex at Oto echoed with the sound of manic laughter, and over the clash of thunder the village’s inhabitants could hear an unearthy shiek of triumph.
“It’s alive, it’s alive.” Kabuto could see his father smiling proudly as he trailed off into the mad cackles that were the stock in trade of every mad scientist, and he couldn’t help smiling in satisfaction. It had taken weeks to perfect his delivery of that line, weeks of sore throats and practicing in front of a mirror. But it had al been worth it, because now he could greet the culmination of their great work in real traditional fashion.
The body on the slab twitched a little, before cracking open one blood red eye.
“Who dares disturb my slumber?” It intoned in a voice that hovered halfway between rage and curiosity.
“My name is Kabuto, and this is my father Orochimaru. You’re in Oto, Niidaime sama.”
“And why, did you feel the need to drag me away from my well earned peace in the pure lands? Let me guess, you want me to fight a war for you.” Kabuto blinked at the Niidaime’s deeply unimpressed tone.
“Well actually. We really just wanted to see if it could be done.” A second eye opened in surprise as he replied, in slow disbelief.
“You… wanted to see if it could be done?” Kabuto nodded in excitement.
“For Science. Father thought it would be a good opportunity to see if we could get our research to mesh together.” Orochimaru inclined his head slightly in confirmation.
“Really now.” The Niidaime’s irritation seemed to have given way to cautious curiosity. “Can I see your notes? It feels a little like the Edo Tensai should, but there’s some deviations I wasn’t expecting. Did you modify the technique?” Kabuto grabbed a handful of notes before dashing over towards the slab.
“Yes, you see here, we used the Edo Tensai as a base but, we modified the seals, here, and here, to allow for the use of a lab cloned body to act as a vessel for the resurrected soul. Better compatibility that way you see, and it reduces a lot of the side effects.” The Niidaime almost snatched the notes out of his hands.
“But how did you compensate for the lack of active chakra pathways in the vessel to fuel the resurrection? He started scribbling frantically on the back of the papers with the pencil he’d lifted on autopilot from Kabuto’s pocket.” Orochimaru shifted and moved closer to the centre of the room.
“That would be where my research came in. I was able to alter the jutsu to siphon off Sage chakra from the surrounding area, to fuel the initial resurrection. Any subsequent energy requirements should be possible to manage in the traditional way.”
“Oh, oh that’s fascinating. Of course, although it would mean that the revived subject’s chakra reserves would be limited to what they had in life, unlike in the classic Edo Tensai. But then if I’m reading this right it would mean there was no need for the caster to constantly maintain the jutsu. The subject could theoretically carry on even after the caster is deceased. That’s genius.” He paused for a moment. “I see you removed the control seal elements.”
“We had some trouble integrating them with the modifications we made to the main resurrection technique, so we decided to scrap them for our initial tests.” Kabuto admitted. It had been part of the reason they’d chosen the Niidaime as their test subject. After all, if you were going to drag someone away from the pure lands for the sake of scientific curiosity it was probably best to pick someone who would sympathise with your motivations.
“Sounds reasonable. I’d be careful who you tried to resurrect until you get them working though. Not everyone appreciates the value of research.” He seemed to consider for a moment. “Actually. What year is it? I’m guessing from your equipment that it’s been a while.”
“Oh it’s 56 AF.” Kabuto replied, distracted by the notes Tobirama had been scribbling.
“Really.” If Kabuto had been anything else he would have found the Niidaime’s look of predatory anticipation mildly alarming as he stood up suddenly. “I’ll need access to all the major scientific papers published in the last four decades or so, a large empty space you don’t mind being destroyed, and a coffee machine.” The sudden shift in mood caught Kabuto off guard.
“What…?” The Niidaime gave him a look.
“Hurry up. We need to get a move on if we’re going to solve the control seal dilemma before sunrise.” Kabuto hurried up. After all, it wasn’t every day you got a chance to work with a legend like Senju Tobirama.
