What is it that you see?

Dangan Ronpa Series
F/F
M/M
G
What is it that you see?
Summary
You cannot fight against what is ingrained in your veins, nor can you ignore the hypocrisy of your actions. You cannot break what is already broken, nor can you change a mind that refuses to be moved. The scales of trust and distrust, truth and lies, coexist in delicate balance. What stirs beneath the surface is a story no one can tell, for true reality is in the eye of the beholder. Yet, even the most unmovable can be subjected to cracks; a small opening to which new possibilities can arise. What exists on the other side of that thin line?Aka, what could have stopped Eva from committing a crime she could never take back?
Note
You are very lucky I'm not posting this as a one-shot like I originally planned www. It ended up getting so long, and I was going to do it still as one story, but I have spared you on behest of one of my fellow AO3 readers who has now convinced me not to commit to my torturous bit. You're welcome lolP:EG came swinging at me and then put me in a chokehold cuz all I can think about lately is this game. I could go on for paragraphs about how much I love Eva Tsunaka as a writer. My original draft notes was literally six pages long lmao. But, I’ll spare you it and summarize: she is such a great character because of her complex flaws. She’s done an unforgivable and cruel crime, yet there’s still a very scared girl with so many issues underneath her aggression. I don’t doubt she exaggerated some of her bullying, but I don’t think she’s lying about having been hated, bullied, and essentially used by other people in her life. Her issues are absolutely not an excuse for her crime, but it does make her pitiable and explain a lot about her behavior. The quote I honestly think describes what happened for her to have such a toxic life (both due to the people around her and her own natural self-destructiveness) is something she said in the prologue when refuting Wolfgang's statements about no one killing:"Living with constant praise from the public has ruined our sense of self... If you need examples, just look around the room... If you continue to convince all of these people to trust each other, they'll only be more vulnerable." - Eva TsunakaIt's a general statement that applies to the Ultimates, but in particular, I've come to read this quote as being the most applicable to Eva. She lived with both praise and hatred, and that ruined her sense of self as she sought to please the adults in her life, while never getting the recognition and love she wanted for doing so. Her sense of self was ruined in her pursuit of praise. As for the trust statement, it reflects her inability to trust anyone anymore, as when she trusted the people in her life when she was young, all she got back was pain that gave her a complicated relationship with people and herself as an individual. If she stops trusting people, she'll never be vulnerable again, even if she wants to trust someone. Maybe I'm over analyzing it, but it kept crossing my mind. In essence, she's a pathetic person who was already kinda mentally/emotionally broken from before she was in the Killing Game, so it never really would have taken much effort to push her to her lowest, because frankly she was kinda already there.I wanted to write this fic not just because I love myself some Yuri and pain, but really try to figure out what would realistically stop Eva from killing Wolfgang. It was definitely interesting trying to consider the actions of a character that thinks like Eva, someone who distrusts everyone, doubts everyone’s words, feels she is superior to everyone yet also feel inferior to all. This fic is the result of that pondering! I can’t say it’ll be great, or if I'll get the characters perfectly down, but I've tried my best haha! I hope you enjoy!
All Chapters Forward

Butterfly Effect

Kai Monteago understood his own weaknesses and flaws. He knew how ill suited his personality and nature were for an environment like a Killing Game. The influencer was easy to scare, easy to intimidate, and had little to no confidence in his ability to defend himself. All he had was his caution and perceptiveness that kept him on guard, but if he were ever faced with a killer, none of those things would save him. He didn’t want to believe anyone would kill, but if everything went according to Tozu’s plans, he imagined he wouldn’t survive it all. Either he’d be killed by someone, the more likely outcome, or the masked man would corner him into making decisions he’d regret for the rest of his short life. Regardless, the lingering fear of death echoed loudly in the back of his mind with every breath he took in the past five days. Yet, as he stumbled over to his newfound friend, a girl he couldn’t imagine harming a spider, even if she was scared of it, who now sat stiff as a board with blood dripping from her head, he no longer cared that an aggressor could be nearby.

