I Know The End
“No, I'm not afraid to disappear
The billboard said, "The end is near"
I turned around, there was nothing there
Yeah, I guess the end is here”
– “I Know The End” by Phoebe Bridgers
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Alex
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The flight to Texas somehow passes in both a blink of an eye and at an excruciating pace. The sky is colored in red, orange, and black hues pluming in the distance. It would almost be beautiful if it weren’t signaling a dreadful fate on the horizon. For the duration of the flight, no one utters a word, which is certainly a change of pace for how the White House Trio usually conducts themselves.
Alex’s knee bounces in place as he clasps and unclasps his hands in his lap. He shuts his eyes, and the list begins once again.
One. He should’ve fought harder, should’ve done more.
Two. Will Texas be safe? What if they don’t make it in time?
Three. They’re going to die. Damnit. They’re going to die.
Shit . He rubs his hands against his eyes and abandons the list as it is proving little help to ease the pool of anxiety building in his stomach. He closes his eyes, praying for sleep that he knows will never reach him. In a blessed act of mercy – or perhaps punishment – as soon as he starts to nod off the pilot announces that they’re about to land.
Once they land in Midland, Texas, they clamor off the plane and step onto a quiet airstrip. Cash and the pilot, who they learn is Cash’s brother, Andy, leave several items with the crew of four. They hand over the keys to a vehicle and offer them their final set of Presidential instructions.
They learn that after Ellen’s election, their father, Oscar Diaz, worked with the Secret Service to construct a bunker at the family Lake House just outside of Austin in Lake LBJ. The Lake House was all his father's doing, something he bought shortly after the divorce. The bunker, he knows without question, is all his mom. “You never know when the world will go to hell in a handbasket! ” It was one of her familiar sayings. He never realized just how true the sentiment could be.
They’re stunned to learn that Cash will not be joining them on their final stretch of the journey. “President Claremont has ordered us to bring you safely to Texas, but she was insistent that we were not to escort you further.”
It makes no sense to Alex.
Knowing how careful and commanding his mother could be, why would she drag them out to Texas only to be abandoned without presidential staff? Was the situation really that grim? Or were the resources at the bunker that minimal? He can’t shake the feeling, but he’s snapped out of it momentarily when Henry - of all people - reaches his hand out to Cash and then to Andy, and thanks them for their service and wishes them well. How is he doing that? Alex finds he can’t snap out of his spiraling thoughts long enough to offer more than a silent nod to Cash and Andy; meanwhile, Nora has been furiously typing away on her tablet in a zombied-out state, and June has been pacing the airstrip since they landed and Cash brought up their father.
June has made several attempts to contact their dad but has had no luck. No one has received a single word about his whereabouts. Alex and his dad get on just fine, but June is a daddy’s girl. They talk almost every night. He knows it’s grim; Oscar was in DC last night. He knows that it’s a miracle they made it this far.
He wonders if his dad knows they’re safe. He wonders if his dad is alive. He shudders and pushes the thoughts aside and they all climb into the Jeep. It’s the middle of the night now, and it’s a four-hour drive to the Lake House but Alex insists that he can make it in three.
…
The first half of the drive is riddled with that same, unbearable silence, broken only by the occasional remark by Nora about the arid landscape and how much she “hates this part of Texas.” In the distance, the sky ripples back in a careful flame. But it’s quiet. It’s almost as if every last living soul escaped the apocalypse, and they were the only ones left to face it.
“This is eerie, guys” Nora once again chimes. Alex hums in response, but it’s otherwise quiet in the Jeep. He looks in the rearview mirror and sees June’s eyes closed shut. Her hands twitch wrapped in Nora’s arms. He tries to avoid looking directly to his right, where Henry sits in the passenger seat staring into the endless night.
Alex can feel the adrenaline of the last few hours come to a head; he feels his eyes grow tired and he flips on the radio to fill the silence, but all that comes through is static. Frustrated, he turns the radio off.
