Discord or Harmony

Luz lay in bed awake. It’s 1 in the morning, and she was utterly exhausted. Why wouldn’t her mind just stop? The voices wouldn’t leave her alone.

Why? She had a good day! Her and Amity had such a great time together! Amity was so freaking cool. ‘If only she liked you,’ the voices would say.

They were right. Amity probably didn’t like her, not even as a friend. She was just being nice, pitying Luz because she spent her birthday alone. If she knew what Luz was really like, she’d never speak to her again.

Luz sighed, rolling over to check discord. She looked back through some of the messages between her and Hecamity and smiled. But, smiling made her chest hurt, so it quickly dissolved.

No, Amity was a good person. She was kind, smart, beautiful beyond comparison, and definitely way too good of a person to be with Luz. Luz’s chest was going to explode if she didn’t do something soon.

She rolled out of bed, making her way to the bathroom. Her reprieve was in the drawer, just waiting. A tear formed and began to roll down her cheek as she pulled the razor free. Moving it to her wrist, she slowly cut new lines there. With each cut, the voices got quieter. The sharp pain of the razor had dulled the ache in her chest. Finally able to breathe and think, Luz cleaned the razor and wrapped her wounds.

Sighing, she climbed back into bed, ignoring the few bloodstains on her shirt. She’d have to wear a hoodie to the bar tonight, so no one would see. Maybe she should move back to her thighs. No one ever saw there. Before Luz could disparage herself more, exhaustion finally claimed her, and she passed out.

——-

Luz finally awoke around 10 that morning, yawning as she sat up in bed. She frowned at her wrist, noticing the cuts bled through the bandage she put on last night. She went to the bathroom and removed the bandage before taking a long, hot shower and listening to some music.

She sang along to Rainbow Kitten Surprise as she stepped out of the shower and dried off, her skin nearly scalded from the water. Her cuts were closed up and cleaned, so she didn’t bother rebandaging them before she went back to her bedroom and laid across her bed.

She opened her phone and saw she had a few texts. The first few were in the ‘Hexsquad’ group, as her and her friends called themself. They were just debating on what time to meet at the bar, and seemed to settle on 5.

The other message was from Amity. Luz would have smiled if it wouldn’t hurt her at seeing the girls name on her phone.

Amity
Good morning! Just wanted to say I had a blast yesterday and can’t wait to hang out again! What time do I need to meet you? I’m going to get a hotel room so I can sleep off any drinks.

Luz frowned. Amity was still a college student, and if she were anything like Luz, probably didn’t have the money for a hotel room. She could certainly stay here, but Luz blushed at the idea of inviting her crush over. Crush aside, however, her Mami had always taught her to help a friend when you can.

Luz
Hey! I had soooo much fun yesterday, thank you for making it an awesome birthday! And you can stay at my place, if you want. You can sleep in my bed.

Luz realized what she said as she hit the send button, so she quickly typed a second message.

Luz
Without me! Sorry, that probably sounded weird. I wasn’t trying to get you to sleep with me. I just meant you could sleep it off here, you know, and save some money. Sorry. I’ll stop talking now

Luz saw typing bubbles pop up and disappear. Amity didn’t respond. Great, Luz had screwed it up. Not that anything was going to come of it, but Luz scared off an amazing person with her weirdness. Again. It was bound to happen eventually, but gods did she want to be around Amity. She had just dropped her face into the mattress when her phone buzzed again. It was a text from Amity.

Amity
lol I don’t mind sharing the bed silly. I’m not kicking you out of your own bed in your own home. Are you sure you want me over?

Luz
Absolutely! I can shoot you the address and you can come by and drop your things off, if you want. We can get an Uber to the bar around 5?

Amity
Sounds great! I’ll grab some things and start heading that way soon!

Luz texted Amity her address before dropping her phone. Her anxiety was through the roof. She had just invited Amity to spend the night. Not in that way, obviously, but the fact still stands that Amity was coming over. To go drinking with her. And then share a bed. With her. What had she done?

Luz quickly started cleaning the house, taking out the trash with her bloody bandages and hiding her razor back in the back of the drawer. Her bed was clean, she had just changed the sheets two days ago, so she just made the bed with what was already on it.

After putting some comfy clothes on and deep cleaning the whole house, she heard a knock at the door. She frowned. Who could be headed over this early? She cracked it to see Amity standing outside. Amity? They had just got off the phone, like, thirty minutes ago? She checked the time to see she had actually been cleaning for nearly two and a half hours.

