Chapter 20
If looks could kill, Mito would be dead a hundred times over.
“aunty, what do you mean you are still going to retire?”, Kushina asks, feeling her blood pressure rise.
“I’m still going to retire”, Mito says, not caring in the slightest about the looks she was getting from the council, “I’ve served dutifully as a council member since the village’s founding nearly a century ago, just because I can finally walk without stepping on my own tits doesn’t mean will not proceed with my retirement plan”.
“that is fair Lady Mito”, Minato says, putting an end to the conversation, “so, it seems your visit was fruitful”.
“very much”, Mito says.
“how?”, Koharu asks, filled with jealously.
“magic”, is Mito and Tsunade’s answer.
“it just so happened he was in the mood to flex his control over the natural order and we were just the perfect subjects”, Tsunade says, reading the newspaper and seeing the she indeed won six of the seven horse races, “damn, he was also telling the truth when he said he could see the future”.
“what do you mean Hime?”, Jiraiya asks.
“well, he predict I would have one hell of a winning streak”, Tsunade says with a heavy sigh, “and he’s right, I just broke the bank here”.
“oh shit is there a war on the way?!”, Haiashi asks, breaking a cold sweat.
“hell if I know!!”, Tsume exclaims, “but the brat probably does”.
“unfortunately isn’t like we could ask him”, Hiruzen says, blowing some smoke from his pipe.
“he is a genin of the leaf, which means he’s under the council’s authority”, Fugaku as the head of the police force points out.
“sure, tell yourself that if it makes you sleep better at night”, Mito says, “he’s not loyal to this council, we would have an easier time trying to squeeze milk out of a rock!”.
“Mito is right”, Mikoto Uchiha, actual head of the Uchiha clan says, “stop for a second and think, save for the bare minimum we ourselves do not share clan secrets with the main government body, how can we expect him to share his?”.
“we could always resort to taking them by force”, Homura says and the whole room flinches.
“then he unleashes hell on us”, Tsunade says with a stern tone, “Honorable Elder Homura, you may have been out of active duty for far too long to remember, but I haven’t. During the whole time I was holding a conversation with him I saw in his eye the same glint, I saw when I faced the likes of Hanzo the Salamander, the glint of someone who has more than enough bite to back up his bark”.
“Tsunade is right he is a walking talking natural disaster we are in in a worse for wear friendly terms with, until we gain his trust any harsh action will result in the scale shifting against us”, Shibi Aburame says, “why? Because he has reasons to distrust us, and the world has no shortage of enemies willing to exploit that”.
“also, I know what you are thinking”, Minato says looking at the elders, “with Lord Sarutobi as my witness and proof, the only thing this council would accomplish by threatening whatever precious people he has would be him turning against us, after all, why would he feel threatened? He can bring them back”.
As the council were arguing, Naruto was meeting his team.
He stared at them.
They stared back.
“alright, it is very clear we got fucked sideways here”, Naruto says, puffing some smoke from his pipe.
“should you really be smoking?”, Sakura asks, a little unnerved, the Naruto in front of her was a whole different beast then the Naruto she knew during her academy days.
“hold on, I’m trying to give a fuck”, Naruto says, closing his eye and concentrating very hard, then he open his eye and with disdain he finishes, “nope, not happening”.
“you don’t have to be so mean!!”, Sakura screams, “and mind your manners!!”.
“I’m sorry, little miss banshee, but I left my manner back on my grave together with my spare fucks”, Naruto quips back, “now, since we are stuck together, let’s begin here”.
“so presentation time!!”, Mito says.
“we already know each other”, Naruto says, pointing to Sakura, “I know her dream is to get inside Emo Lord Supreme pants”.
“hey this is not… true”, Sakura says with a big blush.
“I mean, he’s not wrong”, Mito says, shrugging.
“but…”, Sakura tries to defend, but sops seeing that whatever she says will be used against her.
“also, it’s not like you would succeed”, Naruto says to Sakura’s chock, “he’s a clan kid, second in line for the head’s position of the second most important clan in the village, you are a civilian born subpar genin”.
“hey!!”, Sakura exclaims in protest.
“for someone with suck a big brain you are quite slow”, Mito says, approaching Sakura, “think just for a second, with the importance the Uchiha puts into their Sharingan, what makes you believe Edge Lord Maximus would go for you instead of one of his cousins? Also, I firmly believe he’s gay”.