“Here”, he hears Henry’s voice break in, prompting Alex to shift his gaze in his direction. He has his arm outstretched with his phone in hand, “you can play something off my phone.” Alex thinks back to all their conversations over the last several months; all the “text-fliring”, all the ways he’d grown to know Henry better. He reaches out to accept the offer - it feels like breaking the ice. Their first real interaction since New Year's Eve. Or at least one that hasn’t been laced with dread and doom.
“Mitski?” Alex asks with an arched brow staring down at the song Henry has pulled up. “She’s one of my favorites, but I can queue something else,” Henry resounds shyly. Alex melts into a helpless smile. “No, I like Mitski - I just didn’t know that you–”
“Queue some Beyonce” Nora chimes in from the backseat. “If this is our last day on earth, we have to listen to Queen Bey”, she declares. Alex chuckles and rolls his eyes. He looks over curiously as Henry works on his phone to fulfill Nora’s request. When Beyonce does come on over the speaker Nora squeals, “Henry!” She exclaims, “This is my shit! Very nice - thought you’d go for one of her chart toppers.” Alex silently admits he’s impressed that Henry opts for something more subdued; a song called “All Night”, that immediately has the backseat singing. The mood begins to thaw into something almost impossibly joyous.
And for just a moment, they all sing along and forget.
…
The drive passes painlessly once they take turns queuing songs and sharing not-so-unreal scenarios of “the last song you’d wanna hear before you die.” June requests Kacey Musgraves, Nora, of course, wants more Beyonce. Henry is reluctant to share a request until Nora snatches his phone and pulls something from his “favorites” playlist: Elton John. And Alex makes everyone listen to The Killers because “they’ve got good hooks.”
It’s a bit grim, but it’s also blissful. And given the scenario, what else can they do?
When they’re a few miles from the Lake House, June insists they stop for gas. The tank is nearly empty, and Alex swears they can make it, but June keeps hounding on the scenario that they might run out just a few miles shy and she “refuses” to walk the rest of the way to the Lake House in heels. Never mind that her stilettos had mostly been discarded at this point.
Once they arrive at an abandoned gas station, they stretch their legs and head into the store to gather some last-minute essentials. “Who knows what the bunker will have, I need a cosmic brownie to hold me over,” Nora states.
As they walk into the convenience store, Henry’s phone suddenly rings. His eyes go wide. They haven’t had service for hours. Nora and June escape inside the store and Alex lingers back, watching Henry tentatively.
“Hullo?” Henry answers carefully.
“Henrythankchrist” an exasperated voice answers.
“Philip?” Henry whispers into the receiver. He looks back at Alex, who nods, permitting him to take his time. Henry walks off to speak with Philip as Alex hesitantly disappears inside the convenience store.
Once inside, he joins Nora and June and grabs as many supplies as he can carry. They grab several boxed or canned food items, several bottles of water, first aid kits, batteries, and of course, Nora’s cosmic brownies. It feels like some crazed version of supermarket sweep.
Alex is stuffing a bag of sunflower seeds into his backpack when he hears his sister approach him. “So,” June begins. Alex knows exactly where this is going. “When were you going to tell me about Henry?” It comes out playful, but he can hear the slight edge in her tone. “Honestly, June. There is nothing to tell - not yet, maybe never now.” He stuffs a few items into his backpack as he talks, “But he kissed me at the New Year’s Eve party, and then immediately ghosted me. I’ve kind of been having a bisexual crisis about it.”
“For nothing to tell, that sure sounds like a lot, Alex,” June says gently. “I know, I’m sorry June. It’s just that – talking about it, with you, made it feel like something serious. Something real.” Alex's eyebrows are scrunched together and he realizes how tired he is. He hadn’t slept well the night before the Prime Minister’s gala, driven by the anxiety of seeing Henry again, of trying to bridge a gap he felt he somehow ruined. And now they’d driven through the night in a desperate attempt to survive the impending apocalypse.
