Harry Potter-Lupin-Black, the boy-of-hyphens

Walburga Black felt like she was twenty again as she returned home on the fine evening of January seventh, 1983. It was actually somewhat concerning to her son and son in law.

Sirius took one look at her and knew she had done something that was probably frowned upon.

“What did you do?” Walburga grinned like a madman at the question that she so desperately wanted to answer. Remus Lupin would later say that it was the exact same grin that Sirius got when he did something impulsive that he most definitely shouldn’t have done, and that is why it looked so familiar to him, though at the time he couldn’t place it due to the shock that came next.

“I went to Malfoy Manor…” It was already sounding like a bad idea.

“You hate Malfoy.” Sirius wasn’t wrong, she had made enough comments about the family that everyone knew she hated Malfoy.

“And I found their most precious heirloom…” Remus didn’t know if he should be amused or highly concerned for where this was going.

“And I threw it at their ugly son. Draco, I think his name is. Fitting considering he has a face that only a dragon could love.” Walburga’s grin didn’t diminish at all.

“You Did WHAT?!” Sirius’ was too busy laughing as Remus’ eyes basically bulged out of their sockets.

“The urn didn’t hit him… It hit two house elves and broke seven windows.”

“HOW DID IT EVEN DO THAT?”

“Did I forget to mention I threw it with my wand, and just so happened to keep the spell going until I had deemed that enough damage had been done.”

“Why?” Remus looked like he wanted to sob. He just had to marry into the family with no impulse control whatsoever.

“It also hit Narcissa’s husband and basically shattered, leaving him covered in the ashes of his third great aunt.”

“WHY???”

“... Why not?” Walburga’s grin still hadn’t left her face as Sirius was no on the floor, dying from the lack of oxygen he was getting from laughing so hard.

It could be said the Sirius Black was not the only one in the family that had stunted impulse control. The only difference was that even Sirius had never flung somebody’s great aunt’s ashes at them. Well not yet at least. After hearing how much fun his mother had had with it, he had desperately wanted to try.

Remus was hoping that being surrounded by two people who lacked any impulse control wouldn’t affect Harry’s impulse control, but he knew better. From the things he had already done, he knew that Harry had absolutely no Impulse control either. Most children didn’t, But harry took his to the extreme.

Walburga slowly let her grin drop, her face turning very straight, as if she had important news.

“Little Malfoy looks a lot like his father. A lot. I feel a bit bad for Narcissa. She has to see them both daily. I’d be horrified if something that looked like that came out of my womb.” That just sent Sirius into another spiral of laughter, and Remus couldn’t help but to join in on that one. After all, any woman should be horrified if whatever comes out of their womb takes the appearance of a miniature Lucius Malfoy.

In the Wizarding world, it could be said that while Witches had plenty control over matters, they tended to have to fight for it more than men.

That being said, if the Witch you were about to insult belonged to one of few families, you ought to re-evaluate your life choices. Or you may just lose your life based on said choices.

Walburga Black was a woman that was best left unscorned. The same could be said about Amelia Bones and Callidora Zabini. The three women were some of the most feared women in the British Wizarding world, and a few other countries too. If you were to mutter Callidora’s name in the presence of the Greek Minister of Magic, you would see him pale drastically. If you even thought Walburga’s name in the presence of the Bulgarian minister, or the French Minister, you would find that they were willing to do anything if it meant she wasn’t going to be anywhere near them.

Amelia Bones had all of the ministry quaking in fear when she was angered, and the American ministry would close off the ability for any foreign wizard to enter their country if she was looking for someone that could end up in their country. Or they specifically got a trace on the person’s magical signature and they were prepared to hand in whoever it was for free. Lest they be accused of aiding a criminal that Amelia Bones was scouring for.

But Amelia wasn’t the topic at the moment. No. It seemed that Dumbledore was dredging up the past in hope of getting Harry put of the Black Family’s iron grip. It had taken him four years to start, and he had probably been in search of proper evidence. At least, it should have been some proper fucking evidence if he was just now complaining after four fucking years.

By doing what he had done, he had managed to scorn the three most powerful, and dangerous, women in Magical Britain at the moment. Callidora may have been only been in Britain for the time being, but she was in Britain nonetheless.

You see, Albus Dumbledore was trying to attest Sirius Black’s claim of guardianship due to familial relations. Not to the Death Eaters, oh no, but another branch of the Black Family that was absolutely… Insane, and very delved in Black Magic.

The issue was, Callidora Zabini was also related to the branch in question, and she took great offence with their name being slurred, even if the family themselves grinned at the accusations and whole heartedly took them as compliments. They even publicly said that they would definitely show up at Dumbledore’s funeral… It is within the realm of possibilities that that made people jump to the thought of that being a death threat.

