The Sole Of Shu
Confiteor Deo Omnipotenti
Beatae Mariae semper Virgini
Beato Michaeli archangelo
The group moved slowly. Chuuya sung mournfully in Latin at the end, following behind Sasuke. The Room of Requirement had taken the form of the secret underground Oxbridge temple which was lit poorly, moss sticking to aged stone pillars and dank walls. It smelt like damp, with no air circulation – dim tiki torches in the hands of each group member, and the seven-year-old Great Luffini who had just been given his disguise back by his Uncle Shanks. Their faces were angular and shadowed by the ill lighting, jaws clenched in seriousness.
The group circled the pentagram drawn on the floor in ketchup. Long robes swept the stone floor in a static noise, hoods pulled over the faces of all those present. Solemn expressions pasted everyone’s faces.
The students didn’t have a choice. No-one wanted Shu back. The mere idea of re-encountering the dead janitor who they’d already had to bring back once made everyone feel sick to their stomach. After all, the man had killed Atsushi and cut gills into his deceased corpse. He’d fraternized with a student for the mere reason that he knew the boi was vulnerable. He had gone after Shanks, though Shanks easily got rid of him using the chair from the cheeseboard.
Soma had never encountered the man, having transferred to Oxbridge soon after he’d been disposed of. But the tortures he’d put the students through was something widely known and surrounded by myth by the student body, and Soma could only hope the man was a percentage of the disgusting weasel the rumours made him out to be.
Soma, The Great Luffini, Nekozawa, Chuuya, Sasuke, and Kyoya all linked hands around the pentagram. A flush of heat hit them all in the face and Chuuya’s nose scrunched up as if trying not to sneeze.
With a puff of smoke, a writhing body appeared at the Great Luffini’s summoning. He was BACK!
Shu stood before them, a pale blush growing over his well defined cheekbones.
“Hey guys! What's going on?” Shu asked cheerfully. He was happy to be alive AGAIN. His last death had been rather traumatic, he had been eaten alive from the inside after all, but living in hell had almost been worse. And now Pokkle was the king of hell, things had gotten darker. He hoped he would be alive for longer this time, long enough to lose his virginity at least.
Chuuya gulped upon seeing the man. He was the one to suspect Shu was the one to steal Chopper’s leg. After all, Chuuya had been forced to be in the background singing whenever Shu committed any of his heinous crimes. He was there, watching Shu mutilate Atsushi’s corpse. He watched Shu snog Usopp, was forced to sing background music for all of their sexi times (they enjoyed the Frozen theme track). But it wasn’t just Chuuya’s testimony that convinced the group to bring back Shu for interrogation: even Kyoya and Sasuke agreed that he fit the description of the thief who stole Chopper’s leg. After all, he’d stolen Usopp’s heart, and he’d once even stolen Atsushi’s lyfe. Stealing seemed to be his MO.
“Where is it?” Nekozawa snarled.
“Where’s what?” Shu asked.
“Dont play dumb with us! His leg goddammit! Tell us where Chopper’s leg is?” Chuuya yelled.
“Ha. Hahahaha!” Shu chuckled. “I see how it is. You all hated me. But now you have a problem, one you can't solve, and then you come crawling back. To ME. SHU! Well, maybe if you get on your knees and beg, I'll consider helping you find this leg.”
The silence held in the room for a few long beats.
Nekozawa was the first to break it. He snorted loudly, clapping his knees and bending in two nin his laughter. The boi’s hood even fell back for a moment and he didn’t bother to pull it back up, breathless from laughing.
Nekozawa simply triggered the others; Sasuke fell to his knees, wheezing out his laughter; Soma literally turned blue in the face, breathless; Chuuya almost vomited from his uncontrollable convulsions as he laughed. It took them a whole hour to calm down, and another fifteen minutes to compose themselves. Sure, it ate up into the time left before Chopper would no longer be able to reattach his leg, but whose fault was that? Dammit, Shu.
“What?” Soma smirked, wiping a tear from his eye. “We don't want your help. We want you to tell us what you did with it!”
Shu gasped. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. And then with anger. “How the hell would I know?”
“Because you clearly were the one who did it! No one else is evil enough to have done such a thing to a poor innocent deer like Chopper,” Kyoya stated.
“But I've been dead! DEAD! For over two years now! I couldn't have taken anyone's leg! I've been in hell. Suffering. Did you know that there's no jellyfish in hell? Not a single one. What kind of virgin would I be if I could'nt obsess over jellyfish?” Shu cried passionately. He truly did love jellyfish.
“Ooooohh... Oh yeah,” Nekozawa widened his eyes. How could they have missed such an important detail? He'd been so focused on resurrecting Shu, certain that he was the only villain evil enough to do the deed, that he'd forgotten that Shu was the only person who couldn't have done it. Because he was dead.
Kyoya had expected such a response. But if Luffy, a seven-year-old child, had the power to resurrect Shu, who else could? Even the botany teacher, Hawkeye, boasted of having the skill. Regardless, Shu had the hatred in his sole and the means to commit such a crime, and it would only make logical sense to cover all of the possible criminals in this theft.
“Shu, I promise you. IF you’re guilty of this crime, we won’t punish you.” Shu wouldn’t face prison - he wasn’t going to last through the night. They just needed his info and once they knew where Chopper’s leg was, Kyoya would personally ensure Shu was killed. The man had already had too many chances at lyfe, the first was enough.
“It wasn't me! I've spent the whole time working on my application to heaven. I want to be back with my baby Usopp. I love him. I truly do. Look, here's the paperwork, the ink’s still wet.”
“This ink is made of blood!” Soma yelled as he peered at the documents.
“Have you ever been to hell??? Do you think there are just pens LAYING around, like OOOHHHH - there’s a pen pot - OOOHHHH there’s another one! No! There isn’t! There aren’t any! I’m just surrounded by chairs and cheeseboards, so EXCUUUSEEEE MEEEE if I had to make concessions and find ink elsewhere!” Shu growled back.
Kyoya’s hands trembled, bic flailing from his grip. “There -there aren’t any pens???” how was he supposed to do work for his father if he had no pens with him??
“Yes… I had to use the blood of a virgin to write these up…” Shu said sadly, showing them the cuts on his arm.
“Ah,” Kyoya sighed in relief, “Then I’ll be fine.”
“Well then, now that that’s cleared up, we should-” Chuuya began, only to be cut off by-
“What’s that?” questioned Nekozawa, pointing to an object obscured by a dark cloak similar to the one he was wearing.
A singular post-it was placed on the cloth, with the note ‘DO NOT TOUCH’
Chuuya pulled off the post-it and said, “Well now I don’t remember where I got this from so I don’t know what not to touch.”
“Ahhhhhh”, replied Nekozawa finger-gunning him as Chuuya grinned back.
Kyoya and Sasuke feigned boredom but were secretly intrigued as well. Given the students had permission to use all the weapons in the torture chamber whenever they liked, heck even the smol child had permission to use them, whatever had a rael note telling them not to touch must be quite dangerous. Or quite scandalous.
Chuuya immediately pulled off the large cloak veiling the mysterious object, revealing what looked like a basic dusty mirror…