Seeds
To see Lee after so long was a breath of fresh air. Even if Gaara had been tricked-well, more like forced- into showing up here.
Temari had woken him up early, at eleven rather than noon, during one of his better rests and told him to start getting ready with no explanation as to what he was getting ready for. She didn’t even do anything except for demand for him to wash up, take his meds, and wear something relatively nice. It was honestly nerve inducing, especially with the way she ran around so eagerly, leaving Gaara with really no chance to ask any questions.
What had really set him off though, was the fact that Kankurou was coming with them. He knew that he didn’t have any therapy appointment today, he had made it a point not to tell either of them and only catalogue them on his phone’s calendar, no notification equaled no therapy. He was an adult man after all, though that was neither here nor there. So, to realize that the three of them were going on a family outing was something that had him on high alarm. Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou rarely went out together, they all had their own lives and activities that nobody else in the family tended to enjoy, and they only had three intersective points, music, their father, and being batshit crazy to varying degrees. So, when Kankurou got on the bus behind him while Temari dragged him on, he couldn’t help but figure something was up.
Their bus ride was silent, Gaara busy blasting music in his headphones and fidgeting with his keys in his pocket to calm himself down rather than asking Temari anything. He wondered if she would even give a direct answer if he asked, though he had the creeping suspicion this was something he wasn’t supposed to know.
Once they got off of the bus, he was led to a pizza shop, the whole time feeling the sharp press of his keys against his palm. They were already warm from the bus ride, but that was fine, it was still enough for now. Then, all too suddenly it wasn’t enough, and Gaara knew exactly why Kankurou had to come.
Because Gaara would run.
Gaara had never been afraid of much in his life, especially not from a physical standpoint. He knew that he was sort of scrawny and weak, but he wasn’t one to back down from people-especially not people his own age, and yet, seeing Lee sitting there at the table, staring at him. It hurt. It hurt so good and so bad all at once. He turned on his heel, already trying to burst out of the door, but then Kankurou was carrying him to the table and he realized Lee already had something. An extra large deep dish, full of spinach and cheese and mushrooms and just about everything else Gaara liked. He could already feel himself getting teary eyed, but he sat down without a word. Lee looked so happy, his face lit up and his stupid bushy eyebrows drew together with absolute joy. He hated the bittersweetness behind his eyes though, Gaara knew why it was there. He knew that he owed Lee a proper apology, and he would give it. He felt around suddenly, realizing he hadn’t brought the CD with him. It was stupid that he hadn’t, even if he hadn’t known.
Lee gave him a shaky smile, his strong, scarred up hands reaching for a slice of pizza. He gave it to Gaara because of course he did because Lee was the kindest soul in the world. He stared at the slice for a moment, then turned his attention back to Lee.
I-Lee…I...I had something….but….
Lee looked at him quizzically, though it was in such a way that Gaara knew he was expecting something. He wondered which one of his siblings had cornered Lee, after all, he didn’t have anyone but the two of them that he even spoke to without Lee, and someone had to get him here. Temari. It had to be Temari because there wasn’t a scratch on Lee or Kankurou, and Gaara knew too well that Kankurou would have probably tried to fight or kidnap Lee into coming to something like this. Hell, if they had told Gaara beforehand there would have been a mad dash to keep him from biting someone in an effort to escape their house.
He tried to explain about the CD, about his apology, but it all came out like mush. Then, before he could make more of a fool out of himself during what was supposed to be his grand apology, that horribly wonderful CD in its old shitty case appeared right before his eyes with a set of purple nails and fingers with ever present ring ring marks attached to them. He looked up properly and saw an all too familiar black cat hoodie and a horribly made up face, Kankurou. He grinned at Gaara, like he knew just how much the CD meant to his ability to apologize, and Gaara couldn’t bring himself to be angry. Kankurou had, in fact, saved the day just like the shit of a reliable big brother he was.
He took the CD case gently, then sat it in front of Lee on the table. All it took was one look at what it was called, and the implications of why Gaara made the CD , for him to burst into tears. He seemed so overjoyed, or maybe he was sad, he couldn’t tell yet, but gods could he pray that it was the former. To think of Lee returning to his life, it made Gaara’s heart pound so loud he worried that the whole restaurant would hear it. Lee took the CD like it was made out of glass, like it would crack at any moment, and just….looked it over, a smile breaking out. He considered the finer details of it, how Gaara had obviously stolen the case and the CD itself based off of the old paint marks, how his hand writing seemed shaky, even the way that his own face reflected in it. Then, somehow he managed to choke out,
Thank you, Gaara. This means...so much to me
It made Gaara want to cry too if he were being honest. He could feel both Temari and Kankurou watching them, like they expected Gaara to do something crazy like be totally open and honest with Lee about everything he had been and was currently feeling, but instead they ate. They ate and they played their shitty version of twenty questions.
