Minerals
To see Gaara so erratic, so pained, hurt Lee deep enough to keep him from his usual morning workout. Rather than getting out of bed promptly at 5:30 and heading out for his run through the local man made bike trail, he laid there, listening to the way his alarm blared positive affirmations at him. Even on his saddest days, those were usually enough to get him out of bed, but today they weren’t enough. He couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed because all he could do was think about what had happened the night before.
He had been so confused-was still so confused. He knew that something had to have happened to Gaara to make him that way. Over and over again he replayed the last days’, weeks’, even the last three months’ events, looking for even one instance in which he had maybe said or done something that hurt Gaara. He seemed fine when they hung out, happy even. The very last time they were able to do something recreational, Lee felt his heart flutter around in his chest because Gaara had smiled at him. It was so small, barely even noticeable, and yet it made his whole face look so much sweeter. It drew Lee in in a way that made him almost want to hug Gaara in a way that he didn’t do with most of his friends. It would have been wrong though, he knew that. Gaara didn’t feel the same way, at least, that was what he had thought until last night. Even as he was agonizing over how horrible Gaara had been, his heart had latched on to one thing in particular, the confession. He felt guilty, focusing on how Gaara had said I love you after having had such a bad meltdown, but he couldn’t help circling back to the thought that Gaara felt similarly.
The feelings weren’t real though, Lee knew that, and yet he couldn’t help but smile when he thought about the possibility that they could be. He knew what it was like to be in Gaara’s position, he knew all too well, which was why they couldn’t be together. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance of it, not until Gaara got himself better, but the knowledge that his feelings might have been requited was something that Lee had never felt before. He hadn’t liked many people throughout his life, but the few that he had often rejected him in favor of partners better suited. Gaara was different though, they got along so well, and he was smart, almost smarter than Neji, he cared about nature, too, Lee loved getting texts from him about the plants he was caring for at the nursery, more than anything though, Gaara was dedicated. Even if last night something had cracked, in the five months they had known each other Lee had never seen Gaara lose hope after faltering. Instead, he constantly wiped himself off and got right back up again, and that was a quality he would never not fall in love with.There was always the worst option though, looming behind the sugary sweet sunshine of a youth shared with Gaara.
He didn’t actually feel the same way, not in the way that Lee had been concerned about before, but instead in a way that would’ve been worse than the many heartbreaks he had faced in the past. Lee could easily remember a time in his life in which he felt similarly to Gaara, he had struggled so much that he had nearly dropped out of his school in favor of doing work from home, but then, he met Neji and Tenten. Neji had been particularly cruel at first, and for some reason it summoned something from Lee. He wanted to prove every single one of his preconceived notions wrong, prove to him that he would be able to graduate with grades just as good as the child prodigy from the top of their class. Of course, that hadn’t happened, but somewhere in Lee’s incessant studying and spending time around Neji, they had grown close. He was one of the first people Lee had ever found himself able to rely on, Tenten too, of course, but there was something closer somehow about his bond with Neji. He was always there when Lee was sad, coached him through tough times, even helped him come to terms with the knowledge that being practically obsessed with body builders, though his father was one, wasn’t something most young boys did.
It was in that time period, more specifically at the tender age of fourteen, that he had thought he was in love with Neji. There was no other way to describe how much he cared about him, how far he was willing to go for Neji’s sake. He had never had a friend he cared for so much, and so it was all he could do to assume that he was in love with him.
He had told Neji not soon after, his confession full of awkward stuttering and a bored expression from the man of the hour. When Lee finished, he was met with a meditation on why he couldn’t possibly be in love with Neji. All of it boiled down to one key point, Lee had been going through a tough time when they had become friends, of course he’d think their friendly affection was love. It hurt at the time, rejection always did, but as he got older, Lee couldn’t help but think that Neji was right. He really didn’t have many of the qualities that Lee enjoyed in another person, especially not a romantic partner. At fourteen though, and even younger, he had been desperate to feel any sense of love he could, and Neji gave him that.
He knew that Gaara had been in a similar place, lonely and isolated by his peers, though for far longer than Lee had been, and now he had his first friend. It had been sweet when Gaara had explained it, but now, after having heard that confession from him, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would have to do what Neji did back then. He liked Gaara so much, more than he had ever liked anyone before, and to think that he only liked Lee out of a sense of loneliness hurt. Even still, that wasn’t what he needed to deal with now, despite it being all he could think about.
