heavenward | n.scatorccio

The sun hung low in the sky, painting the late afternoon with streaks of orange and gold as the group trudged forward, their boots crunching against gravel and broken asphalt. The air was thick and damp, clinging to their skin like a second layer of sweat. It had been a few days since they left the school, and apart from the occasional fight with runners, the journey had been eerily uneventful. They were now approaching Delaware river.

Jeff was the first to spot the highway bridge in the distance. "That's it, right?" he asked, pointing at the massive structure stretching across the water.

Natalie squinted. "Yeah, that's it. But..." she trailed off, her gaze narrowing as she caught sight of the masses of infected swarming the bridge. A constant, low groaning sound carried over to them on the breeze.

"Too many," Shauna said firmly, her face pale. "We'll never make it through that."

"Agreed," Julianna said, crossing her arms. Her eyes scanned the area, searching for an alternative. "There's gotta be another way."

Misty, bouncing nervously on her heels, tilted her head. "Maybe there's a smaller bridge? Something they wouldn't be crowding around?"

Lottie gestured toward the left, where the outline of a narrow pedestrian bridge peeked out through the trees. "Over there. It's not exactly ideal, but... it's something."

The group made their way to it cautiously, the tension palpable as they approached. The bridge was old and rusted, with large sections of the railing missing and planks that creaked ominously under the weight of their steps. Below, the river churned darkly, its surface reflecting the occasional glint of infected stumbling along the banks, drawn to their movement.

"Great," Jackie muttered, folding her arms tightly across her chest. "This looks super safe."

"Better than the highway bridge," Natalie shot back, shouldering her rifle. "Unless you'd rather swim."

Jackie glared but said nothing, biting her lip as she stared at the precarious bridge.

"It's narrow," Lottie observed, her tone calm but thoughtful. "We'll have to go one at a time."

"Wonderful," Jeff said, his usual humor undercut by the edge of unease in his voice. "Guess we're auditioning for a balance beam act now."

Misty snorted. "Oh, please. You'll be fine. Just don't look down."

It was narrow, yes, but not impossible. Still, Julianna's chest tightened as her eyes traced the gaps in the railing, the jagged edges where safety had long since crumbled. Below, the infected shuffled aimlessly, their movements slow but relentless.

"I'll go first," Natalie offered, stepping forward without hesitation.

"No surprises there," Jackie muttered, her voice tight.

Natalie ignored her and started across, moving with slow, steady steps. The planks groaned under her boots, but she made it to the other side without incident. She turned, waving them over.

Jeff went second, muttering a stream of jokes under his breath as he crossed. "If I fall, tell Van she can have my CD collection," he said nervously, earning a laugh from Misty and a withering glare from Jackie. Despite his humor, his hands were trembling slightly as he clutched the remaining railing for balance.

Shauna followed, her face pale. "I hate this," she muttered, her grip white-knuckled as she shuffled across. Julianna knew Shauna's fear of heights well, could see it in the way she kept her gaze fixed firmly on the planks beneath her feet. But she made it, releasing a shaky breath once she reached the other side.

Jackie was next. She stepped onto the bridge hesitantly, her sneakers scraping against the weathered wood. Her eyes darted to the infected below, their groans growing louder as they noticed the movement above.

"Jackie, don't look down," Lottie said softly, standing at the edge of the bridge to offer encouragement. "Just keep your eyes on me, okay? You're doing fine."

"I can't—" Jackie's voice cracked, and she froze, gripping the railing tightly. "I can't do this. I'm gonna fall."

"You're not going to fall," Lottie said, her tone gentle but firm. "You're already halfway there. Just a little more, okay? One step at a time."

Jackie's breathing was uneven, her knuckles white as she clutched the railing. But Lottie's calm voice coaxed her forward, step by trembling step, until she finally reached the other side.

Julianna exhaled softly, relief washing over her as Jackie stepped off the bridge. But now it was her turn.

She stepped onto the bridge without hesitation, the planks groaning under her converse. She wasn't as scared as the others, heights didn't bother her. But the bridge itself was unstable, swaying slightly under her weight.

"Careful, Jules," Misty called from the other side, her voice unusually earnest.

Julianna glanced down, the infected below nothing more than dark, shuffling shapes against the glinting water. She felt a slight tremor in the bridge as the wind picked up, but she kept moving, her steps steady.

When she reached the other side, Misty grinned at her. "See? Told you you'd be fine."

Julianna offered a soft smile, gentle and fleeting, as though it might disappear if noticed.

With everyone safely across, they turned to look at the bridge one last time, the narrow, rickety structure seeming even more precarious from a distance.

"Guess that wasn't so bad," Jeff said, his tone attempting to be casual despite the nervous laughter that followed.

