Chapter 1
The Daily Prophet – Our saviour returns
For ten years, we have been able to go about our days feeling safe. Today, the boy we must thank for it was seen for the first time since his parents, the late James Fleamont Potter and his wife Lily Potter (née Evans), went into seclusion with him.
He was seen buying his school supplies with Rubeus Hagrid, the groundskeeper at Hogwarts. Young Harry is reportedly a remarkably polite boy, but quite shy when it comes to his fame.
Readers will be interested to learn that his manners appear to be modeled after muggle customs, as are his clothes. As the son of a famously light wizard and his muggleborn wife, this seems only fitting. The Boy Who Lived is setting a clear statement against the exclusionary culture some members of our society during his first time back in the public eye.
He was observed talking to the Heir to House Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. His mother, Narcissa Malfoy (née Black), commented: “The two spoke only briefly, but I am certain that they will soon be good friends – Harry appears to be remarkably kind and loyal”.
Readers who are skeptical of that claim, remembering the accusations that Lord Malfoy was a Death Eater, may be reminded that all such claims had been found unsubstantial as Lord Malfoy was one of many unfortunate victims of the Imperius Curse during the war.
Harry’s home and foster family remain unknown, but it is now rumoured that he was raised in a muggle area by halfbloods, unlike previous beliefs that he had been sequestered in an all-magical area for his own safety.
Witch Weekly – Harry Potter spotted In Diagon Alley – All about his style
Fashion-forward parents listen up! There is a new trend coming to Wizarding Britain, inspired by the clothing of one Harry Potter.
Our young saviour was seen shopping for his school supplies in Diagon Alley today. He was wearing an unusual combination of muggle clothing, a pair of brown trousers, an olive shirt and a grey-brown checkered dress shirt, worn openly.
All items were united by a theme of being oversized. The trousers were even only held up by an extralong belt.
We see a very fashionable boy in young Harry – a seamless combination of the progressive image of muggle items with an understated colour scheme and the time-honoured tradition of an excess of fabric to show wealth.
He does not appear to be interested in wizarding fashion at the moment – Madam Malkins, owner of the only clothing shop he visited today informed us he had only bought his school robes.
Of course, she immediately took notes on his outfits, and you can expect some sample designs in Harry Potter chic by the end of the week.
Harry favours the hair style and style of glasses that we all remember so well from his father, the late James Potter. The broken state of them indicates an active young boy, and with his lithe stature, one can easily imagine him as a talented seeker, stepping in his father’s footsteps as a young athlete.
His emerald-green eyes build a stark contrast with his black hair and promise to break the heart of many of his future classmates.
We can’t wait to see what looks he will have to show us in the future.
Fashion take-away: oversized muggle clothing is the Boy-Who-Lived’s style of choice as a shopping outfit
The Daily Prophet – Hogwarts sorting – where was our saviour placed?
Readers were anxiously looking forward to yesterday evening, when the youth of Wizarding Britain was placed under the hat that we all remember fondly, to be judged and sorted.
This year was particularly interesting – not only were eight children from the Sacred 28 sorted (Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Theodore Nott, Hannah Abbott, Neville Longbottom, Ronald Weasley, and Milicent Bulstrode), but so was our very own hero, Harry Potter.
Young Malfoy, Parkinson, Greengrass, Nott, and Bulstrode were all sorted quickly into Slytherin, while Abbott went to Hufflepuff, and Longbottom and Weasley went to Gryffindor.
Harry Potter was reportedly one of the students that took the longest under the hat, leaving us wondering just what caused the hats dilemma. Is Harry simply so loyal or so clever that Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had to be considered? Or could he even have an unknown ambitious streak, looking to affect change in the wizarding world? It seems we will have to wait. According to Harry’s older classmates, he is polite and appears to be trying to remain as an observer for now.
