heavenward | n.scatorccio

For the first time in years, Julianna
intentionally put her hair up. It was practical, so it wouldn't get in her way while she worked, but it meant so much more to her than that. She had always let it hang loose, untamed, the way she felt inside-a jumble of thoughts and feelings she could never quite organize.

Today, though, she needed it out of her face. And maybe she needed to feel a little more in control.
The hair tie was tight around her wrist, ready to be used if necessary. Her fingers worked the strands, pulling them into a loose ponytail at the back of her head. The act was automatic, but her mind wandered.

She could feel the thin, long scar that ran along the back of her neck as her fingers brushed past it. It had been there since she was six. It was subtle, faint, like a shadow of a memory she could never escape.

The ridge of it, slightly raised and uneven, always seemed to make her feel a little more detached from herself, like she was carrying something invisible that no one else could see. It wasn't something she liked to think about too much, and even though it was a scar she could touch, it was still a piece of herself she couldn't quite process.

Two people knew about it: her mother and her brother. And her mother-well, her mother was probably long gone by now, if the infection didn't take her first. If she hadn't already jumped out of the window, taking her own life in some twisted form of escape. That part was never clear. But Julianna knew one thing: her mother loved her. She wasn't perfect, but she loved her in the only way she could. And Julianna, in turn, loved her back. She missed her, even though she couldn't fully reconcile the love with the pain of everything that had come before.

It was strange, how the world could collapse in such a short amount of time.

The idea of her mother being gone felt unreal. But she didn't allow herself to think too hard about it. She wasn't sure she had the strength for that right now. And honestly, no one else seemed to want to talk about their families. Not really. They were all too afraid of facing the truth, that they were most likely gone. Gone in the chaos of the world crashing down.

Five days had passed since the outbreak, and so much had happened.

The sports hall had become their temporary home, and the school's walls, now their fortress, were the only things keeping them from losing their minds. They hadn't ventured past the school grounds yet. Some had jobs on the roof, keeping the building safe, but that was about it. The idea of stepping outside, of moving beyond the few blocks that contained them, felt impossible to most people.

Julianna hadn't told anyone this, but she thought they should check out the police station. It wasn't far, maybe a twenty-minute walk, just three or four streets over. It wasn't like they had much to go on. But a place with weapons, with guns, would help. It was strange, how they were all so focused on surviving, yet no one wanted to feel prepared enough for what was coming next. It felt like some unspoken rule that they had to wait. Wait for what, exactly?

For the world to start making sense again?

Julianna didn't know. But she wasn't the type to push people into action when they weren't ready.

Her fingers traced the scar again, the bump of it grounding her. Sometimes she wished it wasn't there, wished she could erase it from her body. But it was a part of her-an ugly reminder that she hadn't been able to save her father.
That somehow, she had failed him. In her mind, that scar would always represent that failure.

It was her fault he was gone, even if the circumstances were too complex to explain away.
There was always a voice in her head, quiet but persistent, telling her it was her fault. It was the same voice that told her that she didn't deserve to survive when others didn't.

But for some reason, she kept going.
She let out a shaky breath, focusing on the task in front of her. There were things she had to do, things that couldn't be put off anymore. And even though the world had fallen apart, she was still here. Alive.

Julianna's thoughts drifted back to the group. To the people she barely knew yet was now bound to, like it or not.

There were still so many unanswered questions. So many things left unsaid.
She could deal with everything else later.

But one thing was clear: survival wasn't a matter of luck. It was about choices.
And as long as she had the choice, she would keep fighting. Even if that meant carrying the weight of the past with her.

She was then broken out of her thoughts by the sound of footsteps echoing through the sports hall. Shauna was walking toward her, arms crossed, her expression somewhere between curiosity and concern.

"Hey," Shauna said, her voice low but steady. "You okay? You've been staring at that wall for like, five minutes."

Julianna blinked and sat up straighter, pulling her knees closer to her chest. "Yeah. Just thinking." It was an answer that felt safe enough. Shauna wasn't someone you could lie to easily. She had a way of staring right through you, picking apart your words before you even realized they'd left your mouth.

