Lost in Stars
You start to head towards your car when Sans tugs on your sleeve.
"ya know, if you're in a hurry to get there we can use one of my short cuts," Sans says with a wide smile. "might save on some travel time."
Oh right, duh. Man, having this teleportation thing around is gonna be really nice. "Sorry, I didn't think about that."
He approaches you and you stick your hand out to take his, like before. Sans shakes his head. "since the distance we're going is gonna be longer than just the hop from your place to mine, i need to keep you a little closer." He hesitantly takes another step and you find yourself staring straight into his sockets. You haven't been this close since the night you both fell asleep on the beanbag. His hands brush against your side and warmth blossoms in your stomach.
"i need to uh, hold you here." He hesitates for a moment longer before gingerly placing his hands on your sides. You feel heat bloom across your skin from the contact. Your cheeks flush red and you try desperately to calm your racing heart.
Sans tightens his grip, pulling you close. "is this ok?"
You nod a little breathlessly. You don't trust yourself to speak just yet.
His cheeks are blue now. "and uh, just hold on to me where you can. ok?"
With no idea of where else to hold, you grasp his shoulders. You can feel that strange humming sensation from before, just barely noticeable through his clothes. Combined with the awkwardness of your intense blushing and his tinted cheeks, you almost feel like the two of you are at a middle school dance.
"You know, if you wanted to dance you could have just asked," you try to joke. Your voice is a little too shrill and your face a little too red to be convincing. Sans chuckles and the deep sound makes your heart race even faster.
"i'll keep that in mind. hold tight."
His left socket flashes blue and then the world jolts from under you. The rush of falling, the electric tingle, and the sensation of stepping through a waterfall is over in a few mere seconds. You gasp sharply as the world fizzles back into view. A roar of sounds assaults your head and you moan, clinging to Sans.
"Does it ever not make you dizzy?" you groan as your head spins.
"you get used to it." He pats your back slowly. "you ok?"
"Yep." You realize you've got your face buried in the front of his shirt and stand up quickly. "Ah, sorry!"
You quickly try to cover up your embarrassment by looking around. The two of you are standing at the edge of an alley, a little out of sight. You suppose that Sans didn't want to startle anyone by suddenly popping out of the air. Judging by the noise, you're somewhere downtown. Across the street from where you're standing is the museum. Dusk is just beginning to fall so its lights are on, illuminating the massive stone statue of the solar system outside the entrance. Sans is staring at the display with intense interest.
"do you need to sit for a sec or...." he trails off, not taking his eyes off of the place. His obvious desire to run over makes you laugh and you tug at his arm.
"Nah, I'm good! Let's go!"
The two of you quickly head across the street and enter the museum. The place is huge and the first thing you see when you step in is an even larger version of the statue outside that takes up the entire first room with the greeting desk and ticket booth. Unlike the stone one outside, this one is painted with full color and each planet spins slightly. Sans stares upwards with open awe. He mouths the names of each planet, eye lights darting from display to display. You pull your phone out as discreetly as you can. There's no way you can't take a picture of his face. You snap a quick picture and your heart melts all over again as you study the shot. The enlarged lights of his eyes, the genuine smile of delight and the light blue blush across his face. You've never seen him look so...at peace and happy.
You send the picture to Papyrus and leave Sans staring upwards while you buy the tickets at the desk. When you come back a few minutes later, he hasn't moved. You tap Sans on the shoulder.
"hmm?"
"There's a whole lot of museum to see," you tease him. "Unless you wanna stand here all night."
He looks like he's actually considering that so you grab his arm and drag him to the next room. The first area is all about the ancient methods of studying the stars and Sans is fascinated by the old tools. He reads every display and every card, excitedly pointing out various facts to you. When you reach a display with a very old and rusted telescope inside, he actually presses his face against the glass. He's like a kid window shopping at Christmas.
"imagine being the person who invented this," he whispers almost reverently. "the first telescope had only a three x magnification but it was enough to inspire others to make even greater ones. in june of 1609 galileo happened to be in venice...." he trails off into a mumble, soaking in all the information the display had to offer. You had no idea that telescopes meant so much to him. You remember him telling you about the old one he had found in the dump underground. It was amazing how such a thing had clearly influenced what he held dear.
Your phone buzzes.
P: YOU HAVE MADE ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WEEP, DEAR HUMAN. I HAVE NOT SEEN MY BROTHER LOOK SO HAPPY IN A LONG TIME
y: Aww pap, I'm glad you like it :) don't tell him I sent you a pic
P: HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU TOOK A PHOTO?
y: No and I'd like to keep it that way
P: VERY WELL. YOU CAN TRUST THE GREAT PAPYRUS WITH YOUR SECRET. HAVE FUN ON THE REMAINDER OF YOUR DATE
y: Thanks Pap
y: p.s. not a date
P: ;)
Seriously? A winking emoji? Where on earth did he learn that?
