CHAOS
‘MISSION GET RID OF UMBRIDGE’ WAS WRITTEN ON SNAPE’S WHITEBOARD IN HIS ROOM IN BIG LETTERS. Capping the marker close, Natasha twirled it between her fingers as she thought of what to do. Spinning around on her foot, she clasped her hands together and grinned, a look of amusement on her face, “Got any ideas? You know, I do know a giant snake – maybe I can ask him to eat her? Oh! Or maybe we could just set her on fire or– Hey, isn’t there like, some kind of curse on the defense job?” Snape blinked slowly, a look of utter exhaustion on his face.
“Natasha, don’t try to make this fun.” Popping open his favorite bottle of whiskey, he poured himself a generous amount and took a large gulp, making a face as the alcohol burned his throat. Rolling her eyes, Natasha huffed. “Come on, Sev! What’s the point of unchecked power if we don’t abuse it? No one is gonna know, well, except maybe Yelena – but she has really good ideas!” She crossed her arms over her chest as she met her Godfather’s eyes, not breaking eyesight with him.
It took him a few moments, but he eventually rolled his eyes and looked away, rubbing his forehead with a tired look on his face. “Fine, you brat.” Grumbling underneath his breath for a few seconds, he stood up from his desk and made his way over to the whiteboard, holding a hand out for the dry-erase marker.
“Umbridge is a master manipulator and doesn’t have any shame for anything she does if it’s in private and away from the public’s eye.” Uncapping the marker once more, he began to draw out his strategy, “She was at my trial for when I was being tried as a death eater, and I had the displeasure of talking with her afterward. For that, I found out she supported the dark lord and donated to his cause whenever she could.”
In big letters, he only wrote two words.
RITA SKEETER
Turning around to face the redhead, he smirked, “I can send this into Ms.Skeeter anonymously and she’ll do the rest of the work for us. She’ll be facing the public’s wraith, and that will be enough to break her walls down.”
Picking up on his point, she continued, “And once that’s done, I’ll find out some more juicy details about her and keep her on a leash, because knowing Dumbledore – he’s not gonna fire her until the end of the year.” Mischief danced between their eyes, smirks blown out on their faces.
“Who knew you could be so good at blackmailing people?” Natasha chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. Of course, she knew her godfather was capable of it, but watching him plan it out – that was something else.
Watching Umbridge out of the corner of her eye, Natasha chewed her cereal slowly as she watched the woman tick – her body stiff was tension as she kept glancing over to the Slytherin table where Natasha sat. Natasha would admit, she was getting pleasure from watching the woman be so uncomfortable.
Natasha could also feel Dumbledore’s gaze on her as if he knew it was her fault for making Umbridge so nervous. She could tell her friends wanted to say something but knew better than to interrupt Natasha’s evil plans. They did that once, and it did not end well for them. They shudder as they think about the maniacal smile and the slight look of insanity in her eyes.
Looking up from her bowl of cereal, she gave her friends a charming smile, which wasn’t as charming as it was frightening, “My fellow comrades,” She greeted in a cheery voice, intertwining her fingers together as she leaned her chin against them. “How are you this fine morning?”
“Uhh…” Blaise trailed off, an uncomfortable look on his face as he shared a look with Daphne, who simply pinched her nose in annoyance and gritted out, “Whose life are you planning to ruin, Natasha?”
Shaking her heading amusement, Natasha ran her fingers through her hair and smiled – her canines sharp and slightly poking her bottom lip. “What makes you say that my darling Daphne? For all you know, I could just be having a wonderful Monday morning!”
“It’s Monday; no one has a wonderful day on a Monday , Natasha.” Daphne deadpanned, an incredulous look on her face, which was usually occupied by a scowl. “So, whose life are planning to ruin, and can I join in?”
Blaise finally seemed to snap out of his shock and shook his head to rid himself of the many thoughts that were running through his head at the moment, “Jesus, Natasha, you know I love the chaos but… we haven’t even had a full month of school! Plus, we have to deal with Umbridge and I don’t know if I can deal with both at the same time!” He exclaimed, rubbing his face tiredly.
“Oh, don’t worry - we’re ruining Umbridge’s life.” A sly smile formed on her face, her eyes lighting up with the famed black-family madness she inherited from Sirius. A student from their year – Millicent – perked up and grinned, “Twenty gallons that Umbridge ends up dead by the end of the year.” Millicent exclaimed, gathering the attention of the other Slytherin students.
