crash collide into space
"He told you where he would be" Orion repeated. "So share the information willingly, or it shall be taken"
Regulus shook his head, small movements, repeated, quick "I don't. I don't know where he went, I don't know" He muttered avoiding eye contact.
"This is your last chance to tell us boy" Orion towered over the scrawny boy.
Regulus chewed on the inside of his cheek, the truth spilt out of his mouth once again "I don't know" he insisted. He had a pretty damn good guess, but he would never willingly leave Sirius somewhere alone with his parents (bitterly his mind supplied an unlike Sirius would do for you)
Regulus frowned "Why do you care all of a sudden-" he began quietly.
His mothers hand flew down smacking the table, it made him flinch, which consequentially made his father sneer. "All of a sudden?" She asked with a cold laugh "He's our heir, we've always cared" she insisted.
Regulus nodded at her, wide eyes.
"Why are you defying us all of a sudden?" She decided "tell us what you know" she continued placing her firm hands on his shoulders, pushing him down into the small wooden chair in the corner of his father's office. "Orion" she hummed at his silence.
"Legilimens"
Regulus' head tilted backwards and his head ached with pain as he felt his thoughts and memories being rifled through. He could resist. He knew how to, he had to resist. It was a mantra playing silently in the part of his brain that wasn't occupied by his father.
Sirius.
His father was filtering through his memories by looking at anything connected to Sirius.
'Please you can't leave- Sirius-' Regulus choked, his words slurring into childlike stutters.
'I can't stay Reg-'
'Don't leave- Sirius don't- fuck, fuck. FUCK YOU' the boy had shouted tears springing to his eyes, uncontrollable amounts of emotion filling him to the brim. Regulus had always been prone to using accidental magic as a kid, but in that moment he'd completely shattered the ornate vase on the ledge of the window.
'SIRIUS ORION BLACK' a voice screeched from the hallway.
Sirius' eyes widened in horror 'get out, Reg, you come or you go hide right now' he'd hissed.
Regulus took a step forwards, reading hope on Sirius' face, but the thundering of his mothers steps was enough to send him through the back staircase, back up to his bedroom. His entire body shaking from the incident.
"Weak, futile and fragile Regulus." his fathers voice bounced around his head.
Regulus bit the inside of his cheek, if he could steer the thoughts away from Sirius, he could maybe regather his composure enough.
'Fuck off Barty, Evan's just, well, like that' Regulus mumbled ignoring the red in his cheeks.
Oh for fuck sake this could not be happening. Fuck.
'I think he's a shirt-lifter, somethings fucking off with that-' Barty replied shaking his head 'you should stay away for a bit-'
Regulus had been in his quidditch sweater, quidditch, that was, always a safe bet, steering through his own memories he regained control.
Quidditch.
'And Black, well, the smaller one-'
The phrase alone triggered a different memory.
'No the smaller one. What's-his-face Carrow" Evan explained. Regulus had nodded his hands wrapped around his knees.
'They'll want me to take it. I have a few months left. August birthday' he mumbled. 'Fuck' he'd whispered trying to keep his composure.
'I'll take it too' Evan muttered 'not that I have much of a choice, even my cousin, she graduated last year, she's got the mark and all, she was so kind and forgiving' he'd muttered.
His father's presence became more focused again.
'Why didn't you come' Regulus' voice was choked, age eleven.
'Why would I go back there, are you an idiot?' Sirius snapped, frowning at his little brother.
'Why would you leave me there?' Regulus whispered looking up at his, at the time, far taller sibling.
'Look Reggie I'm sorry, I had an invitation to go somewhere else, and I took it-" Sirius gave him an apologetic look reaching forwards to ruffle his hair.
Regulus dodged his hand after a couple of seconds, small childish laughter filling the silence. 'well where did you go?' he'd asked innocently.
Get the fuck out.
Regulus jolted forwards, his father stumbling back into the book shelf. His head smashing against the edge of the bookshelf, his body slamming to the ground like a ragdoll.
Fear bubbling up in his chest as his mother stepped forwards, her sharp wand drawing across his jawline, the papercut hex being drawn across his pale skin.
"Regulus darling" she said in a venamous tone, grabbing his chin and drawing his face to her eye-level. "for the love of Crowley, tell me where your useless traiterous brother is."
"I don't-" The sharp sensation of a cold hand smacked his mouth shut.
"try again" a stinging hex ran down his spind, splitting into little thin papercuts.
"He never told me-" Regulus insisted. "He never said where he'd go- he didn't- he-" his voice was wavering.
