Black Widow

SPLASHING HER FACE WITH COLD WATER, NATASHA STARRED UP INTO THE MIRROR. She watched as the water dripped down her face, her heart still racing from waking up with a nightmare. Her hands shook as she gripped the bathroom counter as hard as she could – her mind going a mile a minute. Shaking her head, she stumbled away from the sink and made her way into her bedroom, walking over to her desk and plopping herself down. 

She grunted quietly as her knee hit the corner of her desk, pain shooting up her leg. Shaking it off, she put her head in her hands and felt her bottom lip shake. Guilt. That’s all she’s been feeling these past couple of weeks. She felt disgusted with herself, for taking away the life of a young girl and possibly others, from when the bombs went off. How would her parents see her? 

No, not her adoptive parents – her biological parents. 

The parents who sacrificed their lives for her, who went out into the fields and fought for peace. How would they feel if they knew their daughter was a killer? An assassin. She may have done some good, but she’s not a hero like everyone says she is. She’s… God, how did Tom deal with this type of crap? 

God, she missed Tom. she felt as if a part of her was missing, and found herself not being able to talk to snakes anymore. A part of her died that night when Voldemort pulled Tom out of her – it felt as if a piece of her soul was being ripped out of her body.

Her curtains fluttered as cool summer air came through the window – goosebumps forming on Natasha’s skin. Yet, she found that she couldn’t get herself up. She just… had to get these words off her chest. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, she set them down in front of her and began writing. 

Dear Tom, 

It’s me, Natasha. I, uh… I don’t know why I’m writing this. Perhaps this is my subconscious way of me saying that I miss you, and I miss having you around. I feel… I feel empty, Tom. A part of me went with you during that fateful night and hasn’t grown back. You see, Tom… I’m no stranger to death; I’ve brought it upon many. You’d know, I’d rather not think about it at all, but… death is always knocking on my door. Sometimes, I wonder how you handle the guilt but then I remember – you’re kinda a sociopath…

Lately, guilt has been weighing me down. I finally thought I would get to have my peace – to close a door to my childhood trauma… but all I did was make it worse. I took out Dreyko, but by doing so – I killed so many innocent people; including his ten-year-old daughter. I couldn’t believe it at first as well - a man incapable of love having a daughter? But it wasn’t. He was blessed with a beautiful little girl, who was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I swear, every time I looked at her, I was reminded of Yelena and thought, “What if it was her?”

Speaking of Yelena, I found her, Tom; I found my little sister! All this time, I honestly thought she would’ve been dead, but… My little sister is tough, and as Mom Melina always said, “Pain only makes you stronger.” It seems we both took that to heart while we were in the red room. I honestly don’t know where this letter is going, but… It felt good to get this stuff off of my chest. 

I miss you.

Love, 

Natasha Romanoff. 

Setting down her pen, Natasha let out a long sigh through her nose. Grabbing an envelope, she placed the letter in there gently. She didn’t know why she was doing this, but… “Kreacher?” She called out softly, her voice croaking slightly. A popping noise alerted her that he was here and she turned around, seeing the grumpy elf. He stared her down with a sneer on his face, his brand-new clothes fitting surprisingly well, considering that Yelena made them. 

“What is the half-breed Mistress want?” He asked, his eyes narrowed. Her lips quirked up into a smirk, a slightly fond look on her face. She wasn’t gonna lie, she was fond of the grumpy elf. It was probably because he reminded her of Fury when he was in a bad mood. 

Writing Tom’s name on the letter quickly, she handed the letter to Kreacher. “Can you deliver this to Tom? I know house-elves can get through wards…” She trailed off, meeting Kreacher’s suspicious gaze. She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Please, Kreacher. I just… I need to know he’s okay. Send it to my Tom, not the knock-off, Kaa the Snake, yeah?” He stared at her, unimpressed by her jungle book reference. 