Five hours later, and dawn was just starting to break over the horizon. The control seal issue still hadn’t been solved, but the three of them had managed to invent two new methods of repairing burned chakra pathways, solve four of the chakra balance equations that had puzzled the ninja world for generations, work out a newer more efficient way of sealing bijuu, and rebuilt the coffee machine into a non-euclidian device bordering on sentience which incidentally produced the kind of coffee that could theoretically be used to double as rocket fuel.
“You know, Niidaime sama. Maybe we should step away from this problem for awhile and pursue some other lines of research. I think we might be too close to the problem.” Kabuto said, probably thinking of the genetic experiment in the incubator in his personal lab that should be about ready to hatch. It didn’t do to get too bogged down in one line of research after all.
“Hmm, it’s Tobirama to my lab partners. Niidaime just reminds me of the endless amounts of paperwork that kept getting in the way of my research.”Orochimaru winced in sympathy. Truly, being turned down for the Hokage hat had been a bullet dodged. He was just glad he’d had the foresight to make sure that Oto was set up so the vast majority of the paperwork could be handled by clerks.
“You know, Kabuto is probably right.” Orochimaru said, rather than address that kettle of worms. “We both have other experiments we need to be getting back to, and I’m sure you’d like to restart some of your own projects now that you have access to 40 years of scientific progress.”
“Maybe you have a point.”Tobirama admitted. “We’ll pick this up again at a later date. Do you have any unassigned labs where I can set up?”
“Oh Tobirama san.” Orochimaru smiled. “I have a whole village worth of labs you can use.”
…
Sometimes Hayate wasn’t sure whether to be terrified or turned on by Yugao’s ruthless efficiency. Hatake used to say that it was a sign of a fundamental lack of self preservation, being attracted to women who could happily feed him his own spine, but then, to Hayate’s knowledge Hatake had never had an actual romantic relationship with a real human being. So as far as Hayate was concerned he didn’t get to have an opinion, ever.
In any case Yugao was amazing. And not just because she was utterly terrifying. But also because she shared so many of his interests. They could talk for hours about the merits of various bladed weapons, they never argued about where they wanted to eat dinner, Yugao even shared his love of traditional music. And she was so organised. Hayate couldn’t begin to imagine being that organised.
She’d only told him they were going not long before it was time to leave, but Hayate couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed when he saw her multi-step getaway plan. It was all just so well thought through. Not like the random chaos Hatake and his like had gone with.
At last, Hayate got to live the dream he’d always held secret and close. He and Yugao would travel the elemental nations as travelling musicians. They were going to be stars. It would be epic.
They would still kill people on the side of course. It wasn’t like he wanted to be a civilian or anything. He shuddered at the thought. That would be boring. But travelling musicians was a good cover for ninja work anyway, and with the village disappearing in the distance behind them there wasno reason he couldn’t have both careers. Yugao was the best girlfriend. Maybe he should propose, after all, they already had a kid together.
And the kid was adorable. She had whole sealing scrolls full of teeny tiny academy student sized weapons. She had buns with senbon in. She was everything Hayate had ever wanted in a daughter. And best of all she was an orphan, so hopefully they would have a bit of time to make their getaway before anyone even noticed she was gone.
They were going to teach her everything. All about sharp pointy things, and being terrifying, and how to play every single musical instrument Yugao had managed to pack into sealing scrolls for them.
The elemental nations wouldn’t know what hit them.
…
Sakura would admit, she had been a little confused at first. Why would the great Jiraiya sensei let the two of them get conscripted by a pirate ship? But then she thought about it a little more and realised that Jiraiya sensei was a genius. It all made sense. He’d decided she needed infiltration training, and found them a reasonably self contained environment, where he already had an in, to practice. What’s more, it was an undercover assignment that would still allow her to hone her combat skills without raising awkward question. She felt a little embaressed for ever having doubted him, but then, that was why he was the teacher and she was the eager student, of course there were many things he still had to teach her.
She would make Jiraiya sensei proud of her. She would be the best pirate ever. So brilliant that none of the real pirates would ever realise she wasn’t one of them.
