Why? (Madara)
Frozen in his position, staring blankly at the soil beneath their feet. His head felt so heavy. Madara didn't dare to look up. He would only be confronted with the Senju's face and he didn't wish to discover, what his reaction would be.
Hashirama had lied yesterday. He lied straight to his face! Since when did he know?
Sharp pain right between the Uchiha's ribs, deep on the left side of his rib cage, made him feel cornered like a hunted animal. How could a few phrases cause such physical torment? He took a deep breath, the agony got only stronger every time. The invisible blade of betrayal cut deeper and deeper into his flesh.
Madara hadn't blinked since the confession. His eyes began to burn, but it was nothing compared to the aching in his chest. He just continued to stare at the trampled grass, as uncontrollable emotions swept across his thoughts like a tidal wave.
Fighting or running? Only those basic human instincts were left for him. He couldn't think of anything else. Both of these impulses were tearing on his sanity with unseen hands, screaming at him to act, to do something.
He felt so helplessly torn.
He shouldn't just stand there! He shouldn't feel this disgustingly powerless. He was the leader of his clan! He shouldn't be immobilized by a few words, shouldn't be reduced to this again, but it hurt. It hurt so much!
After what felt like an eternity, running won.
Madara let the feeding box and gloves fall to the ground, which he had still kept until this point. He didn't care. The Uchiha turned around to escape this nightmare. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. He had enough.
"Wait!" The Senju quickly reacted to his sudden movement and didn't let him leave just like this.
"Please let me explain, Madara!" Hashirama's voice sounded rough, higher-pitched than usual. It cracked a little as he cried out his friend's name as if he were the tormented one. It was insulting!
He had no right to sound like this, Madara thought. The ocean of despair inside of him began to boil and anger took its place like a raging hurricane.
He was the one, who had been lied to!
The one, who tricked his clansmen with soothing words just a day earlier!
The one, who got stabbed in the back by the very man, who was now following him back into the house like a kicked puppy. Madara grit his teeth together. Hashirama wasn't the victim here! The urge to fight back had been provoked. He wanted to take revenge. I wanted to be in control again.
"What is there to explain, Hashirama? You lied to me about the Uzumaki, didn't you!" The Uchiha found his voice again but had to hold himself back from literally shouting.
Instead, he put as much poison as possible within his accusations. They should hurt. Madara wanted them to.
"Yes, but-but please let me explain!"
Madara hesitated, clenching both of his fists. Hashirama's whining tone was so infuriating to him. The underlying urgency and panic made his stomach turn. It wasn't fair. This whole scene wasn't fair!
A simple hallway wasn't the right place for an argument like this. An argument like this probably had no right place, because it shouldn't happen at all.
He took a deep breath and turned around to see eyes just seconds away from crying. Small droplets already had formed in the corners and were caught in the dark lashes. They just waited to be let go, waited for the last push over the edge.
Those eyes, Madara had secretly admired just moments ago, were now causing such chaos inside of him. It only outraged him at this point.
Madara wanted to slap Hashirama. How could he dare to cry?
But he just looked at the Senju, who gulped like a little boy under his angry gaze. Was he that startled, that Madara was waiting for his statement?
"Madara, I am so, so sorry! I know I made a mistake!"
Another goddamn sorry! How did the other still manage to sound this regretful every time? Madara knew his friend long enough to identify these genuine feelings of guilt and shame, but should he just forget his own anger because of that?
But the most agonizing part about this confrontation was, that a small fraction of Madara immediately wanted to do so, to forgive his friend despite all of his doubt and questions.
He wanted to rush back into the Senju's embrace to seek the warmth no one else in this world could provide him anymore. That bittersweet, nerve-wracking scent of the spring and autumn calling for his solace, making his skin crawl. He wanted to tear it off.
Did Hashirama even realize, that he didn't play fair?
"I got a scroll... with their proposal, but I haven't replied yet. Please Madara-!"
"Not a single Uchiha will fight and bleed for those redheads!" Madara shot back immediately. His flaming Sharingan was shimmering aggressively at the alpha, but the Uchiha didn't do anything to prevent it.
He needed to concentrate. He had to ignore this notion of simple forgiveness. He didn't want to hear those excuses, those sentences, which would make him forget the most crucial thing he should focus on: the safety of his clan. That was the only thing, that had to matter to him.
"It isn't- That's not exactly- They want..." Hashirama hesitated, obviously searching for the words, that would clarify the whole situation.
"It's.. a marriage proposal. They want me to marry the Chief's omega sister."