“I didn’t get what he was to you before.” June pulls him out of his thoughts.
“What do you mean?” Alex asks hesitantly.
“Alex, you’ve been obsessed with him since you were 12 – don’t think I didn’t find your greasy little hand prints all over my shit,” June says with a playful jab at his shoulder. “Ow”, Alex says with a smile. “But more than that, Alex. It’s just - since you two started getting along, being friends, you’ve been energized, different. He seems to bring something special out of you.” June’s eyes are fierce and kind like she wants to drive the message home.
“I don’t see how any of that matters anymore,” Alex says just above a whisper. A crash on the next aisle has both their heads turning to meet Nora’s goofy expression. “Found some cowboy hats – but I also broke the display case. I’ll just write them a check.” Nora shrugs and makes a lasso motion with one arm as she stuffs popcorn into her mouth with the other. June turns back, her body angled at Alex, but her eyes stay fixed on Nora. “It matters, Alex.” He looks between his sister and his best friend with momentary confusion before looking directly at his sister. “Get the fuck out of here” a smile breaking out across his face. “Are you two –”
“Yeah, it’s … new, but we are.” June blushes. “Is that weird?” she looks worried, maybe embarrassed. “Bug, please. I love you, and I love Nora. It’s not weirder than it already is. And it just makes sense.” He says firmly and fondly. “I think you and Henry make sense, too.” She says with a ruffle of his hair. They both share a warm look; the look of two fools on the edge of an impossible declaration of love.
It reminds Alex of middle school when they used to stay up late talking about each other’s crushes. Slowly, his smile begins to break as his mind drifts from childhood memories to his family—his mom—and the whole “the world is ending” business.
“Do you think Mom knew?” He asks with etched concern. June cups his face, “I don’t know, Alex. But I know she did what she thought was best - for the country, for us.”
He thinks about the look on his mom's face. The look she gave him from across the room - she wore a determined expression, but for a second her face broke into something vulnerable, at the time Alex couldn’t place it
Looking back, he knows it was fear. He knows it was an apology. He can’t bring himself to say it out loud, but knows. He knows that she knew something and didn’t tell him. Maybe it was too hopeless. Maybe getting them on a plane really was a last-ditch hope that they barely managed; maybe they wouldn’t get to the bunker at all. Maybe.
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Henry
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“Philip, where are you?” Henry asks frantically.
“Henry, we lost contact with the plane – we haven’t heard or received any updates in hours, I thought you were aboard and I was calling but –” Philip lets out an exasperated sigh on the other end. “I’m glad to hear your voice.”
There’s a heavy silence between them. Henry weighs how good it feels to hear his brother's voice against the near-constant torment he’s had to endure from him over the last several years. “I spoke to Pez a few hours ago, he said it was awful in Europe.” Henry offers, “So, I decided not to board the plane.”
“Gran will certainly be cross to know you defied orders, however, given the circumstances – we can figure something out, we’ll order our military fleet to come to get you –”
“I’m not coming back, Pip.” The line goes silent, and Henry tosses his back against the brick wall. It’s too much hearing the concern in Philip's voice, the relief, the pointed disapproval, and for what?
“Good,” Philip replies simply. “That’s for the best. Pez is right, it’s … bad, Henry. We’re in a bunker, I’m not to say where - but it hardly seems to matter at this rate.” He hears Philip pause for a moment - they both know that there’s so much to say, but words don’t fit into the static.
“I am sorry to know that you’re alone though, Henry. At the end of everything.” Philip confesses.
“I’m not alone, Pip.” Henry looks over his shoulder, his vision steady on Alex through the convenience store window. “I’m with Alex – and June and Nora also.”
“Oh, I see.”