At 6:05 am, Lee pushed himself out of bed and did light yoga. He refused to not get any exercise in for the morning. He moved on to his shower, though it was a little bit earlier than usual, there was something that made him want to text Gaara right before he stepped in. It was a force of habit from all the time they spent talking with one another. He knew that it was his day off though, he was bound to sleep until late in the day, and even if he didn’t, Lee knew he couldn’t act like things between them were fine.
The quiet, heart wrenching tears he had shed the moment he got home told him enough, told him that Gaara needed to make an apology.
Lee missed him dearly, even if it had only been a few hours, but he tried to simply follow his schedule. In that schedule though, he realized, there were too many instances in which he thought of Gaara, from cooking breakfast to picking out his clothes to making his way downstairs with the house’s trash to take out on the way to his car. Gaara had made himself a cozy pocket in Lee’s heart. A pocket that he had sewn shut because of something that Lee didn’t even know about.
His drive to work was full of spiraling thoughts that his Pumped Up Jams CD couldn’t even help, and it was then that he made a very impulsive decision. He cranked up his music a tad bit louder, though not too loud so as to not disturb other drivers, and drove right past the community center. A little over thirty minutes later, he was in a sleepy suburb full of large, beautiful houses that all looked essentially the same, save for one.
The house that Lee parked in front of was pine green in a sea of whites with so many flowers, fruits, and vegetables growing in the front yard that it practically looked like they were in the middle of an orchard. Paired with those plants, were a small army of lawn ornaments that Neji had called ghastly and Tenten had called unique upon first viewing, Lee himself thought that they were friendly.
He could already hear the gentle pulsating rhythm of music coming from the inside of the house from his car. It was no surprise that He was up this early. The journey up the walkway had Lee relaxing shoulders he hadn’t even noticed he’d been tensing, and when the door opened he collapsed into tears.
Lee! Has something happened?
Guy looked so concerned that it made Lee cry even harder, until his father was pulling him inside and into his arms. Lee sat there for a long time, a mess of snot and whimpers as a song that had marked his childhood played in the background, some idol number that Guy taught him all the words to. It was sweet, and the excessive calm Lee felt after letting it all out made it easier to talk about things.
He had told Guy about Gaara before, though really only in a passive way. He wasn’t even sure if he knew that Lee had feelings for him, but he would have to find out now seeing as Lee had just had a crying fit on the couch.
You remember my dear friend Gaara, right?
Lee sniffed, watching as Guy stroked his chin for a long few seconds, then moved to stroking the couch, all the while letting out a low hum. Lee wasn’t surprised that Guy didn’t completely remember Gaara, after all, he really only knew Neji and Tenten out of the wide array of people his son seemingly spent time around.
Not quite, but why don’t you go ahead and tell me what’s going on with this Gaara boy that has you so upset..
Well…
From there on, Lee chronicled, in great detail, the whirlwind sort of romance he and Gaara had been going through, right up until last night. By the end of it, Guy himself had to grab a tissue to hide his tears. Lee watched him closely, hoping for some sort of advice that would make everything make sense. From the moment he had met him, Guy had given Lee so many sage words of advice that he almost didn’t know how to follow all of them in the same day. Now though, wasn’t exactly one of those times.
You care for this Gaara boy, right Lee?
Well-I-yes-I care-care for him quite a lot. He has become a dear friend to me in these past few months…
Lee felt his face get hot, all the way to his neck. It was embarrassing to have to confront his feelings out loud so soon after having done it for the first time in front of someone only the night before, but he could never lie to Guy.
Well Lee, if you care for him so much, then you need to give him time. After all, a stream cannot become a river when someone watches.
Lee found himself practically crying all over again, though this time they were tears of pride. His dad was so smart! Gaara needed time, and Lee could give him that, he would have to give him that, for fear of Neji and Tenten possibly shouting at Gaara for how much he had hurt Lee. It was hard though, so very hard. Lee replaced Gaara with friends, he constantly had them cycling through the apartment for different reasons. Sometimes, he would host gatherings, board games or movie nights, all to curb his desire to see Gaara, other times he’d call one of his gym buddies to go on a run with him. So long as he wasn’t alone, Lee couldn’t think of all the ways that he missed Gaara.
At some point, Tenten started keeping a counter ‘Days Gone Without Contacting Him’
They got all the way up to two weeks.
On the fourteenth night of having not spoken to Gaara, Lee had Shikamaru over. Even though they weren’t very close, he often served for a good time, and was always a great opponent when playing things like Wii Sports and Just Dance. He never had much stamina, but it was interesting seeing if his cleverness could outdo Lee’s sheer physical ability.
