When it came down to it, it was pretty simple.
One minute, Obito was laying on a battlefield of his own making. Kakashi at his side, looking down at him with pained eyes.
The next minute, Obito was still laying down— but now looking up at a very different blue sky. With tall, unfamiliar buildings boxing him in on both sides.
He blinked up at the sky in confusion.
...Was this the pure lands?
He sat up slowly, and wrinkled his nose in distaste at the smell of garbage and sewage that filled the alley. He didn't think the pure lands would smell so bad, so probably not?
But if not there, then where was he? He'd definitely died, hadn't he?
"Haa, excuse me? Are you ok?"
Obito jolted as a familiar voice spoke up behind him, craning his neck back to look in it's direction while still sat on the filthy alley floor.
"Kakashi—!?"
Fuck, had he died too? Maybe this was the pure lands after all.
Kakashi blinked at him in confusion, and Obito couldn't help the way his jaw dropped as he registered his eyes— the both of them, dark and intact, no sharingan in sight despite the scar that still ran through his left.
Had he really gotten a replacement? Obito couldn't help the pang of what felt embarrassingly close to jealousy that shot through him. Jealous? Of what, an eye? How stupid.
"Sorry, do I know you?" Kakashi asked with a nervous tilt of his head, and Obito stilled.
"Is that some kind of joke?"
Obito twisted to face the other man, shakily rising to his feet on unsteady legs.
"Maa, sorry, I don't really have the best memory with these things— Oh!"
Kakashi swayed forward to catch Obito as his legs gave out on him, sending the man dangerously close to toppling over entirely.
Despite Obito being the one to fall, when he hit the other man's arms it was Kakashi who let out an oomph and stumbled as he tried to help him back up again.
"Hey, are you ok?" Kakashi asked, his voice strained with both urgent concern and from Obito's weight. Why the hell was he acting like Obito's weight was some huge burden on him?
Obito stared at him in unmasked confusion, and the more he stared the more he noticed little things that felt wrong.
He was shorter than he should be for one, not by much but still by at least an inch. Not to mention noticeably slimmer in the shoulders. Leaned against his body as he was, Obito could notice the glaring lack of tightly packed muscle. And the mask— he still wore one but it wasn't his usual plain black thing sewn into the collar of his shirt. No, instead it was just a basic medical mask. One that left the pale column of his throat exposed, it's whiteness like a fucking target board for any sort of weapon where it contrasted against his dark sweatshirt.
"Ah, stranger-san?" Kakashi asked again, a little more urgent. Obito tried to pay attention to his words, but he was kind of distracted by a creeping sense of morbid fascination as he felt Kakashi's arms tremble faintly beneath him under the strain of his weight.
"Stranger-san, are you ok?"
"What? I, um, yeah. Totally. Sorry." Obito hesitated for a moment before extracting himself from Kakashi's arms, eyes still locked on where his sweaters sleeves hid his lack of muscle in confusion.
He wavered for only a second before regaining his footing properly. (Even while he was tempted to stay where he was, letting Kakashi struggle to hold him up) Tearing his eyes away from Kakashi's sleeves, he looked back to his face only to find the other man staring directly at his chest.
His very naked, very scarred, very visibly 'oh thats not quite right', two-toned chest.
"Were you mugged?" Kakashi asked, his voice rising to a high pitch that Obito only heard when he managed to pop in to spy on him during his more stressed moments with his students.
"Uhh. Maybe?" Shit. Cover story, cover story, c'mon— "I don't remember."
"You don't remember?" Kakashi stared in disbelief.
"Nope. Not a clue." Obito shrugged
"Do you want me to call the cops, or...?"
"Nah, I'll be fine."
"They literally took the shirt off your back?"
"It happens."
"Not really??"
"You might be right about that, I wouldn't really know. Amnesia after all." Obito rapped his knuckles against his skull with a nod, and Kakashi just stared.
"You— You really don't remember anything?"
"Well, I remember my name. And I remember that I know you at least."
