English is underlined
Well this sucks.
I looked both ways, carefully jogged across the street, and look where that got me?
Dead.
I always thought that I'd die of old age, surrounded by friends and family, the beeping heart monitor lulling me into a gentle sleep, or something equally dramatic. Something quick, at least
But no.
I was never religious. I thought that you just floated in the endless abyss before being reborn as a tree or fox or bird, or even another person, if you were really lucky, or if you were really unlucky, depending on how you look at it.
As I slowly died a horrible death, the product of a hit and run, my cute top (along with my torso) decorating the asphalt, that my next life would be better, and I would be happy. Not the "I'm rich" type of happy, or the "this green stuff is good" happy. Really happy. One with nature. Content.
A strange sense of calm that had washed over me. I was probably in shock, but a part of me wanted to attribute it some spiritual awakening, becoming one with the void. All of my worries, my thoughts, dreams, and memories washed away. I was at peace. And in shock. But in that moment, everything slipped away.
It was dark.
And cold.
And damp.
Why was I still able to feel?
And then pain.
I wondered if I was being born. Didn't feel like it, the pain was more like getting punched in the face, but everywhere. Point is, it hurt. It really hurt. At least the crash only hurt for a few seconds, this was like that brief flash of pain but everywhere. In the middle of the pain, however, I managed to focus on the sensation of something... wriggling.
Gross.
Maybe I was being born? The pain had receded a bit, but everything still hurt, so I was kinda able to focus on the... creature. The thing, whatever it was, kept wriggling. I wriggled back, trying to get a sense of my body (and assert my dominance), and I was alarmed when I didn't feel anything definite. I felt like I had arms and legs, but I wasn't sure. They could have been wings or tentacles, for all I knew. I wriggled a bit more as I tried to adapt to whatever I had, but it seemed like the other thing had stopped moving entirely. Wha-?
I hadn't realized that I was flying until I landed. Hard.
"My Eternal Rival!" A too-familiar voice bellowed and Nonono I have to be in a coma but how can I be in a coma when I was bisected why am I here why nonono.
"Are You Feeling Alright? You Did Not Land Correctly! A Rookie Mistake! Do Not Fear, For I Shall Join You In 200 Laps Around The Village, So You Will Not Feel Lonely!"
I looked up and realized something was up (no shit). I was alive, for one, and my body definetly did not feel like a newborn's. Maybe I was in a coma? But everything was wrong. One of my eyes was covered (maybe I lost it in the crash?), I felt weirdly strong and light (drugs?), a chunk of hair, that I was pretty sure was mine, was grey??? (maybe I aged 50 years?), and, most importantly, my boobs were missing (yo, wtf).
But most importantly, the figure in front of me was an exact replica of... drumroll please...
Jiraiya.
Kidding. It was Maito Gai.
It was Maito FRIGGEN Gai, Green Beast of Konoha.
IN NARUTO.
A FICTIONAL SHOW!
My whole life is a fanfic.
"My Rival?"
I gave him a weak wave before blacking out.
Maybe I'll actually die this time.