Witch Weekly – Harry Potters sorting – everything you need to know
Yesterday evening, one of the most highly anticipated events in the life of a young witch or wizard occurred – our eleven-year-old children went to Hogwarts for the first time to be sorted and experience the wonders she has to offer.
Of course, yesterday was a very special sorting, with several children from the Sacred 28 and The Boy Who Lived being sorted, all under the fawning eyes of dozens of witches doubtlessly wishing to be his future housemate.
Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson, who have been our beloved high society couple for years now, were both sorted into Slytherin. Their choice of clothes was observed on the train station, before they changed into the Hogwarts robes.
The two heirs were seemingly looking to start their time at Hogwarts on a traditional note.
Young Malfoy was wearing robes in silver with Slytherin green highlights and green shoes, while Miss Parkinson impressed in her emerald-coloured robes with faceted moonstones creating a night sky that shimmered as she walked.
Both robes were the creation of their personal tailors, and patterns inspired by them will soon be available at Twilfitt and Tattings.
Heiress Greengrass was seen in robes that showed a tasteful acknowledgment of her family’s history in the Hogwarts house – they changed through a slow cycle of shades from Ravenclaw blue and Slytherin green and were accentuated with peacock feathers at the hem and an intriguing but subtle flower pattern with embroidered jewel beetles.
Miss Greengrass clearly stole the show from everyone but one here.
Harry Potter, newly sorted into Gryffindor, continues to be secure in his style, wearing oversized beige trousers, a brown shirt and an openly worn blue-red dress shirt.
He is showing us the maturity beyond his years that he, as the chosen one, surely has.
Fashion take-away: while the sacred 28 still prefer the aristocratic look that has been en vogue over the past few years, our young saviour defies this tradition with his seamless blend of muggle fabric and wizarding styles.
The Quibbler – Sorting hat infected with nargles?
The Quibbler has long since speculated on the reason for the sorting hats’ continued inability to sort correctly (look back on Peter Pettigrew, Gilderoy Lockhart, and Rita Skeeter as notable examples), and last night’s sorting makes it more pressing than ever.
Several students have been sorted into a patently incorrect house – Harry Potter was supposed to be a Slytherin, while Draco Malfoy is a clear Gryffindor. As our Arithmancy below shows, there is a distinct likelihood that the hat has been intentionally tampered with, with the prime suspects being Albus Dumbledore, Stubby Boardman, and Undersecretary Dolores Umbridge, as found by our sciomantic predictions.
Readers may refer to last weeks’ aeromantic predictions to find out students’ correct houses.
The Daily Prophet – Havoc at Hogwarts
“Troll in the Dungeon!” These are the words with which current Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Quirinius Quirrell (formerly Muggle Studies) burst into the Great Hall during the Halloween feast.
Headmaster Dumbledore, in his dubious wisdom, ordered all students from the safety of the Great Hall to their common rooms – in apparent reckless disregard for the safety of the Slytherin students.
Luckily, the Slytherin prefects kept a clear head and ordered their charges to stay in the Great Hall until the threat had been dealt with, while the teachers rushed to fight the troll. All other students made their way to their common rooms.
All except two – Harry Potter and his reported best friend, Ronald Weasley. Harry had noticed that a classmate had been missing from the feast and was likely to be in a nearby bathroom, and so rushed there to warn her of the impending danger, in a display of Gryffindor courage that warms all our hearts and would have made his parents proud.
To their horror, they soon found that the troll had made its way out of the dungeon and into the bathroom they were in. As the hero he is, Harry wasted no time fighting the giant monster and took it down with clever thinking and quick moves. He knew he hadn’t yet learned spells that could damage a troll and so chose to jump on its back and disable it by shoving something through its nostril.
While truly unconventional, none can argue with the effects, an unconscious troll and three unharmed first year students. Everything was over by the time the teachers arrived, which once again calls into question the efficacy of Dumbledore’s leadership.