Kakashi hesitated, visibly wavering as he eyed Obito with a delightful mixture of confusion, disbelief, and near painful awkwardness.
"I mean, you are Hatake Kakashi, right?"
"I— I mean, I am. But, I'm sorry, I don't know you."
"That's fine!" Obito said, maybe a bit too quickly and loudly if the way Kakashi jumped (jumped!) said anything. "I'm Obito! There, now you know me."
"Mhm." Kakashi said carefully. "Look, are you sure you don't want me to call the cops? Or a hospital, maybe?"
"No, no, I'm sure it'll all come back eventually. I'll just uhh, hang out. For a while. Till it does."
"Here, in the alleyway."
"Yup."
"Shirtless."
"Uhuh."
"In fall."
"That's what I said."
They both stared at each other. Neither of them willing to back down even while Kakashi seemed to grow more and more concerned and disbelieving with each passing second.
Finally, Kakashi was the first to break, itching at the back of his head nervously. Hah, point Obito. "Look, I uhh— I don't think I can in good consciousness just leave you here like this."
Kakashi hesitated, hand lowering from his head to rub at the skin at the back of his neck. Sage, he was so easy to read it was almost painful. No self-respecting shinobi, let alone Kakashi of the sharingan should have half as many of these tells.
"I guess you can come with me...? If you're comfortable with that?" He winced. "I mean, I can at least give you a uhh, shirt." He eyed Obito's bare chest again.
"Are you sure—!??" Obito squeezed out, not really able to believe his apparent luck. "You're just going to invite me? Into your home?" Did he have no self-preservation instincts at all??
"Well, you said you know me, right? So it's probably fine? It's not like I have anything worth stealing."
No fucking way it was this easy. No fucking way Obito was jus— what? Getting invited into Bakashi's home?!?
Just like that??!
This was clearly either a really convoluted hallucination his dying brain had cooked up, or he'd been zapped into some sort of alternate dimension.
Hold on.
Maybe he had been zapped into some sort of alternate dimension.
Shit. Some sort of combination of kamui, the juubi transformation and dying maybe? If nothing else it'd explain this strange, unfamiliar version of Kakashi in front of him.
You know what? This might as well happen.
(If nothing else, at least now he didn't have to worry about the line of people who were probably waiting to beat his ass up in the pure lands. He'd take getting to invade an alternate version of Kakashi's home and personal space over that any day.)
(Actually, he'd take the opportunity to invade the home and space of any version of Kakashi over a lot of things. Like, a lot of things.)
Obito almost felt bad about how stupidly easy this was. Not that it lasted long.
"Well, can't say no to that logic!" He chirped, a big grin pulling onto his face as he and Kakashi went back to just looking at each other.
Obito, now much more secure in what was going on, absolutely delighting in the way Kakashi grew more and more visibly pained at the silence between them.
"Cool, uhh, follow me? I guess?"
"Sure thing!"
Kakashi turned away, glancing back at Obito hesitantly as if to make sure he was following (like there was a world where Obito wouldn't follow, when gifted with this sort of opportunity.)
Obito might have grown annoyed at how slow they were walking, if not for the fact that his attention was immediately grabbed by the scenery around them.
Tall, almost industrial feeling buildings were everywhere he looked. Made out bricks, glass, and some smoothed out material that reminded him of metal and cement.
Those faint noises he'd heard but not really registered in the alley? Some sort of horseless carriages that zoomed down a big paved road at speeds that could match a shinobi.
The people were just as interesting, all walking with the grace and footwork of a civilian, not a single shinobi in sight. He couldn't even spot one who walked with the sort of posture that showed they were trained in even basic combat, with a stance that could let them dodge a blow if it came for them. Many of them dressed in bright colors Obito personally wouldn't be caught dead in. With so many different cuts and styles of clothes and different tones in skin that he almost felt like he was looking at some sort of gathering between countries.
Obito couldn't help the way his jaw had dropped, following behind Kakashi mindlessly as he did his best to take it all in. But there was just so much to see.