Madara's mind went completely blank for a second. He closed his eyes and took steady breaths to remain reasonable as the new knowledge caused his ire to rise to unknown heights.
Some random omega was supposed to be enough of a sacrifice?
"A marriage proposal?" Madara muttered more to himself than to the Senju.
He couldn't believe it! This was even more ridiculous than he had initially assumed!
It was obvious to him even in his frantic state. They didn't only want their support this once, they dared to plunge their greedy claws deep into Konoha's hierarchy. They aimed right for the top spot without any shame or remorse! They made demands while crying for help!
If the wife of the Hokage would be an Uzumaki, she would become a citizen of Konoha and therefore, the Uzumaki could count on their protection during the war without the approval of the four noble clans', without Madara's approval. Hashirama must have realized that as well, hadn't he?
"But they probably are in dire need of support. Surely, you have heard the reports of the east. Maybe we could..."
"No!"
"But-"
"Hashirama, if you continue any further, I guarantee you, that all of this is going to be over!" The Uchiha whispered, his snarl was full of open hostility and hatred. He would never allow any Uzumaki to infiltrate their Konoha no matter what crisis they had.
They could choke on their tears and blood if it had been up to him!
"You can't possibly mean that." Hashirama's eyes widened in shock.
"I do, dear Hokage. The Uchiha will leave instantly if just one of them takes one step into this village!" Madara said coldly and calculated. In the back of his mind, he knew, what horrible consequences leaving Konoha would certainly cause, but he needed a threat, even if it was an empty one.
Just yesterday, he had won over his clan to stay here, promised them they had made the right choice by uniting with the Senju.
He couldn't inform them about the Uzumaki just a day later without losing all of his authority and causing more turmoil within the Uchiha's ranks. In the end, this would only benefit those damn elders. His clan would turn against him. He couldn't allow that to happen!
Hashirama looked stunned. He blinked a few times, averted his eyes to the wooden floor. This was unbearable. Madara was surprised, how even his breath was through all of this.
"If you don't want us to leave, reject their proposal before it even goes public," Madara announced flatly, nipping this topic in the bud without any room for compromise.
He watched Hashirama's silent acknowledgment, but couldn't tell what the other thought. Even his scent, which was usually filling the surrounding air constantly, was now nothing but a weak whiff, getting lost within the tiniest breeze.
Was he angry? Just disheartened?
A sour taste of uncertainty spread out in Madara's mouth. He wasn't used to this. Should he feel bad for putting his friend under such pressure?
No, he needed to stay determined for his clan! He needed to hold onto those feelings of anger and pain. They were, what made him strong. Forgiveness was for the weak, for the trampled.
"If that's all, I think you should leave now."
Hashirama's face got darker as he stood there without moving an inch. He looked lifeless like a statue.
Defeated...
Madara had never seen this expression before, but there wasn't a single ounce of regret inside of him. At least the Uchiha leader told himself so. This had been the only way out of this mess.
Madara walked past the Senju towards the garden. He held his head high as he passed the Hokage and signaled, that this conversation was over, even though so many questions were still laying on Madara's soul. He had made his position clear.
Hashirama understood. The wood cracked. Hashirama slowly walked in the opposite direction towards the front door. Madara listened to the numb sound of every step but didn't turn around to watch him go. But then...
"Since when?" Madara himself was surprised, that he spoke up one last time. The echo of footsteps from the other end of the hallway died down; the Senju had stopped.
Everything was quiet. Madara could only hear his own bloodstream in his ears.
Why did it take so long for Hashirama to answer? Had he turned around? Was he now looking at him? Was he waiting for Madara to do the same?
But Madara didn't want to see him, he only wanted an answer.
"Three days"
Three days... this felt like another punch to the gut.
For three whole days, Hashirama had known about the scroll...
How many times have they met since then?
For three days, Madara had been lied to.
'Why?'
The question lay on his dry lips, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. Why should he be disappointed again? Why did even Hashirama have to let him down?
Footsteps, the sound of the sliding door. Hashirama had left. It was over.
Madara was alone. Again. He felt relief at first, but his breath, which he had managed to keep slow and flat, was now getting faster.
All this anger, which he had under his control and directed at the Senju, now had no place to go. His chest was about to burst open.
Madara fell to his knees as the tension left his body. He formed fists, slammed his left hand against the floor. It didn't hurt as much as he had expected. So he did it again.
And again.
And again until his hand eventually felt numb.
As if in trance, the Uchiha leader moved his left hand above his head and studied his palm. There was no scar, the blood had been wiped away earlier. The sharp pain, that had caught him off guard, was nothing but a memory.
His hand was numb, but nothing else. Not even the floor was damaged.