He knelt down by the girl, gently placing a hand on her knee, wincing as he felt her flinch at his touch. Diana’s eyes were contorted with shock and agony, her fingers digging at her head like she wanted to rip her ears off her body. He glanced at the origin of the blood trail running down her face, and the influencer’s brow furrowed. There wasn’t a deep cut, however, the skin had been broken and he could see several bruises in different spots. Kai had never had a concussion before, but from what he knew, head injuries like that could impact both vision and hearing. The loud explosion from earlier probably blasted her eardrums out, not to mention completely blind her. The cosmetologist probably didn’t even realize there were other people around her until he touched her. He scanned the rest of her for wounds, noting only her left ankle that was extremely swollen.

Gently rubbing small circles into her knee, Kai attempted to situate himself so he was face to face with his friend. She was mumbling under her breath, body shaking as her glazed over eyes stared out into space. Jean had taken it upon himself to tend to the Ultimate Lawyer and the Ultimate Mathlete, both who looked worse for wear. He had circled around where he was crouched down, gently scooping Eva up into his arms and laying her on the ground next to Wolfgang, who he had also taken off of Diana’s lap. The ship captain had given him a small nod to continue assisting the magenta haired girl, turning his focus back to the other two. Seeing them so beat up made a twinge of guilt form in his heart. He wasn’t in any way close to either, but he felt bad for some of the thoughts he had about them, or things he had said. While he believed Wolfgang to be a good guy, as he had spent more time with Damon, he had become wary of the lawyer’s actions. Maybe it was just the debater’s cynical views rubbing off on him, but as foolish as he acted sometimes, he wasn’t clueless. The influencer understood that Wolfgang Akire’s treatment of Damon and Eva was wrong, even if he had agreed at some point that they were suspicious. He preached unity, but actively excluded two people while knowing that the others held him in a position of high respect. If a person doesn’t reprimand certain behaviors in a position like that, it solidifies those actions as acceptable. Kai could see the lawyer’s actions for what they really were: hypocritical. Despite that, he knew the Ultimate Lawyer was only trying his best to keep everyone alive and safe.

On the other hand, Eva Tsunaka didn’t deserve to be made fun of. Hiding her true talent wasn’t a great choice, and her way of trying to keep it a secret when the trinket profiles were released was wrong. He felt justified in expressing his concerns and distrust towards her. After all, she seemed suspicious and in the situation they were in, it was evidently concerning to outright lie like that, inciting panic in everyone. However, in the end, her actions were still just a mistake that shouldn’t have been utilized as an excuse to act like jerks towards the girl in turn. It put a sour taste in his mouth, recalling the miserable expression she had when Grace had initiated ‘shot not,’ the way he laughed at her talent, and called it social suicide. No wonder she didn’t want to say a word when all he did was probably prove whatever insecurities she had right with how he acted. It made him think back to all the arguments online between his haters and his fans, the venomous insults that both had thrown at each other. He was glad to have his fans defend him, but that toxic environment was awful. Even though Kai tried to ignore it, to not light any fires… even when he knew the people hating him were wrong, it didn’t mean their comments didn’t affect him. The things he had read, both directed at himself and his fans, hurt him. Receiving hate was a terrible thing, and he wouldn’t wish his experience on anyone. Yet, weren’t his actions the same as those people who wished to see his life crumble? Knowing that those two had a scuffle, most likely over one of them trying to kill the other, and realizing that both of them could have died while he had these thoughts in his mind and those words in their memories—it made him feel like shit.

As soon as they wake up, I’ll apologize… Kai told himself. Even if Wolfgang wasn’t aware of how he thought of the man, and even if Eva wouldn’t forgive him, he’d apologize. He may have thought himself as in the right, but he wasn’t blind to his missteps. Apologizing was the least he could do in a situation where he wasn’t capable of much else. But, until that moment came, the influencer devoted his attention to ensuring Diana didn’t hurt herself. Her fingers were beginning to dig into her skin worryingly hard, but he knew better than to grab her hands and pry them away. Slowly, he moved his hand up towards one of her’s, rubbing his thumb soothingly against the back of it. That seemed to grab her attention, as her gaze moved away from the floor, searching for him within the darkness. Her mumbles became audible, and the neediness in her voice broke his heart.

