Ten
-Elsewhere in Obama’s Land-
Two figures walk along an empty road. They are cloaked in hoods and an air of mystery that surrounds them with every step they take. They carry a certain weight upon their shoulders. A weight no one should ever have to carry… the first figure stops at the edge of the dark forest, and turns to the second figure.
“Is there anything we can do?” Asks the first figure.
“No,” the second figure replies. “They are too far gone…”
Slowly, the first figure steps into the darkness. The second one follows, though reluctantly. They carry a weight that no man should have to.
They know that the end of the world is coming.
And it starts with abnormally colored snow…
Ominous figure 1: It’s snowing…
Ominous figure 2: Normal?
Ominous figure 1: I think, could have sworn I saw a single purple flake…
Ominous figure 2: Just a trick of the light I’m sure…
Ominous figure 1 (uncertain): Must be, we should still have time…
*Limba runs by drunkenly screaming* Limba: WOOOOOOO! PURPLE ICE RAIN! I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD! NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN! WE RIDIN’ TONIGHT BOIS!
Ominous Figure 2: Perhaps not, could that have been…
Ominous figure 1: Possibly, an ancient beast, rumored to be seen all throughout time, the prophecy states a drunken lion will be present at The Last Trial.
*Mier runs by also screamingly, significantly less drunk tho*
Mier: LIMBA YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK BACK HERE OR I’LL SNAP YOUR NECK!
Ominous Figure 1: Then it is confirmed, Limba has arrived, the Lionomachy has come. There is a strange whooshing sound, and a TARDIS appears amidst the new winter wonderland.
The Ominous Figures flee; the Doctors and Hermione step out of the TARDIS.
Doctor 11: This is bad.
Doctor 13: I CAN FIND MORE INFORMATION!
Doctor 13: *goes to lick the ground*
Tenth Doctor: NO! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT HERMIONE SAID?
Hermione: Me..?
Tenth Doctor: Not you, Hermione dear, the other one. Let me finish yelling at future me.
Hermione: ‘Kay.
Tenth Doctor: IF YOU LICK THE GROUND, WHO KNOWS WHAT’LL HAPPEN!!!!
Limba: Hurray!!!!! Snow!!!!! Purple snow!!!!! Pwetty snow!!!!!! We don’t get snow in Africa!!!!!! Is this still Africa?????
Sala, smoking a new pack of cigars: Nah kid, this be North Dakota.
Limba: IMMA EAT THE PURPLE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Limba: *eats snow*
Hermione: OH NO! WHAT’S HAPPENING TO LIMBA???
*Limba transforms into Lance*
Lance: What is this?????? What is this life????? Where am I???? I used to be on a plane!!!!!
Tenth Doctor: He ate the snow….
Thirteen: Does that mean you just…. Turn into a random person?? When you eat the snow???
*Thirteen is contemplating eating the purple snow*
Thirteen: Eh. Seems like a small price to pay for trip advisor ratings-
Sala: Hey, I might just tryout this purple snow thing. Ya know, being high lion isnt the greatest life to live
*Sala eats purple snow*
*Sala turns to Shelby*
Shelby: Hey guys! How’s life? I coulda sworn I was in math class right now-
*Other creatures of Obama’s realm go forward to eat the snow*
Hermione: I’ve read about this, during my studies in Ravenclaw tower! This is known as the end of the world… IT MUST BE STOPPED.
*Hermione grabs an axe from a random warlord nearby the group and uses it to keep people away from the porple snow*
Thirteen: I have to say, Hermione, you aren’t incredibly convincing. You just look like a little girl with an axe!
Ten: Quick! Cover yourself in this! The Tenth Regeneration of the Doctor pulled out a bottle of ketchup and splatted it all over Hermione. Hermione is slightly disgusted by this, but she trusts the Doctor. Most of the people of Obama’s realm seem to think it’s blood for some reason (they’re all pretty much dumb fucks) and they back away.
Eleven: DO NOT EAT THE SNOW. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS. DON’T EAT THE SNOW.
Ten: Quick hermione! Hop in the TARDIS and go back in time to tell past us that we shouldn’t eat the purple snow. Then, come back. Quick!
Thirteen: You know what? Imma eat the purple snow.
*Thirteen eats snow*
All Doctors: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thirteenth Doctor: *turns into Jodie Whittaker*
Jack Black Doctor: *Fades out of existence*
Jodie: Well shit. I liked him.
10: You… just killed yourself
11: Wait, what were we talking about again?
10: I dunno, definitely not about the 576th Doctor who looked exactly like Jack Black.
11: What?
10: Dunno, first thing that popped into my head
Jodie: What?
11: What?
10: What?
Hermione: Focus, we have to stop the snow! At least we know it doesn’t cause anyone to fade from existence!
Doctors: Right!
Giraffe from the North of Obama’s Kingdom that everyone forgot about: Giraffe, in an annoying southern accent: Hey y’all, I’m the Giraffe from the north that Obama mentioned in the beginning that no one remembers!
Literally Everyone: What. The. Fuuuck.
Giraffe: Have y’all seen my old buddy old pal Jack Black?
Jodie: No, but I remember some guy named the Doctor that looked exactly like him.
10: Do you have an imaginary friend Jodie?
Jodie: Noooooo?
The Human Embodiment of Canada: Perfect! Perhaps you can withstand the cold and find the source of his abnormally colored snow! If only we had an incarnation of The Doctor who was physically identical to Jack Black to do the job! But we all know that could never happen!
Giraffe: Alright y’all I’ll go sniff out this problem and then we’ll have some of grandma’s good ol’ cherry pie and a nice cup of iced tea.
Shelby & Lance: What the fork is going on? 10: Uh… I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry but you shouldn’t be here
The Human Embodiment of Canada: I’m so so so sorry.
10: Well I’M so so sO SO SORRY!
The Human Embodiment of Canada: 8draws laser hockey stick and donut ninja stars* WELL I’M THE SORRIEST!
10: *pulls out sonic screwdriver* NO I AM! BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT TWO SHADOWS
The Human Embodiment of Canada: I’M SORRY VASHTA NARADA! *Slices shadows in half*
Shelby & Lance: Ok but no one’s explained what’s going on yet.
The God Shrek, calling down from the Heavens: Ok bros. Basics, u used ter be lions. Shelbs was a lionness that worked border patrol and smoked cigarettes, and Lancey Dancey was a lion that was drunk all the time. You were both royal trainwrecks. Yer better now, though…
Shelby & Lance: What the fork. What is all this shoot?