All too soon, Obito found himself nearly tripping over where Kakashi had come to a stop.
"This is us." The other man said, nodding to yet another tall, featureless building. An apartment building, Obito realized. Just... the tallest apartment building he'd ever seen.
Obito picked his jaw up off the floor, looking first at the almost intimidatingly tall building then at Kakashi, who was pushing it's the front door.
Obito hurried after, looking around the lobby but finding nothing especially interesting to see. Not like the rest of whatever city he'd ended up in.
At least till they reached the stairs.
Kakashi went right past it, heading instead for silver doors in the wall and hitting a button next to them. Obito watched curiously, at first in confusion and then in understanding.
An elevator! He'd heard about them; some sort of new up and coming technology that was slowly being integrated in the capital.
Certainly useful, but incredibly stupid to put in any sort of shinobi outpost. A confined space that was 100% dependent on machinery to keep moving? One with a drop high enough to kill if the right rope was cut? Hah, yeah, sure.
But for this strange, civilian Kakashi...
Obito's eyes lingered on the man as, with a ding, the doors of the elevator slid open and he stepped through into the machine.
It didn't seem to be a concern.
"You coming?" Kakashi glanced back at him, and Obito grinned as he followed along into the possible death contraption. Well, if it was some sort of trap he'd just phase through it and be fine. No real worries.
"Haha, sorry. Lost in thought I guess."
"Do you... Really not remember anything?"
"Mm, nope. Not a thing."
"Not even a family name?"
Obito didn't really know if it was right to call himself an Uchiha anymore. On one hand there was the whole "slaughtered the entire clan" thing, but on the other hand, if you reeally think about it (and use Madara as basis) he was sort of the most Uchiha to ever Uchiha. Curse of hatred says what?
Heh.
Also, he had no idea if there was some alternate version of the Uchiha clan here. Or worse, an alternate version of him.
He had to suppress a grimace at even the thought of it. Some stupid, clueless civilian version of himself. An Obito Uchiha without scars, who'd never seen the darkness of the world. Who'd probably slot in so neatly besides this soft Kakashi, with his clueless acceptance and near stupid niceness.
Ugh, no way. Sorry other him but Obito had dibs. Go find your own Kakashi. Or don't, actually, because the only other Kakashi (his Kakashi) was also already his. You snooze you lose, should have tried harder.
Obito shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you Kakashi. I know my first name, I know how old I am, and I know that I know you. Nothing else."
Kakashi grimaced. "Well I definitely don't know you, which throws a wrench into things. When you say you know me, do you at least know how? Or from where?"
"How can you be so sure you'd remember of we'd met before?" Obito asked innocently, ignoring the last two questions. Kakashi's eyes dipped back down to his bare chest for a split second before darting away to stare at a wall.
"I just feel like I'd remember is all." He said in a carefully collected tone.
Ah. Right, the scars.
Obito refused to be self conscious about them, even as the old bitterness of his half destroyed body pinched at him.
It figured. Even in the shinobi world, Obito's scars were hard to look at. He'd had bed partners change their mind or turn away at the sight of them. (Eventually, he had stopped being willing to undress for sex all together) The very few times he'd forgone his mask, his face had gotten nothing but stares.
So of course this civilian Kakashi would find them distracting. He must be hideous to him.
The both of them were silent when the door of the elevator opened, Kakashi taking the lead once again as he led Obito to his apartment.
Obito tried to shake off his funk, reminding himself again of the insane opportunity that was before him.
He was going to Kakashi's house! And not as a creepy stalker watching from the shadows this time!
You know, that sounded kind of bad when he said it like that. Eh, whatever. He'd come to terms with the fact that there was something deeply wrong with him a long time ago.
Besides, Kakashi totally deserved it.
... ok that didn't sound very good either.
"Welcome to my place, I guess." Kakashi said, moving to unlock his door. It took Obito a second before he noticed, but with a start he realized that the number on the door lined up alarmingly well with Kakashi's jonin identification number.