Theo snorted, rolling his eyes in amusement, “I bet thirty gallons that she ends up drowning in the black lake.” Malfoy smirked next to him, his usual ferret-ness gone as he joined in on the fun, “Thirty Gallons that she ends up getting eaten by the giant squid.”
“I’d bet my entire family’s fortune that she ends up getting eaten to death by kittens. I mean, have you seen her office? I stopped there to drop off homework, and I thought I was gonna go blind with the amount of pink and cats I was seeing!” Tracey exclaimed, taking a sip from her pumpkin juice, (Natasha grimaced in disgust; she hated that drink with a living passion).
It was at that moment that Hermione decided to walk by, and she stopped, gawking at the Slytherin students, “Are you betting on a teacher’s death?” Her eyes were wide, her mouth wide open in shock. Blaise chuckled, pointing to Natasha, who Hermione immediately turned her attention to, “Did you start all of this, Natasha?”
“No,” Holding up a finger, she stopped the Ravenclaw before she could open her mouth, “I said I was planning on ruining her life; the death betting was all them! You can’t blame every violet thing on me, Hermione!” The dark-skinned girl huffed in front of her, rolling her dark-brown eyes.
“I wasn’t–”
“--You were thinking about it, my little arsonist,” Natasha interrupted, smirking at the fuming look on Hermione’s face, “And I get it – I do. However, no matter what my upbringing was, I did not have plans to kill Umbridge… Originally. Now, I’ve kinda got hooked on the idea thanks to them.” Pointing to the guilty Slytherin students, they looked away and started eating their breakfast, although they were still clearly paying attention to the conversation.
Rolling her eyes in annoyance, Hermione adjusted the books in her arms, and with one hand, she stuck her pointer finger in Natasha’s face, “You can’t kill a teacher, Natasha! No matter how bad they might be! Sure, she may be a bit incompetent and annoying, but I doubt she’s a bad person.”
“Granger, you haven’t witnessed what I’ve witnessed.” Draco shuddered, having flashbacks of the woman flirting with his father, “That woman is pure evil, I tell you!” His face was desperate as he faced the Ravenclaw, his eyes wide, “Look at my eyes! Would a person who’s witnessed pure evil have eyes like these?!”
Hermione blinked, taking a step back and putting distance between herself and Malfoy, “Malfoy, I don’t know what kind of Glitter you’ve snorted today, but I don’t wanna be near it.” She continued backing away slowly, her eyes wide. Taking her eyes off of the blonde boy, she pointed at Natasha once more and exclaimed, “No killing!” and walked out of the great hall.
“Why does everything always think I’m on drugs?!” Draco huffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.
“Draco,” Daphne deadpanned, “You do realize you’re the grandson of Abraxas Malfoy, right? The guy who ‘supposedly’ killed Minister Nobby Leach while he was high on crack ?”
“Shut up, Greengrass!”
Letting out a long sigh, Natasha adjusted the bag on her shoulder as she walked through the forbidden forest. Of course, she knew she wasn’t supposed to be here, but when was she ever one to follow the rules? Besides, she needed to clear her head and she needed somewhere quiet.
She loved her friends, she truly did but… all they seem to talk about was Umbridge’s death and Natasha was getting a headache from listening to them talk about the same subject nonstop. Lowering herself down onto the ground, Natasha pulled out some paper and pen and pulled out something hard for herself to write on.
Dear Tom,
How are you? Wait, that's not a good question to ask when you have to hang around your crazy, original piece of your soul. Anyways! I’ve decided I’m going to ruin Dolores Umbridge’s life because I hate her! You know, a lot of the students are putting bets on how she’s gonna die, even though I said I wasn’t gonna kill her, but they didn’t listen.
Do you know anything about her? Any juicy details I can use to ruin her life?
Pausing, Natasha closed her eyes as she realized she had been avoiding the real reason she was writing this letter. Taking in a deep breath, she held the pen above the paper, hesitating to write.
Uh, joking aside, I, uh… I’ve realized that I’ve never really been alone; I’ve never really been independent. I’ve been having these imaginary conversations with you in my head, imagining you reacting to all the things that have been going on in my life. I’ve always had a friend to talk to, to lean on the shoulder, but I don’t have that anymore.
I’m tired, Tom. I’m tired of pretending everything is fine. I just… I want everything to go back to normal; I want you back in my life. I’m sick of writing fucking letters and having to hold my breath anxiously as I wait for you to reply. Hell, I’m worried that one day Voldemort is gonna find out about these conversations, and kill you! Lord knows that he-you- whatever ! You guys have so many Horcruxes, I don’t think he will care if had to kill you, or worse… find a way to merge you and him. Honestly, I think he’s just keeping you around as a science experiment, Tom.