At that Sakura deflates.
“but not all hope is gone”, Naruto says and Sakura turn her green eyes at him, “if there’s one thing all clans love more than cousin fucking is power, all you have to do is show to Brooding Master that he has more to gain by shaking with you than with someone he shares a limb on the family tree with”.
“that or grow a dick”, Mito completes and Sakura glares at him, “what?! You already look like a boy, you are just lacking the hardware”.
“independently of the fact that Mr. elite may or may not like to swallow swords, if you want to get anywhere as a kunoichi you need to get stronger”, Naruto completes, “and also because I don’t want to kill your parents if you die on the field and they blame me”.
“wait what?!”, Sakura whips her head at that so fast she almost has whiplash.
“details, now get out of your pink ass, me an Mito are going to whip you into shape”, Naruto says as the two other girls get up.
Meanwhile in the trees, Kakashi and his team where for lack of a better term, curious.
“I mean…”, Menma says, holding down a laugh while he looks at Sasuke, “they aren’t exactly wrong”.
“shut up dobe”, Sasuke says between teeth.
Meanwhile Nemuri was praying to whatever higher being to Sasuke not be gay.
Three hour later, many explosions, water and wind jutsus, magic galore and an unholy amount of curses later, Sakura is exhausted, laying at the ground of training ground 7.
“you fuckers are monsters”, Sakura says, manners be damned, she’s too tired to bother being polite.
“no you are just weak”, Naruto who was still squeaky clean retorts.
“weak my ass!”, Sakura screams, “I bet you had fun beating me around for all those times a rejected you!”.
“I would say no, but my petty self would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoyed it”, Naruto retorts with a chuckle, “but now you have taste of how far your weakness will take you”.
“yep, and we have a good idea from where to start making you titles ass stronger”, Mito says, she was a little roughed but not as nearly as Sakura, “starting with building you chakra pools, but we can do that after we test your chakra control”.
“you guys speak as if you already know how to train someone”, Sakura says, still exhausted, “how?”.
“I’m an Uzumaki, even though I’m far removed from the main noble lineage we are trained from a young age to harness out full potential”, Mito says, it’s not like she can say that she’s a transmigrator.
“fuck you that’s how”, is Naruto’s short answer, “break is over, get up”.
“I’m feeling sore in parts I didn’t even knew I had, there’s no way I can get up”, Sakura quips back.
At that, Naruto reaches for one of the pockets in his grey cloak and pulls a small red bag and from inside the bag he pulls one small green bean.
He gets down and puts the bean inside Sakura’s mouth.
“eat this”, he says.
Too tired to argue any further, Sakura obeys and as soon as the bean goes down her throat, she feels her body getting light, the pain and soreness vanishing and her chakra reserves refilling.
“what…”, she asks, getting up feeling better than when she woke up that morning.
“senzu beans, they heal your body, clean your exhaustion, refill your energy and they also keep you fed for ten days”, Naruto says, putting the bag back inside his pocket, “now that you are back to your feet, we are going to run laps to build your stamina”.
“oh come on, can’t we take a break?”, Sakura asks with a whine.
“do you want to be Mrs. Uchiha or not?”, Naruto asks, with a stern look as Sakura nods, “then you gonna get off your titles ass and work for it!”.
“sheesh, big bro is a slave driver”, Nemuri says, with concern, “he’s working her down to the bone”.
“I’m more interested on those beans”, Kakashi says, narrowing his eyes.
“do you think he would share them if we ask?”, Menma asks.
“probably not”, Sasuke answers getting up to leave, “we shouldn’t be wasting time spying on the dobe, we should be training”.
“this is training”, Kakashi says, passing his own curiosity as training, “stealth and info gathering are quintessential skills of a shinobi”.
“and you guys suck at it!!”, both Naruto and Mito scream in unison as they throw justsu and spell at the tree team 7 was hiding.
Mito throws a wind style: great break through and Naruto casts a mildly explosive spell that complements Mito’s wind, together they send the four flying.
Later that day as the three newly minted genin where having a meal at Ichiraku, Tsunade approach them.
“does anyone in this village doesn’t know it is rude to interrupt someone during a meal?”, Naruto asks, on his third bowl of ramen.
“Naruto!!”, Sakura screams in protest after she ate her second bowl, “don’t be disrespectful with Lady Tsunade!!”.
“calm down brat”, Tsunade says, sitting on a vacant stool and ordering a bowl for herself.