He huffed, rolling his eyes slightly. “Fine.” He gritted out, his slightly rooting teeth on display for Natasha to see in the moonlight. “Kreacher will bring this to half-breed’s friend – Only because Kreacher likes half-breed’s sister!” He huffed, pointing his crooked nose up into the air. 

Smiling fondly, Natasha thanked the elf and watched as he popped out of the room. 

It was… it was the most Natasha has felt in peace in months.

Floating her trunk down the stairs, Natasha hopped down on the last step – a free smile on her face. Sirius and Remus raised an eyebrow, curious about what got Natasha’s mood up. “Someone’s in a good mood…” Sirius teased, his lips quirked up into a smile. Natasha rolled her eyes, playing with her newly cut hair. “I just woke up on the right side of the bed today. It’s a new school year, and I’m turning over a new leaf.”

Yelena snorted, walking out of the kitchen. Water dribbled out of her nose as the blonde girl laughed, “A new leaf? You say that every time something bad happens, and it never seems to happen.” Rolling her green eyes, Natasha flicked the short girl in the nose and walked over to Sirius and Remus, pulling them into a hug. 

“You’re gonna have so much fun on the train!” Sirius exclaimed, pulling back and putting his hands on her shoulders, “Sure, you missed the first four years of it – but the experience never changes! Hey, did you know that train was the first place I lost my virgin–!”

“---OKAY!” Remus interrupted, clearing his throat with an awkward look on his face. He kept glancing over at Yelena and Natasha, who were both smirking in amusement, “Sirius, I don’t think Natasha and Yelena need to know of that story, love.” 

However, Yelena simply gestured for him to continue, “No, no – continue. Where did you do it in there? Maybe Natasha can find it, and continue the tradition! Maybe, with the… ah, what was her name? The Hermione girl!!” Yelena snapped her fingers, a cheeky grin on her face as she watched Natasha’s face heat up. “Aww, Natasha!~ Are you flustered?” 

“Shut up!” Natasha snapped, punching the blonde girl gently in the shoulder. Yelena let out a wail of pain, clutching her shoulder with a look of pain on her face, “Natasha! How could you! Now, we’ll have to cut my arm off!”

Rolling her eyes at her sister’s dramatics, Natasha checked the time on her watch, her eyes widening slightly at the time. “Oh, we gotta go!” Natasha exclaimed, tapping her trunk with her wand, shrinking it down, and placing it in her jacket’s pocket. “You guys ready?” She asked the three – raising an eyebrow at Yelena’s fashion choices.

“What?” Yelena raised her hands in the air, a defensive look on her face, “Does it look like I have any shame, Natasha? I have a gun shoved in my pajama pants, and sometimes I wanna be comfy and deadly, at the same time.“

Shaking her head at her younger sisters’ ridiculousness, she reached over and grabbed Sirius’ hand while Yelena grabbed Remus. “Try not to throw up,” She warned the younger girl, who looked confused by what Natasha said. She could feel herself get sucked up into a tight tube, squeezing her eyes close. 

Stumbling slightly as she landed, she opened her eyes and stared at the red train in awe. It was… it was amazing. Families of all races and ages ran around – some crying, some laughing. However, she quickly snapped out of her awe as the sound of her younger sister throwing up on her shoes brought her out of her state of awe. Stumbling back in shock, she switched her gaze between her shoes and her sister – a look of disgust on her face. “Oh, sweetheart,” Remus murmured, rubbing Yelena’s back as she heaved up the rest of her breakfast, “Just let it all out.”

“Oh, this is disgusting…” She shuddered as she brought out her wand, vanishing the vomit off of her boots. She could hear Sirius cracking up behind her, and she spun around - a frightening glare on her face, the older male cowering back in fear. “Oh, you think it’s funny? I bet you’ll think it’s funny when I shove my foot up your–”

“--Okay,” Remus interrupted, an awkward smile on his face as he separated the two from each other, “Let’s all take a deep breath, and calm down. This is Natasha’s first ride on the train, let’s make it a happy memory for all of us, yeah? Now, get your shit together, because I want to take a picture for the family scrapbook.” His golden eyes stared down the two, his head tilted slightly to the side. 

