Let Me Be The Wallpaper That Papers Up Your Room

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Let Me Be The Wallpaper That Papers Up Your Room
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Summary
Oxbridge University - a prestigious university for the super rich and beautiful. Tamaki, Dazai, Zoro, Sanji, Naruto, Soma and their friends navigate uni life, partaking in wacky adventures including court cases, triwizard tournaments, murder mysteries, tax evasion, and find the leg.Supported by their teachers, Fukuzawa, Shanks, Hawkeye, Kakashi et al. , they have to make it through a tumultuous few years, trying to keep their sanity and their lives. Tis one hell of a wild ride.  As Meatball wisely once said, 'Wallpaper is about enjoying lyfe while you have it'.
Note
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All Chapters Forward

Victor!!! On Ice

The metaphorical ruins of Oxbridge layed scattered beneath their feet. For what was a university without students? What were empty halls without the chatter and clamour of wide-eyed bois and girls with a thirst for both knowledge and their exceedingly attractive professors?

Fukazawa sat in his office, alone, and stared down at the university grounds. Oxbridge was certainly always going to be the institution he opened, filled with hand-picked professors who he knew would do him justice. Perhaps one day it would reopen with a new headmaster, someone more worthy. Someone who didn't leave a body to rot on the beautiful school grounds.

Out of spite neither Fukazawa or the other professors had moved Nanami’s corpse, and it still lay there rotting and attracting flies.

Due to the sheer size of the school grounds none of the professors had bumped into each other for a few weeks, unless it was a planned meet-up. The important dance competition had been postponed until a future unknown date. The majority of them just stayed in their offices and classrooms. Last Fukazawa heard, Kakashi was starring in the live action for one of his erotica novels, and apparently he was enjoying himself very much so. The main character of the novel was a man gifted with a sharingan eye, who could look into his partner’s soul and see their sexual kinks and turn-ons. In the case depicted in the novel, the protagonist found himself someone who enjoyed both breathplay and eating garbage.

Fukazawa had of course not read the novel. There was no correlation between the contents of the novel and Fukazawa’s knowledge of the plot. Just because he knew what happened and had written a review for a local newspaper about it did NOT mean he had read the novel. He was not reading the novel in his spare time after losing his job as the Oxbridge professor.

Soma had gotten to know his professors more intimately than ever before.

Soma had become the star student of the studentless university. He knew all the answers to the quiz because there was no quiz. He was the most popular student because he was the only student. He was the jock, the nerd, and the hot cheerleader.

The thing was, he had unfortunately been left behind when everyone else left on the school bus. Soma had been with the house elves, cooking up Sebastian’s curry recipe with the house elves. He was excited to share his cooking with his fellow students and see their faces light with joy. Shanks, who had been tasked with loading the students up on the bus, had forgotten Soma existed. Soma was just happy to be alive unlike poor, poor Ciel, his best friend and little brother, slaughtered by the undying beast Pokkle. Pokkle was an immortal being, everyone knows that, I'm sure he'll be back soon (wink wink).

Even though both Shanks and Hawkeye had seen Soma in the school halls after the school had shut down, they didn't seem to realise something was amiss, instead nodding to the student as they walked past. Soma found himself enjoying the solitude. He had tried to tell Fukazawa about the mix-up, but Fukazawa was too busy immersed in the wonderful and descriptive writing of Kakashi’s most recent novel, and Soma knew when to leave a man in peace. He had read the novel himself and didn't want to detract from his headmaster’s enjoyment of it.

He was most certainly excited for the live-action to be released, and Kakashi had even scouted him as an extra for the film. He was the one delivering the garbage to the love interest to eat, and getting paid back in OTHER ways (Off screen because Soma did not want to partake in nudity for films, no matter how tastefully it was handled).

After a while Soma found himself exploring different parts of the Oxbridge castle. Apparently when magic still existed the school had been called Hogwarts and was owned by a very old man called Dumbledore. Unfortunately all the wizards were gay so magic died out within a single generation, leading to Oxbridge. Soma found this information very interesting, and decided that he would write a novel about his exploration of England just as the colonisers had done about his lands. This of course made him very sad to think about, to think that the grounds he walked on were the same grounds that taught those who would infect his lands with heirachisations and colourism that would still be present in the present day. Soma considered that perhaps by using Sebastian’s curry recipe he was perpetuating the same problem of colonisation, remarketing his own culture through the gaze of the coloniser.

He was pondering these very interesting ideas when he walked into a room he had never seen before. He squinted when he walked through the door, the lights bright and cutting. Placing his hand on his brow to shade his vision, Soma walked further into the room.

He was met with something more surprising than the time he discovered his father was the King of India at the age of fifteen.

The binman studies teacher, Victor N, dropped from his pirouette and landed on the ice, perfectly balanced (as all things should be). His arse was perfectly shaped in his tight pantaloons Soma noticed excitedly. Soma hadn’t noticed Victor’s appealing figure until then; the man usually wore ill-fitting bin bags.

Soma just wanted to burst with excitement. Who knew his professor was so talented and (hem hem) well-rounded! He knew he shouldn't have doubted Victor or Fukazawa's choice in hiring him. He held his breath, and Victor continued to spin and dance on the ice without even noticing he was there.

Soon enough, Soma couldn't hold himself back. “Victor-san? You’re spectacular! Amazing! How do you know how to-”

Upon the disturbance, Victor slipped on the ice and fell onto his palms in shock. “Waaaaaaah! Soma-kun?” he shouted. “Owo what is this?”