There wasn’t very much they had missed with one another in the past two weeks, apparently Lee had visited his father, and even held a few parties. Gaara couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy he felt, but he knew even better that his jealousy was what had gotten them into this mess. He drew in a deep breath through his nose, trying his very best to just listen, and listening paid off.
Lee had asked him to come to one of their game nights sometime. Of course it couldn’t be soon, their wounds were too raw and this truce was too tentative for anything to be totally sure, but the idea of a future in which he and Lee could spend time together was a future Gaara was more than excited for.
Gaara contemplated not telling Lee about therapy, about how shitty it was compared to when they spent time together, but he knew that he needed to. He wanted Lee to know that he was at least trying to get better, and god was trying hard. Lee looked proud when he was told, though Gaara backed out last second on telling him just how bad it was compared to their sessions like these. Gaara was happy to see Lee so proud, but he couldn’t help but consider how badly it hurt to know that he was the thing keeping the two of them from being together.
Gaara wondered if he would ever get over this feeling, if he would be able to appreciate Lee as a friend and a friend only, but there was something in him saying that he wouldn’t. Lee was his very first love, he had shown him so much of what it was like to care and be cared for, and nobody would ever be able to take the sort of feelings he gave Gaara away. Even still, they were adults, and adults were capable of handling these feelings in a mature way.
They sat there for a long time, the clock ticking by while Lee talked at length and Gaara absorbed his every word, even giving out a faint smile or two. He knew that he would have to deal with Temari and Kankurou later, but he didn’t care, not when he could enjoy the stupid weirdo in front of him.
Lee really was perfect, and imperfect Gaara was, at least the two of them could still spend time together like this.
He took the CD with him when he left and gave Gaara one of his perfect hugs. He took in how Lee smelled like himself, if that was even a real descriptor, almost like he was the living embodiment of passion. It was strange, but Gaara made sure to etch the scent into his mind. He always did. He wanted to remember every single aspect of Lee forever because he knew that one day he might not be able to.
The bus ride home was quiet, though in a different way as to how the ride there had been. Kankurou and Temari knew that Gaara wouldn’t take any sort of teasing this time, he couldn’t, not when he was both so lovestruck and heartbroken. Their pitying looks were enough to leave Gaara scowling at the front of the bus rather than the back where they all usually sat. They didn’t matter though, Gaara knew that. They wouldn’t matter until Lee told him what he thought of the CD, if the songs went well together, if he liked them, if he really forgave him for everything. Even if the air had cleared during their little lunch, Gaara wouldn’t be able to know for sure that Lee was still his friend until he was given confirmation by the CD.
That confirmation came as a text at 9pm from Lee saying.
I have listened to the entire CD, it is wonderful!
Gaara was sitting in his room, reading plant articles to calm himself down as best he could, but that text from Lee sent him flying. He was on cloud 9 and nothing could take him down. Lee liked the CD, he liked the work that Gaara had put in, he forgave him.
He wanted to see Lee.
He wanted to see him so suddenly and so badly that it felt like whiplash. He knew how it could have come off, how it probably would come off, so he decided against it. He just texted Lee back, and left it at that.
im glad.
He fell back on his bed, burying his phone under his pillows and trying his best not to do anything stupid. His plant articles were still there, waiting for him to finish his readings on a special type of plant that grew in the arctic and was slowly going extinct because of rising temperatures. It was concerning, though nowhere near enough to get his thoughts off of Lee. He just wanted to see his face, that was it, after he saw him, he would calm down. Even still, he kept from texting him. He tried to keep himself occupied, he watered his plants, sat on the couch with Temari and Shikamaru, who was becoming more and more of a recurring character at their house, and even forced himself to eat a bowl of cereal, but by the time he made it up to his room, he knew what had to be done. He put on a movie, something that would kill the sound of absolute silence but still leave enough room for him to hear padding footsteps and doors closing. Then, finally, he did, and he almost immediately pulled his phone out from under his pillow and called Lee.
He felt like some sort of teenager in a coming of age movie, and he could be save for..well, everything. Everything except for the fact that he was still, just barely, a teenager. He couldn’t imagine being twenty, even if it was only a few months away. Hell, he hadn’t even been able to imagine lasting until eighteen, but the idea of turning twenty was the idea of becoming a real adult instead of just a kid leeching off his siblings. Before he could continue with his existential crisis though, he was met with the sound of Lee’s groggy voice.
Gaara...are you okay? Has something happened?
He sounded so worried, and Gaara quickly went on to damage control. Of course Lee would’ve been asleep, it was past one in the morning.
