Chapter 19
Naruto was, for lack of a better term, fucking astonished with the gall of the people in charge on this circus called a village.
Right now, he was having a chat with Jiraiya at a disclosed place selected by the Toad Sage.
“let me get this straight”, he says, looking straight in the eyes of Jiraiya, who seemed to ne have slept a single minute in the last three weeks, “they are putting me in a genin team… without a jounin sensei”.
Jiraiya, bless his perverted heart was also confused with the decision.
“I would love to say this some sort of honor or something, but the truth is, this year’s graduating class ended up with two extra people and no extra sensei, so they are sticking them with you”, Jiraiya says, “is an experiment on team building and bonding, a way to see if three genin are able to bond together without the presence of a teacher”.
“translation: we are scrapping the bottom of the barrel here and throwing bullshit at the wall to see if it sticks”, Naruto completes.
“pretty much, but I wouldn’t say it’s the bottom of the barrel”, Jiraiya says, pulling the Naruto’s teammates reports, “you’ve got lucky, you got that little red haired friend of yours and the second place for kunoichi of the year”.
Naruto takes the papers and reads both.
“ok, this Haruno girl getting passed over from being put on a team, I get it, impressive brains aside, she’s a civilian born with under developed chakra pools and passable skills, what I don’t get is Mito, from what I’m reading here, she’s prime material for whatever a team needs”, Naruto says, “why is she not on a team already?”.
“she called the council elders, and I quote ‘bitchless fuckwit cunts’ to their faces”, Jiraiya says, amused at Naruto’s snorting with what he heard, “well, she’s not wrong, but still…”.
“pfft, I’ve called my ruling council worse back in the day”, Naruto mutters under his breath, then goes back to speaking in a normal tone, “I’m surprised Lady Kushina didn’t offered to be the jounin sensei of this team, last time I checked, she was a jounin”.
“she wanted to”, Jiraiya says, making use of all his shinobi training to hide the urge to pry further into what Naruto muttered, “but Minato shot that down as of right now, she’s being trained to take the mantle of clan head from Lady Mito once she retire, so she won’t be able to be a jounin sensei”.
“makes sense, so the old crane is retiring?”, Naruto asks blowing some smoke from his pipe.
“fairly soon, in a few months tops”, Jiraiya says, with uneasy eyes.
“if you gonna ask something, ask already”, Naruto says, “or go take a shit, you like you are either itching to ask something or is about to shit your pants”.
“I would be offended if I it wasn’t for the fact I indeed ate something bad this morning and my guts had been a hairline away from imploding, so straight to the point. Saru-sensei mentioned when he came back that you yield aether”, Jiraiya says looking cautiously to Naruto, “is it true? And if it is, what exactly is aether?”.
“as for the former, yes, it is true that I yield aether as for the latter, that is for me to know and for you to guess”, Naruto answers getting up to leave.
“your assigned team meeting is in two days, can I trust you to not traumatize them too much?”, Jiraiya asks with a sigh.
“they signed to be shinobi, it would be a miracle if they did get traumatized at all”, Naruto states before vanishing back to his house.
“eh, he’s not wrong”, Jiraiya muses, then a second later he breaks the speed record when he dashes from his bench into the nearest toilet as his insides try to become his outsides.
Not even two seconds after he arrived, he hears the crystal ball next beep as someone was calling him from outside the barrier.
“I don’t know what you are selling, but I’m not buying”, Naruto says as he rummages his fridge in search of some chocolate cake.
“then good thing I’m not a salesman brat”, comes Tsunade’s voice, “let me in, it’s too hot outside”.
“who’s with you?”, he asks, seeing that the crystal ball showed the presence of two people.
“my grandma, she wants to meet you”, Tsunade answers, no need to lie to his face.
“and what do I own the pleasure of having the honorable Lady Mito visiting my humble abode?”, Naruto asks.
“I am old, with a foot on the grave and curious, now can you let us in?”, Mito answers.
“I can from which side of the family your mouth came from”, Naruto says with a chuckle, “Gagan will guide you both”.
“who’s…”, Tsunade was about to ask when she saw it.
Standing proudly at its twelve feet of height and wearing bits and pieces of armor was Gagan, the guardian that had yeeted Jiraiya across the village.
“holy shit, does he have a spare one he’s willing to sell?”, Mito asks, looking at the metallic monstrosity, she then turn to Tsunade, “oh dear, it seems what Jiraiya said about the barrier inhibiting the use of chakra was real”.
“what do you mean…”, Tsunade says, looking at her hands and seeing them wrinkled.
Then she looks down to her chest to see her boobs had fully embraced the sweet hold of gravity and now where sagging like they never sagged before.
“boy oh boy, we really need to compare notes”, Mito says, “the applications for such a powerful barrier seal are unlimited”.
“I’m gonna punch him so hard”, Tsunade says, as they reach the house.
“you know, it is very impolite to punch the host”, Naruto says as he greets them at the door, “now come in”.
“not when the host is being a prick”, Tsunade retorts.
“how can I be a prick? If anything else, I’m proud my barrier is doing what it was designed to do”, Naruto quip back.
“and it is impressive boy”, Mito says, walking forward with a note book in her hands, “do tell, what kind of arrangement did you use to achieve such feat?”.
“sorry gram-gram, but that’s a trade secret I’ll take to my grave”, Naruto answers as he invite the duo in.
“oh, so you are a tradesman”, Mito says with an amused chuckle.
“an abjurator through and through”, Naruto answers in equal amusement.
“I tough you were a necromancer”, Tsunade quips back.