"Do you know why I want to know, Regulus?" Walburga asked calmly, despite her husband who was knocked out on the floor mere feet away, Walburga never cared for something as childish and foolish as love, she cared for politics, and power.
"No" he replied, trying not to wince at her tightening grip, or cry at the nipping feeling the hex had left on his face.
"You're weak" she replied "Sirius is strong. A protector, fearless, our true heir. What are you Regulus without him?" she continued. "Abandoned, vulnerable, exploitable-" she continued her cold hand rested on his cheek, in what would appear to a stranger, in a motherly fashion "you're unfit for any sort of position in this family" she continued her nails digging into the fresh cut.
"Shut up" Regulus snapped standing up out of his chair. "Don't touch me" He said pushing against her hand.
"Good boy" Walburga smiled reaching forwards to caress his face again.
Regulus hated himself for revelling in the second of praise. Exploitable. Manipulate.
"So you aren't always soft and faulty, you do have a spine. Or was it a fluke Regulus?" she sneered the soft touch immediately becoming hostile once again.
"You're mummys little puppet, that's why I can't tell you anything. You'd do anything for half a second of love. Well you know what Reg? It's all fucking fake. Fabricated, do you know what that is? It's not love, it's fucking abuse and the moment you realize it-"
'No it's not Sirius. You know nothing. You're ignorant and-"
"Childish. I'm full of ideals that are unattainable and serve only to hurt myself-"
Regulus had been taken aback. His mother's words filling his throat.
"So what if I know where he is" The boy sneered. Pushing his shoulders down, stretching his neck to emphasize his new found height. "Why would I tell you?" he replied walking towards the door.
He felt his mothers hand wrap around his wrist yanking him back. "I am your mother. You will do as I say, or you will face the consequences-" She said her voice lowering to absolute zero.
Regulus could feel his stomach twisting, he'd pushed it too far, he'd pushed it way too far. What was he doing? He could feel himself begin to shake, it felt harder to breathe, oh merlin not that again.
"I'm sorry" he mumbled.
"So tell me you substandard wreck"
Regulus felt a laugh attempt to escape his throat, his mother always had been creative with insults. "I- I- I'm not sure" he decided on, and to no ones surprise he could feel her wand pointed at his neck again.
"Serpenfoco" his mother hissed.
A snake carefully wrapping around his neck, Regulus grimaced. It wasn't a real snake, hell it wasn't even visible, it was just the distinct feeling of a reptile, choking him to death.
"Tell me my love, tell me and you won't hurt anymore" Walburga cooed, brushing hair out of his face. Regulus wished he didn't yearn for the touch. It wasn't about Walburga , it was about touch.
Regulus stayed silent choking on his own words as he attempted to speak.
"It doesn't need to be this hard" she continued, the annoyance edging back into her fabricated tone. After a few more moments, Walburga flicked her wand, the spell subsiding. "Do we need to try something else?" She hissed "I have all night"
"Father doesn't" Regulus sneered before he could rationalize what he was doing. His mother whipped around, to see blood trickling down his husbands forehead. Regulus took this moment to bolt out of her grasp.
"Spiritus subsisto" his mothers voice screeched after him, her wand flitting towards him, and in a fit of passion Regulus felt himself spin around, the curse deflecting off of himself and onto his mother. He watched the air leave her lungs, suffocating on nothing. He didn't have his wand. He didn't have his wand. He didn't have his wand.
As the oxygen vanished from his mothers lungs, leaving her crumpling towards the ground, she waved her crooked wand in a sharp motion, swinging Regulus' arm back in a quick painful movement.
He bit his tongue to avoid the pain, looking down at the destruction he'd caused. The non verbal magic had charred the wood floors, leaving the putrid smell of burning fabric and wood in the room, there were cracks stretching menacingly through the walls, and anything fragile had shattered. The main spectacle of course, were his parents, sprawled across the floor, the boy could feel his body shaking, anxiety, fear, anger, confusion, exhaustion all so strong and powerful he felt as though he could implode. He jumped at the sight of blood before realizing it was merely ink, hearing his father scrambling forwards for his wand looking from Regulus to his wife with fury etched into his usual stoic features. Regulus dashed out of the room slamming the door, skipping steps as he rushed up the stairs, moving so quickly he may as well have fallen glancing behind him to see if his father was coming. Alarms were ringing in his ears, and his arm seared with pain, he averted his eyes noticing small amounts of white poking out of it.
He didn't have time, he didn't have time, and it suddenly made sense. Sirius suddenly made sense.