The first step of course, was building a rapport with the crew. Easier said than done really. The Captain’s kid Naruto was friendly enough, but some of the others, well all she would say was that Sai had it coming when she tried to use him as shark bait. She was not ugly, she was smooth, charming, and irresistible, how else could she have seduced the beautiful villain’s son back in Oto. Gaara wasn’t so bad she supposed, but he was always so tense, it made it hard to relax in his company, and as for Sasuke, he might be pretty, but he really did make her want to punch him in the face sometimes.
But that was fine. Sakura was willing to put the work in, and since Naruto was more or less in charge and he was always in favour of making new friends the effort did pay off. She did wish being Naruto’s friend didn’t involve eating quite so much ramen though. Not that there was anything in particular wrong with ramen, just, it did get a little… repetitive. Still, she could tell by the way the other kids didn’t question her presence in their secret meetings that she had been accepted.
The kids had accepted her and the adults were indulgent, Sasuke’s brother’s shark boyfriend had even given her a real pirate cutlass when she asked for swordfigting tips, and Jiraiya sensei’s long lost love Tsunade hime, had been happy to show her how to bandage up injuries when she’d accidentally cut herself practicing. The fact that Jiraiya sensei had been leaving her more or less to her own devices was enough evidence that he was pleased with how her efforts at integration were going.
…
The village had been eerily quiet in recent months, as the chaotic youth of the academy students, and the chaotic insanity of the jounin slipped away in twos and threes. It would take a great detail to get Ebisu to admit he missed it, but… deep down, he did. He missed the loudness, the unpredictability, the sheer satifacion of being the sanest person in the room. They’d gone and they’d left him, and he knew it wasn’t malicious, but… he was lonely. He was lonely enough that he’d resorted to hanging out with the pair of chuunin Anko had left in charge of her bookie business, before she’d vanished in a flash of destruction, pink glitter, and angry Inuzuka. But even so he didn’t really belong, could tell he was a slightly awkward intrusion on their usual camaraderie, and so more often than not he found himself wandering the village alone.
But then, maybe he wasn’t the only one feeling left behind. The academy student in front of him sertanly looked lonely. An Aburame by the look of him, and it had been a while since Ebisu had seen a kid his age wandering the streets. He couldn’t say exactly what the feeling was that drove him to decide to follow the boy, but he suspected that those who’d already left might just have a name for it, or would at least understand when he tried to describe it. It was something like loneliness, something like curiousity, something like recognition. Kinship maybe.
That sense of kinship only grew as he watched. The little Aburame was quiet, and studious, and oh so heartbreakingly lonely, it was like looking in a mirror, and now Ebisu understood what Hatake must have been thinking when he started all of this. Shino his name was, and Ebisu could already picture what a joy he would be to teach. To show all the little secrets that came with getting a thing right. He wanted to steal him away, like the others had done with their chosen children.
But Ebisu was not Hatake, or Anko, or Gai, or any of those others who’d taken the children they wanted and run. Ebisu believed in rules, in order, so he held his silence, and held back on his impulse to grab Shino and run, and he watched from a distance and wished he was brave enough to act.
He had been completely unsurprised when Aburame Shibi had confronted Ebisu over his stalking of his son. After all, that was what responsible parents did and the Aburame always were very responsible. He had however been extremely surprised when Shibi asked him to take Shino.
“Why” He said, “Because Danzo is a madman who already took my nephew, and I’ve seen him looking at the children that are still in the village. I can’t take him and leave, not when the clan needs me too, not when the village is on the edge of collapse. But you can. You don’t have many ties left in the village, and you love to teach. Teach my son. Take him away, and keep him safe, and teach him everything he wants to know.” Ebisu hadn’t really known what to say to that, had barely managed to nod in acceptance before, Shibi ducked back into his house and came back out with a silent, solemn faced child holding onto his hand.
“This is Ebisu sensei.” Shibi said to Shino. “He’s going to steal you away from the village. You must promise to be good for him.” Shino nodded, Aburame weren’t especially expressive, but Ebisu could see the nervous excitement in the child’s eyes, and it made him feel warm and happy in a way he hadn’t been since he’d been left in an ever more silent village while his friends wreaked havoc in the outside world.