“oh please, where in the rule book sys I can’t be both”, Naruto completes as his eye glems with a blue hue, “I’m also a farseer, and in your future, I see you winning six out of the seven horse races you bet on today”.
“is there a war in the horizon?!”, Tsunade asks, her eyes wide and her breath wild.
“pfft, who knows!?”, Naruto says, “now let’s get inside before the tea gets cold”.
“you know, as pleasant as it is, do you mind turning my chakra back on, I would like to be able to walk without my tits clashing against my knees”, Tsunade asks, with not a small amount of contempt in her voice.
“I tough wrinkles were a badge of honor amongst shinobi”, Naruto says as they sit down for some tea.
“not for me, if I have my way, I won’t look past my thirties until the day I die”, Tsunade huffs back.
“you know that by keeping you mitotic cell division for so long you are shaving down your life span don’t you dear?”, Mito says as she calmly sits down.
“pfft, I fought two wars and survived, I’ll die when I’ll die”, Tsunade says, whit a small hint of sadness in her voice.
“I just hope you don’t go before me, I’ve outlived many if not all of my loved ones, just once I wish for things to be the other way around”, Mito says, remembering Naruto’s presence, “sorry for bringing the mood down young man”.
“bah! You forget I already died once, I get what you mean. Sure I cannot say I feel the same, but given the circumstances, death was a relief”, Naruto says as he pours the tea as Izuku and the poor tortured Naruto speak with the softness of a tempered and well lived man, “when the stopped I saw The Light, it was honestly… peaceful, for as short as it lasted I felt at peace”.
“fuck, I really shouldn’t be talking about this things in front of you”, Tsunade says, downing on her that she shouldn’t be talking so lightly about death, not in the presence of someone who actually died wrongfully.
“if I was so easily trigged I wouldn’t have accomplished what I did on my first run”, Naruto says as he takes a sip of his tea, “besides, I’m having a good chuckle here”.
“oh yeah, the village was in uproar when Saru walked down to the Hokage tower and e made pretty sure to tell with all the letters that it was you who brought him back”, Mito says, taking a sip of her own tea, “he had a few very stern words to the council”.
“I can only imagine how they reacted, do tell, does the village now calls me what? Witch doctor, Necromancer, demon…”, Naruto asks.
“that and then some”, Tsunade says, “it is impressive how opinions change, I heard through the grapevine that both civilians and shinobi alike are going to petition for you to bring back the people who died in the nine-tails attack”.
“and I would gladly do it…”, Naruto says, much to the chock of the women, “mostly because I’ll be having a blast watching as those fools are eaten alive by their own loved ones”.
“that’s what Saru told the council”, Mito says, “they protested but in the end they got the point that they shouldn’t inquire your fury, especially considering you have no qualms breaking the natural order. Until now all you’ve done was merely a prank, kami knows what will come out if you actually tries to cause harm”.
“spoil alert, this village would graduate into a crater”, Naruto says, with an amused tone, “tell you what, I’m in the mood to dangle my powers over the natural in front of those idiot and it just so happens you guys are perfect for it”.
Before they could say anything, Naruto extends his hand and projects an hourglass and makes the sand flow back to the top.
Tsunade and Mito feel odd, but in a good way, they felt old and tired muscles springing back into lightness, their skin recovering ling lost elasticity and smoothness, their vision becomes clearer as do their minds.
“so, how does it feel to be back at your prime?”, Naruto asks, looking at the rejuvenated duo.
“what did…”, Mito says, shocked at how light and healthy she was while looking at her body.
“kai!”, Tsunade exclaims after doing a hand sign.
“this not a genjutsu, welcome back to mid-twenties”, Naruto says with a sing a song voice.
“what… how?”, Mito asks again, feeling her skin once again smooth as silk.
Naruto puts his hands together above his head and slowly pulls them apart, making a rainbow where the word ‘magic’ was written on it in cursive.
“boy, are you trying to get into my pants?”, Mito asks, looking as her breasts were back at their bouncy state, “because if you want I’m game”.
“maybe another time”, Naruto says.
“why not now?”, Mito asks, a little offended.
“because I don’t want to bang my great-aunt or whatever you are”, Naruto quips back.
“pftt, who cares, great-aunt fuckery is not that uncommon, besides we are distantly related enough to not be a problem”, Mito says, “besides, I haven’t been with a man since my sweet Hashi died, I quite miss the feeling of masculine hands all over my body”.
“get yourself a boyfriend, besides, I’m a quarter of your age”, Naruto says bluntly, “also, really, not a single guy?”.
“turns out, being the Honorable Widow of Lord First is dick repellant”, Mito says with a frustrated huff, “now, would you kindly stop complaining and indulge this old, frustrated lady?”.
“never stick your dick in crazy and sleeping one’s way up the latter only works for women if the way this village handles rape accusations is anything to go by”, Naruto says.
“hey! I’m not crazy and I’m still retiring from the council”, Mito says.
“you quite literally used an experimental seal to shove the Nine-tails inside you on the fly, you will have a better time convincing me that Hashirama wasn’t fucking Madara behind you back than that you are not crazy”, Naruto retorts.
“as a matter of fact, Madara was fucking my husband IN FRONT OF ME and yes, it was hot as hell, so your argument is invalid”, Mito argues back.
“I’m not drunk enough to have this kind of conversation”, Tsunade groans.
“if you wanna get sloshed, the good stuff is on the second cabinet to the left”, Naruto says.
“thank you!!”, Tsunade literally runs to the kitchen