A LOADED GOD COMPLEX
WILLIAM GLASSER WROTE, “WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST THAT WAS PAINFUL HAS A GREAT DEAL TO DO WITH WHAT WE ARE TODAY.”
Growing up, painful things are bound to happen and those things shape us into the person we end up becoming. Trauma after trauma, Natasha Romanoff knew pain very well – she grew up with it. However, instead of looking at this letter she received with joy and happiness, all she felt was pain.
Her heart ached as her fingers clutched the piece of parchment, her face scrunching up in sadness and anger. She should’ve felt happy that her friend responded, but that wasn’t the case. It was as if all negative emotions took hold of her and weren’t letting go anytime soon.
Tom wasn’t a good person – she knew that. But, knowing that her first friend in the world was stuck with some crazy snake guy, (granted, that was also Tom, but…) who had a loaded god complex. Everyone has flaws, and Natasha had certainly had many. She didn’t care that Tom was a crazy psychopath who had killed people — it’s not like she could judge; she’s got just as much blood on her hands as he does.
She wasn’t a good person, she knew that — no matter how much she tried to change herself, she would always go back to her ways. Closing her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath, holding her breath in for a few seconds before releasing.
Hearing her door crack open, she whipped around and locked eyes with Yelena, who had an entire pot of mac ‘n cheese in one hand, bowls and Cutlery in the other, and a thing of hot sauce in her armpit. “Do you want some macaroni? I made some!” She gestured to the pot, a large smile on her face. Natasha sniffled, wiping away the rest of her tears and accepting the pot of macaroni from her sisters’ hand.
“Why’d you bring hot sauce? Hell, where did you even find it? Remus hates spicy stuff.” Natasha asked, climbing onto her bed with the pot and setting it down, grabbing a bowl and spoon from her sister.
Yelena smirked, grabbing a decent amount before pouring a lot of hot sauce on the pasta. “I made Kreacher get me some — all I had to do was bribe him with some new clothes with many pockets.” She spoke with her mouth full, Natasha grimacing in disgust as she watched her sister chump down on the Mac ‘n cheese.
“Close your mouth,” she ordered her sister, doing the so-called, ‘mom brow’ as Yelena liked to call it. Raising her hands in surrender, Yelena started chewing with her mouth closed. “Thank you.”
Natasha chewed slowly as she glanced around the room, her mind in another place. “You wanna talk about whatever is on your mind?” Yelena asked, interrupting Natasha’s racing thoughts. “You’re doing that thing with your fingers when you wanna talk about something and–”
“--I got the idea, Yelena.” Dropping the fork in her bowl, she set the bowl off to the side and flopped down on her bed. “... You ever get the feeling that you’re giving sympathy to the wrong person?”
Her sister made a noise of curiosity, her french braids falling to the side as she tilted her head. “What do you mean by that?”
“I feel bad for Tom, but I shouldn’t, right? He’s a horrible person, and even though he treated me nice, doesn’t excuse all the horrible things he’s done. I’m a bad person – I know that but I’m actually trying to change all the pain and suffering I caused by doing something good, but… It’s hard to judge him because there’s now two Tom’s!” She exclaimed, taking in a deep breath, and continued to ramble. “And it’s so hard to just ignore all of his flaws because I know, no matter how much of a horrible person he is, I will only ever see him as one thing; a friend.”
It was quiet as Natasha took in a few deep breaths, trying to regulate her breathing. Opening her green eyes, she met the bright, blue eyes of her sister and felt herself begin to break, tears filling her eyes and blurring her vision. Yelena set her bowl off to the side and flung her arms around her sister, wrapping her legs around her sisters’ waist, clinging onto the older girl.
“Mama always said that pain makes us stronger, and no matter how much you think you’re a bad person, you’re not – you’re good. You don’t judge people in their worst mistakes, and that makes you better than everyone else. You see the good in people when others don’t. You give people hope that they can change because you were able to. Everyone has their fatal flaws, and yours just so happens to be that you see the good in everyone… but it doesn’t mean that it’s a bad flaw; it’s also a blessing, большая сестра.”
A few tears slipped down her face as she listened to the soothing voice of her sister, her accent calming down Natasha’s nerves.
“You’re everybody’s hope, Natasha. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“Good Morning, Children.” The fake, pleasant tone of Umbridge brought Natasha out of her thoughts, giving her attention to the horribly dressed woman. The toad woman smiled, her voice high as she flicked her wand – words appearing on the board in front of the class, “Ordinary Wizarding Level Examination: O.W.L.S, which is more commonly known as Owls.” She smiled, clasping her hands together, her eyes lit up with fake joy. “Study hard and you will be rewarded!”
