Never Hurts to Try
Luz woke up wrapped up nice and warm in her bed. She stretched her legs out and yawned, but froze when she heard a giggle behind her. That’s when she realized there were arms wrapped around her and another person laying behind her.
“Good morning cutie,” Amity said, giving Luz a little squeeze. Luz blushed deeply as Amity cuddled closer, giving her a peck on the cheek. “How’d you sleep?” Amity asked.
“I slept… really good, actually,” Luz said. She felt rested for once. She hadn’t woken up from the time her head hit the pillow to now.
“I’m glad, you needed rest,” Amity said. She moved her arms from holding Luz, causing Luz to pout. That is, until Amity rolled Luz onto her back and climbed on top of her. Amity straddled Luz, kissing her deeply. Luz reached up for her, but Amity pinned her hands down to the mattress. Luz could feel heat building insids her as Amity held her down and kissed her. Amity broke from the deep kiss to shower Luz’s cheeks and jaw with kisses, and gave her a quick peck on the nose before rolling off of the bed.
Luz was a blushing mess, breathing heavy as she looked over at Amity. Amity stood next to the bed, pulling her hair into a ponytail with a smirk gracing her lips. When she pulled her hair up, Luz could see the brown under the purple. Amity was wearing an oversized Azura shirt and a pair of shorts from her college, and Luz couldn’t help but notice there was nothing under the shirt.
“You hungry? I can fix us something to eat, if that’s okay,” Amity offered.
Luz tried to speak, but words were hard when a goddess stood in front of her. She cleared her throat, and nodded. “Yeah, food sounds good,” Luz said. She climbed out of bed, following Amity into the kitchen area.
Amity couldn’t stop smiling, looking at Luz’s bed head and how adorable she was in her otter clothes. But when Amity looked down at Luz’s wrist, she bit her cheek to hide the frown that wanted to form. The cuts on Luz’s arm were red and angry looking, and definitely didn’t belong on Luz. No, Luz was like warm sunshine on a spring day, and seeing her hurting made Amity wish there were something to fight, so she could just save Luz and make Luz feel as amazing as she was.
But this would be a different kind of fight, one she could only help Luz to fight. She couldn’t do it for Luz, only be there when Luz needed support. “After I cook, I want to put some disinfectant on your cuts and rebandage them,” Amity said. Luz’s face dropped as she sat at the counter, and she wouldn’t look at Amity’s face.
Amity lifted Luz’s chin to meet her eyes. “Hey,” she said, “it’s okay, I’m not going to freak out about it. I just want to make sure they heal properly. And over breakfast, we can look into getting you help. I don’t mean to overstep, I know we’re kinda in the beginning of a relationship, but I want to help you. You deserve help, and to enjoy your life.”
Luz nodded, but there was still a look in her eyes. Like she didn’t believe Amity, and she was berating herself for feeling how she did. So, Amity tried something. She walked into the living room and opened up a streaming service, turning on the very first Good Witch Azura movie. Then, she went back to the bedroom and grabbed the comforter and some pillows and carried them to the loveseat, making a makeshift nest of coziness.
Amity returned to the kitchen, taking Luz’s hand and dragging her to the loveseat. She pulled her into it and covered her up and fluffed pillows around her to make her comfortable and cozy. Luz was bright red as Amity kissed her cheek. “You stay here and watch Azura while I cook, then we can cuddle and watch movies and eat and spend the whole day together. That sound good?” Amity asked.
Luz nodded, and Amity gave her a kiss on the lips before returning to the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what Luz had to cook for breakfast.
——-
Amity managed to cook up some pancakes with some eggs, and the pair shared the loveseat as they watched Azura and Hecate go from enemies to friends to lovers. After breakfast, Amity had managed to keep Luz in a better headspace while she bandaged and cleaned her cuts by continuously talking about fan theories and ships in the Azuraverse.
“There,” Amity said, Luz’s arm now bandaged and safe from infection.
“Thanks,” Luz said, rubbing her neck and looking down. “You, uh, don’t have to worry about helping me sign up for therapy and stuff. I’ll sign up on my own, and get help.”
Amity shook her head. “I don’t have to do a lot of things,” she said. “I do things I choose to do. Like kissing you,” Amity said, giving Luz a quick, passionate kiss. Luz blushed and returned it. “See? I choose what I do. And so when I say I want to help you sign up for therapy, I mean I want to do it.”
Luz nodded, still not meeting Amity’s eyes. “Luz, you deserve to feel good about yourself,” Amity insisted. “You’re a great person! You just don’t see it right now.”
Luz shook her head. “I’m not that great,” she said. She has no clue how she tricked Amity into believing all these things, but it wasn’t true. Now, she was burdening Amity with her problems. Classic Noceda, stupid and selfish as usual.
“You are. For two years, I’ve talked to you, wishing I could meet you in person,” Amity said. Her cheeks were burning, but Luz needed to hear this. “Growing up, I was taught I would never be good enough for anyone. I was a disappointment, never could please my mother. Even when I did exactly as told, it wasn’t enough. So I’d punish myself, to make my voices go away. I’d cut and cut and cut and cut.”
Luz listened intently, allowing Amity to speak. And speak she did. “So, when I was fifteen, I tried to… put an end to it. My siblings and father were devastated. They knew it was bad, and were trying to get me out of there, but I just didn’t want to burden them. I’d never do anything but drag them down. So I took a bunch of pills in the cabinet in the bathroom. If the maid hadn’t walked in and found me, I…” Amity got choked up.
Even after all these years and therapy, it was still hard to think about. But she needed to keep speaking. Luz gave her hand a squeeze, offering silent comfort. She squeezed back and tried again.
“My point is,” Amity continued, “I tried to take my life, and I got lucky I failed. I almost didn’t. Now, I have a loving family who has helped me become who I am, and I got help so now I want to live. Gods, do I still have my bad days. But I’ve developed healthy coping mechanisms and have people I can turn to for help. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. But I don’t want to risk living in a world where you make an attempt and you don’t fail.”
Luz sat in silence, staring at their joined hands. Amity rubbed circles on the back of Luz’s hand with her thumb. “You really want to be around me?” Luz finally asked.
Amity gave her a warm smile, even though the other girl couldn’t see it. “Everything seems crazy right now,” Amity said, “and I have no idea what my future holds, but it would be so cool if you were in it. So, I want to show you I mean that. We can get you signed up for therapy, and see each other, and maybe go on some dates?”
Luz finally looked up at Amity. The purple haired girl was red in the face, and nervous, but she was genuine. “Yeah,” Luz said, giving Amity a small but genuine smile, “I’d like that.”
——-
Amity and Luz spent the rest of the day together. They did their research while Azura played on the tv, and by that afternoon, they had found a counseling center about twenty five minutes away that seemed to be great, and Luz had an appointment scheduled for Thursday.
Amity had to leave to go back home that afternoon, and they shared a short kiss outside of her car. They had agreed to a date on Wednesday afternoon, a real first date. And then they’d go out on Friday with Luz’s friends to celebrate Luz getting help. “They don’t have to know why,” Amity had said, “but I think you deserve time with people who love you.” And for once, Luz didn’t disagree.