Just as the group was about to turn away and continue down the path, a sharp rustling came from behind them, breaking through the faint hum of the infected below. Everyone froze, their hands instinctively reaching for their weapons, eyes snapping toward the trees they had just emerged from.

"What the hell was that?" Shauna whispered, her voice tense.

"Probably just an animal," Natalie said, though she already had her rifle raised, scanning the edge of the woods.

The rustling grew louder, closer, and then, without warning, a small figure burst out from the trees and sprinted toward the bridge. He was moving so fast that at first, it was hard to make out who it was.

"What the—" Misty started, but her words were drowned out by the sound of creaking wood as the boy's feet pounded against the unstable bridge.

It was Javi.

"Oh my God," Shauna gasped, her face paling. "Javi!"

The bridge swayed dangerously under his rapid steps, the wood groaning as if threatening to give way. The boy's wide, frightened eyes locked on the group, his breaths coming in sharp, panicked bursts as he pushed himself forward. Behind him, the bridge shook violently, splinters flying from the rotted planks with every hurried step.

"Javi, slow down!" Lottie shouted, her voice rising in alarm. "You're going to—"

Before she could finish, there was a deafening crack as one of the planks gave way beneath his foot. He let out a startled cry, his arms flailing as he stumbled forward. The bridge was breaking, collapsing in sections behind him, the infected below groaning hungrily at the commotion.

"Javi!" Julianna shouted, bolting forward as instinct took over. She ran to the edge of the bridge, leaning dangerously far over to extend her arms toward him. "Come on! You're almost here!"

The boy's face was streaked with dirt and panic as he surged forward, the gap between them closing rapidly. The bridge buckled beneath him, splintering and tilting, but somehow he kept his footing, propelling himself toward her outstretched hands.

The moment his hand reached hers, Julianna gripped him tightly and yanked him forward with all her strength. His body collided with hers, nearly knocking her off balance as he stumbled onto solid ground. Behind them, the last remaining section of the bridge gave way, crashing into the river below with a deafening roar.

Julianna sank to her knees, still clutching Javi's arms, her breaths ragged. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice sharp with both fear and relief.

Javi nodded quickly, his small chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. His face was pale, his eyes darting between her and the broken remains of the bridge. "I'm—I'm fine," he stammered, though his voice wavered.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Natalie snapped, her rifle still in her hands, though it hung at her side now. "Why would you follow us out here?"

"I had to!" Javi said, his voice breaking as he looked at the group. "I—I didn't want to stay back there. I can help! I'm not a little kid—I can do stuff too!"

"You are a little kid!" Shauna shot back, her voice high and shaky. "Do you even realize how dangerous this was? You could have—"

"Shauna," Julianna interrupted gently, her tone softer but firm enough to stop the argument before it spiraled. "He's scared. Let's take a second to breathe." She turned to Javi, her eyes softening. "You shouldn't have come, Javi. It's not safe out here. But—you made it. You're okay. That's what matters right now."

Javi looked down at the ground, guilt etched into his features.

Lottie knelt beside him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We understand," she said softly. "But this trip is dangerous. It's not something a kid should—"

"Hey, uh, hate to interrupt," Jeff said, shifting nervously as he peered at the infected below, who were now swarming near the remnants of the bridge. "But maybe we should move this little heart-to-heart somewhere else before we get some company?"

Misty clapped her hands. "Jeff's got a point! Let's go before they figure out how to climb trees or something. Come on, Javi, up you go!" She motioned for him to stand, her energy as chaotic as ever.

Julianna sighed, standing and brushing dirt off her knees. She reached for Javi's hand, helping him up. "Stay close to me, okay? No running off."

Javi nodded earnestly, sticking to her side as they regrouped. The bridge was gone, and there was no turning back now. The seven of them, well, now eight, continued forward.

The argument started almost immediately after they left the collapsed bridge behind. The group trudged through the trees, their breaths visible in the cool evening air, but the tension was so thick it felt stifling. Jeff, as always, was the first to break the silence.

"So, uh... what now? Do we just, like, carry him around in a backpack or something?"

Shauna turned to him, exasperated. "Jeff, not helping."

"I'm just saying!" Jeff threw up his hands. "We've got no plan for this kind of thing! He's a kid, and we're in the middle of... this!" He gestured wildly to the woods around them.

"He's coming with us," Lottie said firmly, her tone brooking no argument. "We can't just leave him out here."

"Obviously," Natalie muttered, but her voice was strained. She glanced at Javi, who was walking slightly behind Julianna, his eyes cast down at the ground. "But bringing him with us? That's not exactly the best option either."

"Do you wanna hike all the way back to the school to drop him off?" Misty asked, her tone light but with an edge of sarcasm. "Because I'm not doing that. I mean, he did make it across the death bridge, so maybe he's tougher than we think!"