"who're you talking to?"
You jump and slip the phone back into your pocket. "Pap. Just letting him know you're totally spacing out!"
Sans smiles. "it's 'cause i'm scoping out some stars!"
You two laugh loudly, drawing some looks from the few other patrons in the room. Laughing, you shove Sans into the next area, which focuses on more modern-day space sciences. Sans again acts like a little kid, hopping from display to display, excitedly spurting out confusing science terms that you only vaguely recognize. You had always been more interested in the stars and galaxies. The mathematical side of it was rather unknown to you. But you let Sans go on. His excitement more than makes up for your confusion. When you reach the section with displays and pictures of the various space missions, including the moon landing, his hands actually go up over his mouth. He goes straight to the section about the moon and NASA's missions.
"i read that humans went to the moon," he says to you, staring at the exhibit for the moon landing. They've recreated the shot from the famous video, American flag, spaceship and all. "but i just couldn't quite believe it."
"You wouldn't be the only one." You lean up against the railing. "A lot of people thought the whole thing was a hoax. That the video of Neil Armstrong on the moon was actually filmed in Africa."
His gaze flickers to you. "was it?"
"No you bonehead," you laugh, tapping his skull gently. "At least, I don't think so."
He sighs in relief. "good."
You pull your phone out again and set the camera in selfie mode. "C'mere a second." You pull Sans close to you and angle the camera so that the two of you and the spaceship are in the shot. "Smile!"
"cheeeeeese." He says this in such a deadpan tone it catches you off guard and you laugh just as the camera flashes.
"Sans! Not while I'm taking a picture!" You pull the picture up and just as you feared, it caught you mid-laugh. Your mouth is open, eyes scrunched up and Sans is looking at you, a devilishly delighted grin on his face. "We're gonna do it again!"
"nope." The phone is suddenly encased in blue light and sails right out of your hands. Sans plucks it from the air and looks at the picture. "it's perfect. i'm sending it to myself."
"No!" You leap for the phone and Sans is gone, just like that. You blink and look around. He's moved behind you, humming innocently as he taps at your phone. "Oh come on, that's cheating!"
"it's called using a natural talent. aaand sent." He's all smiles as he hands your phone back to you. "still wanna take another?"
You growl, a blush rising up your face. "Nope. Moment's gone."
"don't be mad," he chuckles as you move away from him towards the next exhibit. "i promise i didn't planet that way."
Oh that deserves some payback. You turn back to him, striding up confidently. "Well, I suppose I can't blame you. Especially after I took this one! Ha!" You flash the picture you took of him earlier. "And don't bother telling me to delete it, I've already sent it to someone. It's on the satellite waves forever!"
His smile falls just slightly and his face goes blue. "oh geez." He rubs his hand over his skull, like he always does when he gets flustered. "didn't realize i was that lost in space before."
"Haha! Payback complete," you crow smugly, waving the phone at him. He makes a half-hearted grab for it and you hold it up just out of his reach. It was only then that you realize that the two of you had drifted close together without even realizing it. Sans is only a few inches away, still lazily reaching for your phone. His gaze falls back to meet your eyes and there's suddenly something there in the space left between you. Something full of warmth, promise, and a wild storm. But it's a wall you're terrified to touch. You blush and take a step back.
"How about we take one more before we leave? And we'll make sure we both agree on it. Deal?"
"heh, sounds good." Sans' voice sounds a little funny and you look around for something else to talk about. You spy a poster on the far wall, advertising ads for an IMAX film about galaxies on the upper-level. Ooh and as luck would have it, there's another showing in ten minutes.
"Hey, I've got a wonderful idea," you say with a wide smile. Sans was going to love this.
The two of you head to the theater. Sans seems a little reluctant at first, clearly more interested in the actual displays than watching a movie. But when he sees how large the screen is, he stops in his tracks. It stretches across the entire wall, tilting in slightly at the edges to create an immersive experience. "oh. wow. it's uh...big."
"That's why it's called IMAX, silly," you laugh as you find seats. The theater is pretty empty, only a few other groups scattered here and there. You've seen one of these before, back when you were little on a family vacation. But that film had been about the amazon rainforest and the section about piranhas had scared you so bad you'd had to leave. Still, from what you could remember, it was completely different from normal movie screens.
The two of you chat quietly until the lights dim to black and turn your attention to the screen. Well, you do for a few minutes. The film begins with a wide shot of Earth and you glance over at Sans. His eye sockets are so wide they're practically circles now.