Lord Malfoy, head of the Board commented “Dumbledore is no longer able to protect our children and either doesn’t think or doesn’t care about one fourth of our youth. We must act to keep the future of our great country safe. Amelia Bones, head of the DMLE, is reportedly investigating the matter.
The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, has been heard saying that he was considering serious fines.
Witch Weekly – Handsome Hero Harry Potter
If any one doubted Harry Potter before, they may rest assured now that he remains now as he was then, a hero willing and able to save those in danger.
Last night, something truly horrifying transpired at Hogwarts – a troll invaded the school!
While all students were sent to their common rooms, The Boy Who Lived had noticed one of his female classmates, the clever muggleborn student Miss Hermione Granger, was missing and ran after her in true hero fashion.
He single-handedly beat the troll and saved the young girl, who reportedly fainted in his arms as he came to ensure she was well.
Housemates have been speculating if there is a budding romance between our young hero and the precocious bookworm, and this event may just prove there is.
But don’t be concerned, dear Reader, if you were hoping for a chance with our Harry! This might just have been his heroic nature driving him to do the right thing, even at risk to himself.
The Quibbler– Curious Troll attacked
It has long been observed that trolls have a tendency to migrate to more interesting areas, and last night, one of them ventured into Hogwarts and came across some students (all unharmed).
We believe that this may have been a glimpse into the future, where we all live together with our fellow magical creatures. Last night, unfortunately, violence was chosen instead of diplomacy. And while the children who incapacitated the troll (three Gryffindor first years, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley) likely acted out of fear, none of the staff sought to compensate the troll for its injury or to start a conversation on what it had wished to accomplish.
We at the Quibbler demand more consideration for the nonmagical creatures and beings around us, and to return to a way of life which is more connected to the nature from which our magic has been born.
Readers may donate to our troll charity to help fund productive communications with them.
The Daily Prophet – Quidditch star Harry Potter?
100 years. That is the last time a Hogwarts students managed what The Boy Who Lived did yesterday.
During the broom flying lesson, Harry Potter showed a dive so impressive that his Head of House, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, immediately made him the new Gryffindor seeker.
Even more impressive, this was reportedly Harry’s first time on a broom! It is uncertain whether he had simply not shown interest in flying before, had been preoccupied with his training, or is being raised by someone who considers brooms too dangerous, but Harry has been heard fretting about making a fool of himself in front of Draco Malfoy.
Sources report that the two boys have a strong rivalry and tend to fight about something whenever they’re near one another.
In fact, the impressive dive was prompted by Heir Malfoy taking an item from an injured Heir Longbottom and refusing to return it. Harry challenged Draco over it and the two continued their argument in the air, where Draco dropped the item and Harry dove after it.
Witch Weekly – Hero Harry helps hapless heir
Readers will remember Harry Potter’s heroic fight against a troll in defense of a classmate. While last day’s actions promised less severe danger, it shows us nevertheless Harry’s loyal and caring nature, even for those he doesn’t know that well.
During flying lessons, Heir Malfoy had stolen Heir Longbottom’s rememberall when said heir was brought to the hospital wing and taunted Harry with it. Despite the threat of expulsion, Harry flew after Draco in defense of his housemate’s items and honour.
When Draco let the rememberall fall to the ground, Harry dove after it and managed to catch it. This dive was impressive enough that he was made starting seeker of the Gryffindor team.
Yes, you read that right, dear reader! Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world can now add “youngest quidditch player in a century” to his resumé.
Female readers can look forward to a physically strong and well-trained Boy-Who-Lived.
Those interested in courting him once he has turned fifteen may want to keep in mind that he has shown a clear dislike for individuals who insist on showing off their status. Sources speculate that this is the reason for his infamous feud with Heir Malfoy.
The Daily Prophet – Foul play at Hogwarts Quidditch Game – Boy Who Lived
Students at Hogwarts bore witness to a terrifying display yesterday. It was the first Quidditch game of the season – Gryffindor vs. Slytherin – and Gryffindor had been looking forward to showing off their new star seeker on his magnificent broom (Nimbus 2000), gifted to him by a mysterious benefactor.