"Travis is going to kill us," Shauna muttered. "I mean, actually kill us. How are we supposed to explain this to him? 'Oh, hey, we just brought your little brother along on a death march across the country. Hope that's cool.'"

"Travis isn't here, though," Lottie said quietly. "We are. And we're responsible for him now, whether we like it or not."

The group fell into silence for a moment, Lottie's words settling over them.

Julianna glanced down at Javi, who was walking so close to her that his arm occasionally brushed against hers. She could see how small he looked, his face pale and drawn from the stress of the day. He was trying to be brave, but his hands were shaking, and his steps were unsteady.

"What were you thinking, Javi?" Natalie finally asked, sighing, her voice low. "Why would you follow us?"

Everyone turned to look at him, waiting for an answer. Javi hesitated, his cheeks flushing under the attention. His eyes darted to Julianna for a moment before looking down at the ground again.

"I wanted to help," he said quietly, his voice almost swallowed by the sounds of the forest around them.

"Help?" Shauna repeated, incredulous. "Do you even realize how dangerous this is? This isn't some little adventure, Javi. People die out here."

"I know that!" Javi shot back, surprising everyone with the force of his voice. He straightened up slightly, his hands curling into fists at his sides. "I just... I didn't want to sit back and do nothing. I can help. I can carry stuff, or—I don't know—do something useful!"

"That's not the point," Natalie said, her frustration bleeding through. "This isn't—"

"Guys," Julianna interrupted, her voice soft but steady. "He's scared. Can we not... gang up on him right now?"

The others fell silent, exchanging uneasy glances. Julianna knelt down slightly, meeting Javi's eyes. "Why did you really follow us, Javi?"

For a moment, he didn't answer. He just stared at her, his dark eyes flickering with something she couldn't quite place. Finally, he shrugged. "You're always helping people," he mumbled. "Like Taissa, and Natalie, and—Laura Lee. I just... I wanted to help too."

Julianna froze. Her stomach dropped, a wave of nausea washing over her. He hadn't said it outright, but she knew. He had done this because of her, because of what he thought she stood for.

Her voice was quieter when she spoke again, her throat tight. "You can't... you can't just risk your life like that, Javi. It's not the same."

"But why not?" Javi asked, his brow furrowing. "You do it all the time. Why is it okay for you and not for me?"

Julianna didn't have an answer. She straightened up, looking away from him. Her hands clenched at her sides as the guilt twisted inside her like a knife.

She couldn't claim it was because she valued others' lives more than her own—no, that would have implied she believed in the worth of her choices, and she didn't. She couldn't say it was some deep hatred of herself, some noble act of self-destruction, the kind of sacrifice that gave a tragic meaning to her existence. That would have been too clean, too poetic for the mess she had become, and not something you say to a little kid.

No, it wasn't hatred that drove her, not really. It was emptiness, the kind that hollowed her out and left her floating just above the surface of her own life, detached and directionless.

She wanted to say it was because she cared too much, that the threads of other people's lives were stitched so tightly into her own that she couldn't bear to see them unravel. But that wasn't true either. The truth was sharper, uglier: it was because she cared too little. Too little about herself to step out of danger, too little about the world around her to fight for something better.

It wasn't a choice anymore—it was a reflex, something her body did while her mind trailed somewhere behind, watching but never truly connecting. It wasn't bravery or selflessness. It was inertia, the cold momentum of someone who couldn't find the energy to stop moving forward, even when the path led straight to ruin.

Misty clapped her hands together, breaking the tension. "Well, the way I see it, we don't have much of a choice," she said brightly. "We either take him with us or spend an extra week, maybe longer, trying to get back to the school. And, uh, I don't know about you guys, but I'm not loving the idea of crossing another bridge like that anytime soon."

"She's right," Lottie said softly. "It's too late to turn back now."

Shauna groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Fine. But he stays close to one of us at all times. No running off, no trying to be a hero, nothing. Got it, Javi?"

Javi nodded quickly, his eyes wide. "Got it."

Jeff raised a hand, his expression sheepish. "Uh, question. Do we, like, tell Travis about this? Or just... hope he doesn't notice?"

"Jeff," Natalie said, her voice dry.

"Right, bad idea. Got it."

As the group pushed forward, Julianna drifted to the back, her steps slower, her thoughts twisting into a tumultuous tangle, an unruly mess she couldn't begin to unravel, no matter how desperately she tried. Javi stayed close beside her, silent but present, his small frame moving steadily in her peripheral vision. She glanced down at him, and unspoken fears coiled around her chest, tightening with each breath, as if they might trituate her from the inside out.

This was her fault. Every step he took behind her felt like a consequence, a shadow of the choices she'd made. If he got hurt, or worse, it wouldn't just haunt her. It would consume her, swallowing what little of herself she had left.

And deep down, she knew—she knew—she wasn't sure she'd survive carrying that kind of guilt.