Amelia Bones was angry because Sirius Black and Harry Potter were definitely related somewhere along the line, and she was related to the Black family, and therefore also related to the branch of the Black magic family, but that also meant that Dumbledore was most likely related to them along the line.

Dumbledore had caused a stir with such accusations, and every Pureblood, Halfblood, and and Half Breed was pulling out their family trees to check to see if they were connected to the family.

Dumbledore was asked to come back for a meeting the week after he made his accusations. When he came back the next week, he sat in a chamber with fifteen families, a very diverse bunch that included Purebloods and Halfbloods and even Half Breeds; all of these families were… angry. There were more families that wanted to come at him with their words, but they were asked to please refrain from appearing, as fifteen families were already crammed into a single chamber along with other people.

“Do you mean to say that the majority of Wizarding Britain would be incapable of looking after a nearly six year old boy because of their blood? Because that is sounding a lot like what Voldemort was preaching. You know, denying people their legal rights because of their blood.” After Amelia hissed that, Dumbledore had turned ashen.

“Well, I’m concerned because they are so closely related to the family and I fear that you Harry will be negatively affected by Walb-” He coughed slightly as Walburga Black glared at him with the eyes of a dragon, “Members of their family.” He corrected himself, but they all still caught the mistake.

“And who would you see him with? Your plan with placing him with those muggles to keep him out of the lime light would be a complete and utter fail now considering he already knows.” Callidora’s words were sharp, if they had been an object, the object would have the ability to decapitate multiple people without having to be resharpened.

“The Weasley family would be willing to take him in.” Dumbledore knew something was wrong when he saw Callidora, Walburga, and Amelia smirk widely. The silence he was met with was interupted by a few documents being shuffled around until finally, the one that Amelia had seemed to need was in front of him.

“The Weasley family is just as closely, if not more so, related to the very people you are trying to use as a reason for contesting the Guardianship that the Black family has over Young Mr. Potter.” Why didn’t Molly tell him? Why did nobody let him in on this little fact. How could this have happened to his well placed plan?

But the Parchment was obviously the work of the Goblins. It seemed that the branch of the Black family that he had tried to discredit had gotten their blood tested to prove their relations with the majority of Wizarding Britain, and, as it seemed, that it proved that their second great grandmother was the Molly Weasley’s third great grandmother.

“Not to mention that Molly Weasley is Sirius Black’s first cousin by marriage. Lucretia Prewett nee Black is my sister in law, she married Ignatius Prewett some time ago. Ignatius is Molly’s Uncle. Therefore she is just about as closely related to the Branch family as Sirius is.” Walburga’s smug look didn’t get past Dumbledore.

Dumbledore now saw why the Black family had kept such good track of their family tree. When it came to matters of blood relations, they knew exactly who was related to the,=m, where the line crossed, and how to beat anyone who tried to take what was rightfully theirs, even if it was guardianship.

“Besides, Albus, you cannot contest the Wills of James and Lily Potter. You had the power to close them, but you didn’t. Not to mention the legal documentation stating that I am Godfather of Harry Potter, and that right can only be taken if I am convicted of a crime.”Sirius Black had been sitting and patiently waiting for his turn.

“You can still be charged with attempt at murder.” A few gasps rang out and Walburga’s head swiveled in the direction of her son, who remained calm and collected. As if he knew something that they didn’t, even after Dumbledore had said that. He better know his way out. Otherwise she would murder him herself. He should have known that if you are going to do something, either don’t get caught, or do the time.

“Snape accused Remus of being a Werewolf, kept asking about it. Kept trying to follow Remus out of the castle. He wanted to know what was going on. So he followed us. James Potter saved his fucking life. It isn’t my fault that he decided to follow a Werewolf out of the school on a full moon, and it sure as hell isn’t Remus’ fault that Snape tried to get so close to a transforming Werewolf.”

“You did the same Mr. Lupin-Black, except you have a secret don’t you. Because what makes Humans immune to Werewolf bites taking affect? Being an Animagus of course. An unregistered one.” Sirius Smirked widely as Walburga finally saw what her son had in mind.

“Who said I was unregistered? James was, Peter was, but I still lived with my parents at the time. You think they didn’t notice that I could turn into a huge Grim? They knew as soon as I stepped into the house. The wards let them know. They took me to register that day. Obviously I couldn’t register during the school year. The registration office understood, and congratulated me on such a great feat at the age of fifteen.” It was all true. Walburga remembered that day like it was only yesterday.

She had been proud of her son immensely when she and Orion had realized that the wards stated their son as the Animagus that had entered their house.

By now, Dumbledore had realized that he had definitely lost. He sighed lowly and turned towards everyone.

“I do apologize for all the trouble I have caused. I was trying to do what was best over all, I guess I forgot that Young Mr. Potter has been around Mr. Black his entire life as of yet.” He bowed his head slightly, showing that he was finally dropping the entire thing.