Lee...I wanted to ask...would you come over...just for a little while...…
Lee was quiet on his end, obviously waking up a bit more and considering what had been asked of him. Before everything had happened, he probably would’ve rushed to Gaara’s side, but now he had to think.
Is something wrong?
Not exactly…
Gaara….are you sure I should be coming over? I do not want to hurt you again, really.
I’m sure. I just want to see my...friend
Then, as your friend, I will come over. I will be there in about forty minutes.
Gaara was the one to hang up the phone, falling back on his bed with a heavy sigh. This was a mistake, a total mistake, and yet he felt hot up to the ears at the thought of Lee being in his room-on his bed. They would have to be if they didn’t want to alert Temari or Kankurou. After all of the times that he had fantasized about having Lee in his bed, he hated that these were the circumstances, and yet he still found himself absolutely exhilarated. The forty minutes he waited for Lee were so much worse than the four hours he had managed to stave off the desire to call him. Gaara was notified of Lee’s arrival with a considerate text, and he went to the door to greet him.
He was met with the vision of a frazzled bowl cut, tan skin glowing beneath the moonlight, and a hoodie from the 1980 something’s World Men’s Bodybuilding Competition, he was beautiful in his own Rock Lee way. Slowly, they crept through the dark townhouse, and up to Gaara’s room.
Lee fell on to the bed and ended up leaning up against Gaara’s head board. The room was a mess, but he didn’t seem to mind, even as he woke up.
Do you….want to watch a movie?
That sounds- he was cut off by a yawn- wonderful..
Lee’s voice was so much gentler when he was tired, and Gaara wanted to imagine a world where he would hear Lee’s voice like that every morning and every night. He stared at him for a long moment, feeling his heart swell before swiftly turning his attention back to his laptop. Lee picked the movie, an action comedy, though Gaara had seen the cursor shift over and over again to a cheesy rom-com about a girl falling in love with her childhood friend. He wanted to think that this was a sign, but he couldn’t get his hopes up. He hated this life, the constant shift between cynic and optimist, before it had been easy. His worldview was dark and dreary, one in which he wouldn’t imagine living to the age of twenty one, and now he was planning a future with a guy who had denied his confession.
Even still, he sat there beside Lee, watching explosion after fight scene after explosion while praying that Lee's scent would seep into his bedclothes. Soon enough, he was curled up beside Lee, head on his chest and heart beat right under his ear, he imagined things being like this all the time. Lee’s tired voice and his big, warm body encompassing all of Gaara’s small, cold one. It was a nice life, they would have tons of plants and cats, maybe even a home gym. Lee would be there on good days and on bad. Gently, Gaara touched his finger tips to Lee’s and Lee returned the touch.
It was then that he remembered what Lee said to him that night two weeks ago after Gaara had confessed and he had to deny.
Gaara, I am-I am deeply flattered by your confession and...I will not lie and say I do not feel similarly
Lee felt the same way.
Lee did like him back. He just wouldn’t date Gaara because he wasn’t stable. It stung, almost as much as it did the night that he had heard it, but Gaara wouldn’t let go of the hope that if he got better then maybe he and Lee could at least try to make things work between the two of them.
He sat his head up from Lee’s chest and stared at him, his eyes shifted from being focused on the screen to Gaara’s face. He tilted his head slightly, already preparing to ask if something was wrong.
Gaara, with a burning face, spoke.
Rock Lee, if...If I’m able to become the sort of man that you deem….honorable...will you….accept my feelings for you?
Lee looked more than surprised, and soon they were a pair of blushing messes staring at one another. Even still, Gaara refused to look away until Lee gave him an answer.
O-Okay. If you can put your all into taking care of yourself, then I will accept your confession Gaara.
Gaara bit back a grin, and, like the idiot he had suddenly become, gave Lee a thumbs up. Suddenly though, he felt something on his mouth, something overwhelmingly hot and full and satisfying. It was like he had found something he was missing his entire life in that moment, and it was in that moment that he realized, Lee had kissed him. Rock Lee’s mouth was on him right now and he wasn’t doing anything. He sprung into action as fast as he could, hands gently taking Lee’s face and pulling him closer, Lee reciprocated for a while, his hands on Gaara’s shoulders as their mouths moved against each other. Lee only pushed Gaara back when he tried to add tongue, having flushed to his collarbones Gaara was sure. Even still, he felt so electric like someone had lit a spark under his ass. Lee could probably see it on his face with the way he kept averting his eyes.
I am sorry. That was….very brash of me. Please do not think that our deal does not still stand, I just...wanted to give you some encouragement
And damn did Gaara feel encouraged.