Harry
Harry is eating breakfast with Ron and Vector from Despicable Mii in the dining hall. “So, I heard some crazy stuff happened with you and Hermione last night...” Harry said to ron.
Ron stared at him blankly, not making a sound. That was because an empty shell of a man could never create anything new, only replicate the actions of that which was brought before him. And behind those eyes forever would be the trauma of that night with Hermione in the girls’ dormitory, and World War II.
“Okay uhh... I sent Hermione’s hydroflask to be repaired, Hedwig should be delivering it later this morning.” Said Harry.
Ron remained silent. Harry, worrying something bad has happened, looks around the dining hall. He sees Hermione enter through the grand doors. Ron has a look of pure terror on his face. A wet spot grows in the crotch of his trousers.
Hermione playfully says, “Hey there men... and Ron”
“Hi Hermione, I heard what happened to your hydroflask, I’m sorry” said Harry
“Oh it’s no big deal, Ron learned his lesson.” Stated Hermione.
Ron started silently crying, not making eye contact with her. Piss puddles under his chair, which Crookshanks laps up.
“I actually sent for it to be repaired. It should arrive this morning. As a man, I like to provide for the numerous women I have in my hérém.”
“Oh that’s wonderful! Thanks so much Harry” Said Hermione gleefully.
At that moment Hedwig flew in through the window, holding a fabulous new gold hydroflask. Everyone looked up as a ray of light descended upon the beautiful snow white owl. On the First Night when God took a look at the Earth he had separated from the Heavens, He saw that the Earth was dark and void. From this shapeless form He said, “Let there be light!” and then there was light, and it was good. God divided the light from the dark and called the light Day and the dark Night. Hedwig is the Day that God had created from His will, and it is good.
As the owl descends from the Heavens bearing God’s gift, Hedwig glides majestically past the table just a few feet above everyone's heads. The owl releases the glistening hydroflask just in front of Harry. It lands with a loud thud as the unprotected bottom is crushed under the weight of the gold. It rolls some distance, bonking on the nearby platters of food. The hard ceramic scratches the sides of the hydroflask as it comes to a stop in front of Hermione.
“Oh” Hermione releases a slight yelp as she realizes what has happened. This is the Night that God created from His will, and it is not good.
She picks up the once-beautiful hydroflask, now scratched beyond recognition. A large dent sits at the bottom. Ron’s piss stream creates rapids in its falls as his robes become soaked. Fearing retribution, he is on the verge of tears when Scabbers scrambles out of his pocket completely soaked in piss.
“I’m so sorry Hermione! I didn’t know that Hedwig would drop it. I thought it wouldn’t be a problem for Hedwig because Hedwig is male, and men are big and strong unlike women.” Apologized Harry.
“That’s alright. I’m going to go study anyways.” Said Hermione unconvincingly as she left the table.
The next day, Harry and Ron and Vector from Despicable Mii are studying in the library. On page 4815162342 of their potions textbook Hermione walks in and says, “Hey Harry hows it going hottie.”
Hermione’s outfit violates dress code. She is wearing a tight black choker and has a pink scrunchie on her wrist. She is wearing a black and red skirt not reaching her knees. Her dress shirt shows her collarbone. Her hair is down to her hips. She has big bangs, and she cannot lie.
From his vantage point, Harry sees Hermione's panties underneath her skirt and he gets an instant Dwayne “The Rock” hard boner. Harry smirks and says, “Hermione, you're dressed like you're asking for it. Don’t blame me if I can’t control myself right now”
In Hermione’s hands is a steaming bowl of soup, which she holds out once Harry finishes his sentence. Crookshanks slinks up from behind Hermione’s legs.
“Hey. You’re not allowed to eat in the library Hermione!” Said Harry. “Unless you made me a sandwich, you bimbo.”
“Oh, I know, but I made it just for you. Wouldn’t you please try it?”
“Harry,” Vector from Despicable Mii said, “you should try it because Hermione is showing her collarbone just for you.”
Crookshanks struts over to Ron, and slinks against his leg like it’s a dirty stripper pole. Scabbers, still soaked in piss from earlier and is sleeping discreetly in Ron’s pocket, is rudely awakened by the smell of Crookshank’s STDs. He lets out a mousy scream of terror and prepares to flee, but Crookshank’s paws capture him in a stranglehold.
Harry stares at Hermione’s exposed collarbone and quickly wipes the drool off his face.
Harry takes the soup from Hermione. Their hands touch for just a moment and Harry is in pure ecstasy. He is about to release the orgasm of a century before he composes himself. The only other girl that he has touched before was Ron. He grabs the spoon and takes a big scoop, noticing the large chunks of white meat. It looks like a chicken breast. He takes a fat schlurp.
“Mmmmm. This is good, you women sure know how to cook. That's all you are good for, belonging in the kitchen.” Said Harry as he took another sip. “What type of soup is this?”
“It’s a new kind of soup,” said Hermione, “It’s made with owl meat.”
Harry's expression changes from arousal to fear as he realizes that his dream dominatrix has just cooked and fed Hedwig to him. He stared at her silently, not able to make a sound.
“Well, aren’t you going to finish it?” Hermione demands.
Crookshanks bites into Scabbers’ body, her feline teeth bite into the hot bod of Peter pettigrew the rat.
In the dementor raid when Hermione’s parents had died, Harry had been standing beside her as their empty bodies had dropped to the floor. He cried when Voldemort had come forward from behind the dementors and said, “Now they are dead, and we will feast.” And then his jaw unhinged and his tongue made a wet swipe across the bodies of Hermione’s dead parents before devouring them, their bones snapping with wet crunches as Voldemort’s hungry maw destroyed all physical semblance of their humanity. Harry had stared in shock. Hermione’s parents were there, and then they were consumed by the appetites of tyrants.
This is why Harry was a communist and believed in freedom from the endless grind of bodies to the system. But now he realized that all along he had been the tyrant, and the victims of the bourgeoisie were feeding him his own hypocrisy.