Regulus grabbed for his wand, blinded with panic as he ran back down the stairs with nothing else. He didn't have time, he'd already heard his name being screamed for.
"Cereus" he heard a voice call, a latin hex. Regulus could feel it before he'd thought of the words. It hadn't been used against him in a long time. The tell tale scars were too obvious. His parents had to become more subtle once the boys begun school. But as hot wax dripped out of his own skin, tumbling down his back, snaking around his torso, instead of convincing him to submit as it had always done before, it made him livid. He rammed into his father on the way to the door, the pain in his arm exhillerating, satisfying, but it quickly turned to a torturous feeling as the mans calloused hand wrap around his swollen wrist.
"You will never be your brother" he stated firmly "why do you think we still need him?" he continued. "I'm letting you leave, don't forget that, I'm letting you go. You’re not getting away, this isn’t an act of bravery, this is simply following orders. You're a hazard to your mother, and you're more of a disappointment than even the pitiful brother of yours ever could be. At least he has dignity, and strength“ Orion continued his wrist tightening on the boy. Tears were rolling down the fifteen year olds face, wether it was the words, the wrist, or the wax, Orion did not care, tears were tears. "And don't think he'll want to see you" He said the classic Black maniacal laugh slipping through his throat, causing Regulus to shudder. "Don't think he'll want to help you." He knocked Regulus’ left sleeve back, looking at the forearm. Bellatrix had sketched out with pen where the mark would go in a couple week’s come his sixteenth birthday, “and to think you were so close to making us proud, how foolish to believe such a thing were possible” he continued, Regulus looked past his shoulder in fear, catching a glimpse of his mother descending the stairs. Heart beat quickening, his throat closing in on him. Orion let go of Regulus wrist pushing him the rest of the way through the door, a curt slam ensuring he wouldn't be reentering the house any time soon.
Regulus paused. He hadn't thought this through. He hadn't thought this through at all. He stuttered out the counter-curse, and allthough the wax stopped dripping, the burning sensation was not alleviated. Where was he supposed to go. Sirius wouldn't want to see him. Or would he? Either way, James wouldn't. How the fuck did he not think this through. He walked on the yellow line. It was at least three am, and all Regulus could do was prey for a reckless driver to come. To simply hit him. He shut his eyes and continued walking. What was he supposed to do. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he'd not eaten in two days, and that he was in nothing but a scorched blouse and ripped pants, his wand arm presumably broken, and his left still shaking, and his body too exhausted to perform any magic narrowed down his options.
"Fuck me" he mumbled collapsing onto a bench mere minutes from his house. What the hell had he done? Nobody would save him now. Nobody loved him. Nobody. Sirius was right all along. Nobody would pick him up off of the floor. Because the people who'd done that were either gone, or the ones who'd slapped him down to it in the first place.
"Kreacher" he choked out unsure of what would happen, but having this over taking feeling of joy, because he didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. And suddenly, the pain felt good again.
The crack was deafening. Sirius almost nocked over his water. The doorbell was rung, the table exchanged quick nervous glances.
"Kids you all stay put-" Fleamont said standing up with his wife, a worried look on his face. They exchanged a glance.
Euphemia had her wand held infront of her as they swung the door open cautiously. It wasn't the first time a Black had collapsed onto her inadvertently. She didn't need to know who it was to know who it was.
"Take the kid, I'll fetch Sirius-" She muttered. A small house-elf bowed to her before apparating away. She wondered if he'd ordered the elf himself.
Lily, Marlene, James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were sat around the table, Marlene was tentatively reaching towards the dahl in the tense silence.
"What do you think it is?" She asked a worried look on her face.
"Well, let's hope it's a neighbour" Lily replied a sympathetic smile being shot towards the table. She and James had become close, he'd never been insistent, but he'd seemed to have fully dropped his crush. Along with that, he'd matured the previous summer. She later found out it was because of Sirius' arrival at his door step. Marlene of course had always been quite close with both Peter and Sirius. Peter lived only twenty minutes away from the Potters, Marlene about five away from Peter. With Lily staying at Marlenes, the only person they needed to drag from far had been Remus, and it wasn't hard to convince him to come spend a couple weeks with his boyfriend.
"It's not a fight of any sort" James commented from his seat, where his fingers drummed anxiously at the table. "There would've been noise-" He said, worry clearly laced through his voice as he stood up. He began towards the door of the dining room. And despite the room being full of Gryffindors, no one was brave enough to stop him. But the door opened before he managed to open it himself.