Letting out an awkward chuckle, Natasha grabbed Yelena and pulled her in front of her, placing her hands on the girl’s shoulders. A pleased smile formed on Remus’ face, and went to go set up the camera, quickly running over and taking his place next to Sirius, “Say ‘Hogwarts!’” Remus exclaimed. 

“Hogwarts!” They all exclaimed, the camera going off – the bright light slightly blinding them for a second. Blinking quickly to get back her vision, Natasha shook her head and took her hands off of Yelena, the younger girl letting out a loud yawn. “Can we get this show on the road? I wanna go back to be! I was having a very good dream about me being a final girl in a horror movie.”

Sirius scoffed, shaking his head with an amused smile on his face, “Jesus, kid. Must all your dreams be about death and gore?” He asked, crossing his tattoed arms over his chest. Yelena shrugged, sharing an amused glance with Natasha. 

“What can I say? My childhood trauma really loves coming out in my subconscious dreams.” 

That sentence got a few weird looks from families, and Remus sent them an awkward wave and smile, “You know how kids are, right?” Somehow, that even managed to get even more weird looks from people. “Natasha, get on the train before your sister causes more chaos.” Sending her family fond smiles, she gave them each a hug and hopped up on the train, accepting a familiar hand. 

“Hello, Natasha.” Hermione greeted, a fond smile on her face as she gave her friend a hug. Natashas’ cheeks lit up pink, her heart slightly racing from being so close to her crush. “How was your summer? I couldn’t help but notice the blonde girl with you.”

“That was my sister, Yelena. And, I had a great summer!” Well, that was a lie, but she wasn’t about to tell her crush that she killed a young girl, and others trying to take out her childhood abusers, giving herself even more trauma. “I even got to go to the Bahamas and got this amazing tan!” At least that part was true; she did get a great tan. 

Hermione nodded, gesturing for the red-headed girl to follow, “That’s amazing, Natasha. You know, I actually got to go to Greece this summer and–” Letting the bushy-haired girl speak, Natasha watched her with fond eyes – butterflies forming in her stomach as she listened to the enchanting accent of Hermione Granger. 

Sliding in between Daphne and Blaise, she sent her two friends fond smirks, “What’s up guys? Y’know, I can practically feel the tension coming off from you two. What did you guys disagree about this time?” She asked, stretching her body out as if she was a cat. 

Daphne huffed, rolling her eyes – her perfectly manicured nails in tight, fists of rage, “‘What’s wrong?’ Oh, I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Natasha! You left me alone on the train with Boy Wonder for eight hours! And I hear it’s because you and Granger were flirting!” Daphne exclaimed, a vein slightly popping out of her forehead. 

“Oh, come on, Daph! We should be proud of Natasha! She finally spread her wings… they grow up so fast…” Blaise wept, flicking an imaginary tear off of his face, letting out a yelp when Natasha pushed him slightly, “Ow, woman! What the hell are you eating to make you this strong?!” 

Quirking up an eyebrow, she deadpanned back, “Oh, just my many years of Childhood Trauma; really makes everything great.” Her two friends both shared a look, a silent conversation conversing through their eyes before they both just let out a tired sigh. Her lips quirked up into a smirk, and she turned her attention to the head table, locking eyes with Snape and sending him a salute. 

The greasy-haired man rolled his eyes, his lips lifting up into a slight smirk. “Huh,” A random Slytherin third year said, “Professor Snape looks like he doesn’t wanna strangle you anymore, Romanoff. I don’t know whether I should be concerned or happy for you.” 