“Wh… who’s… there…? Please… help Eva… Wolfgang… I… everything hurts…”

“It’s me, Kai,” he whispered, leaning forward slightly. He doubted she could hear him, but it didn’t hurt to try. “Jean and Damon are with me too. We’re going to help all of you right now. You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

He didn’t believe those words, but he said them anyways. This wasn’t about what he thought, but what Diana needed to hear. Whether or not she actually understood what he said, he felt the Ultimate Cosmetologist’s death grip on her head loosen, her eyes softening as she looked his way. Taking this as his opportunity, he gently pulled both of her hands from her ears, and wrapped her in a light hug. She flinched at first, but quickly sunk into the embrace, gripping fistfuls of his sweater tightly as she trembled. The girl sniffled weakly into his shoulder, muttering to him.

“Is this… Kai…?”

“Mhm.”

“I can’t… hear everything. Everything is blurry…”

“I know. You hurt your head pretty badly.”

“Eva… and Wolfgang… they…”

“They’re being taken care of by Jean.”

“I tried… I really… tried…”

“Diana…”

“Why am I… so powerless…?”

“...” Kai fell silent, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t care that she couldn’t hear him, he didn’t want to say anything. He was afraid… of saying something that might hurt her. So, he reacted by rubbing more circles into her back, pursing his lips into a thin line as his friend exhaled shakily in his ear.

He averted his gaze away from Diana, not wanting to think about how fragile she appeared in his arms. Instead, he opted to check to see how the other two were doing. Jean was silently focused on Wolfgang and Eva, utilizing the vest the cosmetologist had taken off and tearing it into makeshift bandage strips. The captain had slipped off both of their jackets and was in the process of rolling up the sleeves of their shirts to better inspect their wounds. When he turned his gaze to Damon, he froze, his eyes glued on his roommate. The debater, who usually maintained an empty or annoyed expression, looked like he was about to have a panic attack. His eyes were fully locked onto the mathlete, his clenched fist quivering ever so slightly. It was the first time he had ever seen the guy look that disoriented, and it made his heart ache for some reason. Kai wanted to get up and check in on him, but there was no way Diana was letting go of him unless she passed out. So, shifting her head to his other shoulder he tried to distance his face away from her ears as best he could, and called out to his new trusted bunk buddy.

“Damon? You good?

He didn’t get so much as a grunt of acknowledgement. Sighing, Kai tried again, speaking a bit more firmly. “Damon. C’mon dude, stop spacing out.”

Thankfully, he didn’t need to do anything beyond that, as the debater let out a gasp and jolted to attention, whirling his gaze towards the influencer. At first, Damon seemed confused, his brain having not caught up with what was occurring. Yet, Kai was able to tell the moment clarity returned to him, as his face attempted to morph back into his normal, serious expression. Though, despite how hard the blond tried, he could still see the worry seeping into his green eyes. The Ultimate Influencer frowned with concern, which earned him a small tongue click from the other. Nope, he was still the same, even if the guy was panicking out of his mind.

“Wh-What?” the debater hissed out, his voice failing to fully mask his true emotions. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You looked super anxious,” Kai decided to reply. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m not anxious,” Damon snapped back with an incredulous look upon his face. “Why would I be worried about-”

“You don’t have to pretend, y’know. It doesn’t hurt to say that you’re worried about Eva. She’s your friend, right?”

“We’re not friends.”

“Okay, you’re not friends. But, you still care about her.”

The Ultimate Debater opened his mouth to retort, but paused part way, his resolve plummeting. He stared down at his feet, and Kai saw his expression grow soft. To anyone else, it would have looked like a normal scowl. However, he understood the subtleties of his emotions. It hadn’t been long since they had known each other, but after being around the guy in close quarters for the past few nights, he had grown accustomed to his usual looks of annoyance or coldness. He knew what he looked like when he was actually being standoffish. This, however, wasn’t that sort of prickly behavior. The influencer could see the turmoil in his gaze, the way his shoulders tensed up like he was trying to force down something from welling up. Kai knew he was trying to deny that he cared about Eva, that he cared about anyone around him, if only to protect himself from getting hurt. Yet, the Ultimate Influencer knew that in the end, despite everything he said about not trusting others, he had given all his trust to the mathlete unbeknownst to himself.

“Um… maybe you should gather the others. We’ll need help getting them all out of here, and uh… we’ll probably need supplies from the pharmacy.”

He didn’t want to force Damon to confront it all now, especially since he still seemed to be in a bit of shock. The debater glanced at him, and then down to Diana, and with a small nod, he wordlessly left the room, those green eyes swirling with so many unspoken emotions. I… can check on him more later, the influencer noted. Even if the debater tried to avoid him, he’d simply take his time. Out of everyone in their group, Damon was the one person he felt this strange nagging pull to try to understand. He wasn’t what everyone saw him as. There was more to him than him speaking harsh truths or trying to put himself above others. Kai knew that, because he had chosen to trust his roommate.