Henry grits his teeth and holds his breath. He’s kept it close to his chest all of his life; a secret like a stubborn lifeline in a troubled sea, and now suddenly it’s all out there - what use was it to pretend or to hide anymore? If he’s a bit drunk on honesty, it would seem that Philip is too, because suddenly he hears his older brother continue softly, “He’s good for you, Henry. A bit wiley, but he suits you.” Philip says it as if it’s the most obvious thing in all the universe. As if amid all the chaos, it’s the only thing that deserves any conversation.
“What? You - you knew?” Henry says with shock. “I’ve had my suspicions, I suppose. You always were a little lovelorn over a couple of my Uni mates, I guess I just pretended not to notice. And well, with Alex - there was the whole ruining-my-wedding-cake-incident.” Philip laughs but Henry doesn’t respond for fear of letting his emotions spill over; his bottom lip quivers, biting back tears.
“Listen, Henry? I know it means little to nothing but, you should tell him. I’m sure Bea would say the same.” Henry’s heart drops to his feet. In all the chaos, and shock of speaking to Philip, in running away to Texas with a boy he’s been head over heels for, he had somehow forgotten to ask about Bea.
“Bea? Philip, where’s Bea?” Henry asks with desperation.
“We haven’t been able to get ahold of her, Henry. But I know she’d tell you the same thing – she was such a good sister to you, I wish I were a better brother –”
“Philip, please. This –” Henry’s voice breaks, hoarse with emotion, “This may be the last time I speak to you, I –”
“I am sorry I didn’t help you be happy. I wish I could do it all over.”
“Philip, stop, please–”
“Tell him, Henry.”
“Philip –”
The line goes dead.
…
Lifting his head, he spots a small recreation area across from the gas station lot. He drags himself across the street and sits on an old, abandoned swingset, trying to calm the impossible feeling of anxiety boiling in his chest.
He makes an effort to steady his breathing, practicing a grounding exercise:
- 5 things he can see:
Two abandoned bicycles just a few feet away, his scuffed-up dress shoes, his hands trembling in his lap, the soft glow of the convenience store across the street, and Alex’s reflection in the window pane.
- 4 things he can touch:
The cold metal of the chains on the swings, his palms on his suit pants, sweat pooling on his neck, and the wind on his face.
- 3 things he can hear:
The sound of rust squeaking as he teeters back and forth, the drag of his shoes against the dirt, and the ringing in his ears.
- 2 things he can smell:
Gasoline and remnants of his cologne.
- 1 thing he can taste:
Iron from the blood in his mouth (a result of chewing on the inside of his cheek.)
He’s only drawn out of the trance when he hears the door of the convenience store open and Alex, Nora, and June spill out, having finished gathering their supplies. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Alex looking around and finally spotting him. Alex makes his way across the street to meet him there.
“Hey, uh- they didn’t have Cornettos because, you know, this is God’s country and not God Save The Queen, but…Drumsticks?” Alex extends the ice cream cone in Henry’s direction as he wears a bemused smile, offering a friendly shrug.
Henry lets out a soft chuckle. “You’re quite a force, Alex. Do you know? No matter how hard I push away from you, you just come back - like gravity.” He says wistfully.
“So maybe you should stop pushing.” Alex’s expression doesn’t seem to give anything away. He just looks at Henry with tenderness. After a beat of stillness, Alex clears his throat. “What did Philip say?” He begins to unwrap the Drumstick, eyeing Henry, who lets his ice cream cone melt in his hands. “He said he wished he would’ve helped me to be happy,” Henry says looking into the distance. “I mean, he was -” Alex cringes, catching himself - “he is a bit of a prick.” He kicks a small rock towards the abandoned bicycles beside the swings, running a nervous hand through his curls.
Henry takes a deep breath, ignoring Alex’s poor fumble of words. He knows that all the tightness in his chest needs to be released and he figures that it’s no use in holding it in anymore.“He said he had his suspicions about me…being gay.” He holds his breath as he waits for Alex to react.
“Oh,” is all Alex says at first.
“Because you know, I am,” Henry says shyly.
