heavenward | n.scatorccio

The tension in the gym had dissipated somewhat, the hum of conversation softening as people broke off into smaller groups. Some were prepping weapons, others were eating or grabbing much-needed rest. Julianna had perched herself back on the bleachers, her arms resting on her knees, watching the room with her usual quiet observation.

She wasn't sure why, but she liked this part—the in-between moments, when everyone wasn't shouting or fighting for survival. It gave her space to think. Her newly-cut hair felt strange, lighter, the choppy strands not quite brushing against her shoulders, but the practicality of it made her feel better. She'd catch Misty occasionally looking her way with a little grin, clearly delighted by the transformation.

As Julianna sat there, Travis approached, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking just a little bit awkward. He cleared his throat. "Hey, uh, Julianna."

She glanced up, blinking once before offering a small smile. "Oh um, yeah?"

"Can you help me with something?" he asked, his voice quiet enough that no one else overheard.

She straightened, curious. "Sure, what do you need?"

Travis nodded toward the door that led out of the sports hall. "It's... kind of dumb, but I want to grab something from my dad's old office. For Javi. You know, so he has something to remember him by."

Julianna tilted her head, processing the request. It wasn't dumb, not at all, but she could see why he might think that. "Yeah, okay. Let me grab my bag." She stood, brushing her hands against her jeans, and followed him toward the exit.

As they moved into the quieter, eerily empty halls, Julianna adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "—Why me, though?" she asked after a moment, her voice quiet.

Travis glanced at her, his hands still in his pockets. "Most of the others are busy. Plus..." He hesitated, then gestured vaguely toward her. "You seem like you can handle yourself."

Julianna blinked, caught off guard by the casual compliment. "Oh. Well, thanks, I guess. I mean, you don't really know me that well, but..." She trailed off, glancing at him sidelong.

"I've seen enough," he said simply. "You helped Nat and Tai yesterday, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I also nearly got us all killed with that gun," she said dryly, though there was no bitterness in her tone.

Travis shrugged. "You saved them. That's what matters."

They walked in silence for a moment, the faint echo of their footsteps filling the empty space around them. The halls were dimly lit, sunlight streaming through gaps in the boarded-up windows.

"So," Travis said, breaking the quiet. "Your hair's different."

Julianna raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. I cut it this morning."

"It looks good," he said, his tone matter-of-fact but genuine.

She blinked again, caught off guard for the second time. "Oh. Thanks." She tucked a loose strand behind her ear, feeling a small flicker of self-consciousness.

They reached a corner, and Julianna instinctively slowed, scanning the area ahead. Travis did the same, his grip tightening on the knife he carried.

"Clear," she muttered after a moment, and they continued down the hall.

"So why'd you cut it?" he asked, keeping his voice low but conversational.

"It kept getting in my way," she said, shrugging. "Yesterday, it was... bad. Practicality over vanity, right?"

Travis gave a small nod, seeming to understand. "Makes sense."

As they rounded another corner, they were met with the sudden sound of shuffling footsteps and low, guttural growls. Two runners stumbled toward them, their movements jerky and unnerving.

Julianna's knife was out in a second, her body tensing. "You take left, I'll take right?"

"Got it," Travis said, his voice steady.

They moved in sync, dodging the infected's lunges and taking them down with swift, deliberate strikes. By the time the runners collapsed, Julianna's breathing was only slightly uneven. An improvement from days prior.

"Not bad," Travis said, glancing at her as he wiped his knife on his jeans.

"You too," she replied, though her tone was laced with a hint of a smile. "You're pretty quick with that knife."

He gave a faint smile, and they continued on.

Travis led the way to his dad's office, the two of them moving quietly through the darkened halls. The door, once sturdy, was splintered and barely hanging on its hinges. Julianna hesitated as Travis pushed it open, the creak of the wood breaking the silence.

Inside, the room was a wreck. Papers littered the floor, the desk was overturned, and shelves that once held books and memorabilia had been ransacked. Travis froze for a moment, his jaw tightening as he stared at the destruction.

Julianna hung back, watching him with a careful gaze. She wasn't great at navigating emotions, other people's or her own, but she could see the weight of the moment pressing down on him.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," Travis muttered, though the clipped tone said otherwise.

She didn't push. They weren't exactly friends, after all, and she knew better than to try to fix something she didn't fully understand. Instead, she stepped into the room, careful not to disturb the mess.

"I get it," she said after a pause, her voice cautious, as if weighing her words carefully. "Losing a parent sucks."

Travis stiffened immediately, his body going rigid, eyes snapping to her with a sharpness that sent a ripple of tension through the air. "It's not the same," he said, his voice low but edged with raw anger. "I watched him get torn apart, okay? I didn't do anything. I just stood there." His fists clenched at his sides, his jaw tightening as if the very words were a physical blow.

Julianna's throat tightened at the rawness in his voice, but she didn't flinch. She could feel the anger rolling off of him, thick and suffocating, but beneath it, there was something else, something darker, more painful. Guilt. It hung in the air like a heavy fog. She could see it in his eyes, hear it in the tremble of his voice. He was angry, yes, but more than that, he was blaming himself.

"I'm not saying it's the same," she said softly, choosing her words carefully, but with a quiet sincerity that she hoped would reach him. She met his gaze, holding it steady, though the weight of it made her heart ache. "I just know what it feels like to lose them. To have all these pieces of them left behind—pictures, memories, things that used to mean everything—but none of it makes up for them being gone."