And so, he waited. He waited alongside Jean and his three injured classmates, waiting for the others to arrive. He waited patiently for them all to get through the initial shock and horror, to move beyond their suspicions on the aggressor, and assist the two of them with transporting them back to the dorms. He waited for Ulysses and Wenona to come back with medical supplies, waited for Grace to let go of Wolfgang’s hand so he could get proper treatment from Jean, who had the most experience with medical care, waited for Eloise and Desmond to finish investigating the boiler room, waited for Cassidy, Jett, and Mark to investigate the dining hall for anything that could have possible been involved with the blackout, waited for Toshiko and Ingrid to provide information about their whereabouts, and waited patiently in the mathlete’s room for Damon to finish checking up on Diana in her dorm.

Jean had made the executive decision to have Wolfgang, Diana, and Eva treated in their own dorm rooms, separated from each other. The ship captain had reasoned that the infirmary itself didn’t seem that trustworthy, along with the fact that it didn’t seem safe for them all to be in the same room considering the state they were in. It was universally agreed upon by everyone, and to ensure that no one tried anything while they were all unconscious, Desmond suggested another buddy system. While they recovered, two people would remain in the dorm with them. It would ensure the person was watched over, and also keep the other person in check. After some discussion, it was decided that Toshiko and Ingrid would stay with Diana, Grace, Jean and Ulysses with Wolfgang, to which the historian would stay with Grace until the Ultimate Ship Captain came back from tending to the girls, and Kai volunteered himself and Damon to stay with Eva. The marksman had looked a little shocked that the influencer had dared to offer up the debater without his permission, but to all of their surprise, he responded with a brief ‘fine,’ before walking away with Jean to help with treatment.

And so, Kai sat on the mattress he dragged from Damon’s dorm within the somewhat oppressive walls of Eva Tsunaka’s dorm, with a surprisingly calm Cassidy by his side. She had agreed to stay with him until Damon got back, since they still needed to maintain the buddy system. The rest of the students had split off, with Wenona waiting outside the lawyer’s dorm room for Ulysses, Desmond and Eloise going towards the courtyard, and Jett helping Mark retrieve his DJ equipment from the dining hall to bring back to his dorm. Though they all knew they should discuss the situation, everyone was far too flustered to be able to have a productive discussion. So, they came to an agreement to reconvene in the evening to share the results of each group’s investigation. It would also give ample time for the three patients to possibly regain consciousness and help explain the situation. The influencer hadn’t been surprised by how quickly everyone split up the moment they decided on a course of action. He already felt ready to pass out and he’d only been awake for about two hours.

He glanced over at the redhead, watching her pour her concentration into a small, handheld gaming console. On the screen, she was in the middle of battling monsters in turn-based combat. The graphics were rather cheerful, the colorful pixel art a stark contrast to their dull surroundings. Compared to his own bright pink room, Kai could only describe Eva Tsunaka’s dorm as depressing. There were hardly any splashes of color, outside of a few fake math textbooks in her bookshelf that were colored blue. Outside of that, most everything else was either grey, black, or dark brown. It hardly instilled a feeling of ‘home’ within him. He was surprised that he hadn’t seen many items related to her talent, until he checked one of the trash cans to find miscellaneous math tools shoved inside it without much regard for damaging them all. It was a testament to her hatred for her Ultimate title, and something that evoked pity out of him. Everything about the mathle-no, the mathematician’s being, from the way she carried herself, to the way her talent seemed to be a source of misery for her, to her distrustful nature that she had shown since after the mock trial—all of it was so depressing. Kai was sure that he hadn’t even seen the girl smile since they all arrived at the academy. He knew he didn’t know nearly as much as Damon regarding Eva, but after trying to recall his own actions around her, he was able to glean that the little bits of life in her eyes were full of a bitter determination, as if she continued to exist solely out of spite. It made him wonder how people looked from her perspective.

“Hey, Cass?”

“What’s up, my dude?” Cassidy responded, her eyes still glued to the console, but her voice telling him she was paying attention.

Kai sighed, glumly turning his gaze towards her. “Do you think… that Eva resents us?”

