“It’ll make your life so much better.”
“Just do it.”
“No one will care.”
“You don’t matter to them.”
“You’re just a child who was born to be picked on.”
“See all the shit you have to put up with? You can end it right here.”
“End it.”
“End it, Mary-Kate.”
MK sprung awake from her bed, quickly looking around her room to see if it was real. Oh.. it was just a nightmare.. right?
MK looked at the rope sitting in the back of the closet. She told herself six years ago that she would never do it again. But was MK willing to break the promise she made?
Her life had gotten better when she told herself that, but is it better now? She could try and list all of the things that made her genuinely happy this year, but there’s only one.
And does that one even care about her?
MK tried telling herself that she wouldn’t do it again.. but it looked so tempting to her, she didn’t know if she could resist.
Just then, she remembered she had something in one of her drawers that could try and relieve the feeling of suicide, but it didn’t exactly help with her thoughts.
A knife.
MK stood up from her bed, walking over to the drawer where the knife lay, still fresh as ever. She stared at the knife for a few seconds, still contemplating if she should do this. Then eventually, she grabbed it and turned it over to its side, observing the sharp point in her eyes.
She walked over to the bathroom, still holding the knife, and looked at herself in the mirror. She was clean for five years, so why should she break it now? She couldn’t go back to her twelve year old self now, could she?
MK raised out her arm, hovering the knife over her wrist where faded scars from the previous attempts were. She looked at herself in the mirror one last time before..
She cut herself.
She actually did it..?
Just then, she heard a knock on her bedroom door.
“MK? MK..”
MK tried her best to cover up her tears, her faded scars, and now the leaking blood from her “attempt” a few seconds ago. She cleaned up everything, then went to see who it was.
“Julia? Why are you here..?”
“Don’t take it personally, but I just needed to come to you. Don’t ask why..”
“Alright.. just sit on the bed, I need to clean up something.”
“I could help, well if you want.”
“N-no! It’s fine! It’s my fault anyway..” MK was clearly horrible at lying, wasn’t she? She didn’t want Julia to find out about her attempt since Julia would be livid. Julia had told MK to stop making jokes about suicide a lot of times, and if Julia knew MK was actually considering it, MK wouldn’t be her friend anymore.. well at least that’s what MK thinks.
MK walked over to the bathroom again, eyeing the blood that had dripped onto the floor as well as her shirt. She looked at herself in the mirror again.. no one would know she was this fucked up, would they?
MK cleaned up the rest of the blood, then placing the knife in a drawer below the sink.. just in case.
She walked out, noticing Julia was still there, eyeing her almost. It’s like she knew..
“MK. Can I talk to you about something?”
“Yeah.. but what?”
“I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want you to go back to that habit again. You understand me?”
“What habit..?” MK knew exactly what she was talking about.
“Your suicidal tendencies, MK. I know you’re thinking about it recently but don’t give up on this life. You have me, you have your brother, your mother, people in your life that care about you, MK.” Julia never knew she could say those things and genuinely mean it, but MK brought out the best in Julia.
“But what if you guys are faking it..? You could be lying about this right now..!” MK tried to hold back tears as she thought of her scar that wasn’t there a few minutes ago.
“I’m not, MK. If I was, I wouldn’t be here. You know me, so why don’t you trust me?”
“I-I do.. it’s just that..”
“Just what, MK? C’mon, you know you can tell me..” Julia looked at MK’s sleeve and noticed it looked a bit more red than before in a certain area near her wrist.
“It’s nothing.. forget I said anything..”
“MK. Show me your arms.”
“Why..?”
“Show me it.” Julia sounded almost threatening, but MK did it anyway.
One of her wrists had a fresh cut on it.
“What the fuck, MK! You told me you would stop!”
“I-I tried, okay?! I knew you wouldn’t be there for me, nor anyone else! What was I supposed to do?!”
“Trust me, MK! Don’t you fucking dare try this shit again, you hear me?!”
MK was silent in response.
“Look how far you’ve come, do you really wanna break all of that?!” Julia pointed to a mini whiteboard that had multiple tally marks on it, likely resembling the months she was clean in.
MK glanced at the whiteboard and then shed a singular tear.
Julia realized she was being a bit too harsh on MK and hugged her, which MK reciprocated.
Julia then whispered in MK’s ear, “If you ever have those thoughts again, tell me. I won’t let you do that again, you understand?” MK nodded in response, still hugging Julia.
“Now, I need to go back to sleep, I just needed to tell you that I was staying here for a bit then I saw you doing that. Don’t do it again. Anyways, night MK.”
“Night, Jules..” MK waved to Julia before Julia closed the door. Once Julia was out of sight, MK glanced back at the cut, the rope, and the bathroom. MK hated to admit it, but she liked the feeling.
So what if she just..
grabs the rope?
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