Snorting, she crossed one leg over the other as she waited for Dumbledore to start his speech, a familiar toad-faced woman sitting at the head table. She could feel her left eye starting to twitch as she locked eyes with the atrociously dressed woman. She kept her face calm, but she was mentally having a breakdown in her head as she asked the Gods above why they hated her so much. 

“Good evening, children.” The frail, old man boomed – the entire room giving him their attention. He smiled, clapping his hands together; his eyes bright as ever. “Now, we have two changes in staffing this year. First, we're pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures while Professor Hagrid is on temporary leave. We also wish to welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher: Professor Dolores Umbridge.” The ghastly woman laughed, a forced smile on her face as she looked around the great hall, “And I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing the Professor good luck.”

The hall was silent, all the houses trading awkward glances with each other as the woman dressed in pink continued to stare them down, an uncomfortable feeling within the room. “As usual,” Dumbledore started once more, “Our caretaker, Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you–” He stopped, a look of shock on his old face as he turned around to face the source of the noise. 

The same thought was going through everyone’s head, ‘Did this woman really just interrupt Dumbledore?’ Honestly, it seemed as if Dumbledore himself couldn’t believe it as his mouth fell open – the light slowly dying from his eyes as Umbridge stood up; keeping eye contact with the man the whole time. Clasping her fingers together, her heels made little clicking noises as she walked up to the front of the table. 

Leaning over to Daphne and Blaise, Natasha murmured lowly, “Someone certainly fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down… She has a face only a mother could love…” Her friends stifled their giggles, their shoulders shaking as they silently laughed. 

“Thank you, Headmaster, for those kind words of welcome,” She stalked forward, her gaze predatory and hungry as she stared down the students, finally making her way to the center. “And how lovely to see all your bright, happy faces smiling up at me.” Blaise let out an awkward chuckle, itching the bottom of his nose with an awkward smile to match. “What the fuck…” He whispered, his eyes wide as he glanced between the woman in pink and his friends. 

However, it seemed that Umbridge was not put off by the uncomfortable silence as she continued her speech, “I’m sure we’re all going to be very good friends.” Faintly, Natasha could hear the two Weasley twins murmuring something, but she wasn’t quite sure what they said. But knowing them… it was probably something Natasha would agree with. “The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance.”

“Although, each Headmaster has brought something new to this historic school.” Dumbledore simply ignored the blatant insult and just allowed the woman to continue. “Progress, for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved – perfect what can be perfected, and prune practices that ought to be prohibited.” She let out a high-pitched giggle, her nose scrunched up in a cute way. However, it just ended up making her look even more insane than she was. Walking away and heading back to her seat, it was quiet for a moment before Dumbledore started clapping. 

Slowly, everyone joined in (pretty much forced to do so out of fear for what the toad-woman might do to them), “Thank you, Professor Umbridge.” Locking eyes with the toad-like woman, Natasha raised an eyebrow in a challenge and knew that this year was going to be hard. 

Dearest Natasha, 

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? 

For months, I’ve wanted to write to you, but courage has never been my strong suit. I’ve never been brave, or loyal to anyone… Until I meet you. I’ve never willingly sacrificed myself for someone – someone who I care about. I’ve never felt much emotion, and I’ve certainly never really felt guilt. However, contrary to what everyone believes; I do experience emotions… just not as normally as one does. 

I can feel anger, I can feel sadness, I can feel happiness. 

But it’s dull. It’s there, I know it is. I’m not one to comfort someone, and I’m certainly not good at it but… whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s okay. It’s natural for human beings to experience emotions, and for things to change. Change is necessary, Natasha. We need change to move forward, and by doing what you did - you simply just closed one chapter to your life and opened up a new one. 

Perhaps, we might not see each other in this life - Perhaps, we may. But… I would like to keep speaking with you. Being around that thing has really changed my view on life, and how messed up I truly was – am! I was supposed to change the world, not destroy it. Somehow, it seems as if the message got lost on the way… 

Yours, 

Tom.