Shauna raised an eyebrow but didn't push. Instead, she sank down beside Julianna, the floor cold beneath them both. "Thinking about home?" she asked quietly.

Julianna hesitated. She wasn't sure how to answer that either. Was she thinking about home? Or was she just letting her mind spiral? "Sort of," she admitted finally. "It's weird. Being here. Like, we're so focused on surviving, but I can't stop thinking about everything we left behind. Everyone we left behind." Her fingers twisted the edge of her jumper absentmindedly.

Shauna didn't respond right away. She looked down at her hands, her brow furrowing. "Yeah. I get that. But—I guess I try not to think about it too much. What's the point, you know? It's not like thinking about them will change anything."

Julianna nodded, though she wasn't sure she agreed. "Still feels wrong not to think about them, though. Like if I don't, I'm—forgetting them." She trailed off, unsure how to explain the gnawing guilt that seemed to follow her everywhere.

Shauna glanced at her sideways. "You're not forgetting them. You're surviving. And if they were here, they'd probably want you to focus on that."

The words were meant to be comforting, and in a way, they were. But Julianna still felt the weight of her memories pressing against her chest. She didn't respond, and Shauna didn't push.

The moment stretched on in silence until the sound of laughter broke through the stillness. Jeff and Jackie were arguing over something in the corner, their voices carrying across the room. Jackie threw her hands up in exasperation, while Jeff doubled over in laughter.

Shauna rolled her eyes. "God, they're impossible."

Julianna gave a faint smile. "It's kind of impressive, honestly. The way they can argue about absolutely nothing."

"'Impressive' isn't the word I'd use," Shauna muttered, though there was a hint of amusement in her voice.

Julianna looked over at them for a moment, then back at Shauna. "Do you ever wonder how we're all going to make it? Like, long-term?"

Shauna exhaled sharply, leaning her head back against the wall. "All the time. But I try not to think too far ahead. It's too much, you know? I just take it one day at a time. One problem at a time."

Julianna nodded, her gaze drifting to the ceiling. "Yeah. One day at a time."

The sound of footsteps approached again, this time louder, more urgent. Misty's voice called out before she even reached them. "Guys! You're not going to believe this. The computer—it's working again. Sort of!"

Shauna groaned, getting to her feet. "Of course it is."

Julianna stood as well, brushing off her jeans. "What do you mean, 'sort of'?"

Misty waved her hands excitedly. "Come see for yourself! There's a map or something—it's showing where the infected are spreading!"

That caught Julianna's attention. She exchanged a glance with Shauna before following Misty back to the corner where the computer sat. The others were already gathered around it, the dim screen flickering with distorted images.

Julianna leaned in closer, squinting at the screen. A map of the country was displayed, dotted with red splotches that seemed to pulsate like living organisms.

"Those are the outbreaks," Misty explained, pointing at the screen. "See? It started here, and it's spreading outward."

Julianna frowned, her mind already working to piece together what she was seeing. "It looks like it's following major highways and population centers," she said quietly. "Like it's moving along the paths people would take to evacuate."

Shauna's jaw tightened. "So it's not slowing down."

"Not yet," Misty said, her voice oddly cheerful despite the grim news. "But this is helpful! We can avoid the hotspots if we ever have to leave the school."

"'If'?" Shauna echoed, raising an eyebrow. "Try 'when.' We can't stay here forever."

The room fell quiet at that, the weight of her words sinking in. Julianna's stomach churned, but she kept her face neutral.

One day at a time, she reminded herself. That was all they could do. One day at a time.

Julianna hesitated for a moment before she spoke, her voice softer than she intended. "We could try the police station. For weapons. Guns, knives, ammo. I mean... if it's not already cleaned out."

The room went silent as all eyes turned to her. Shauna, standing beside her, didn't flinch but gave Julianna a sidelong glance, as if she hadn't expected her to be the one to say it. Misty, of course, perked up immediately, her eyes lighting with interest.