"James you stay here, send the kids home, they can come back again soon" she said a serious look on her face. "Sirius, could I grab a hand?" She added turning towards him. Whatever this was couldn't be good, and everybody knew it.
Sirius tentatively rose from his seat, as James awkwardly ushured Peter, Marlene, and Lily out the back door.
"If it's my parent's hex them back to sixteen-hundred because-" his voice sounded slightly panicked, the humour falling flat as she knew not to entertain it right before what he was about to see.
"Your brother showed up, at the doorstep" she said softly as he entered the living room. Regulus had been carefully placed on the couch. He seemed to be coherent, as his good-arm had since been wrapped over his face.
Sirius wasn't sure what he was meant to feel. He was worried, and confused, and slightly frustrated. He half expected himself to yell at the boy as he kneeled next to him.
When he opened his mouth however "Reggie bud, you there?" was what came out in a whisper, his hand instinctively reaching for the boys hair. "Reg" he mumbled his voice breaking slightly. "What the fuck did they do to you?" His voice demanded with a dark turn, feeling sick at the crooked state of his arm.
A new thought dawned on him, he jumped forwards prying his left arm off of the boys face, an incomprehensible mumble escaping the younger boys lips at the disturbance. Sirius pushed his sleeve back, sighing in relief at the lack of a mark. There were some incriminatingly placed pen markings on his forearm though. A dot at the top, and two on the sides forming a diamond with a cross in it in faint pen, as if he'd been branded, as if he were being prepared for some sort of cultish mark-recieving ceremony.
"I shouldn't have come" is the first thing that escapes the boys lips.
Sirius furrows his brow, offhandedly hearing the familiar clatter of Fleamonts potion cabinet, Euphemia was surely talking to James at this point, either stalling him or explaining what happened. Sirius couldn't bother caring at the moment. "You damn well should've Reg, I'm glad you came" Sirius whispered "but you really have to tell me what happened-"
"Nothing happened" Regulus mumbled pushing himself up into a sitting position, only to be shoved back down by Sirius. Perhaps shoved was a strong word.
"Idiot. Have you seen yourself?" he teased, his expression darkening again "What the fuck did they do to you Reg?"
"I just wanted- I just-" Regulus' small frame began to shake "just you were always right" he muttered quietly sitting forwards, hunching over himself before Sirius could shove him back down into a reclining position.
"I'm going to kill them" Sirius muttered slamming his hand down on the floor. It caused Regulus to flinch, leading an immense knot of guilt to form in his stomach. Regulus wasn’t only flinching at Sirius’ movements, ‘I’m going to kill them’ he almost did. Regret and fear settling in his stomach again, thinking about his fathers study.
"I'm so sorry Reg, I'm so sorry-"
"Regulus, would it be alright if I cast a diagnostic?" Euphemia asked kindly kneeling by Sirius, in front of the couch. "James is fetching a change of clothes, setting up a room for you" she continued.
Regulus nodded, his thoughts were still fuzzy from being rifled through, his mind felt exposed, and his entire body felt drained from his in-advertent use of magic. He wondered how many windows he'd shattered, and if the carpet would be scorched from his footsteps for much longer. Vile rose in his throat at the thought, his face burnt of the family tapestry. They were all he had.
His next decipherable moment was holding pepperup potion to his lips, and then being dragged up a staircase.
Regulus woke up a few hours later with a killer headache, and it took him embarrassingly long to remember where he was. He glanced around the room anxiously before remembering what had happened. He wanted to cast a clock-spell, but he still felt far too drained from the previous night. He couldn’t be at the Potters. His arm was still fucked, he vaguely remembered Mrs. Potter mentioning bringing him to an actual healer. That wasn't an option. He had to go home. He had to figure this out, he couldn’t be here. He didn’t belong here. To his dismay, Sirius was curled in the armchair in the corner of the room, he was awake, reading through a book, Regulus squinted to catch the title, a face of disgust covering his features realizing it was a copy of advanced healing magic.
“I’m fine” he said curtly sitting up shooting a glare towards Sirius.
Sirius’ face hardened at the sharp tone, and Regulus knew that the sliver of the old Sirius he’d seen had been just that, partially the looped out brain, and partially the human instinct to protect.
“Yeah, totally” He scoffed throwing the book down on the small chair-side table. “So what happened?” Sirius pried, seemingly not affected by the early hour of the conversation.
He never did know when to stop.
