If I drown, will I still be me? Or who I was.
Leo ran through the jungle, the wind blowing through his mask, his feet were still bandaged but it’s not like the sharp rock or sticks bothered him anymore. He ran and ran, and where he couldn’t run, he climbed through the trees.
Being barefoot made it so much easier to do this kind of thing.
This felt right, it felt freeing… If Leo could live everyday like this then he would never leave.
Eventually Leo came across a river, the same river he’d find everyday, the same one that led to a 50 meter waterfall into deep water. The same one he was running at full speed towards.
When the space between Leo’s bare feet and the rocky edge of the waterfall’s edge closed, Leo jumped, he executed a well practiced flip off the edge and let himself free fall alongside the crashing water.
Leo dived gracefully into the cold splashing water, he let himself sink, slowly getting closer to the bottom, limply letting the current take him wherever it pleased.
The murky water was hypnotizing as it bewitchingly contorted each of his limbs however it desired.
Being a turtle, Leo always found a sense of comfort when being surrounded by the liquid, he remembers when he was young and their father would fill a bathtub with clean water and let him and his brothers swim around, because of their size, it was basically an olympic swimming pool, he remembers diving down to the bottom and staying sat on the porcelain until his Dad noticed and fished him out, worried he might drown.
Even though Leo could hold his breath for multiple hours at a time, his Dad still cared for him, still worried that he may succumb to the foreign risk of drowning.
Leo wonders where his Dad went; when his Dad left and his Sensei arrived, turning their innocent wish to be like their Dad into years of ruthless training and discipline. His Sensei may be his father but he hasn’t seen his Dad in so long.
The memories felt so far now; as if Leo was looking at a foggy mirror, the blurry reflexion of his innocent child self staring back at him, even though he couldn’t make out any details he always knew.
But the real question he had been asking himself is where does Leo begin and Leonardo end?
Some would say they are the same person but it’s not the same, Leonardo is what his Sensei called him, Leo is what his brothers called him; what his family called him.
He missed hearing people say his name.
The background noise of the jungle felt like a warm blanket being draped around his shoulders after diving into an ice bath, but the lack of voices felt like liquid winter was injected into his veins.
It was cold, it hurt and the blanket wasn’t warm enough.
It had been 3 months, turning 4 soon (he thinks) though it felt longer.
When would the voices start and the silence begin? Why was he here? His Dad would never have sent him here, his Dad loves him, not his Sensei. Why couldn’t Sensei be like Dad? Where was his Dad? He wants his Dad.
Leo floated in the water aimlessly and seemingly lifelessly.
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------In New York.
“Alright! There should be a ship leaving the port in a few hours, does everyone have everything?” Mikey asked the group, he’d evidently matured since Leo had left, some may think it was because he got babied but in reality Leo shoulders enough responsibility for all of them and with him gone that responsibility fell back onto them.
Sounds of confirmation came from the group, they had agreed to leave as soon as possible, April, Vern and Casey had wanted to come, claiming that they were also Leo’s family and that they should be there for him. But as much as they wanted to, their social and work lives were too demanding to be put on pause for such a prolonged amount of time.
So, as a part of their compromise, the three turtles were to send constant and detailed updates on their ‘rescue mission’.
When the three made their way to the Turtle-Tank, they loaded their lightly packed bags and as if on cue; Splinter walked into the room.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Splinter bellowed as he walked over “My sons, where are you going at this time of day?”
The three brothers shared glances, Raph sighed and stepped forward “We’re going ta the docks,” Raph glanced back at his younger brothers before continuing “ ‘Cause we’re going to get Leo back” Raph ignored his father’s baffled expression
“ ‘Cause this is the stupidest punishment that I- that we have ever heard of. It’s stupid an’ dangerous an’ careless, Leo’s been gone long enough and we aren’t going to risk him potentially staying gone because of you.”
Splinter looked over his sons, his students, was his decision really affecting them this much
“My sons,” he began “I appreciate your concern for your brother and I am deeply touched that you are willing to go all the way to Brazil to retrieve him but Leonardo can return whenever he wishes, no one is forcing him to stay in South America so no one should force him to return.”
Everyone looked at Splinter as if he had just claimed something outrageous, which he had.
He had insinuated that Leonardo had decided to stay away, that he wanted to do better in the way his father- his Sensei had intended and that he will do as he was told.
“I have not given Leonardo any challenge he could not overcome. I find your love for him inspiring but you have no say in whether or not Leonardo has been gone long enough because it was not your decision, it was none of your decisions. You must let him go, if he does not return then it is just another loss we must bear. No matter how painful.”
Because that is how Splinter saw Leonardo; obedient.
“That’s-” Donnie attempted to cut in but Raph wasn’t having it, if their own father saw their older brother and Raphael’s twin as some obedient object then Raph wasn’t going to stand by and let Splinter’s delusions go on for much longer.
“Now that! Is tha’ most ridiculous thing I ‘ave ever heard you say. Ya’ preach responibility and honor but where is the honor in sendin’ yur oldest to go die in da fuckin’ jungle! You are the most pathetic excuse of a father I have ever seen, and we’ve all seen some pretty fucked up shit while fighting in a war tha’ was neva ours to beguin with.” Raph’s chest heaved for breath through his gritted teeth as tears pricked his eyes.
In the corner of his eye he could see Mikey clinging to Donnie, Mikey had become more responsible and Donnie distant but in that moment it felt like nothing had changed, that they were still 14, hiding in the shadows as their older brothers had screaming matches with their father, tears threatening to fall.
It hurt to see them like that but he couldn’t let Leo drift further than he already has.
Splinter was too stunned to speak or to even move, the three took advantage of his stupefied daze and got into the Turtlet-Tank, successfully speeding off into the sewers, Donnie glanced at the mirror, catching sight of April, Casey and Vern running after them, waving and yelling reassurances.
Silent tears ran down Mikey’s face, Raph had managed to bite his own tears back and Donnie remained silent.
“Are we ever going to be happy again?” Mikey asked quietly from his spot in the front seat next to Donnie.
“I’m sure we will be.” Donnie replied curtly.
“Of course we will be, all’a this bull shit is temporary, we need ta get Leo back first though. Alright, Mikey?” raph’s original anger had been strained out of his voice, he put on his bravest face for his youngest brother, Mikey may have matured but he was still Raph’s little brother and he would do anything to protect his family.