"We as mankind cannot truly understand just how small our beloved Earth is," the narrator says softly, then with a loud bang, the shot on the screen zooms away from Earth, moving faster and faster, planets and stars zooming by. Sans jumps slightly at the noise and his hand suddenly grips yours. You're not sure if it was an accident or not, but you make no move to pull your hand away. His bones are warm, and solid and feel so wonderful against your skin. You smile and turn your attention back to the film. It really is stunning. With the over-sized screen, you feel like you're actually up there among the stars. Your stomach drops and rises as the camera sends you flying through galaxies and nebulas. You feel your heart racing as you're dropped down into a black hole, only to once again sail up among clouds of light and smoke and stars.
Sans' hand tightens on yours slightly. You're sure he's never experienced something like this before and you look over to see his reaction.
He's crying.
Silent tears roll down his cheekbones as he stares at the screen. Your heart stops at the sight. You start to whisper his name but it dies in your throat. He's utterly transfixed by the movie. So much that he's letting his tears fall freely. You bite your tongue and simply put your other hand atop his. You rub the top of his bones softly and you hear his breath hitch slightly. Oh Sans. You feel an almost physical ache to reach out and hold him.
The movie ends soon after that and the dim lights turn back on. You sit there silently, still holding Sans' hand as the other viewers leave. He turns his face away from you, rubbing at his sockets with his sleeve.
"sorry," he mumbles.
"Are you okay?" you ask softly.
A sniffle answers you. You tug gently on Sans' arm until he turns to look at you. The area under his eye sockets is dull blue. "Hey. You can talk to me. It's okay."
He closes his eye sockets tightly. There's some kind of battle going on inside him and you stay quiet while he fights it. You hesitate, then rub your hand over his arm. Under the cloth of his shirt, you can feel the two separate bones. The ulna and radius, if you were remembering right. He shivers and you draw your hand back.
"Sorry! Does that feel weird?"
Sans shakes his head. You open your mouth again, and notice some of the museum staff standing awkwardly by the door. Probably here for cleanup. You stand, not letting go of Sans' hand. "Let's go somewhere quiet, okay?"
He follows your lead silently. Where could you go in a museum for privacy? The answer actually comes pretty quickly. There's a room set up with projections of the stars and constellations. There are several cushioned benches and thank heaven, it's empty at the moment. Sans looks around as you enter and you have a feeling that he would be a lot more thrilled to be in such a room if he didn't have so much on his mind.
And normally you would be mortally embarrassed to be alone in a dark room with a guy. But well, Sans isn't exactly human, right? You sit down on one of the couches and Sans slowly joins you, staring up at the projected stars. You wait for a moment, then put your hand back in his. His digits twitch slightly before tightening around your fingers.
"i didn't think i was ever gonna see them." His voice is low, strained. "the stars. planets. the moon. the sky was so far away underground. we came so close, so many times. it just started to hurt to see it just outta reach. then i figured it was better to just...let them go. forget about ever seeing them. it was better that way. made it easier." He takes a shaky breath. "this place, that film, it just. i dunno. it got to me. it made me want to hope again. that first night the barrier fell, i stayed outside all night just staring at the stars. i wanted to burn the sight in my mind. i didn't want to ever forget it. i wanted a memory to have when it was all gone."
"What do you mean?" Gone? You're a little lost. "Sans, the sky isn't going anywhere. Okay?"
"it's just...hard for it all to really sink in. the idea that it's here to stay." Another tear slips down his skull. "every morning i wake up and expect to be back there. back in the snow, and the cold and the fake stars in the ceiling. it could all just be gone. just like that."
He looks at you, and he looks so torn about something. "s-say the barrier went back up. say everything went back to the way it was. monsters underground. humans with no idea we exist. no memory of our freedom."
Time travel? He's not making much sense, but he's finally opening up to you. You inch a little bit closer to him, trying to comfort him with your presence. "Sans-"
"i know i probably sound crazy," he cuts you off gently, finally looking at you. "i know it. but i can't talk about all that. not right now. it's...it's...."
"Sans," you say as firmly as you can. He falls silent. "You don't have to talk about it. Honestly, I'm so happy you've trusted me with as much as you have." You rub your fingers against his phalanges. Seeing him cry, seeing him vulnerable, it was making your heart ache. Yet at the same time, an overwhelming happiness was filling you. "I-I hope that one day you can trust me with whatever is going on. I know what it's like to hold on to something you feel like you can't share with anyone."
What a hypocrite. How could you be spouting all this when you had told him nothing about your scars? About that box hidden in your room?
"I'm not one to talk. I'm terrible about being honest," you say with a dry laugh. "But I know it hurts. And...I don't want to see you hurting, Sans." You reach up and wipe away the moisture on his cheekbone. Without thinking about it, your thumb traces down his face, very gently pressing against the bone. It's beautiful. Unlike human bone, his has almost a sheen to it, glistening just enough to catch the dim light. He looks like he's made of stone, not bone. Yet the texture under your skin is warm and slightly malleable. But then again, it would have to be right? Otherwise, how could he make expressions at all? Looks of wonder, mirth...pain and sorrow.