“Yeah, I had my suspicions, too,” Alex lets a soft laugh slip, as he eyes Henry with something akin to determination.
It’s the closest they’ve come to speaking about the kiss. It has been hanging silently between them, pushed aside in favor of more urgent matters. But here, in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of the night, it’s almost easy to forget about the imminent end of all things.
“Just to put it out there,” Alex continues, cutting into the quiet. “I’m… bisexual.” Despite himself, Henry finds a small smile break across his face. “Thank you for telling me.” Henry’s eyes lift to look at Alex directly. “Alex, I–”
A loud pitch of music blaring from the car speakers breaks into the silent night, pulling Henry and Alex from their heartfelt discussion.
“Oh my god, I love this song!” June squeals, tossing her head back with unhindered laughter. “You guys are freaks, this song blows!” Alex shouts over the stereo. “Oh shut up, Alex! You used to sing this at assembly like everyone else.” June yells in a fit of laughter. Nora pulls out the pair of cowboy hats she procured from the store and places one on June’s head,
“Chillin’ on a dirt road, late night swerving like I’m George Jones” The two girls giggle and sift around in a chorus of laughter, kicking up dirt from beneath their feet.
Alex shakes his head, laughing at them with feigned annoyance. “Come on, little bro. Get your ass over here!” June shouts mid-singing. Alex forces himself up to his feet. He lets his gaze drift down at Henry, knowing he can’t leave Henry alone to watch from the rusty swings. He extends his hand and tilts his head. A wordless invitation.
Henry stands and is immediately dragged off in the middle of off-key singing. He’s brought into a tangle of arms flailing up towards the sky. He hesitantly - and very poorly - mirrors the lazy square dance steps.
Alex grabs his hands and places them on his hips. “Giddyup, cowboy.” He smiles mercilessly as their bodies sway back and forth. Henry’s face goes beet red, and he begins to hide his face under his chin. Alex tilts his head back up with a soft smile. Henry doesn’t know the words. He finds it doesn’t matter. He soon finds himself singing along with made-up nonsense in unimaginable bliss.
Nora grabs her cell phone and sings into it like a microphone:
“ I sit back and think about them good ol' days
The way we were raised and our southern ways!”
“You’re not even from the south, Nora!” Alex wails in mingled laughter.
“Woo!” Nora shouts in response. She climbs onto the hood of the car and belts out the next line: “And we like cornbread and biscuits!”
“And if it's broke ‘round here we fix it!” June waves her cowboy hat above her head like she’s herding cattle.
Alex takes the cowboy hat from June’s waving hands and places it on Henry with a wrinkled smile. Henry sees those crescent eyes again and it’s enough for his legs to give out. He thinks they would, if it weren’t for Alex’s steady grip on his hips.
They dance like they’re drunk.
They laugh as if they have not a single worry.
They sing like they have all the time in the world.
----------------
Alex
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They listen to the song three more times before June insists they need to get going. They start to gather all their items and load them into the Jeep.
“Oh bullocks”, he hears Henry murmur. “I left the ice cream over at the swings”, he says. “Just leave them, Henry. They’re probably all melted by now.” Alex reasons with a soft chuckle. “Well I’ll just drink it like a milkshake, then” Henry jests as he runs across the street to retrieve the abandoned bag full of treats Alex procured.
Alex can’t help himself, now that the ice has begun to thaw between him and Henry he can’t bear the thought of leaving him alone, so he begins to chase after him, “Don’t you pick up that bag, Your Majesty - let the peasants carry it for you.” He teases. They’re back to text-flirting. In-person flirting? Is it just called flirting now?
Alex feels a bit giddy and drunk on laughter. He chases Henry to the swing set and snatches the bag from him. “I’ll take that, thank you.”
And suddenly he feels it again - that moment where time begins to stand still. He’s looking into Henry’s deep, blue eyes and he feels his breath catch in his throat - he almost swears he sees the red in Henry’s pupils, reflecting a sudden burst of flame. He’s taken out of the moment with a sudden jolt of lightning that crashes into the earth - but it’s not lightning. No. It’s –
“Fire !” June yells.