Madara hated it. He hated all of it!
Why was he still feeling this miserable? Why did his eyes water without any wound to cause it?
He stood up and sprinted towards the kitchen. The pointed shards of the teapot were in the corner, where he had left them. With his right hand, he grabbed the largest one and hold it against the palm of his left. Exactly, where he had been cut earlier.
The edge was sharp and cold. It resembled a kunai in form, color... and function. Just a few millimeters closer to his skin and he would have done it. He would have a reason to...
What was he doing?
Reality hit him and Madara frantically threw the shard back to the pile.
Why would he...
Did he really plan to...
Madara couldn't believe he had even considered doing this. Where was his mind?
He wanted to feel angry, he wanted to feel pain, but this was going too far!
Only the morbid stench of disgust was now left for him.
----
The Uchiha remained in his garden for the rest of the day. He didn't want to stay in the house, but also didn't go into the town. He didn't want to catch a glimpse of the preparations for the oh so happy anniversary celebrations nor see a single person, especially not the Senju. He couldn't risk walking into him again.
He took his time to meditate in the sun as the day went along as if nothing happened. It was a good strategy to gather his thoughts and replenish his energy.
But the question of 'Why' never let his mind truly rest.
Why would Hashirama not tell him about the Uzumaki clan?
They wanted the Hokage to marry one of their Omegas. It was laughable. Madara wanted to be amused by their old-fashioned ways of fraternization, but couldn't help but feel insulted.
He should be above this kind of behavior. His mind started to fool around again and the thought of Hashirama with another omega shouldn't concern him. Only the fact, that it was supposed to be someone of the Uzumaki clan should.
But why did both of those facts upset him so much? Why couldn't he just cut the ties with his feelings for the Senju already?
He had often been betrayed or lied to in the past. He had always acknowledged it without much interest. Killed the traitor mercilessly. Why did this time have to be so different?
Madara looked at Haya and Kin, both sleeping peacefully in the reddening sun. He played with the idea of abandoning their names again.
It was petty behavior and Madara knew it himself, but it was the only thing that gave him the sense of control over this situation.
It was beginning to get dark again. The days seemed to run by lately.
Tomorrow would be the festival and Madara wanted to puke only by the thought of it.
Why should he celebrate this flawed construction?
What should he do? He wanted change, wished to bring a better future, but was Konoha the right place for his clan? Could he really trust in Hashirama's way? Madara was overcome with grief and doubt.
Was there even any place for them anymore?
Madara felt crushed.
The stone tablet written by his ancestors came back to his mind.
He had always felt compelled towards the scripture of the Naka shrine telling him about the eternal dream that would bring peace to this reality. Using the moon to capture everyone on this planet in a genjutsu. It was tempting.
Maybe there was no other way...
"You seem distraught, Madara" A soothing voice caught Madara off guard. How did he not notice another person's chakra so close?
Madara immediately turned around, activating his Sharingan. He scanned his surroundings, but couldn't find anyone until he looked back at his house.
Someone, no, something came out of the shadows of the building. It was built like a man, but his skin was pitch black. There was not a single hair on this creature's body nor a mouth, from where the voice could have come from. Two piercing yellow eyes stared into his own without getting lost in the crimson.
For the first time in ages, Madara didn't feel safe. Something about this man made him feel uneasy. Especially because he couldn't sense any chakra or scent from this person as if nothing but an illusion was in front of him.
As if he was just part of the darkness and his eyes were playing a trick on him. It was unreal.
"Who or what are you?" He demanded firmly.
Was this a spy? Some form of Jutsu by the enemies of Konoha? Countless summonings, kekkei Genkai and other techniques ran through his head, but Madara had no single clue, what this presence standing across the garden was. That alone made him feel alarmed.
"You don't have to feel threatened by me, Madara. I'm here to help." His laughter contrasted with his deep voice.
He knew his name, so why was he giggling then? Did he not know better than to take the infamous Uchiha leader on?
And today Madara was in an unfavorable mood as well. He was just moments away from letting all his frustration out and kill this intruder. He didn't see any weapons.
"I don't like to repeat myself. Who or what are you?"
This creature snapped his head to his right side as if it was amused again, but there was no mouth to show a smile so one could only guess. He took another step forward, but stopped mysteriosly and looked around the garden. He had the audacity to let him wait! Madara knew, that his patience was running out.
"I am the manifestation of your will, Madara Uchiha."
The shinobi remained silent. This had to be a lie! He had never heard or read about anything like this. He eyed the creature skeptically, as it continued.
"But you can call me Zetsu."