You realize with a start that you've fallen silent, stroking his face like some kind of freak. He's frozen, staring at you with a look you can't quite name and you pull away. "Sorry," you mumble, suddenly feeling self-conscious. You look away, staring up at the projection of Orion on the ceiling.
What are you doing? You barely know Sans. Your heart screams otherwise, but it's the truth. And he barely knows you. You can't get carried away with this. Just help him with whatever it is that's so clearly causing him pain and leave it at that. Asking for anything else, hoping for anything else would be wrong of you.
But...would it really be so bad to want something with him? You feel so at ease when he's by your side. Safe. Happy. Isn't that why you moved out here? To start over. Let go of what happened all those years ago. Maybe, just this once, you can let yourself hope for someone who will stay by your side.
Maybe you can just let yourself enjoy this while it lasts.
You can't bring yourself to let go of his hand and sit in silence for a few more minutes. He makes no move to pull away, gently keeping his phalanges gripped around your hand.
Finally, you whisper, "I'm went too far didn't I?"
"no." His voice is whisper-soft. After a moment, you feel his free hand on your chin, turning you back towards him. His gaze is soft, his eyes glowing in the darkness of the room. "i'm uh...heh, i'm not usually the type for talks like this. but...it feels ok when it's you. thank you. bringing me here and just...being you...it means more to me than you can imagine."
You find yourself leaning into his touch. You meet his gaze, staring back into the gentle light that makes up his eyes. That warm feeling in your chest is spreading. It washes away the hesitation and doubt. The confusing thoughts and feelings you've been struggling with all seem to fade away in the moment. The truth of the matter is, you care about Sans. Perhaps more than you've ever cared about anyone. "S-Sans...."
There's a shuffling cough at the door and you jerk away from Sans. Another couple has wandered into the room, talking softly to each other. Sans looks over at them too before giving you another easy smile. Your heart twists a little in your chest. His mask is back. But perhaps now it's a little thinner than it was before.
"i think there's still some more things to galax-see." He stands and offers you a hand. "shall we?"
"Oh. Um, yeah. What's left? The planets room?"
The two of you leave the starry room. Instead of the awkward silence, you feel a strange happiness and contentment. You finish up going through the museum and Sans once again acts like an excited schoolboy with new toys, but with a little less enthusiasm than before. You stay until closing, lingering in front of the large display of the solar system. Sans is once again staring up at the planets.
"i think i wanna see that movie again sometime," he finally says. "it was cool. really cool."
"I agree. It was pretty intense." You check the time on your phone. 8:58. "Hey, I think we have time for that selfie. But you better not make me laugh again or I'm gonna smack you."
Sans chuckles and slides up next to you. His hip bone presses against you and warmth spreads across your face. You try not to let it show as you get the camera ready. "Ready?"
"ready."
You both smile widely and the picture turns out as well as you hope. There's only the tiniest hint of red in your cheeks, so you decide it's a keeper. You both take your time as you stroll outside. It's chilly and you press your arms close to your chest. "So was it as out of this world as you hoped?"
"hmm. no comet."
The two of you laugh loudly, your voices meshing in perfect harmony. You jump a little when you feel his bony hand take yours.
"we should probably get home. i gotta read paps his bedtime story. and you look a little chilled to the bone."
You don't want to leave just yet. You want to keep walking with him. But you know he's not gonna leave his brother waiting. "I guess you're right." You let yourself sink into his grip, pretending for just a moment that his hold was an embrace. You close your eyes as the world jolts again. Huh, it was a little better this time. You straighten, eyes adjusting to the sight of your door. He's brought you just outside of your place.
His hands linger for a moment around your sides before pulling away. "sorry about...you know," he mumbles a little sheepishly.
"Sans, it's okay. Really. Besides, you saw me cry, I saw you. We're even." You smile and rub your hands together. Okay, if this was a date, isn't this the part where you're supposed to share a kiss? Oh, you don't know if you can bring yourself to do it. "I had fun," you say quietly. "Grillby's for lunch tomorrow?"
Sans nods, tucking his hands into his pockets. "sounds good."
You both linger for a second. It stretches into a full minute. You can almost feel a nervous energy emitting from him and desperately you plead with yourself to just move, just go for it! But you're frozen, a deep-rooted fear keeping you from moving.
"whelp. g'night." Sans finally turns to leave and your heart shoots up your throat.
"G-good night!" You croak out. Your legs won't move. Why can't you move?!
He pauses, and gives you a smile. Then he vanishes with a small flash of light. You jump when he reappears right next to you. You feel him lean in and something cool touch the side of your face. It lingers just long enough for you to realize Sans is pressing his teeth against your cheek. A kiss?!
He pulls back slightly and his low voice softly whispers, "thank you ______."
Then Sans vanishes again and leaves you leaning against your doorway, hand against your cheek and knees trembling.