Luz smacked her forehead before opening the door. “Hey, come on in! Make yourself at home!” Luz said. “Sorry, got caught up cleaning.”

Amity blushed and stepped inside, looking around. She was kind of shocked by how apartment seemed. The kitchen was decently stocked, but had no table or anything to be seen. Only an island with no chairs. In the living room was a loveseat and two folding chairs arranged around a medium sized tv with Luz’s PS5 and Nintendo Switch hooked up to it. When Amity imagined Luz’s place, she really hadn’t imagined this. The walls were mostly bare, save what looked like a picture of Luz as a child with presumably her parents, as well a ‘Good Witch Azura’ poster hanging in a frame, signed by the author.

Amity’s eyes lingered on that a moment, but she returned her gaze to Luz. “You have a lovely place!” Amity said. Luz looked down at her feet and rubbed the back of her head. It was definitely a nervous tick of hers, Amity noted.

“Thanks! I know it’s pretty sparse, but it’s home,” Luz said. “You can put your stuff wherever you want, in the bedroom or bathroom or whatever. Time kinda got away from me or I’d be dressed already.”

Amity gave her a smile “You’re fine, I promise. I hope you didn’t clean just because I was coming over,” she said.

Luz shook her head. “Nah, I needed to clean up, anyway. If you let me throw some clothes on real quick, we can maybe play some Mario kart or something until we head out?” She offered.

Amity smiled at that. “You’re on, but I will warn you, I get a bit competitive,” she said.

Luz gave Amity a cocky smirk. “Oh yeah? Good, that means I won’t have to hold back.”

——-

Luz and Amity stepped out of their Uber into the parking lot of Tibble’s. It was a quieter bar, usually not having more than a handful of patrons, but that’s the way Luz and her friends liked it. Plus, the food was prettty good, too.

Amity was wearing her favorite crop leather jacket over a purple shirt and some jeans, with tall leather boots. She wanted to look cute, spending time with Luz. She had talked to her sister earlier, when Luz offered to let her stay there.

“She’s totally into you!!!” Em had said. She helped Amity pick out an outfit that hopefully Luz would like. And judging from the way Luz’s jaw dropped when she stepped out of the bathroom after changing, they had nailed it.

Luz wasn’t as dressed up as she was, but something about the jogger pants and Azura hoodie felt so Luz to Amity. Like this was Luz, wearing comfy cute clothes, and it was the most beautiful thing Amity had ever seen.

They walked into the bar and Luz directed them to a corner table that had 5 people at it already. Amity was nervous, but she didn’t let it stop her as the pair approached and had a seat. “Everyone, this is my friend, Amity,” Luz said, and Amity gave a small wave.

One girl, a blonde with blue at the edges of her hair, gasped. “Luz brought a date?!?” She asked, hugging Luz tight. Luz turned bright red, trying to fight the girl off. “I don’t even know if she likes girls, Vee! It’s not a date. We just were hanging out yesterday so I invited her to come so we could hang out more.”

Amity was blushing super hard. Technically, Luz never denied her being Luz’s date. But maybe Amity should listen to Em, take a more direct approach. “Why do you think I came, silly?” Amity asked, taking Luz’s hand in hers. Luz just stared at her in shock. Amity was red as could be, but she was committed now. Gods, she wished Luz would just say something.

“Luz?” The girl, Vee asked, waving a hand in front of Luz’s face. Luz shook her head, before smiling down at Amity’s hand in hers. Smiles looked good on her.

“C-cool. Umm. I-I guess this is my date, Amity,” Luz said, stumbling over her words. Both girls were embarrassed, but neither moved to remove their hand from the others.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Vee, Luz’s sister,” Vee said. Amity shook her hand, reluctantly removing it from Luz’s. She immediately replaced it on Luz’s back. Now that she could touch Luz, there was no way she could stop.

Introductions continued until they got around to the girl wearing round glasses down the table. When Amity looked at her, she knew who the girl was. “Willow?” Amity asked.

Willow gave Amity a soft, warm smile. “Hi, Amity. Long time no see,” she said. Luz looked between them. The surprise on Amity’s face, and the warm smile on Willow’s.

“You know each other?” Luz asked. Amity nodded.

“Willow used to be my best friend when we were little. Until I screwed it up. It’s good to see you,” Amity said. She wouldn’t meet Willow’s eyes.