The gamer paused her playing to look back at the influencer, her gaze studying his face. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders with a solemn expression he had never seen before. “I don’t know. She might, since some of us made fun of her talent. Maybe it didn’t seem like much to us, but it probably hit deeper for her. Why're you asking?”

“It’s… well, I feel bad about the stuff I said to her… like calling her talent social suicide… especially since I could have just remained in her memory as some jerk if she… well… y’know.”

“Yeah… but you don’t sound done.”

He nodded, watching the Ultimate Pro Gamer set her console down fully to listen. “I’m more or less worried about Damon. He trusts Eva, but she’s clearly involved in all of this in some way. If it’s because she was the one who attacked… I don’t know how he’ll take it.”

“Gotta just… be there for him and listen to him. Bargain bin is a bit snappy, but he’s got a heart in there somewhere. You’ve clearly seen it.”

Kai lingered on those words. Had he really seen Damon’s true emotions? He had only been bunking with him for four nights. Even he knew that wasn’t enough time to really get to know someone. Yet, he already felt attached to the guy in a way he couldn’t exactly explain. He couldn’t put a word to it, but at the very least he knew that he could trust Damon. The influencer was able to pick apart the way he acted, and already understood the debater’s mannerisms. He hadn’t noticed how much he’d been paying attention to all of that. But, that still wasn’t enough to say he’d seen what really dwelled in his heart. However, despite not knowing, he wanted to believe that he’d seen bits and pieces of it.

“I guess,” he settled on for a response, smiling to himself. “Thanks for listening to me.”

“No problemo, pinky,” Cassidy grinned. “Now, wanna watch me play?”

The two sat together, Kai eagerly peering over the gamer’s shoulder to watch her absolutely crush everything in her path. It was genuinely shocking to see how quickly she seemed to understand what to do. Though, he supposed that was to be expected for someone who was used to competitive gaming. She was quick to adjust strategies whenever she needed to, carefully looking around for whatever items she could find to continue crawling through the dungeon. He enjoyed playing video games casually on the occasion, but watching Cassidy play was like watching a master chef cook in front of him. It was a level of finesse that he couldn’t fully comprehend, but still be impressed nonetheless. He almost forgot he was waiting, until he heard the door open abruptly, throwing him back into reality as looked over to see Damon walk inside, his expression seemingly blank, but his eyes revealing that he was merely deep in thought.

“Heyo, bargain bin,” the redhead waved cheerfully, though it was certainly more subdued than normal out of consideration for the debater. “You good for me to head out?”

“...yeah,” he replied flatly, not even bothering to act annoyed at her nickname. “Thanks for covering me.”

“Uh, yeah, not a problem,” Cassidy replied, a bit taken aback by the sudden gratitude.

Kai waved the pro gamer goodbye, keeping his eyes on the blond as he trudged his way over to the mattress. As soon as the door closed, with an unceremonious plop, Damon sat down next to him, keeping his gaze glued to his legs. They sat there in silence, neither one daring to start the conversation. He knew that the debater understood they needed to talk about all of this, especially considering Eva was literally in the room with them, and they had no clue when she’d wake up. However, the Ultimate Influencer had no clue how to begin it all. It wasn’t like he could just casually say ‘Hey, Damon! Wanna spill your guts to me? I promise you’ll feel better!’ If he did that, he was sure the Ultimate Debater would simply never speak to him again. It was a thought that he absolutely did not want to come true, especially since he was one of the few people he actually felt he could trust in the Killing Game. So, with a hesitant deep breath, he decided to rip the bandage off.

“Damon, how are you holding up?” Kai asked gently.

His roommate lifted his head up, making eye contact with him. For a second, it looked like he was going to ignore him, but to the influencer’s relief, Damon’s expression softened ever so slightly as he let out a shaky exhale. “I… don’t really know. Everything just feels like a blur.”

He paused to think for a moment before responding back “Well… then let’s start here; what are you feeling now?”

“That’s rather broad,” Damon quickly retorted with a faux scoff.

“It’s somewhere at least,” Kai lightly chuckled. The debater didn’t smile at him, but he could see the bits of amusement and relief that were slipping through. It wasn’t much of a reaction, but it was enough for the influencer’s heart to flutter ever so slightly. He sat there for a while in silence, pondering Kai’s question, while he waited patiently for his response. Finally, after a couple minutes, Damon sat up straight, cocking his head back to stare at the ceiling. He closed his eyes as the words began to pour out.