Sharing a look with her friend, Natasha let out a quiet, awkward chuckle. God, this woman was so creepy. Mentally, Natasha added Umbridge to her small list of things she feared – the woman very far up on the list. “--Fail to do so, and the consequences may be severe.” Snapping out of her thoughts, she watched as Umbride flicked her wrist, books flying out to the students.
Before it could fall down on her desk, she grabbed it from the air and looked down at the book, raising an eyebrow at the name. ‘Dark Arts Defense: Basics For Beginners – Ministry Approved’ Okay…’ The red-head thought, shaking her head subtly and opening the book, scanning it over quickly. “Previous instructions in this subject have been disturbingly uneven. But, please know from now on, you will be following a carefully, structured ministry-approved course of defensive magic.”
Daphne scoffed, her eyes wide as she read over the book. “Would you like to say anything, Ms…” Umbridge trailed off, her eyes staring down Daphne as if the young girl was the prey and she was the predator.
“Greengrass. There’s nothing in here about learning defensive spells, just… whatever the hell this is.” Her voice was exasperated as she gestured to the book, her lips pursed in confusion. Umbride laughed, her smile a bit too wide. “Using spells? I can’t imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom.”
Her friend sat up straighter as the woman stalked towards their desk, her lips pulled into a small, almost-mocking smile. “We’re not going to use magic? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do in DADA? It is our O.W.L year, after all – we have to do some magic.” For once, Natasha agreed with Malfoy, whose snooty tone once in her life, didn’t make her wanna strangle him.
“Mr. Malfoy, is it? I’m quite good friends with your father.” Draco shuddered at the look on her face, his face growing red (He knew all about Umbridge’s obsession with his father; it was gross) “We’ll be learning defensive spells in a safe, secure risk-free way.”
Tilting her head to the side, Natasha spoke up, “Well, what’s the point in that? This school’s been attacked more times than I can count. Last year, we even had a known death eater impersonating a teacher, Miss Umbridge–”
“--Professor Umbridge, Miss Potter,” The woman corrected, her eyes narrowed, “We are well aware at the ministry of what’s been going on. However, you are all children and don’t need to worry about that–”
“--Which is a good point, Professor Umbridge. However, last year, I was illegally placed in a tournament without my consent – as a minor, and the ministry did nothing about it. They didn’t try to help me – help me in a tournament that hadn’t happened in centuries because of the many death rates. What if that would ever happen to another student? What if they would be placed in a situation where they have no choice, but to use magic. An Adult is not always going to be there!” Natasha’s voice was calm as she stated her case, her arms crossed over her chest.
Umbridge’s eye seemed to twitch, her nostrils flared wide open. “Excuse me, but!--”
“But what?” Quirking up an eyebrow, Natasha tilted her head to the side, “Why would the ministry send us someone to teach us magic if they aren’t gonna teach us magic? A lot of students need hands-on experiences, and not everyone is gonna be able to learn something from a book and be fine. If you want to be our defense teacher, then actually teach us!”
The class was quiet, Umbridge’s heavy breathing filling the room with an uncomfortable tension. “Miss Potter, if you do not shut your mouth, you will be receiving a week’s detention.” She gritted out, her left eye twitching frantically.
“Уродливая сука с жабьим лицом.”
“...What did you just say?”
Natasha’s lips slowly quirked up into an amused smirk, letting out a light chuckle. “I called you an ‘ugly, toad-faced bitch.’”
“...Detention. My office. 6pm. For a whole week.”
“Oh, my god… I’m gonna murder her.” Daphne flopped down on one of the chairs in the common room, her eyes wide as she thought of the lesson she just witnessed. “I’ve never wanted to gauge my eyes out, and permanently damage my hearing more in my life. I can’t believe she gave you detention, Nat!”
Blaise and Natasha nodded in agreement, throwing their school bags off to the side and pulling out their books, a couple of other Slytherins joining their small study group. “I feel like we’re not gonna learn anything this year,” A small third year piped up, “Even last year with Barty Crouch Jr impersonating Moody – we at least learned stuff, even if it was a little traumatizing at times.” a couple of other students hummed in agreement.
“Gods, Hogwarts has really gone to the dumps, hasn’t it?” Millicent commented, picking a stray cat hair off of her sweater, “My parents really wanted to take me out, considering all drama that’s happening around here, but I didn’t wanna leave my friends.”