Huh. A coincidence, or a direct parallel across dimensions?
"Thank you for having me here." Obito replied dutifully, following Kakashi through into the living room.
He examined the room with hungry eyes, noting it to be both similar and different than his own Kakashi's. It wasn't that it was a 1 to 1 ratio, but he found himself catching on the familiar arrangement of furniture and similar spacing of trinkets and photos on the shelves.
Though this Kakashi had a bit more clutter than the neat freak Obito knew. The place looked a lot more lived in too; With books set out seemingly mid-read on the table; A kitchen that actually looked like it had seen some use in its lifetime; And visible signs of hobbies like notebooks, pens, and even a little crochet set tucked into the corner.
A happy bark came down the hall, and with the click clack of nails on hardwood floors, a familiar pug came lazily toddling towards them.
"There's my good boy," Kakashi crooned, and for a mortifying moment Obito almost thought he was talking to him, baby talk and all. He jerked away with wide eyes and a red face before he regained that sanity so many people were convinced he didn't have.
Right. The dog. The dog is the good boy.
Fuck, he really needed to get a grip. He hadn't even been here an hour yet and this place was already doing things to him.
Or at least Kakashi was, but that wasn't exactly new.
Unfortunately for Obito's fragile sanity, things were clearly only going to get worse from here. A fact that became immediately relevant when, looking back at Kakashi, Obito was sucker punched with horror as the man began to take off his mask.
Obito froze, body and mind unmoving as he stared at— at this display of indecency.
In almost slow motion, he watched, stunned speechless, as a thin, unscarred finger hooked around one string of the medical mask. Pulling it away almost agonizing slowly from a pale, sharp face.
A pale, sharp face that was Kakashi's. The one thing Obito had never been able to peek at, even in his lowest moments and deepest stalker phases. Something about the mask just feeling too sacred to who Kakashi was to disrespect. Some final line even Obito couldn't physically bring himself to cross on purpose.
So overwhelmed he couldn't see straight, Obito's eyes flickered hungrily across Kakashi's face. A dying man gifted his first gulps of water in weeks.
Mouth— Cheeks— Ah—
He was beautiful, because of course this bastard had the gall to be beautiful. With a narrow, vulpine face and almost delicate features that contrasted nicely with his sharp jaw and droopy eyes. A thin, straight nose and (oh sage help him) a little beauty mark at the corner of his chapped lips.
Was a tea kettle somewhere whistling right now or was that sound coming out of Obito's mouth?
Kakashi looked at him like he'd grown a second head, leaning away cautiously. And oh god, he was so much more expressive like this. Pale pink lips pursed in confusion, a little wrinkle on the bridge of his nose and twitch in his jaw that matched the furrow in his brow.
Holy shit, maybe Obito was in the pure lands.
"Uhhh, Obito...?"
"INDECENT!!" Obito yelled, lurching back and throwing his arms over his eyes to block out the sinful visage.
"What?"
"OH MY GOD, COVER UP??" Obito continued to shout, near hysterical.
"Are you talking about my mask?"
Obito whimpered.
"You can not be serious right now."
"It's indecent, Kakashi!"
"Are you sure it wasn't some kind of hit to the head that made you lose your memory?" Kakashi asked, and then a bit more quietly, "Maybe I should take you to the hospital."
"N-no, no hospital. I'm fine, I swear." Obito carefully lowered his arms from his eyes, revealing Kakashi's face inch by inch. He stopped when he was halfway down, blocking the sight of his lower face with his sleeve.
Kakashi looked unimpressed.
"Why do you even wear a mask if you're just going to take it off??" What was the point of covering up that— that face, if he'd just strip bare the second he was alone.
Then again, he wasn't alone, was he? Obito was here. W-wait a second, could this be... was Kakashi coming on to him—!?
To take his mask off so quickly once they were alone, how scandalously forward of him...
