Eleven
Narrator’s Note: We have managed to change the font back into something legible, however, it is now Didot. Good luck, guys.
/Somewhere Else in the World…/
Doctor #576 (AKA the one that looks a lot like Jack Black): Where… am I?
The Void: Welcome to nonexistence. This is the place where all things that have been banished from the known universe end up.
Doctor #576: Oh…
The Void: It’s okay- you’re not here alone!
*River Song appears*
River: Oh no.
Doctor #576: It’s so nice to see a friendly face!
River, muttering angrily: You were my least favorite of all the incarnations of the Doctor.
Doctor #576: I’d be angry, but I guess I WAS banned from existence…
Narrator: Ok, we’re done, back to the “story”
*Back in real world*
*Giraffe Returns*
Giraffe: Alright y’all, it seems this trouble is caused by the lack of Panama Canal
10: RIGHT!
Hermione: Good thing I have those spoons made of toothpicks….
Lance & Shelby: OK we’re so forking confused.
Jodie: Same.
10 and 11: LET’S GO!
*Timon arrives with a warthog in a pay phone*
Timon: Heya folks, picked up a new pal!
Pumbaa: What is happening?
Timon: We’re going to dig the Panama Canal!
Pumbaa: Oh, get in!
Giraffe: Oh boy I can’t wait for y’all to taste my Grandm-
*the Giraffe is decapitated by the time stream*
Timon: Well guess he failed to get ahead!
Lance *in hysterics*: SOMEONE JUST DIED!
Timon: Foggeddabboutit!
Lance and Shelby *crying*
10: We have to pick up Mier, Jack, Musafa and Atticus!
*Phone booth stops right at their location*
Pumbaa: How convenient!
Atticus: Intelligent Pigeons is on our tail!
10: You mean we did that sand shoes crap for nothing?!
Jodie: Apparently.
*Meanwhile in the void*
576: Look, I know you don’t like me, but we have to work together to escape this.
River: Fine.
576: I bet if we pester the narrator enough they’ll let us go!
Narrator: Oh god why?
576: Are we there yet?
Narrator: Nooooooooooo…
River: Can I have a cookie?
Narrator: Kiiiiiiiiill meeeeeeee
*many hours later*
Narrator: YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU! GO, JUST GO!
*576 and River are released, Narrator shambles into a corner and starts muttering giberish*
BACK IN THE REAL WORLD
A rag-tag group of characters is gathered around a phone booth. Jodie Whittaker has laid out a detailed plan of what shall become the Panama Canal in front of the group. The Tenth Regeneration of the Doctor is explaining to the group their plan, while the Eleventh version of the Doctor stood by, nodding contently.
10: Ok, here’s the plan, Hermione, the Bananas, and the Doctors will take the toothpick spoons and dig out the Canal, if we find Scar and his Hyena army, poke the bastard. Atticus, Jack, Timon, Pumbaa, River and the Lions will keep a perimeter, if anything gets too close, win concessions and a restraining order in a court of law. Ominous figures, help us dig and look menacing. Lance and Shelby… stand to the side and offer moral support, practice for school
or something. DO NOT EAT THE PRUPLE SNOW
10: Everyone know their role? Good, go team on three.
Everyone: No.
10: Fine. GO!
The team fans out, the Doctors and Ominous figure dig at an impressive rate, clearing out an inch or two of soil off the top every week. Atticus wins an unprecedented amount of restraining orders and jails many trespassers. Timon runs around stabbing people and stealing pay phones. The Ominous figures have never looked so menacing in their lives. And Lance and Shelby… stand around practicing for The Lion King. It was… not too bad.
But the greatest challenge is yet to come, INTELLIGENT PIGEONS draws ever nearer, enraged at the Doctor’s sand shoe fueled treachery.
INTELLIGENT PIGEONS: I am enraged at the Doctor’s sand shoe fueled treachery!
Atticus: Hey there pal you better stop right there because if you take one more diddly darn step I might have to order a diddly darn restraining order on ya.
INTELLIGENT PIGEONS: Begone foolish mortal!
Atticus: Objection your honor! Such talk should not be tolerated!
The Human Embodiment of Canada: Your objection is accepted. Proceed.
Atticus: Thank you your honor, I call Obama to the stand
INTELLIGENT PIGEONS: What is this treachery? Let me pass or be destroyed!
The Human Embodiment of Canada: ORDER! You will politely allow Atticus to question his witness and you will sit quietly.
INTELLIGENT PIGEONS: Bu- wha-?
*INTELLIGENT PIGEONS sits down unable to form any kind of threatening response*
Canada: Good, let us proceed.
Atticus: As I was saying, Me. Obama… shall we?