“You didn’t agree it up, Amity. You couldn’t help your mom was nuts,” Willow said. Amity changed looking up to see Willow was still smiling.

“She was, but it still doesn’t excuse how I treated you. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Amity said. Willow just waved her off.

“We were kids, you didn’t know any better. Besides, from what I hear you’re doing much better now. It’s good to see you again,” Willow said.

Amity smiled, able to meet Willow’s eyes. “You too.”

——-

Luz (and her date) had a great time with her friends. They ordered food and had a few drinks, with someone always picking up a round for Luz. She tried not to drink too much. She wanted to be level headed, since Amity was staying the night and apparently was her date.

Gods, Luz couldn’t stop thinking about it. This gorgeous goddess of a woman wanted to be her date? Luz Noceda, the awkward screw up?

The purple haired goddess in question was laughing at something Masha and Vee said, some story from their early relationship. Luz couldn’t believe how well Amity fit in, and she could never forget the fact that Amity’s hand was constantly touching her. Be it on her hand, her back, and sometimes wrapped around her arm. It was like Amity actually liked Luz, which was impossible. She must have just did that to help Luz save face with her friends. Yup, that had to be it.

But then Amity would give her a smile, and Luz’s doubts would begin to fade away. Maybe Amity really did like her.

Finally, everyone started to get tired and began slowly filing out. They all had safe ways to get home, and Luz and Amity said their goodbyes before climbing into an Uber to go back to Luz’s place.

As soon as the car started and they got out of the parking lot, Amity turned and just stared at Luz, a smile lighting her features. Luz wished she could capture that look and hold onto it for the rest of her life. It was perfect.

“Did you have fun?” Amity asked, her finger tracing patterns on the back of Luz’s hand. Every touch sent electricity up Luz’s arm.

“Y-yeah, I did. Um, did you?” Luz asked lamely. She groaned at how lame that sounded, but Amity just giggled.

“Yeah, I did. Your friends seem really cool, especially your sister. I’m glad I got to meet them! Plus it was good to catch up with Willow, I hadn’t seen her in years,” Amity said.

Trying to keep the conversation going, Luz asked, “Did you go to school together or something?”

Amity’s expression dropped a little, but she tried not to let it show. “Yeah, Willow and I were best friends in elementary school. But we had a bit of a falling out because of my mom. It’s a long story. But, I got away from my mom and everything is better now, so maybe we can be friends again.”

“I’m sure you can, you’re pretty awesome to be around and Willow is, too,” Luz said, causing Amity to blush. Luz blushed too when she realized what she had said. The drinks definitely seemed to have loosened her tongue.

“So,” Amity ventured, taking Luz’s hand in hers, “what did you think of me being your date?”

“I will admit I was surprised,” Luz said. When Amity started to frown, she squeezed the girls hand. “But in a good way. I didn’t think there was any way someone as cool as you could like someone like me,” Luz said honestly.

Amity just stared at her in awe. “What’s there not to like? You’re one of the kindest, cutest, and sweetest people I’ve ever met. I get butterflies everytime we talk.”

Luz rubbed her neck and blushed. Before she could reply, Amity pulled Luz’s hand up to her lips and kissed her knuckle. If it were possible, Luz would have melted on the spot.

The Uber stopped in front of Luz’s apartment complex, and the duo climbed up to Luz’s apartment. Once inside, Amity pushed Luz against the wall and began kissing her. Luz was shocked at first, but quickly began to kiss back.

Amity ran her fingers through Luz’s hair while Luz wrapped her arms around Amity’s back. They made out for a few minutes before they finally broke for air, Amity pinning Luz to the wall.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Amity said. “I don’t want to do anything more when we’ve been drinking.”

Luz’s face dropped a little, but she nodded in understanding. Amity used a finger to lift Luz’s chin, making sure they were eye to eye. “It’s not because I don’t want to,” Amity reassured the girl. “I just want our first time to be special, and for us both to be sober.”

Luz nodded, and Amity gave her a quick kiss on the nose before they broke off. They made their way toward the bedroom, both exhausted. “I can sleep on the couch, if you want,” Luz offered, once again rubbing the back of her neck. Amity grabbed her hand.

“Honestly, what really want is to hold you,” Amity said. Luz blushed and nodded. “If you want to change out here, I’ll step into the bathroom real quick,” Amity said. The girl kissed Luz’s knuckle again before walking towards the bathroom.