But instead, they had to focus on keeping their seeker alive as his broom was jinxed to try and throw him off! Harry did extremely well and did not fall during the time his broom was under the influence of the jinx, but tensions ran high for the entire game. Finally, after what seemed like hours, his broom went back under Harry’s control, and the young hero finished the game in a truly spectacular way – instead of catching the snitch with a hand, as is custom, he showed his skills by catching it with his mouth!
It was a real showstopper of a catch and Professor McGonagall was proven right in her surprising choice to make him a seeker earlier in the term.
And yet, a shadow hangs over the game, as the would-be-assassin remains a mystery. There appears to be no clue for investigations to even start. Headmaster Dumbledore was not available for comment on this terrifying event.
The Quibbler – Are brooms sentient?
Yesterday, during a Hogwarts Quidditch match, the broom of one of the players began acting of its own volition, moving in a way that the player did not command it to. This calls into question whether brooms become sentient under certain circumstances, and therefore, whether it is safe or ethical to ride on them. The broom was likened to a horse trying to get rid of its rider, so one must wonder what the student did to upset the broom in such a way.
If you have a flying broom at home, be certain to treat it well, oil it regularly, and to ensure it bears you no ill-will. The Quibbler recommends not to use a broom until we have completed our assessment on the sentience of brooms and whether they are a good mode of transport.
In the meantime, cleanse your home and consider which of your items may have a grudge against you, so the problem can be addressed.
Witch Weekly – Boy-Who-Lived nearly made Boy-Who-Died!
Yesterday, all British magical youth over the age of eleven were looking in horror as saviour Harry Potter nearly fell off his broom during his first quidditch match – against Slytherin, no less.
His broom was observed making odd moves that he didn’t appear to be directing, and so now we all worry: who tried to kill The Boy Who Lived? Eventually, thank Merlin, the broom’s behaviour turned back to normal and the buddingly handsome Harry managed not only to stay on through the entire ordeal, but he also caught the snitch in his mouth!
During his victory lap, he reminded us so much of his chaser father that only his beautiful emerald eyes distinguished him. Readers will remember what a heartbreaker James Potter was in his youth – his son appears to follow in his footsteps.
In just a few years, there will be many a witch vying for his attention, and sorrow never-ending for those who don’t succeed.
The Daily Prophet – Harry Potter filling his father’s footsteps once more
Readers know by now how similar our saviour appears to be to his father – same looks, same quidditch skills, same courage.
As of yesterday, we can add another thing to the list: Harry Potter is a little rule breaker. He was found outside Gryffindor Tower after curfew along with two house mates and yearmate Draco Malfoy. Heir Malfoy however appeared to not be with the trio, as he had told Deputy Headmistress McGonagall about their nighttime wanderings. Harry must’ve spun a clever story, because Draco was heard to truly believe that the Gryffindor trio had been in possession of a baby dragon they were going to transport in the middle of the night! Of course, after such a serious accusation, and the fact he was walking the castle after curfew, too, he was given the same punishment as the other students.
The children are all to serve one detention, but you won’t believe the details about it. It is supposed to take place in the middle of the night, in the forbidden forest, with only Groundskeeper Rubeus Hagrid and his dog for protection. As a reminder, Hagrid was expelled and has his wand snapped as a third-year student.
Once again, Dumbledore proves his incompetence and unwillingness to give the reigns of Hogwarts to his capable deputy McGonagall.
Even worse, for a few weeks now there is reportedly something in the forest that is even more dangerous than the suspected acromantula colony.
We urge parents to direct their concerns to the board so such issues may be brought up at the next meeting.
The Quibbler – Danger in Hogwarts’ Forbidden Forest
It is a fact universally acknowledged that that which kills a unicorn is the lowest creature to exist, hunted and despised by all others.
