Wedlock and Load
“What a great wedding reception!” Atsushi cried, “So much better than Kurapika and Leorio’s! The place of my second cumming. I'd much rather have eaten the virgin janitor Shu out here.”
“Ah Atsushi,” Dazai said with a rueful laugh, glass of champagne in hand, “I did not think you would resent your own rebirth quite so much. You really are my kohai.”
The students had been graciously invited to the wedding reception of their favourite therapist and junior doctor. Ayato had of course considered the ethics of inviting his patients, but alas twas not a good enough excuse to uninvite Chopper.
“Yo Dazai,” Tamaki stumbled, falling against him. In his joy Levi had shared the love (i.e. cocaine) and Tamaki was very deliciously inebriated, “How are you, like, alive? After Yosano stabbed you open? Doesn’t your ability render other abilities useless?” He was of course referring to how Yosano’s ability could bring people back to life by bringing them close to death.
“Unfortunately our beautiful and talented Hawkeye-senpai used her botany magic on me, and I am still disgustingly alive,” Dazai huffed, handing Tamaki his champagne. Maybe it would sober him up a little.
Dazai looked over the crowd, trying to locate his saviour. She was leaning over the bloody body of a young robed man, a red eye in one hand and botany magic twirling in her other fingers. Victor was there too, concern defining his features as he watched the young man he had carried for the entire day finally get medical treatment.
-
The students and teachers of Oxbridge continued to mingle together.
“Ahh, you made it in the end then?” Nishijima winked, standing up to greet the teachers. “Last night sure was a wild ride! Ah have I introduced you all to my wife, Minene?”
“Sup?” Levi said, polite but disinterested. He recognised her from wanted posters. Not like the cool wanted posters that Shanks and Hawkeye had, but a boring, basic terrorist-ish wanted poster like Yuki had for school shootings. Actually ALL of the guests appeared to be terrorists from wanted posters.
“And these are my colleagues from the terrorist community, Nine and Twelve. They may look young, but they’ve gone through enough trauma to totalllly fuck them up. These lads have already bombed a school, right? They go by the Terrors of Resonance as their, like, show name.”
“Nice to meet you guys,” Levi took their hands too, “Man, back when I was stuck in Wall Maria I probably woulda terroristed up a bunch of schools, but thankfully I had drugs to keep me sane. Here - here, take some, on the house lil’ bros,” he handed them each a tiny baggie.
“Yeah last really was weird. Why did you run away from us when we opened the boot?” Tomoe addressed Nishijima.
“Twas embarrassed. I tend to strip when drunk, but there's nothing worse than waking up with a hangover, naked and no idea where you are! I had to Naruto run as fast as I could out of there! My penis is not to be viewed as a commodity. I must differ myself to the hired help, the strippers who make up the remnants of the police force.”
“Don’t worry about your penis. It’s usually successful in its endeavours,” Minene tapped his chest comfortingly.
-
Levi, Tomoe and Ihsusta approached Inosuke’s food vendor, running into Atsushi and Sebastian, who were sharing a plate of deer leg ramen with a side of meth.
“Wait, I think I’ve had, like, wayyyyy too much drugs, bro” Levi hissed to Tomoe, rubbing more cocaine into his gums, “I’m hallucinating two Atsushis, there’s one standing beside that black butler and another one with his nose up my ass. Kinda wedged in there, as well.”
Tomoe peered over Levi’s shoulder, “Oh, his nose is FULLY rammed in there, sis. Atsushi, stop that,” Tomoe harshly swatted the tiger away from Levis’ twitching hole, “Scat, kitty!”
“But that's not meeeeeee!” Atsushi wailed, overhearing the teachers. “The only hole I play with is my own, on my Only Fans, check me out, my username is the Fruits Basket. Plus I'm a WHITE tiger! It's, like, my whole thing. That tiger is a DISGUSTING orange colour.”
“I did think the tiger wasn’t embarrassing enough to be Atsushi,” said Tomoe loftily.