And he was. He actually was. He was going to drop the entire thing, because if Sirius Black was willing to not explode and yell about how Severus deserved the attempt at his life, but calmly state what happened, then he had changed for his Godson.

Maybe it was better that Harry lived with Sirius, Remus, and Walburga. He regretted that he didn’t get to attend Sirius’ and Remus’ wedding. He had heard that it went from really nice and beautiful to... Well, exactly what kind of parties Sirius Black went to right after the vows... 

He had missed the Rager of the century.

Harry Potter-Lupin-Black was wreaking havoc. He had made friends with Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood, and, surprisingly, Daphne Greengrass. Daphne, who he fondly called the Ice princess, served as a slight distraction.

“Did you know that Harry is setting fire to Ron in the Garden while Luna chants in Romanian?” Her face was as straight as anyone had ever seen. She sounded bored, and slightly curious. Exactly what they expected her to sound like, even when delivering such worrying news.

Of course Sirius raised an eyebrow, and Remus mildly panicked. Sirius had been raised around Daphne’s father, he knew that the tone didn’t always tell the truth.

You see, she was actually lying as as distraction. It was Luna who was really setting anything on fire. In fact, if either of the adults had looked over at Walburga, then they would have seen that she was silently cackling. She could wordlessly cast the counter to the silencing charm, so she cast the silencing charm on herself so she wouldn’t give anything away.

Remus was too busy running around panicking and trying to find where Ron was, because he most certainly wasn’t in the garden, so he could put him out of fire and stop Luna’s chanting. Sirius was caught in a staring contest with Daphne, who refused to tell him if she was lying or not.

Harry, Ron, and Luna were dancing around the flaming boy of watermelon, chanting in Romanian about exploding watermelons, and over all, flaming watermelon worship. Had any other adult besides Walburga known about what was happening, so long as that adult was not Sirius, it may have been mildly concerning that they were doing so. But no, Remus currently thought that Ron Weasley was on fire and Sirius was wholly unconcerned and completely absorbed in his staring contest.

And yet, this was a normal Thursday in Grimmauld Place. Well, in number 12 Grimmauld Place, that is.

Remus Lupin-Black would tell you that nothing good ever happened on Thursdays in their home. Sirius Lupin-Black would attest to that, as he felt the best things always happened on Thursdays in their home. Walburga would tell you that the best form of amusement always happened on a Thursday. Harry Potter-Lupin-Black would tell you that he was always having the most fun on Thursdays, as it was the one day he always had to outdo himself. Every week it would get bigger and bigger.

How it escalated to them dancing around flaming watermelons was just a part of the system. The Pattern. Next week would be even worse for Remus, but definitely better for everyone else.

As you can imagine, Remus Lupin was definitely feeling that Thursdays should be cancelled in their home. If they all slept through the day, then nothing as extreme as setting Ron Weasley on fire would be able to happen.

He wasn’t nearly as relieved as he should have been when he found out that they had not, in fact, set Ron on fire. He wasn’t as relieved as he should have been because they had somehow created dancing, Flaming Watermelons. He would have been proud, or perhaps impressed, if it weren’t for the fact that three Eight year old children and one seven year old had created something so horrifying and so fucking hard to catch.

Remus finally caught one and stomped on it, much to the dismay of the children.

“Well Bloody Fucking Hell, I’m bitchin glad that I wasn’t the one on fire. Merlin’s saggy left nut, Lupin. Had that been me I’d be Bloody fucking dead!”

Ron’s language wasn’t as clean as Molly Weasley would have liked, but there was nothing she could do about it; it was quite expected, as he was the sixth son. When your children had that many elder siblings, it was damn near impossible to keep them from using such language. Especially when you sometimes slipped and cursed out the entire family. After all, having seven children was quite stressful.  

Remus felt slightly bad for Hogwarts. The foursome was only getting worse as the years went by. Luna was absolutely insane, but quite a genius and very observant, Ron was very good at tactics, Harry was very good at causing things to happen and playing innocent to the point where Remus almost believed him even when he watched him do it, and Daphne was great at causing distractions and helping set up wonderful schemes while providing alibis.

They were a terror, and even when they would be split from one of their own for a year, that would by no means stop them from including her in all of their plans.

Yes, he felt bad for Hogwarts. The only good part was going to be getting letters ranting about Mini Malfoy. Yes, that seemed to be an inherent trait carried through any child Walburga had any influence over. Rants about Malfoy’s hair, or Malfoy’s face, or Malfoy in general were common, and they always had a little spice to them.

Like when Walburga broke seven windows, hurt two house elves, and covered Lucius Malfoy with his second great aunts ashes when she decided to throw the urn at the hideous baby, in which case she missed the Baby, so all was okay.