Luz panicked and tried to figure out what to do about her wrist. She eventually decided to just wear one of her baggy long sleeve shirts, which she normally would never sleep in, but it was her only hope. She changed into that and her sleep shorts just in time as Amity stepped out of the bathroom in a baggy shirt and shorts. Her hair was loose around her and she’d cleaned her makeup off. Gods, Luz might die from the sheer beauty of it.

Amity grabbed Luz’s hand again and pulled the cover back on the bed. She stopped and frowned at something and Luz looked to see what it was. All the color drained from her face when she saw 4 red streaks in the bed.

Luz flashed back to that morning, when she realized her cuts bled through her bandages. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! “What’s that?” Amity asked, looking to Luz.

“Uuuuuuh,” Luz said, her brain too fuzzy to come up with a believable lie.

Amity began to grow worried. “Did you get hurt?” She asked.

“Y-yeah, I just banged my wrist against something, it’s no big deal. I didn’t realize it had bled into the bed, I’m sorry,” Luz said. Hopefully Amity would buy it.

“No apology needed, sweetie. May I see it? I’ll kiss it and make it better,” the purple haired girl said, wriggling her eyebrows. When Luz paled, Amity frowned again. “What’s wrong, Luz?”

“It’s nothing, no big deal. Do you want me to change the sheets?” Luz asked, trying to change the topic.

Amity shook her head. “No, I’d really like you to show me your wrist where you got hurt, please,” she said.

Luz sighed. “Look, I’ll show you, but you’ll freak out and leave me,” she said. She sounded so defeated.

Amity lifted Luz’s chin again. “We haven’t been hanging out in person for long, but we’ve talked for over two years on discord. I hoped you’d know me better than that. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you,” Amity said.

Luz looked into Amity’s eyes and saw only honesty and worry there. She sighed, and rolled back the sleeve of her shirt. Amity paled when she saw the cuts on Luz’s arm.

“Gods, Luz,” Amity said. The tan girl had tears in her eyes.

“I told you you’d want to leave,” Luz said. She was such a fucking freak, why thenhell did she cut her wrist? Now Amity would leave and probably tell all of her friends, and they’d all hate her. Gods, she was so stupid.

Amity gently took Luz’s wrist and placed a kiss on the cut nearest Luz’s hand. “Who said I wanted to leave?” Amity asked gently. She kissed each cut, counting there were ten in total that seemed fresh. There were more scars but they looked older.

“I’m so sorry you feel like you have to do that,” Amity said. Luz wouldn’t meet her eyes. She was crying quietly, now seated on the edge of the bed. “I used to do that, too, you know,” Amity said. That got Luz’s attention.

“Why?” Luz croaked.

“I was in a much darker place. My mom abused me growing up. I won’t go into too much detail about it, but I hated myself. I wanted to die. I’d cut my wrist and wish for a way out. Eventually, I got one. My dad won his court case and got custody of me from my mom. Him and my siblings helped me get better and heal. Now, my scars are so faded they’re barely noticeable,” Amity said, showing her wrists.

Sure enough, Luz could barely make out cut marks on her wrists. They seemed very old. “I know what it’s like to feel like doing this,” Amity continued. “I will never judge you for it. But I want you to know I’ll be here for you, and if you feel like doing it again I’d love for you to reach out to me instead.”

Luz shook her head, but Amity held up a finger. “If you’re going to say something like ‘I don’t want to bother you’ or something, save it. You’re never a bother. Actually, it brings a smile to my face every time I hear from you. So please reach out?” Amity asked.

Luz nodded. “I just hear these voices in my head, you know? And sometimes I can’t get them to stop. Cutting makes them go away,” she said.

Amity’s heart broke when she heard Luz tell her that. She watched Luz yawn now that she had calmed down some. “I’ll tell you what,” Amity said. “For now, how about we lay down, and I’ll hold you, and any of those voices that come, I’ll tell them that they’re wrong and you’re an amazing person so you can get some rest. Then, tomorrow, we can talk about it more and look into getting you help?” Amity asked.

“I don’t guess you’d be willing to forget about seeing the cuts, huh?” Luz asked.

“Nope,” Amity replied with a soft smile.

“Fine. But let me change into a better shirt,” Luz said. Once she changed into an (adorable) otter t shirt and matching shorts, the duo crawled in bed, and Amity wrapped her arms around Luz. To some, things would definitely be moving too fast. But to Amity, things felt so… right. Like this was where she belonged, arms wrapped around Luz. And that night, Luz got the best sleep she’d had in months