Flourish
Work was more difficult than Gaara had expected.
He was forced into waking at the ass crack of dawn, making sure to eat, take his meds, and dress himself before taking the bus to the nursery. On the bus he texted Lee, who was seemingly always up at this hour doing some sort of ridiculous workout. Gaara didn’t know when he started texting Lee during his commute, but he didn’t mind either. Talking to Lee had become a hobby, just like obsessing over the plants in the nursery and shooting to finish every movie on Netflix.
When Gaara thought of his life now, he found himself almost afraid of how normal it had become. He had a friend that he spent time with, he watched Netflix, had a job, it was like every year before this one had never happened. Temari had even talked about having Shikamaru over to meet him and Kankuro. It was like nothing had ever happened, or maybe it hadn’t. Gaara would only occasionally allow himself moments of that, pretending like what had happened ten months ago hadn’t actually happened. It was nice to live like that, until he was met with old reminds, whether it be scars on his arms from the glass or piles of sand that were shaken out of laundry he found under his bed from that night, or even just staring too long in the bathroom cabinet, seeing the exact spot where he grabbed that bottle from. When he was met with those thoughts though, he tried to push them away, remember the relative normalcy he lived in and how...pleasant….it was.
The bus ride took about twenty minutes, too short for every time he and Lee talked really. He had almost started to prefer his commute to group just because of how much time he had to talk to Lee. He never really acknowledged his infatuation with Lee. Besides, it was normal, caring for your friends. Gaara’s care seemed to manifest strangely though, like constantly thinking about Lee. In the months since they had begun spending time together, Gaara genuinely never went a full hour without thinking about him. Whether it be the fact that Lee had bought CDs for songs Gaara had showed him to play in his car when they were together or taking Gaara out whenever he so much texted in a way that seemed off, or even just the way Lee’s hair looked at the last meeting, he was always thinking of him. Neither Temari or Kankuro had said anything about these feelings he had, though Gaara was always sure to never totally convey the depth of them. If anything, they were glad he was relying on his sponsor like he was supposed to.
They seemed especially glad when Gaara, for the first time since he had returned, seemingly ‘lost it’ and Lee was there for him. Of course, that was to put it in simple terms. Professionally, Gaara had been told by Lee he was having a depressive episode, though it had been nowhere near as severe as what Gaara remembered them feeling like. Instead, he was quieter, which was a feat even for him. Occasionally, when he did speak, he was snappy, cruel, like a shadow of what before had been like. Temari and Kankuro were worried, kept asking him if he had taken his meds, but that just made Gaara even angrier with them. Angry enough that he stormed out of the house, he knew that they were probably scared when he left, every single action and word traded then too reminiscent of before. The only difference was, Gaara, rather than running off in the night to stew, called Rock Lee.
The phone call was awkward, stunted on Gaara’s end, but Lee offered to buy Gaara something to eat and Gaara couldn’t help but agree.
That night lived prominently in Gaara’s mind, he had opened up to Lee in a way that he hadn’t even imagined doing to some paid professional, and Lee had understood. He heard Gaara, in all his fucked-upness and Gaara couldn’t help but find that strange twist Lee gave him crack into warmth.
He walked into the nursery, turning on the overhead lamps and doing an initial walkthrough and checking on his favorites. He worked in the plants from drier climates, desert plants to be more specific. He looked at the cacti he had been monitoring since he had first begun working there, a patch of marigolds, and his absolute favorite, a patch of apricot mallows he had planted a week prior. It was stupid, how much he cared about the little things, but to know that he had something that needed him made Gaara feel good.
He covered watering and weeding. When his supervisor showed up, he was sent to do potting. It was an easy routine to fall into really. He was surrounded by living things that both expected nothing of him and relied on him to live, and rarely did he have to interact with others, save for the occasional visitor asking where something was.
During his lunch break, Gaara got plenty of texts from his siblings checking up on him. Their care was sweet but he couldn’t help but feel patronized. He knew that they didn’t text each other like this at work, only Gaara, and yet he still responded to them before they got concerned. Despite his siblings’ pestering, Gaara still enjoyed his lunch break for one reason, once again, it was Lee.