Natasha glanced between the students, leaning her face against her hand. Honestly, Natasha wasn’t really sure about the study group when Daphne brought it up, but with how classes were going, it was probably a good idea. Plus, she had a feeling she could make many of these kids loyal to her. Don’t get her wrong, she didn’t wanna take over Slytherin – she’d leave that all to Daphne, but having people being loyal to her could be really useful.
“Okay!” Daphne clapped her hands together, gathering the attention of everybody, “We came here to study, not gossip! And while I do love gossip, I do also want to get into the good graces of Snape and try to convince him that I should be the next Head-Girl, so chop-chop!”
Blaise snorted, opening his book up and locking eyes with Daphne, “You know, the only reason Snape kept refusing to make you head-girl for next year was because of the problem you had with that Ravenclaw girl–”
“--Don’t speak her name! She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named sabotaged me, and I’m the victim – NOT HER!” Natasha watched the two in amusement, her friends arguing like an old married couple.
Sometimes, Natasha wondered if the two were married in a past life. Realizing the two weren’t gonna stop arguing, Natasha cleared her throat and gathered their attention, “You two gonna stop arguing or…?”
Huffing, the two teens opened up their books.
Taking in a deep breath, Natasha tried to prepare herself mentally for this detention, but she had been standing here for ten minutes and hadn’t worked up the courage to open the door. Glancing at the clock above Umbridge’s door, she saw that it was nearly 6pm and closed her eyes, counting to ten in her head.
‘You can do this, Natasha. You’ve faced baddies worse than her – you faced Voldemort! You got this!’ Twisting the doorknob slowly, Natasha poked her head in and took in the room. Dear God, she felt like she was about to start seeing green from sensory deprivation. “Professor,” She greeted, closing the door behind her quietly and walking up to her desk, tucking her arms behind her back to hide how hard she was clenching her fists. “Hope you don’t mind if I’m a few minutes early.”
Umbridge looked up from her paper, her eyes lighting up with something Natasha felt couldn’t mean any good. “Yes, this will give me a few minutes to prepare your punishment; go sit down at one of the desks.” Nodding stiffly, Natasha made her way over to the desk opposite from Umbridge and pulled the chair out, sliding into it.
It was quiet, an uncomfortable tension in the room as Natasha watched Umbridge, her lips pursed together as she wondered what the punishment was gonna be. She knew that normal punishments were writing lines, or cleaning something but… she had a feeling this woman was planning something different for her.
Clearing her throat, Umbridge smiled a thin smile and clasped her hands together – her head tilted to the side as if was supposed to make her feel less threatening. However, it had the opposite effect. Keeping her face cool and collected, Natasha waited for the woman to speak up. Umbridge studied the red-head in front of her for a few moments, before opening up her mouth.
“You know, I was a Slytherin like you, Miss Potter.” Natasha decided to just ignore the wrong name, and just let the woman continue, “However, it surprises me. Your parents were Gryiffndor’s and yet, you end up in the house of snakes. How does the Girl-Who-Lived end up in the house of Death Eaters and Dark Wizards and Witches?”
Natasha took a moment to think of her response, thinking about how she wanted to play this conversation out. Of course, she could answer truthfully, or she could reply with a question of her own. If she just straight up told the truth, Umbridge would most likely leave it alone and forget about it.
Or… if she replied with a question, that would spike Umbridge’s interest and Natasha would be able to find out what the toad-woman thought about her… Also, she could postpone detention for a bit.
“Well, what do you think, Professor Umbridge?” Leaning forward in her seat, she lifted up an eyebrow and smirked, her tone of voice slightly mocking. Umbridge sucked in a deep breath, her beady-little eyes narrowed into slits as she zeroed in on the girl.
“It makes no sense to me.” Her voice was frustrated, letting out a ‘Hmph’, “How could you end so much different than your parents? They were foolish, reckless, hot-headed idiots! But, you’re not an idiot, are you? You’re like…me.”
Honestly, Natasha was not expecting that kind of response, and she was concerned for the woman who thought they were in any way similar. “How is that, Professor?” Her voice took on a curious tone, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“You seem like the kind of girl to do anything she needed to get her way – to meet her goals. You’re a girl, and because of that – people don’t see you as a threat, the same way they do with me.” Standing up from her chair, Umbridge slowly made her way over to Natasha and twirled a piece of her hair. “But the thing is, we are threats; we are predators in a sea of prey. You see, Miss Potter, I’ve been thinking… I’ve always wanted an apprentice, and you, my dear – are the perfect candidate.”
