PROLOGUE - The Bo(oty)dyswitch
"Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite university Oxbridge University. The Oxbridge Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Oxbridge University's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful." Tamaki brushed his dark brown hair out of his brown eyes as he gazed at himself in the mirror.
"What?" the second Tamaki (??) squinted at his reflection, which was almost blinding with his so-bright-it-was-almost-glittering blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes which were brought out by the matching tone of his blue suit. "Why are explaining this to me? I go to the same school as you; I have been for a year."
"I know, I just thought I'd let the wonderful viewers know about my esteemed school and how someone as lovely as moi, the King, got into this terrible predicament with you, a commoner."
"A commoner?" Dazai snorted, "There's not one thing common about me, as I'm sure you'll discover quite soon. Especially when it comes to my -"
"But I guess they're wondering what happened exactly," Tamaki continued as if uninterrupted, "You see it all happened a long time ago, about an hour I think. This commoner, Dazai, thought it would be fun to make fun of the President of the Black Magic club, Nekozawa, and his Curse Doll. Everyone knows he can't go out in direct sunlight, and yet you decided to shine a light right into his face, risking the lives of everyone in the room! I still remember when he cursed me before just for bumping into him! And now he has body switched us!"
"Honestly I was surprised that he was able to, considering my ability of No Longer Human. So it must be that he used some kind of magic that is not ability-related, which is great because it means it's not my problem." Dazai yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "Someone else can deal with him. I'm going for a nap."
"But why was I caught up in all this?" Tamaki pouted. Sure, he was beautiful and dazzling in any body, as was the curse of being someone as wonderful as himself, he thought as he admired his reflection, his warm almond-shaped eyes and prominent jawline (from the previous body-tenant's penchant for skipping meals, he presumed). But there was just a certain ~je ne sais quoi~ to existing in ones own body which could not be matched.
"Nekozawa said that I, the smartest in the school, was to be switched with the stupidest as my punishment. Clearly he meant you."
"Punishment!" Tamaki yelled, pointing at (himself?? He knew, logically, it was Dazai, but even the idea of someone pointing at him so accusatorily - he lowered his hand) - "This is not a punishment! Being me is a reward! A joy! A blessing!"
"Well I suppose there are perks to being so stupid. Nobody has any expectations of stupid people, right?" Dazai mused. "Can I claim stupid in court as defence?"
Tamaki felt like he'd just been stabbed by a large arrow. He crawled away in into the corner, the epitome of despair, mushrooms sprouting from his back. "Crimes? The only crime I have ever admitted is being too beautiful! And it is a crime all onlookers consent to! What is it you plan on doing in my body...return it to me! Apparently the curse can only be reversed by true love's kiss...which means I must kiss Haruhi! But is it right for a father to want to marry his daughter?"
"Marry? Yo don't get ahead of yourself, you haven't even gotten to first base yet," Dazai said flippantly. "But I think it'll be best if we pretend to be each other until we get this sorted out, for funsies you know?"
"Yes! Clearly this is a body switch AU, and I'm main character that must suffer in this commoner's body! But for now I must woo Haruchi whilst in this body...but I doubt she would be interested in a face as hideous as this..."
"You're right...she never was interested in this face, right?" Dazai tousled his (well, Tamaki's) blonde hair dramatically.
"How - how dare you!" Tamaki stammered, "I - I am someone who is beautiful inside and out, which I why I began the Host Club - so that my good looks are in the open for every young lady to admire! What have you done, exactly?"
"I'm leaving. I have better things to do then listen to a fool talk about women as if he understands how they work."
"I am a GENTLEMAN!' Tamaki shouted toward Dazai's back. "Hey, get back here!" But it was too late, Dazai, in Tamaki's body, had already left the room.