Lee had, stupidly, memorized his work schedule. He was prone to doing things like that in the case of Gaara, finding out his work schedule or favorite food or hobbies based sheerly off of their conversations. Always displaying that he had been paying attention to what Gaara said rather than just tuning him out, it was pleasant. Of course there were differences in said schedule, days off during the week, which shift he was on, but Lee had seemingly figured it out on most days of the week, meaning that he, too, texted Gaara during his lunch break.
Gaara, hello! I know it is your break, and in knowing that I felt I should send you a message! What are you having for lunch today?
a pizza.
Gaara took a picture of it, covered in plenty of toppings and once again appearing to be far too much food for himn. Lee had gotten used to it by now though and often praised Gaara for his ability to eat so much. He found Lee’s wonder at his appetite unnerving, though he often found himself feeling that way about most things about Lee.
His phone buzzed as he was taking a bite out his first slice.
It looks delicious! I am getting lunch with Neji and Tenten, we are having sushi!
Gaara winced, hearing about Lee’s roommates always made him feel an uneasy twist that he hated. Every feeling Lee gave him by simply being himself was inverted when he brought up those two. He knew he was strange, feeling territorial like this over someone he had only really known for a few months, yet Gaara could never stop the horrible sinking feeling he got when Lee said their names. It reminded him of the fact that the two of them knew each other from group, that Lee had been assigned to watch over Gaara. Lee wanted Gaara to think of him as a friend, not to actually be one.
cool.
Gaara put his phone face down, taking another bite from his slice of pizza. He only had lunch break for an hour, he needed to eat rather than fretting over whether his and Lee’s friendship was real or fake.
The rest of his day at work was spent in something of a mental haze, thinking of only Lee. He didn’t know what to do, how to think, he felt himself fraying around the edges, and by the time Lee was texting him on the bus ride home, he had to turn his phone off. He scrubbed his face with his hand, letting out a sharp huff. This was the first time he had dealt with feeling like this, and he hated the idea that feeling so horribly strange was just a part of having relationships with other people.
His return home was punctuated with him discarding his bag, jacket, and shoes in a pile by the door and falling on to the couch beside a Temari who was watching some sort of reality tv show.
What’s wrong with you?
She seemed passive, her eyes never once wavering from the screen to look at Gaara, who had slowly slumped down in his place on the couch. Gaara met her with a long sigh, and somehow that had her perked up and at attention.
Did something happen with that friend of yours?
Gaara didn’t often talk about Lee with his siblings, but he knew very well that the two of them knew how fond Gaara was of him. After all, he was a former shut in who was constantly going out just because some eccentric guy with bushy eyebrows was asking him to. Gaara looked back at Temari, the expression she had was gentle, caring. Gaara almost wanted to tell her about how poorly the second half of his day had gone, instead he kept it short.
His roommates, when he talks about them. I don’t like it. I find myself....frustrated
He considered his words carefully while he spoke, making sure to reveal just enough to get Temari’s read on the situation. When he looked at her face, she seemed giddy almost, like she knew something that Gaara didn’t.
You’re really fond of this guy, aren’t you Gaara?
All Gaara could do was nod.
Do you sometimes…..wish you could be closer to him, physically I mean. Y’know, like the way that I talk about hugging Shikamaru?
She was smirking, but all Gaara could think about was all the times that Lee had accidentally brushed against him, or squeezed him too tight during one of the few hugs that Gaara had allowed him. How different-good-they had felt compared to every other time in his life where someone had laid a hand on him. It was strange. Lee was constantly making him feel strangely, and yet Gaara never minded.
Gears turned in Gaara’s head as he thought about Lee, and he realized, very easily, why Temari had compared him and Lee to her and Shikamaru.
Gaara cared for Lee how Temari cared for Shikamaru, and the idea made him feel like someone had just set himself on fire in the best and worst ways possible.