Shockingly, one such creature appears to be currently located in the forest on Hogwarts’ grounds. There appears to be no systematic search to destroy the creature, as only the groundskeeper Rubeus Hagrid enters the forest at regular intervals.
Sources informed us, however, that a couple of students will be sent into the forest for detention with only Hagrid as backup.
Whether the school hopes to tempt the unicorns into approaching the innocent children so that the herd may be rescued is unknown at this stage.
Readers are encouraged more than ever to stay out of unknown forests, as the planetary alignment suggests danger for the next full month when entering a magical forest.
The Daily Prophet – Boy-Who-Lived once again protecting others
Readers will remember the many times that Harry Potter proved himself to be a hero this year, but none come close to what transpired last nights.
This year, students had been warned away from entering the third-floor corridor at risk of certain and painful death.
Last night, one teacher, Quirinius Quirrell, attempted to regardless to gain whatever was hidden.
He was stopped by Harry Potter and his two closest friends, Ron Weasley, and a muggleborn girl by the name of Hermione Granger (no relation to the Dagworth-Grangers). The trio reportedly braved a Cerberus, a Devil’s Snare, a troll, poisonous potions, and the fabled Mirror of Erised among others.
Quirrell attempted to kill young Harry but was thwarted by unknown means. Information on what happened to him is unclear, but he is confirmed deceased.
While we now finally know who attempted to kill Harry during his first Quidditch game, we are horrified at the sort of danger our children were living with. A murderous teacher, a barely protected Cerberus, and a valuable item of some sort, at the very place that is deemed “the safest” in the entirety of Wizarding Britain! Readers are once again asked to confront Dumbledore with the unconscionable lack of safety at Hogwarts.
Witch Weekly – Hero Harry Potter in Hospital wing after saving the school
Harry Potter has once again saved us from danger last night.
The Defense against the Dark Arts teacher of this year, Quirinius Quirrell, had broken into the forbidden third-floor corridor with intent to steal an item hidden there by Headmaster Dumbledore.
Harry and two friends bravely chased after him and fought their way through dangerous traps – a Cerberus, a Devil’s Snare, and a murderous Wizard Chess board to name but a few – and at the end, Harry was the last one standing. He fought off Quirrell and seemingly made use of the mysterious Boy-Who-Lived powers, burning the man as he tried to kill Harry so he could make his escape with the stolen item.
We don’t know what item Quirrell was intent on taking, nor what he planned to do with it, but it is clear that he was a dangerous man that should never have been near our children.
Parents with children at Hogwarts especially should be thankful that Harry managed to keep their children safe. If you are looking for a boy to betroathe your daughter to, who will protect her and care for her, look no further, because you will find no better.
Harry, as of this point, is still recuperating in the Hospital Wing, but would likely enjoy a well-deserved token of admiration. He is known to be partial to treacle tart.
The Quibbler – What was on the third-floor corridor?
Headmaster Dumbledore started this year with a speech that warned students away from the third-floor corridor if they wished to avoid certain, painful death.
Naturally, some students have attempted to find out the reason behind it, but none ever came beyond the first line of defense – a Cerberus, locked in one of the empty rooms.
Last night, however, it appears that DADA Professor Quirinius Quirrell attempted to get his hands on the item hidden beyond the Cerberus. He was stopped only by a trio of Gryffindor first years, one of whom he attempted to kill only to be destroyed himself.
Rumour has it that the headmaster had borrowed the Philosopher’s Stone from his longtime friends, the Flamels, but as the Philosopher’s Stone was never claimed to have the ability to turn a person into ash the way Professor Quirrell did, this appears an unlikely story.
Of course, readers will be aware that it has been the longtime position of the Quibbler that the Philosopher’s Stone does not exist at all, and that the original Flamels have died long ago, with their descendants keeping up a multi-generational joke by pretending to be their ancestors.
The Quibbler is currently accepting your theories as to what item was hidden beyond the Cerberus for our divinatory experts to evaluate.