Grabbing the woman’s wrist with a tight grip, Natasha turned her head slowly and locked eyes with the woman, “You’re right about one thing, Professor Umbridge,” Standing up to her full height, Natasha was able to easily tower the woman, (granted, Umbridge was only 5’2, but!) and kept her grip on the woman’s wrist, slowly adding more pressure. She took pleasure as she watched pain flash through Umbridge’s face, and she smirked, “I am a threat. I could easily take you out with my hands, and you wouldn’t even have time to make it to the door. I’m Natasha Romanoff, not Rosa Potter. I lived a life different than Rosa Potter, and because of how I was raised, that’s the reason I’m in Slytherin. I’m not in Slytherin because I want to rise to the top of the food chain, because I’m already there, Professor.”
Backing Umbridge up against her desk, Natasha pulled out the dagger she always kept on her and pointed it towards the woman’s neck. Honestly, Natasha wasn’t sure where this rage was coming from – she never got this angry, even when Tom was hitching a ride in her body. It was just pure rage, boiling underneath her skin – calling, begging to be let out.
“I’m a predator, just like you said. But that’s where our similarities end. I’m not an ugly, toad-faced bitch who uses people to try and make herself seem more powerful.” Her lips lifted up into a snarl as she stared down the woman, putting enough pressure on the skin to make it hurt, but to not cut it. Taking her eyes off the woman for a split second, she caught sight of something that made her heart drop. Were those… blood quills? She could practically feel the dark magic oozing off of it. A mocking smile formed on her face, and she chuckled, “And I certainly don’t bring harm to children for just speaking their mind.”
Grabbing the quills, she dangled them in front of the woman, pulling them away before the woman could grab them. “Really, Professor?” God, this woman was pathetic, “You couldn’t take torturing adults anymore and decided to switch it up? Your own students, Professor? Really? And it hasn’t even been a full week!”
She couldn’t help herself, she let out a snort of amusement. Umbridge’s face was bright red, her jaw clenched tightly. Umbridge started to laugh along with Natasha nervously, and the redhead's giggles immediately stopped. Narrowing her eyes, Natasha tilted her head to the side and threatened, “You try that with another student, and I’ll make sure you wish you’d never been born.” Dropping the dagger down from the woman’s neck, Natasha walked back over to where she had set her stuff and picked it up - placing the blood quills in there.
“I think we’re done here.” Giving the woman a mocking salute, she opened up the door and made her way out of the horrendous office.
Immediately, she headed over to Snape’s office, and without even knocking, she barged in.
“Yes, Hello. You’re more than welcome to barge into my office. Have a seat.” Snape drawled out sarcastically, locking from the paper he was grading, “What do you want, Natasha?”
She smiled, setting her bag down on one of his armchairs and plopping down in the other. “What? Can’t a Goddaughter visit her Godfather after detention?” her lips quirked up into an amused smile, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Not at this hour, no. This is my drinking hour, and wondering why I took this idiotic job in the first place.” He groaned, just writing a huge ‘x’ across the paper and putting it into a neat pile, “I swear, half of these children don’t even know what class they’re writing for.” Grumbling under his breath for a few moments, Severus picked up another and looked it over.
Natasha wondered how she should tell Snape what she found, and she just decided on just ripping the bandaid off. “I found blood quills in Umbridge’s classroom; she was gonna use them on me.” Snape stopped what he was doing, his body still as he took in Natasha's words. Looking up slowly from the paper he was grading, he stared at the blood quills Natasha had pulled out and had in her hand.
“What.” Was all he managed to say, his mind blanking as he stared at the banned quills. “How- I-what…” He was at a loss of words, unable to get a full sentence out. Natasha nodded understandably, waiting for the man to get over his shock.
It took him a few moments, but he eventually stumbled up from his chair and made his way over to Natasha, grabbing the quills from her hand and examining, “How in the world did she even get these?” He muttered in confusion, “You can practically feel the magic oozing off of these; how did they even get through Hogwarts security?”
Natasha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek as she thought about Dolores Umbridge and what she was gonna do with the woman. “We have to get rid of her.” Glancing up, she met her Godfather’s dark eyes, “Who knows what kind of freaky, torture stuff she has on her?!”
Snape nodded in agreement and Natasha knew, they were going to do everything they could to get this woman out of this school.