Levi snorted (both coke and in laughter).
“Daaaaayyyymmmmn,” called Hawk from across the hall, hoove-gunning them, “Don’t hold back, do ya? Ya’ll bitches are craaaazy. Today was a real good time - Imma hit you up on my next pigs’ night out. I’ll introduce you to my posse - Psycho Peppa, Gelatinous George, and the rest of my homeboys.”
“Someone needs to roast him on a spit,” said Tomoe snarkily, not willing to admit to the newfound, strange sense of camaraderie he felt with the pig.
If the beautiful, sexy Ace was there, he would have complied in a second. He had the flame power to do so, and he was also not someone who was squeamish about eating anthropomorphic animals. Unfortunately however, he was officially banned from all weddings since his sexiness would always undoubtedly outshine the couple. Twas the curse of such beauty.
“You knew that creature wasn’t me right, Professor Shanks?” Atsushi turned to the teacher who was loitering nearby optimistically, eyes shining, tail wagging, ears twitching, mouth purring, asshole doing what it did best - flutter passionately.
“Mmm yeah sure,” Shanks was far too distracted to be listening, scanning the room. His eyes lit up when he spotted his smol, darling nephew. While Luffy was a very independent, good at staying alive, don’t-need-no-adult kind of kid that Shanks didn’t need to worry about, he was still relieved to see the precious boi safe, well, and taken care of in his absence.
The boi was stuffing himself with food he’d stolen from Inosuke’s truck (despite being specifically told by Yosano over and over not to touch it until everyone started eating). He had been given the role of ring bearer in this ceremony, and Ayato had dressed him up in formal garb. Luffy had already lost his tie, ripped the clothes, and ditched the shoes in preference of his everyday sandals. The only part of his attire he’d kept in One Piece was the straw hat in pristine condition on his head.
Luffy raced over, mouth and hands full of meat, excited to tell his uncle about his own eventful day full of resurrections, ‘playing’ in the Oxbridge torture chambers with Clay, finishing three whole bottles of ketchup, and sneaking into Fukazawa’s office with Ranpo to eat ALL the enormous supply of Smarties, before Ayato had dragged him away - for the wedding and because too much chocolate was bad for his teeth.
He hadn’t really spared much thought to where his uncle and the others had been. Last night, Shanks had said he was going to ‘get wasted’, so Luffy knew he would come back eventually. Going to get ‘drunk’, ‘high’ or ‘stoned’ also meant the person was going to come back. It was when someone left to get ‘milk’ that you needed to worry. This was what he had learned in his seven years of lyfe. Luffy’s father still hadn’t come back from getting milk and it had been many years. There must be a really long queue at the milk shop.
-
Chuuya’s silky voice resonated around the room while the newly married couple had their first dance.
“Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire, how about yours?
That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas?
I need to get myself away from this place
I said, "Yup" what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go (go!)
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold...”
The second dance was well under way when Victor finally managed to locate his beau.
“Somaaa-chan!” he cried in a thick Russian accent, spotting the purple-haired beauty in the crowd and pushing his way through to get to him.
But why was Soma trying so hard to get away??? That made no sense!!! Where even had he been for the entire night, Victor had been so worried - the relief he had previously felt upon seeing his lover safe was now rivalled by the anger flaring in his gut. Why had Soma let him worry?? Why was Soma not even letting Victor talk to him NOW??
“Ugh, get away from our friend, you disgusting man! Ew, you’re such a horrible person!” Atsushi cried, pushing at Victor’s chest and stopping him from getting closer to Soma, who was now not too far away but also too far away.
“What happened?? Soma, please why are you -”
Soma turned his head away from Victor, the side of his face visible, brow furrowed. “You know what you did,” he said cryptically - his expression saying more than words could, the way genuine sorrow and anger made his lips tremble, the pale pallor to his face which indicated sleeplessness, eyes hooded as he clearly recounted something painful.
Even though Victor could not remember the night before, Soma certainly could.