Regulus shrugged tugging at a loose string on the blindingly red duvet cover. “Nothing happened, I just- I” Regulus couldn’t think up a logical excuse. Who would be able to? “Mum and I got in a fight” he decided leaving at that. He said it as if it weren’t a daily occurrence, or as of late, multiple times a day.
Sirius gave him a calculating look with a small nod. “‘Bout the arm?” Sirius asked sounding hopeful.
Regulus shook his head gazing out the window.
"What about the right arm, what happened there?" Sirius continued, clearly without any intention to shut up until he got answers.
"I landed awkwardly, when I got here, Kreacher it was, I think" He stammered out, clearly lying, and it was a bad lie at that. Before Sirius could answer, Regulus interrupted the conversation “I’m sorry for coming” He said glancing down at the bed “I didn’t mean to-“
“How the fuck can you not mean to come?” Sirius snapped.
“I told you, Kreacher” Regulus replied chewing the inside of his cheek “he asked me if there was anything he could do and I-“ Regulus’ voice trailed off heat filling his cheeks. “I swear there was nowhere else” he whispered.
Sirius wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know what to tell him. He elected to observe trying to keep sadness off at bay from his features.
“He can take me back no problem though” Regulus added moving to stand up.
Sirius stared at him, eyes wide, clearly irritated. “Go back? You want to fucking go back?” He groaned his hand wrapping against his knee “They really did a number on you” He laughed sardonically. It was a cold, empty laugh, a lot like his fathers.
That bothered Regulus, a sneer covered his face “not comparable to you” he spat “gallivanting around with half-breeds.” He hissed “can’t stay loyal to your family, or your friends” Regulus pushed, years of suppressed anger rising back to his tongue, “Growing out your hair and wearing eye-liner doesn’t separate yourself from anyone, in fact it makes you look more like her” he pushed. “You get bored so easily you can’t keep anybody around, and you think so highly of yourself that you struggle to see that you get more disappointing-“
“With every passing second, and passing time with blood-traitors and muggleborns can’t change the fact that the blood inside my veins is pure. Because no matter what I do, the blood inside of me will always be pure, and the very fabric of my being is pure, and fundamentally I am nothing more than a Black” Sirius stated a satisfied smirk covering his face. Regulus didn’t know what to think of that. He had said the words that would’ve been tumbling out of his mouth, but he was smiling.
“You had me for a second there Reggie” Sirius said a slight taunt to his voice “for a moment there I really believed you. God, you got me good. Take mother out of your brain and think for yourself for once and maybe then I’ll care what you have to say” Sirius added storming towards the door. “Effie will be up in an hour or so, checking on the arm, she'll probably have a potion for the pain. Don't be a little bitch to her. She could've slammed the door in your face if she wanted to" And with that Sirius closed the door himself.
Regulus tilted his head onto the head frame of his bed, eyes clenched shut. What did his voice even sound like? What words were his own conscious? Which words had he convinced himself were his own? He was supposed to hate Sirius. No he did hate Sirius. His mother had told him so herself. So why was it that part of him really felt as though he didn’t.
“Moony, I fucked up. I fucked up” Sirius mumbled pacing back and forth before climbing back into his bed (which him and Remus were sharing, neglecting the mattress on the floor). “How did I fuck up so soon?” He said tapping his hand against his leg. “I guess, just, I’m pissed at them obviously. And he’s so-“ Sirius cut himself off, because Regulus was nothing like them. It was obvious from childhood. There family owl had broken it’s leg, bright green light filled the room. Sirius held back tears, Regulus on the other hand, turned over vomiting all over his brothers dress robes. It was the first time they were permitted to miss a family gathering. Regulus was too much of a wreck to go. And that was the most sickening part of everything. Sirius knew his parents knew Regulus wouldn’t survive a week as a death-eater. They pushed it anyways. Encouraged it even.
“Hey, it’s alright” Remus hummed “you’re stressed, and he’s probably scared and defensive right now, you’ll figure it out-“ Remus said from the bed, wrapping an arm around the other boy's waist, carefully stroking his hair, Remus was tired though, it was taking all of his energy to stay awake and listen.
“He knows” Sirius added pressing a hand to his temple “how the fuck does he know-“ he said tapping his hand against his knee.
Remus pushed aside the dread that was trying to overtake his entire brain, he couldn’t do that right now, he needed to be there for Sirius. He ran his hand through Sirius’ hair “It’s fine. He hasn’t told anyone yet. It’s fine” Remus whispered leaning his head against the cold wall, repeating the little mantra as if the more times he’d say it the more it would feel true.