"Maa, it's mostly just for allergies." Kakashi said, unknowingly bashing Obito's head and heart in with a giant, dream shattering hammer. "And I get a lot of bloody noses, so the mask helps with dry air. Don't really need it at home, so."
"R-right! Yeah, that makes total sense. Totally."
Obito did not lower the arm blocking Kakashi's lower face, and Kakashi did not stop looking unimpressed with him.
Obito squirmed. Kakashi's disappointed, dead eyed stare making him feel uncomfortably similar to being some snot nosed brat again— the insufferably talented prodigy of their generation scoffing down at him as if to say, 'this guy? He's supposed to be my teammate? As if he's good enough to even sharpen my kunai.'
And here he'd thought he'd managed to leave that side of himself behind when he swore off Konoha for good. The side that was apparently embarrassingly desperate for Kakashi's approval, and even more embarrassingly effected by his disapproval.
Not, to be clear, the pained screams of betrayal and questions of how could you, why would you, please stop, please come back. sort of disapproval. That was the sort of disapproval Obito could like.
No, he meant the worse kind of disapproval. The quiet, 'we're not even on the same level' kind of disapproval. Like Kakashi somehow thought that he was above Obito, when Obito knew it should be him above Kakashi.
Obito should be the one judging from up on high as Kakashi makes pained, embarrassed tea kettle noises. Not whatever fuckery this was.
That didn't stop the pathetic noise that escaped him when Kakashi reached out and began to press down on his arm. Pushing it lower and slowly re-exposing his face all over again. Obito should have been able to stop him, Kakashi was laughably weak and pathetically slow here, but he couldn't so much as move a muscle. Offering no resistance, letting Kakashi tug him around like a dog on a leash.
Not fair.
"Maybe you should sit down." Kakashi said, absently gnawing on his lower lip.
It was a habit no shinobi would have, not with the dangers of biting through with one wrong hit or jostle in battle. Somehow, it's that fact that struck him dumb this time, not just the way his lip twitched, and teeth flashed. Obito had to wonder if his Kakashi had the same habit. Or maybe used to at some point, before graduating and training himself out of it.
It wasn't like Obito would ever know.
"You shouldn't bite your lip," Obito said faintly, staring at the way a sharp little sliver of teeth poked out between chapped lips to gnaw on its pink flesh. Kakashi paused, the tooth pressing in deeper for a second before easing up and as he grew still. "It's bad for your umm... lip... cut... uhhh..."
Why was it so hard to talk all of a sudden? Why was the sight of Kakashi's mouth so distracting? Why was Obito apparently incapable of acting like a normal fucking person for 5 goddamn minutes when faced with Kakashi's... Kakashi.
All great questions that the world would never know the answers to.
"Bit late for that," Kakashi grinned. (Grinned! A real smile! At Obito! There were teeth!) "I've already scarred up my mouth, see?"
Then, with the same fucking hand he'd used to take off his mask, Kakashi hooked a finger on the inside of cheek and pulled, showing off the raised white lines of scars that ran along the inside of his mouth. Chewed up to hell and back indeed, not that Obito was able to process it. Not that he was able to process anything.
Quicker than either of them could actually react to, Obito's hand shot up to clamp over Kakashi's mouth, stopping him before he could say anything else. Or, god forbid, open his mouth wider.
Kakashi looked at him with surprised, raised eyebrows as Obito just stared, barley even realizing the fact that he'd moved to cover the other man's mouth. His brain still stalling 5 seconds behind whatever reality he'd managed to fall into.
Kakashi licked his hand.
Obito shrieked, throwing himself back as he flushed bright red. He knocked into the couch, flailing wildly before managing to stop himself from tripping over it entirely and landing on his face. Small mercies. He collapsed into it instead, clutching his hand to his chest and sputtering out incoherent sentences as Kakashi looked down at him with a sense of amusement.
"You're pretty easy to tease, huh?"
Obito made an offended noise. The best he could do right now, still half frozen up and incapable of human thought.
"Sorry, sorry, let me just—" Kakashi snorted. "Let me get you a shirt."