He sees it then. Fire falling from the sky - mostly in the distance. But it moves quickly, and one of the stray flames seems to hit something that then crashes into the gas station pump, setting it immediately aflame. And suddenly, a ghastly wailing sound pierces the air. Nora.
“Help!” Nora is screaming. His heart is hammering in his chest as he races in her direction. He registers that she’s trapped behind a growing wall of flames shooting up into the night.
But before he can reach her, the situation worsens as the ground beneath them starts to crack, tremors shattering the earth. The ground is giving out beneath the gas station pumps. Nora shrieks behind a fume of fiery blazes and thick smoke. “Nora!” June screams like a banshee.
“June! Careful –” Alex tries to reach his sister, but she continues to scream after Nora. The ground beneath them continues to give out, and it won’t be long before the entire plot of land is aflame.
June turns around to look at Alex. It’s as if she is reading his mind and knows his stubborn determination will drive him into foolishness. She suddenly shoves him with a force he didn’t see coming, sending him flying several feet away.
“June, what the fuck!” Alex grumbles as he tries to push himself back to his feet. But it’s too late; he looks up only in time to see June hurdling over the flames to get to Nora as the ground around them continues to collapse.
June yelps, having burned herself getting to Nora. “June!” Alex screams after his sister. The ground is too far gone now, crumbling and crashing. Alex is just a few feet behind the edge, his eyes surveying the chasm.
“Alex, you need to go. You gotta get out of here. Go to the Lake House!” June is yelling frantically.
“Shut the fuck up. I’m not going to leave you, I can –” his eyes search, he begins to step towards the convenience store but the flames have already started to make their way over there, consuming the storefront.
“Alex! Don’t you dare even think about it.” This time it’s Nora’s voice that cuts through. “June is right - get your ass to the bunker!”
“What? No! Are you crazy I’m not leaving you guys–” Alex’s voice is cut off as the ground beneath his feet crumbles. “Alex!” Henry grabs him by the shoulders, pulling him away from the breaking earth.
“Alex, please don’t make me tell Dad that I couldn’t save you. Please, Alex – go!”
“I don't wanna leave you, I can’t - I won’t!” Alex tries. “We’re gonna die anyway, please don’t make me leave you, June.” he lets out a sob. He looks at Nora; he knows emotions aren’t her thing. But he catches a tear falling down her cheek and knows what she’s trying to say.
He looks back at June, who’s holding Nora in her arms. He hears her mouth three simple words: “Ilove you.” June smiles weakly, but her gaze hitches over to Henry, who he now registers as being pressed against his back with hands on his shoulders. “Take care of him,” she says, as the smoke clouds their vision.
“We have to go, Alex,” Henry says with urgency. Alex is screaming after his sister, the flames rising higher and higher. Henry cups his face, “Alex, we have to go. I’m so sorry, we can’t stay here. I’m sorry. We have to go. Do you understand?”
“I can’t, I can’t –” “Alex wails. Henry works his hands through his curls, attempting to soothe him. Ground him. “Alex, look at me. There’s nothing you can do. But we can’t stay here, we have to go, please.”
Alex looks back and can’t see June or Nora past the flames. The smoke in his eyes makes it so that he can barely see anything anymore. “Alex, I’m so sorry. We can’t stay here.” Alex finally looks up at Henry and nods weakly. He can’t feel his legs, but it doesn’t matter because Henry is pulling him up with a force so fierce that it nearly takes the last bit of air out of his lungs.
They begin to run blindly away from the disaster unfolding behind them. Suddenly Alex bee-lines for the swingset “Alex–what are you–”
Alex reaches the abandoned bicycles and Henry catches his meaning without further explanation. They climb onto the rusty bikes and pedal as hard as they can.
The flames grow in the distance.