October 7 1971
I can only hope that Narcissa does not tell her mother about the letter that I hope she was able to pass off to Sirius and didn’t tell Druella about this whole situation. If it all works out I should receive a letter within the next week from Narcissa hopefully along with a message from Sirius.
It’s very all consuming waiting for the letter to arrive. Almost a welcome distraction compared to the constant tension building within the house. Mother is constantly getting upset with whatever news she is receiving of Sirius and can’t find a place to validly take it out, usually Sirius is right here to be hexed or cursed, but now she just gets upset and oddly only occasionally curses me without any apparent cause.
At the very least it allows for me to have some sort of distraction from all that is going on in this awful house. It’s been dreadfully boring without Sirius doing something stupid or trying to rope me into whatever stupid thing he’s trying to do, like using fine china as targets for throwing knifes.
It’s very nearly embarrassing how much I miss Sirius, one may think that I am truly dependent on him. It’s difficult because all around me are just reminders of Sirius’ previous presence and current absence from the space that he once occupied.
I sound so fucking sullen and stupid.
I need friends, I have literally been wallowing in sorrow at the loss of my brother like he’s died or something when in reality he’s just at school. If I had friends I wouldn’t sound so fucking depressing. This sucks, life sucks.
-RAB