You give me the signal, and I’ll find a way to free you.
- Natasha
Capping her pen close, Natasha sighed as she looked over the letter.
“Hello, Natasha Romanoff,” A whimsical voice greeted. Natasha jumped, shoving the letter into her bag and looking up, meeting the eyes of Luna Lovegood. “Oh, did I startle you? I’m sorry.”
Taking in a deep breath, she smiled politely, “You know, a lot of people can’t sneak up on me. What can I do for you, Luna?” She stood up, brushing the dirt off of her pants.
“No, the question is what I can do for you, Natasha.” Luna trailed off, her eyes glazed over as she looked over at something that was behind Natasha. Turning around, Natasha gasped as she looked at the creatures in front of her, “Quite beautiful, aren’t they?” Luna walked up to the creatures, pulling a raw, chicken leg out of her bag.
Natasha was quiet as she observed the creatures and Luna, noticing something odd about the younger girl, “Luna…” Natasha trailed off, “Where are your shoes?”
The platinum blonde was quiet, petting the horses in front of her. “Unfortunately, all of my shoes have mysteriously disappeared… I suspect the nargles are behind it.” Natasha had an idea that the ‘nargles’ were metaphors for ‘bullies’. Grabbing her wand from her holster, Natasha waved her wand – warm boots and fluffy socks appearing on Luna’s feet. “Oh!”
“If anyone bothers you, Luna – you can come to me. They shouldn’t be bullying you.” A sympathetic smile appeared on her face, crossing her arms over her chest. Luna twirled a piece of her long, blonde hair – her eyes glancing back and forth between Natasha and the horses. However, she never made eye contact with the red-head. “Luna?”
Letting out a long sigh, Luna twiddled with her fingers, “They’re not bullying me, they just… don’t see the world the same way that I do.” Her voice was quiet, chewing at her bottom lip. “Even if they don’t wish to be friends with me, you’re my friend, right?” She looked up from the ground, meeting Natasha’s eyes nervously.
Giving the girl a soft smile, Natasha took Luna’s hand in her own, “Of course, Luna.” A bright smile lit up on Luna’s face, and Natasha returned it with an equally excited smile on her face, “Do you wanna tell me about those horses?”
Luna nodded, pulling out an extra chicken leg from her bag and handing it to Natasha, gesturing for the red-head to follow her. Humming a little tune underneath her breath, Luna petted the horses’ heads with a smile on her face, a look of joy in her eyes, “These are thestrals.” A loud crunch was heard as one of the horses took a big bite out of the chicken leg, the horse spitting out pieces of the bone. “There’s a lot of wrong accusations about these creatures, just because of what they represent.”
Raising an eyebrow in curiosity, Natasha held out of the piece of chicken and watched as one of the creatures hesitantly walked up to her, sniffing the chicken. Once they deemed it safe enough, they gently pulled it from her hand and chewed, spitting out pieces of the bone. It nudged its’ head against her hand, begging for more. “I don’t have anymore, buddy.” She laughed, scratching the back of its’ neck. It huffed but continued to accept the pets.
“They like you… I think it’s because you reak of death, and the underworld.” Snapping her head towards Luna, Natasha narrowed her eyes at the younger girl, who continued to pet her horse. “You smell like home to them.”
Natasha almost had no idea how to respond to that. Did Luna know? About all the red in her ledger? The only thing she told that school was that she worked with important people, and that’s why she didn’t stay there full time. “...How,” She opened her mouth, the words getting stuck in her throat. Swallowing away her nerves, she continued, “How do I smell like home to them, Luna?”
The blonde chuckled, giving the redhead a smile that seemed far too mysterious for a girl her age, “You’ll find out soon enough, Natasha. Not today, nor tomorrow, but one day you’ll find out.” Giving the horse one last pet, Luna bid the redhead a goodbye and skipped away, her hair flowing through the wind.
She watched the girl, her eyes as sharp as a Hawkes’. Just what was Luna Lovegood, and how did she know so much?
“How are we supposed to pass O.W.L.S this year!” Daphne moaned, flopping down onto the common room’s couch, her scream of agony being muffled thanks to the pillow her face was stuffed into. “I’m failing Defense, guys! How the hell am I failing!? I’m following all of her instructions!”
Blaise huffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance, “We’re all failing, Daph; you’re not the only one who’s suffering.” He snapped, barring his perfect teeth out. He turned his attention over to Natasha, who was helping a third-year Slytherin with their homework, giving examples and explaining the theory behind the spell. “Why can’t Natasha be our teacher? I’ve never met someone who knows so much about defensive and offensive magic.”