“It is I, your dear Indian student! You are an exceptionally talented dancer Victor-senpai, I-”

Victor let out an ear-splitting screech, curling into himself on the ice. “No!” he shouted in his Russian accent, covering his ears with his palms, “Please, no! Soma-chan, please promise you won’t tell anyone about this, I - I can’t take the shame of people knowing this!”

“Victor-sensei…”

“No!” Victor cried harder, body quaking. Soma couldn’t even reach him; the man was in the centre of the ice rink. He could feel Victor’s pain - Soma felt his heart breaking, tears welling in his eyes. He had only ever seen his binman studies teacher being happy, delighted, easily pleased, turned on, amused, and entertained, and quite often pitiful. However he had never seen Victor outside of his child-like cycle of superficial emotions; he had never seen so much pain in one single man before, let alone Victor.

“That - it was that monster!” Victor let out a pained cry, as if someone was physically brutalising him. “That monster - Pokkle! I - I...he ruined me! That monster Pokkle ruined me!” He sobbed even harder, holding himself close as if he was trying to press himself back together.

“Sempai…” Soma muttered. “Please come off the ice and into my awaiting arms. I want to make you whole again. Will you let me?” Soma just wanted to hold Victor until he’d taken away his pain, until they shared the burden. No-one deserved to feel so much horror, let alone this sensitive, talented man with the beautiful arse.

Pokkle watched from heaven, smirking his usual smirk. He had tricked his way into heaven; it was too easy. He pokkled even from the afterlife. Watching his victims tremble in fear was the only thing that brought him unsolicited joy. He adjusted his hat, gripped his arrow and bow, shooting a bolt from the sky that turned into lightning; it was very dramatic. He had become Zeus after he ate him.

Victor didn't think he wanted- or deserved- any kind of affection - not since Pokkle beat it out of him, not since Pokkle had shouted at him and told him what a worthless piece of garbage he was, not since Pokkle told him the truth about himself that everyone else had been too nice to tell him to his face. But something in Soma’s expression made him feel less guarded, made him feel enough strength to pull himself off the ice and into the warmth of his grip.

“Everything will be okay,” Soma whispered into his ear, holding the other man close. He had to stop his hands from wandering down to his tight, well rounded, bubble-butt quality arse. The things he could do with this arse (no homo). “You’re safe now. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Victor trembled. He wasn’t sure if the student was telling the truth or lying just to get a higher grade. He could hear Pokkle’s voice screaming profanities to Victor in his ear, as if the man wasn’t even dead (wink wink). Nevertheless, Victor recognised that he needed some kind of comfort; he couldn't carry the burden of being himself for much longer. Soma was practically holding all his weight up, petting his thinning silver hair and squeezing himself close, his fingers slipping down lower and lower.

Soma tried to ignore the stench of garbage coming off the binman studies teacher, secretly plugging his nose behind his back. He'll have to wash himself vigorously later, scrubbing the stain of peasants touching him off his perfectly formed body. He had the body of a god, and no one, not even Victor, could tarnish it.

-

For the first time in years, Victor spoke honestly. He told Soma all about the horrors he had faced at the hands of Pokkle. How the boyo was a star student and Victor knew no one would believe him over Pokkle. How Pokkle showed Victor how worthless he was, how he was worth less than the very trash he consumed. How Pokkle made him realise he didn’t deserve to eat real food. How Pokkle had revealed everything that the other teachers had hidden about him. And whenever Victor would notice something odd, something that would disprove his story, Pokkle would remind him that he was delusional and had a personality disorder he had never been diagnosed with. Victor was constantly confused, unable to trust himself. All he knew was what Pokkle told him - it was the only word he could trust. If he even considered opening his situation up to a third party, he would remember that he wasn't seeing the world correctly, what with the personality disorder Pokkle was sure he had.

Victor knew he was worth less than the ground he walked on, and that the only reason he was kept as a tutor in Oxbridge was because of Pokkle’s performance, which Pokkle constantly reminded him was due to Pokkle himself rather than Victor at all. After Pokkle’s death Victor was constantly paralysed with the fear that the tutors would throw him out of the school, that they would remember how disgusting he was and make him leave the only place that had been close to his home. He would lay awake at night, frozen in his bed, shivering with fear and sobs, holding himself tightly in the hopes he could press himself out of existence.

Soma rocked him gently, pressing his face into his hair. He didn't know what to say to the man. Soma had never met Pokkle but he had never felt so much hatred for someone before.

“Victor, this must have all been very difficult for you,” Soma muttered. He wasn’t good at serious talks, but he had watched a lot of My Little Pony episodes recently and knew that the power of friendship could heal all wounds. “I would like to tell you that all of what Pokkle said was a lie, you are not worthless. I am a Prince, I assure you that in this capitalist world I understand the concept of worth. If Pokkle were alive today, or if I was here...before he died...I would have killed him, or i would have had my companion Agni kill him. That man deserved his death and I am so sorry it didn’t happen sooner.

“Having said that, I would...I would like to see you dance again, on the ice. We don’t have such establishments in India; you must have watched Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, things have the tendency to melt in my homeland.”

“Really?”

Soma pulled his head out of Victor’s hair to face him. “Your dancing was truly brilliant, Victor sempai. I would be honoured to see it again.”

“Not alone,” Victor decided, standing. He felt a burst of energy and held his hand out to his student.

Soma had no choice but to slide his hand into the man's, heart racing...

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