“Confused, and a little worried, but mostly just… conflicted.”

It was surprisingly honest of the blond. Kai was just hoping he’d at least admit he was worried about Eva. While Damon did still try to play off how worried he was, he ended up sharing much more than he was expecting. There was much more vulnerability in his answer.

“I have a suspicion about what happened in the boiler room,” the debater continued. “I wasn’t sure at first, but after seeing the state of Diana and Wolfgang, and considering everything that led up to the blackout… my only conclusion I could draw was that Eva instigated it.”

“She… instigated it?” He felt his heart fall at those deductions. It was the outcome he was hoping wasn’t true for Damon’s sake.

But, he could only watch as his roommate nodded, turning his gaze towards him. “Eva helped set up the tournament yesterday night, according to Cassidy. Apparently, Eva also said that she’d help set up decorations in the morning since she was particular about placement. From how Cassidy described her, it sounded like she wanted to attend the tournament, if not a participant, then at least a spectator. However, she never showed up to the dining hall. While it could be chalked up to her oversleeping after staying up late to set up, she was the one who suggested the time for the tournament.”

“But, that wouldn’t be enough to say that she was planning to attack someone,” Kai mused, trying to envision the timeline of events. “Like, sure, it makes her look suspicious, but Eva could still have been lured to the boiler room. Maybe she was planning to attend after meeting someone down there, but then… she was attacked instead.”

“Doubtful,” Damon sighed, his voice full of exhaustion. “I may not like Wolfgang or agree with his opinions, but this doesn’t seem like something he’d plan. Besides, of all the people to be involved beyond Eva, it was the one who was isolating her, and the one she was rooming with, who just so happened to be the lawyer’s biggest admirer. It’s too convenient to be a coincidence. The people involved matter. If Wolfgang wanted to kill Eva and frame someone, he’d have tried to frame me.”

“I-I wouldn’t go that far and say someone was plotting to kill-”

“Don’t kid yourself, Kai. It makes the most logical sense, especially since I was pretty much the only person Eva was willing to talk and listen to,” the debater interjected. “Wolfgang could have selected Diana because he felt she was the easiest to lure down there, but there would be no reason beyond that to choose her of all people to frame. Eva on the other hand… would not only have the strategic reason to choose those specific targets, but a personal reason as well. Besides, I saw all their injuries. If it was just a conversation that devolved into a physical conflict, you might expect bruises and maybe a little bit of blood. But, the wounds they had go beyond just throwing some punches because someone lost their temper. There were scratches that looked like someone was clawing at Wolfgang, and bruises far too big for it to have been caused by a kick or punch from Eva, especially considering she’d be fighting a man who is heavier and significantly taller than her. And Eva… there’s a slash mark on her arm that had to have been caused by a blade. This wasn’t just some random fight. It was an attempt gone wrong.”

Kai wanted to refute him, to say anything to prove that he was wrong. He didn’t want Damon to have to suspect the person he cared about and had grown to trust. Eva had grown to be his friend, whether or not he’d admit it. Having to doubt a friend was a pain he didn’t want the debater to have to feel. And yet, there was nothing he could say. The influencer couldn’t refute his logic, because it all aligned with his own speculations. He had just been hoping that Damon hadn’t reached the same conclusion yet, not when he was still so sensitive after witnessing the girl in such a grave state. His worries must have been leaking onto his face, because he was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts as Damon gave him a light shove, a weary smile on his face that made Kai want to hug him then and there, opting instead to offer his hand, resting it on the debater’s knee like he had done for Diana. Without commenting on it, he felt a surge of relief as he felt the warmth of his roommate’s hand resting on top of his.

“I can tell what you’re thinking, but it’s fine. It’s better for me to know the truth, than refuse to see it. I can’t deny that it’d be nice if I was wrong, but… I know this is probably the answer, which is why I feel conflicted.”

“Do you want to forgive Eva? For breaking your trust, that is.”

His question was quickly answered with a downcast gaze. “A part of me does… but another part of me is angry at her.”

