Ron
Hermione is studying in the Gryffindor common room for her dreaded potions exam. She is sitting on a cozy armchair next to Shadow and Bone character Mal from the orphanage, reading textbooks. On page 69 of her textbook, she takes a swig out of her hydroflask. The hydroflask is in the color light red and is in completely pristine condition because Hermione takes very good care of the hydroflask. She cleans the hydroflask every night until it shines before she tells herself affirmations in the mirror: you have the best hydroflask, your hydroflask is very nice, no one will judge you if you just confess to the murder that happened on June 4, 2000 and that you buried the body in the shed behind the house.
The hydroflask has a braided lanyard around the black handle because she loves to save the turtles and a golden rubber boot on the bottom to prevent it from slipping. She takes a loud slurp but doesn’t spill any liquid on her red sweater that Mrs. Weasley knitted for her. She sets it back down on the center table.
Ron walks into the room. “Oh hi Hermione!” says Ron.
Hermione looks up at him.
“Hey there sexy man” Hermione’s lust is undeniable. She’s been working so hard and needs a break from studying. Now she is hardly working. She trusts Ron very much because he is a big man like Gru from the classic movie Despicable Mii which came out in the year 1989. She is very excited for the new Despicable Mii movie Minions: The Rise of Gru because she likes it when men grow bigger. Hermione knows he will never do anything to hurt her, just like the minions do not hurt Gru in the 1969 classic Despicable Mii now available to own on DVD and Blu-ray.
Walking up to Hermione’s chair, Ron passes the table. His hand playfully swats at Hermione’s textbook. Suddenly, Ron accidentally knocks over Hermione’s light red hydroflask.
“Whoops!” Exclaims Ron.
Time stands still as the hydroflask falls to the hardwood floor of the Gryffindor common room. The perfect shiny outside, flawless and without any dents, collides with the floor. The loud -BANG- echoes throughout the room.
“Ron how could you!” Screamed Hermione, feeling betrayed.
This is almost as bad as the time her family was ruthlessly slaughtered by the cold hands of the dementors, which had stared into her parents’ eyes as it sucked out the life and happiness from the husk of their bodies.
She leans over, picking up her hydroflask. Ron looks down at her scrumptious ass, which protrudes out of the armchair. He contemplates playing bumper cars with her ass, but manages to control himself.
She feels a round indentation in the side of her hydroflask. Her precious hydroflask which she cared for so dearly, was ruined. Rage fills her body as she looks at Ron, ready to thrust him. Usually she’s the one licking feet, this time, she’ll watch as Ron sucks her toes.
Ron’s lust is replaced with fear as Hermione looks at his feet and says, “not tonight Ron. Tonight, you will feast.”
“No please Hermione, it was an accident!” begged Ron. But it didn’t stop Hermione. She wanted him to beg. He dented her hydroflask, and this injustice could not be undone by any kind of magic she could do. When the dementors had taken the lives of her parents she cried as she held their lifeless bodies. Now she is holding the lifeless body of her only hydroflask and vows for Ron to be damned to Hell because it was where he belonged for denting her hydroflask. She wants Ron to suck her toes as the dementors sucked her parents’ souls.
She grabbed him by his sweater and dragged him toward the girls dorm of the Gryffindor house.
Ron cried out. “Please Hermione, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
But Hermione’s anger is unquenching. She needs Ron to be punished.
She closes the door to the girls dormitory, and Ron is never heard from again -aside from his screams of terror.