Daphne perked up, her eyes with excitement as she locked eyes with Blaise, “Blaise, you wonderful, sexy-beast! We can just have Natasha teach us!” She bounced up, skipping over to Blaise and kissing him on both of his cheeks, holding his face in between her hands. “I knew you weren’t just a pretty face!”
“Thank you–” He stopped when he realized Daphne indirectly insulted him and scowled, flipping her off. The blonde laughed, running a hand through her hair. He rolled his eyes, a look of amusement flashing on his face before it went back to his normal face. “How the hell do we get her to agree?”
Daphne smiled slyly, placing her hands on her hips, “By doing what I do best – peer pressure.”
Natasha blinked, her eyes wide as she looked at the list of names that signed the petition. “What the hell…” She murmured underneath her breath, making a weird face when she saw Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley’s names on the paper. Of course, she didn’t hate them, but they weren’t a huge part of her life. Hell, half the time she forgot they even existed. Looking up, she met the ice-blue eyes and asked, “How the hell did you get some many people to sign this damn thing?!”
Daphne smirked, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned up against a wall. “You’re the girl who lived, Natasha. Do you know how many of these freaky fans will do anything to be in the same room as you? You’re like the shining, bright light to their moth; they can’t help but want to be around you.” Her face was smug, an air of smugness around her.
Rolling her eyes, Natasha deadpanned, “Daph, I already run a fight club – how the hell am I supposed to teach them magic as well? Jesus, Daph – I don’t even have a study hall anymore with the number of classes you have me teaching!” Throwing her hands up into the air, Natasha gritted her teeth together, “I’m not a time-traveler, Daphne! I can’t just go back in time and do things over again.”
At that suggestion, Daphne had a look of consideration on her face, but Natasha quickly stopped her, “I’m gonna stop you right there, Daph. I fear if I don’t have any free time, I will go insane; mostly bordering on homicidal rage.” She smiled, shrugging her shoulders up with an air of indifference, “So, uh… sorry to crush your dreams, but it’s not happening.” Clapping her friend on the shoulder, she turned around and started walking away only for Daphne to run up to her.
“Wait, Nat!” Grabbing her friend’s arm, Daphne gave the girl a pleading look, “look, I’m sorry for pushing you to teach all these classes! I wasn’t thinking of you and got too sucked up in the glory of helping you. I know I’m a bit much but…Even though you were helping other people, I forgot to help you.”
She was quiet, waiting for her friend to continue. When it seemed her friend had no more words, Natasha sighed, placing her hand on Daphne's shoulder, “I know you mean well, Daph, you just… well, you tend to get carried away.” She chuckled, her eyes crinkling from her smile. “But no matter all your quirks and flaws, you’re my friend. I don’t mind giving these classes, but I would like some free time in my life. I’ll make you a deal. You let me drop the 1st and 2nd-year classes, and I’ll teach defense.”
Daphne squealed, grabbing Natasha and pulling her into a hug, “Yes! YES! You can drop as many as you’d like!” Pulling back, Daphne placed her hands on Natasha’s face, “Anything else you want me to do?”
Giving her friend a soft smile, she said, “Think you can get some older students to help me run the class?”
Standing in front of at least 50 students, Natasha stood tall and proud, sticking her head out, green eyes surveying each student. Daphne cleared her throat, a smile on her face as she basked in the spot-light that she forced Blaise to run. “Fellow Students,” she started, “I bet you’re wondering, ‘How the hell are we supposed to pass this year with Umbridge? ’ While we’ve had pretty bad teachers throughout our schooling, for some of else – it’s our O.W.L and N.E.W.T.S year, and we’re screwed if we don’t pass these.”
The crowd was quiet, although some of the older students paled as they realized the kind of situation they were in. “Because of this, I have a solution!” the light turned to Natasha and seven 7th-year students, “These lovely students have offered to teach us! However, our main teacher is Natasha Romanoff, who knows many defensive and offensive spells.”
“WOOO!~” The crowd cheer, clapping and howling loudly.
Daphne smirked, stepping out of the way and gesturing for Natasha to take her spot on at the microphone. “Hello, I’m Natasha Romanoff if you didn’t know.” She smiled out into the crowd, meeting the supportive eyes of Hermione, “You know, I wasn’t quite sure about this at first because of fight club, but… I see how much you guys are struggling and I wanna help you. So, each 7th-year student will take an age group and teach, and I’ll come up with the lessons and look over all age groups.”
“So, who’s ready to learn?”