For the second time, silence enveloped the room, both of them processing all of the information and emotions they had just experienced. Kai didn’t know what advice to give the debater, or how to reassure him. He tried to think about it if it were Diana or Damon who had attacked someone, as difficult as it was to imagine either of them doing so. If one of them betrayed his trust in that way, would he be able to forgive them? The influencer sat on that question, considering his own emotions, his own behaviors, and his feelings towards those two. Kai was no stranger to hate or betrayal. He watched as people who had been his fans jumped on him like hyenas online after the whole debacle with the stolen posts. He knew that they were just taking into consideration the information they had obtained, but that didn’t make it sting any less. Maybe he was the fool for thinking he could trust a bunch of people online, for viewing his fans as friends, but betrayal of any kind was painful and hard to forget, regardless of who the individual was. He closed his eyes, dwelling on that twisted feeling that had broken his spirit so long ago, that he was only able to move on from because of the people who believed in him. When he opened his eyes, Kai had his answer.

“If it was me, although it’d be hard, I’d still want to try to forgive the person. It would still be dependent on what made them act that way, but I’d want to try,” he gave Damon a look of confidence in his words. “In your case, you don’t have to forgive Eva.”

The debater does a double take, raising a brow at him. “The hell does that mean?”

Right, he’s kinda socially inept and doesn’t understand stuff like this , Kai chuckles mentally, rolling his eyes playfully. “I mean, you don’t have to forgive her for what she did, but you can still give her a second chance to prove herself if she genuinely feels bad about it all. In the end though, you have to trust in yourself for the answer. After all, I’m sure you know what you really want to do better than me.”

He looked to see his roommate’s reaction to his words. His green eyes swirled with emotions, from fear to pondering to hopefulness. Though he still seemed hesitant on his resolve, the influencer felt assured that he’d find the answer. However, his thoughts were abruptly disrupted as his gaze slowly slid to the side. Somehow, throughout his entire response, his hand had moved to rest on Damon’s shoulder. He was about to apologize and retract his hand, until he noticed the debater ever so slightly leaning his head towards it. Kai didn’t know if he realized he was doing it, but he was praying to whatever god might exist that he wasn’t blushing in front of him after trying to give the guy serious advice. That sole realization seemed to be the trigger for him to try to change gears completely, as the influencer quickly decided that the two of them were done talking about serious, depressing topics.

Without giving the Ultimate Debater any form of warning, he pushed the guy over, causing him to let out a yell of surprise as he fell back into the mattress. As if he hadn’t even been mopey for the last three hours of his life, Damon shot him a piercing glare that truly felt like home to Kai. It was truly a relief to see him being his grouchy normal self and not the melting blob of ice cream he was earlier. He responded to the glare with a playful grin, the kind that a parent would give a child when they wanted to chide them for being mischievous. That only spurred his roommate to narrow his eyes at him even more.

“C’mon, don’t give me that look, dude! We’ve spent enough time worrying for now,” he laughed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m freaking tired, and I want to take a nap.”

“I’m not tired,” Damon grumbled, yet he made no attempts to sit back up.

Kai rolled his eyes. “Sure you’re not. And, you totally don’t look like shit right now.”

He was shot with an offended look from the other who huffed in exaggerated annoyance. “Pot calling the kettle black.”

“Maybe,” the influencer smirked. “But you still like this guy who looks like shit.”

The debater’s eyes widened, and he immediately turned on his side, moving to the far side of the mattress. He hissed out a ‘whatever’ in his usual prickly tone, but despite that, he pulled the blanket that was there over him like a child who wouldn’t admit defeat. Kai wished he had his phone so he could’ve recorded that entire interaction, but he supposed his memory would have to do. His eyes flicked down as he heard rustling, noticing that Damon had turned his head slightly towards him.

“Weren't you the one who said they were tired? Why are you just sitting there, staring into space like an idiot?”

He held back a laugh at the blond’s attempt to say that he should also get some rest, at the expense of not riling up the debater anymore. Wordlessly, he flopped down beside Damon, grabbing the blanket on his side and snuggling into the warmth. It didn’t take long for Kai to feel his eyes grow heavy. He’d experienced a whirlwind of emotions in such a short span of time, and now that he could finally relax, it felt like his brain was being weighed down by cement bricks. Exhaustion began to overtake him, but before he fully drifted off, Kai glanced one more time towards Damon. He was able to fall asleep with a bit of happiness, smiling softly as he looked at his roommate’s ears that were flushed from embarrassment.

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