“I think you didn’t came all the way from the hospital just to have some ramen, did you?”, Naruto asks.
“actually I was looking for a way to get out of a council meeting and as it turns out, you were the perfect excuse to do so”, Tsunade states, “the fact that Kakashi was rumbling about some especial beans was just the cherry on top”.
There’s was beat of silence as Naruto stared at her.
“did you came all the way here to threaten me?”, Naruto asks, opening a smile, “are you afraid I’ll run you out of business?”.
“bah!”, Tsunade answers, ordering some sake with her meal, “if anything else, please be my guest… but I want a cut of the pie”.
“you speak like I’m actually going to lift a finger to help this hellhole of a village”, Naruto chuckles.
“I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that you, once again, picked my interest. So are those magic beans real or are they some sort of snake oil?”, Tsunade asks.
“they are pretty much real”, Sakura says, earning a dirty look from Naruto, “what?! She already knows about them”.
“no, what she had was the rumblings of a guy I gave a concussion”, Naruto says groaning, “now she has the confirmation. Didn’t anyone teach you how to withhold information in the academy?!”.
“he has a point kid, just because I’m not an enemy, doesn’t mean you can go blabbing about your teammate’s business”, Tsunade says, “a crucial part of team work is knowing when and when not divulge what your team have up your sleeve. So, senzu beans…”.
“yes they are real and no I will not give you one”, Naruto says.
“what, afraid I’ll growl them?”, Tsunade asks.
“HA!”, Naruto lets out a loud bark of laugher, “granny, I tell this with utmost respect, you are a woman of many talents, but a green thumb is not one of them, also senzu beans require very special cultivation conditions you wouldn’t be able to grow them even if you wanted”.
“ugh, ok I’m a horrible gardener, but still, entertain me”, Tsunade says, “I’m a medic, anything that closely resembles a panacea is highly interesting to me”.
“do I look like an entertainer to you?”, Naruto asks.
“no, but you are damn good one”, Tsunade answer, “come on, do that one for me”.
Naruto looks at the smug face of one of few people he actually respects in the village.
“alright, but we are following stripper rules here”, Naruto says.
“see don’t touch, but if I’m going to see it in action we are going to the hospital, it just so happens I have two guinea pigs ready to be tested on”, Tsunade says, finishing her meal and miraculously, “offering to pay for his and his team’s meal too, “my treat brat”.
“ok so, Mito, can I trust you to not corrupt our team mate while I’m gone?”, Naruto asks.
“absolutely not”, Mito answers.
“good, now hold on tight”, Naruto says, getting a hold of Tsunade’s shoulder.
They vanish on thin air and next they know they are in the hospital room where a bandaged Sasuke and Kakashi were receiving treatment.
“gosh, a little warning would be good”, Tsunade says, a little dizzy from the sudden teleportation, “where did you learned that?”.
“that foolish Hokage is not the only one to know how to teleport, although I think portals are more practical”, Naruto says, looking around.
“hey!”, Minato exclaims.
“it seems you failed to tell me we would have an audience”, Naruto says looking around seeing but the council elders, Minato, Kushina, the Uzumaki twins and Mikoto standing close to the beds.
“don’t ignore us you…”, Koharu starts berating.
Naruto simply raises a finger to his lips.
“shhh”, he softly says ignoring the rant about the newer generation lacking manners.
Next thing they know, both elders mouths were moving but not a single sound was coming out, no matter how hard or red faced they got, not even the sound of the air being sucked in through their mouths was heard.
“oh for the love of Kami, I’ll give you anything if you teach me how to do that!”, Tsunade vocalizes the toughs of everybody in the room.
“oh hell no, now let’s get this show on the road and be done with it”, Naruto says, pulling from his pocket the pouch with the beans and taking out two.
While he does that, Kushina tries to approach him for a hug, but once again finds herself hitting an invisible wall.
Not wasting any time, Naruto approaches the beds where Sasuke and Kakashi were laying, Mikoto politely getting out of his way as he approaches her son and his teacher and gives each a bean.
They eat and as soon as the bean is down their throat, they spring out of the bed.
Silence reigns inside the room as both council, the Hokage and his family stare in awe at the results.
“oh fuck me sideways!”, Tsunade says, running an examination jutsu trough them, “this is…”.
When she turns to look at Naruto, he was gone and unfortunately, the voices of the elder had come back.