"That's actually a great idea—" Misty chirped, stepping forward. "Police stations are like treasure troves in situations like this. Guns, pepper spray, maybe even a riot shield!" She clapped her hands together. "It's so smart, Julianna!"

Julianna winced at being singled out but managed a weak smile. "It's not really smart, just practical. We don't have much here."

Shauna crossed her arms, her gaze fixed on the ground as she considered it. "She's right. We need something better than hockey sticks and chair legs if we're going to last much longer."

Across the room, Jackie let out a sharp laugh. "And you think they're just going to let us walk in and take whatever we want? If there's anyone left there, they're not handing out free guns."

"I don't think there's anyone left," Taissa said bluntly, leaning against the wall. "It's been days. The outbreak hit hard, and this town wasn't exactly thriving to begin with. If the police are still alive, they're not at the station—they're home with their families. Or worse."

Jeff nodded along quickly, but his face was pale. "I mean, it makes sense, but... is it worth the risk? That's a lot of ground to cover. And if there are runners—"

"There will be runners," Nat interjected, her tone sharp. She was leaning against the table, arms crossed. "And not just runners. There could be packs. Those things are smart, and the closer you get to town, the worse it's going to be."

"But we need weapons," Shauna countered. Her voice was steady, but there was a flicker of unease in her eyes. "Unless someone here magically knows how to build a gun, it's not like we have other options."

Van stepped in, her tone more upbeat than the conversation warranted. "Hey, what's the worst that could happen? We grab some guns, maybe some cool hats, and we're back before dinner."

"Worst case, Van?" Taissa shot her a look. "We all fucking die horribly in a swarm of infected. Is that funny to you?"

"Kind of?" Van shrugged with a crooked grin. "I mean, it's not funny, but what else are we supposed to do? Freak out? I'd rather laugh about it."

Travis, standing near the back of the group, finally spoke. "We'll need a plan. It's not just about getting there—it's about getting back alive. If we go unprepared, it's a death sentence."

"Thank you, Travis," Nat said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "We get it. It's dangerous. But unless you have a better idea—"

"I think we're missing the point," Misty interrupted, her voice loud and eager. "We're capable of doing this! We've been handling ourselves fine so far, haven't we? We cleared out the hallways, we got water. This is just another step."

"Yeah, Misty, but this is a big step," Tai said, her tone wary. "We're not talking about grabbing bottles of water. We're talking about taking on God knows how many infected and hoping there's something left when we get there."

Jackie raised her hand, a dramatic flair to her gesture. "Why can't we just... I don't know, wait it out? Isn't that what they said on the news? To stay where you are?"

Shauna turned to her, frustration creeping into her voice. "Jackie, the news is old. Who knows what's happening now? And even if staying put worked for a while, we're going to run out of food, and we'll definitely run out of options if we don't have better weapons."

Julianna shuffled awkwardly, feeling the weight of the conversation press on her. "I didn't mean to—like, I wasn't trying to start an argument," she mumbled.

"Hey, no," Misty said brightly, turning to her with a reassuring smile. "You're right! It's a good idea. It's just, you know, hard for some people to grasp the concept of survival." She shot a pointed look at Jackie, who scowled in response.

"Let's just vote on how many people should go," Shauna suggested, cutting through the tension. "We don't need everyone arguing over who's brave enough to leave."

"Small group," Tai said immediately. "Big enough to hold our own but not so big we can't move fast."

"Agreed," Travis added. "Four, maybe five people max."

"Why not six?" Misty asked. "More people means more hands to carry supplies."

"And more noise, more risk," Nat countered.

The debate continued for a few minutes, everyone throwing in their opinions. Eventually, Shauna raised her hands to quiet the group. "Four people," she said decisively. "It's manageable. We can pick who later, but for now, we all agree on four. Deal?"

Reluctant nods followed, though Jackie still looked unsure, and Jeff seemed like he wanted to disappear into the floor. Julianna stayed quiet, her mind already racing with the possibilities of who would go—and whether she'd end up being one of them.