There was something different about Shikamaru’s visit this time, though. This time, Shikamaru came with a girl. She had fluffy blonde hair, worn up in two pigtails, she was pretty, pretty in a way that had Lee a bit flustered and calling out to Tenten to help him greet their guest, but there was also something familiar about her prettiness, like he had seen her before. Shikamaru introduced her as Temari, and that was when the name clicked. This was Gaara’s sister.
He felt a large rock form in his stomach, one made out of anxiety, nausea, and a little bit of the turkey sandwich he had had for lunch earlier. Lee had no idea what to do, introduce himself? Act like he had never heard of Gaara in his life? Leave? The possibilities were as endless as they were unappealing, which was how he ended up standing in front of Temari, playing Wii tennis against Shikamaru who was already at 30-Love.
Lee excused himself to the bathroom after Shikamaru took his easy win. As he did, he heard Temari interrupt Shikamaru’s comment of it being an easy game with a question.
What’s that sign up there for?
Lee felt himself getting sick.
He sat in the bathroom for a long time, long enough for Neji to come after him. He knocked lightly at first, then a little bit harder, then he banged on it loud enough to snap Lee out of whatever strange daze he’d been in and open the door. He stared up at him, his cheeks a little bit ruddy from the beers that everyone but himself had been partaking in (brought by Temari as a thank-you-for-hosting gift). He was quiet for a moment, just staring at the look on Lee’s face, which he was sure was distressed.
Neji sat on the edge of the tub, rubbing at his face with his hands. Then, his expression suddenly became tender in a way that Lee only saw on rare occasions. They stayed like that, sitting in absolute silence while Tenten kept their guests at bay.
Lee couldn’t help but wonder if Temari knew him-knew of him to be more exact. Gaara was such a private person, it wouldn’t be surprising to find out that his family didn’t know about their ongoing friendship. If she did know, what would she say? What would she do? Gaara had described her as intimidating and that had held true, and now he couldn’t help but wonder if everything else he had been told would also hold true, more specifically about Temari’s violent need to protect her family. Lee didn’t want Temari to punch him in the face, it would ruin any future board game opportunities for as long as she and Shikamaru were dating, and he didn’t want that in the slightest, especially if he was hoping that maybe Gaara could come to one.
He looked at Neji who met him with a kind smile and leaned a little bit closer. Gently, he placed his hand on Lee’s knee. It was in that moment, staring at Neji’s face in that tiny bathroom, Lee realized something. He loved Gaara enough to forgive him, even if it took a long time, even if Gaara’s feelings were only brought on by his unstable mental state, he loved him enough to take him as anything, so long as he was happy.
I love Gaara very dearly..
It was all that Lee said to Neji, and yet it also seemed to convey everything he felt perfectly. Neji nodded at him, that same drowsy smile on his face, and stood up from the tub.
I know.
Lee realized that he loved Neji too, he loved Neji, and Tenten, and his dad, and all of his friends. He loved everyone in his life so dearly, but he loved Gaara differently. He couldn’t quite describe it, but he knew that it meant really wanted to at least be friends again.
He stepped out of the bathroom sheepishly, all eyes in the room on him, save for those of his roommates who were playing Wii boxing. Lee sat down on the loveseat near the couch where Shikamaru and Temari were stationed. Temari was watching him eagle eyed and on alert. He gave her a tense smile before filling his mouth with a handful of chips. That didn’t stop her from speaking her mind though.
Gaara misses you. A lot.
Lee practically choked, sharp shards of chips lodging themselves into his throat until he found himself running to the kitchen for a glass of water. When he had regained himself, he returned, red to the ears and heart pounding so loud in his chest he worried that he would interrupt the flow of the game. Temari seemed amused by it though, the light dancing behind her eyes one of pleased confirmation, like she had been testing something. Lee knew that she said that as a way of seeing how he felt about Gaara, it wasn’t hard to tell, but it had caught him off guard nonetheless.
I...I miss Gaara too, very much.
He’s sorry, for acting the way that he did. He’s worried you hate him now or something.
I could never hate Gaara! He is one of my dearest...friends
Lee felt his face getting hotter, both from his embarrassment at having interrupted Temari and basically admitting his crush on Gaara to everyone in the room, even if they had all basically known before.
Temari let out a proper laugh then, full of quiet giggles and snorts. She really was something of the perfect girl for Shikamaru.
That’s great to hear, I’ll have Shikamaru send you the address of where you can meet him to get this apology he’s too scared to give without any help.
Lee was left dumbfounded by that. Gaara had somewhere he wanted to meet? He felt giddy then, though it was a tad bittersweet. To enter this situation practically blind was anxiety inducing, but he would do it if it meant that Gaara would stay in his life.