Her voice faltered slightly as she spoke, the vulnerability in her words opening a door to a pain she had long buried. She wasn't trying to minimize what he had gone through, wasn't pretending that her grief was anything like his. But she needed him to understand that she understood, the crushing weight of loss, the way it left you hollow, the way you'd give anything to undo it, to feel whole again.

Travis's shoulders sagged slightly, the tension bleeding out of him. He glanced away, his jaw working as if he were trying to find the right words.

"Sorry," he muttered after a moment. "I didn't mean to... you know."

"It's fine," Julianna replied, her tone still gentle.

They fell into an uneasy silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt like they had reached some unspoken understanding, which they were both fine with.

"We should look around," Travis said eventually, his voice quieter. "Find something for Javi."

Julianna nodded, and they split up, carefully picking through the room. She scanned the shelves, the papers on the floor, the toppled desk. Everything felt heavy with dust and the ghost of a life left behind.

"Hey," Travis said, breaking the silence. She turned to see him holding up an old soccer cap, the brim slightly frayed but intact. "He used to wear this to games. He'd always yell from the sidelines, embarrass the hell out of us."

Julianna gave a small smile. "Sounds like a dad thing."

Travis nodded, setting the cap aside before rummaging through a drawer. He pulled out a jacket, worn but warm, and handed it to her.

"Javi was always stealing this," he said. "I think he'll like having it."

Julianna held the jacket for a moment, feeling the weight of it. It was more than just fabric, it was a connection to a person, a memory that Javi might be able to hold onto.

They continued searching in silence, eventually finding an old compass tucked into a corner of the desk. Travis hesitated as he picked it up, his fingers brushing against the smooth metal.

"He used to take us camping," he said, his voice barely audible. "Taught us how to use this."

Julianna didn't say anything, letting him have the moment.

When they'd gathered the cap, the jacket, and the compass, they decided it was enough. It wasn't everything, but it was something.

As they left the office, Travis glanced at her. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Julianna shrugged. "Anytime."

They made their way back to the gym, the halls feeling less oppressive now.

As Julianna and Travis stepped into the sports hall, the noise of the group came rushing back—idle chatter, the clatter of scavenged supplies being sorted, and the occasional sharp voice as someone argued over minor details. It was a stark contrast to the quiet halls they had just returned from, and for a moment, Julianna felt a bit disoriented.

She followed Travis as he made his way to where Javi sat near a pile of old blankets. The younger boy was fidgeting with a small rock, turning it over in his hands with an absent expression.

"Hey, Javi," Travis said, his voice softer than Julianna was used to hearing. He crouched in front of his brother and held out the soccer cap.

Javi's eyes lit up immediately. "Dad's hat!" he said, his voice full of surprise and excitement.

"Yeah," Travis said with a faint smile. "Thought you might want it. And, uh... this too." He handed Javi the jacket and the compass, his movements a bit awkward, like he wasn't sure if he was doing it right.

Javi stared at the items for a moment before carefully taking them. "Thank you," he said quietly, clutching the jacket to his chest.

Julianna watched from a few feet away, her arms crossed. She wasn't sure why, but the sight of the two brothers made something twist in her chest. It was sweet, she decided, seeing Travis take care of Javi like that, even when he was struggling himself.

Not wanting to intrude, she drifted toward the makeshift table where Misty had set up their dwindling food supplies. Sitting cross-legged, Julianna began calculating how long they could stretch their rations, scribbling quick notes on a torn piece of paper.

She was deep in thought, running numbers in her head, when a small voice interrupted her.

"Are we running out?"

Julianna looked up to see Javi standing nearby, the soccer cap now snug on his head. He looked concerned, his hands shoved into the oversized jacket Travis had given him.

"Not yet," she said, setting her pencil down. "I'm just trying to figure out how long we can make what we have last. If we're careful, we'll be okay for a while."

Javi nodded, but his expression didn't quite relax. He shuffled closer and sat down across from her, his legs sticking out at odd angles.

"Do you think the place Kansas City is real?" he asked after a moment, his voice quiet.

Julianna tilted her head, considering the question. "I think so," she said. "The message sounded real enough, and it's not like we've got much to lose by trying."

Javi frowned. "But what if it's dangerous?"

"It probably will be," she admitted, her voice gentle. "But we'll be together, and that makes it a little less scary, right?"

Javi seemed to think about that, his fingers tugging at a loose thread on his sleeve. "Do you think Dad would've gone?"

Julianna paused, caught off guard by the question. She wasn't sure how to answer, but she decided to be honest. "Yeah," she said eventually. "I think he would've done anything to make sure you and Travis were safe." She didn't know Coach Martinez well, only seen him during physical education, or walking around school.

Javi looked up at her, his expression softening. "You're nice," he said suddenly, his tone matter-of-fact.

Julianna blinked, caught off guard again. "Uh, thanks?"

"I mean it," Javi said, a small smile tugging at his lips. "You don't yell at people like the others do. You're just, nice."

Julianna felt her face heat up, and she glanced down at her paper to avoid his gaze. "Well, don't get used to it," she said, trying to sound teasing. "I can be mean too, you know."

Javi grinned, clearly not believing her. "Sure."

Shaking her head, Julianna picked up her pencil and tapped it against the paper. "You should probably get some sleep," she said, trying to redirect the conversation. "We've got a lot to do tomorrow."

Javi nodded but didn't move right away. "Thanks for being nice," he said again before standing up and wandering off toward Travis.

Julianna watched him go, a small smile tugging at her lips despite herself. Maybe things weren't so bad, she thought. Or maybe she was just getting better at pretending they weren't.