XLVI
To even imagine that y/n was gravely injured or even killed in the explosion caused by me and the group of people I had been helping was unbearable.
Of course we know that she wasn't because here she is, seven months pregnant with my child.
We had been milling around, her speaking out at the air every time I managed to move something. But every so often she would retreat into herself again, as if she'd realised what she was doing and convinced herself she was losing her mind again.
It was beyond frustrating because although I could touch her, it took an immense amount of energy to manifest physical touch. And sometimes I quite simply didn't have the energy needed, and I don't mean that I'm tired or exhausted because I don't experience those sensations anymore, just like I don't need to eat or sleep, but I had to really muster some sort of invisible force field and that wasn't always doable.
It had in fact crossed my mind to attempt to pick up a quill and write, and I did, but something was blocking me from etching the words onto the parchment, death was fucking with me again. I was not granted that privilege yet, it was clearly going to have to be earned if it was even possible at all.
But for the comfort I was able to provide her with, I was grateful. She had began to start reading again, and drawing and writing a little. And she was sat drawing right now, a picture of something that was supposed to resemble me but looked like an utter crackhead.
"I'm thinking of putting you in a dress, maybe hair in little pigtails.."
The unopened pot of paint on her desk rolled off and onto the floor effortlessly, even though it actually took a fuck tonne to actually do it. "Oh don't be a little bitch," she giggled, still scrawling away with a smirk. "You're gonna look so pretty. And then I'll name this piece of art Princess Malfoy of Pussyington."
You know it's funny, I often forget just how much she is capable of getting on my nerves and stressing me out without even trying. And now I was in danger of not only being on the wrong side of history but on the wrong side of Art too.
It was amusing for a little while, that was until my attention was stolen by the sounds of muttering voices outside her dorms, though y/n seemed oblivious and happily distracted.
A small group had accumulated out in the halls, Pomfrey stood with a vial of something in one hand looking vehemently worried, as did McGonagall and two people I've never seen before but just by their clothing and body language I'd bet on a healer from St. Mungo's and a ministry official.
"She's started talking to herself, and not to mention that her BMI is practically half that of her age and only getting frailer.. Her body is already compromised, so this pregnancy is just going to ravage her further. She doesn't venture out or co-operate with any of us. Soon this place will be restored and back to full operating capacity. I can see the spiral happening especially if what the Malfoy's had to report back on about her visit is anything to go by. I'm starting to be swayed that hospitalisation may be the best thing for her for a little while."
McGonagall was visibly guilted and hated what she was having to admit, but as head teacher now she has to put students welfare first, past, present and future.
"Minerva, I can see where your concern is coming from but I think that I can take just as good care of her throughout this whole ordeal as they'd be able to anywhere else." Pomfrey was absolutely beside herself, desperate to cling on to the idea that she could stop at least one more person from dying, getting hurt or straight up losing their mind. The destruction that woman has had to observe is incomparable. "She has no support system now her mother is gone, she'd be all alone. She needs people she can trust around her, and never more than when she goes into labour?"
"We can assist with all of those things.." The healer added, catching a swiping sneer from Pomfrey. I had mixed feelings at first about Poppy's eagerness to be all over y/n. But wow, she actually is about to fight a healer over this if her face is anything to go by. And suddenly I'm team Pomfrey.
"How many babies have you brought into this world hm?! Or how many people with life threatening injuries have you treated in one day? Let alone being a councillor for the mental scars. Eh?!"
Her finger was up now and pointing aggressively in the healers face, poor McGonagall didn't know what to do with herself. And, if I'm going to be honest, she didn't seem like she was putting up that much of a fight against Pomfrey's wishes. "If you are going to question my capabilities, intentions or integrity then at least have the brass neck to say it out loud!"
Fucking hell, go on, tell them. I slouched back at the wall, watching on entirely invested at whatever was about to unfold or explode.
"The ministry has to consider the welfare of everyone, and more than anything those effected by the war.."
"She. Is. Of. Age! -- And still a student, the school year was interrupted by the invasion of that psycho maniac, we are under obligation to ensure our students finish their studies when able to do so!"
My eyes were almost bulging out of my head, even my hand was over my mouth. "Minerva! Tell them?!" She demanded, sneakily drawing her wand from the kilt of her hip with the free hand that wasn't holding a vial. "Well I must agree that-"
McGonagall was cut off abruptly, causing a shift in her posture to something more defensive.
"Miss Selwyn is also an unregistered animagi is she not?"
"Well yes but-"
"And a carrier of a malignant and... fatal blood curse?"
I wasn't sure if I had just heard that right, but it had my throat tighten in alarm and dread. They must have the wrong person. But I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear next.
With a lowered voice and tone of defeat, the head mistress's simple answer brought my entire world crashing down around me yet again. "Yes."
"That was also withheld information that was kept in-house until recently, correct?"
The two women glanced at each other, confirming it to be true. The Professors clearly knew from the very first day y/n arrived, possibly even before-hand, and that was why she had such leniency. "It was thought best by ourselves, the parent and y/n herself that we give her as much of a normal education experience as anyone else of her age. She has always been aware that it is terminal, and quite frankly I don't believe that it is such information that the ministry needs to have. It's none of your business."
Okay, so that's McGonagall on team Pomfrey too now. I mean, I'm still not entirely convinced that she ever wasn't. It was a matter of be the responsible head mistress or the soft hearted woman we all know and respect, sort of, quietly, but not admitting it.
"It's our business to keep records and a consensus for things like blood curses, if we are not keeping track on the prevalence of such things then there cannot be any research on the subject."
"She isn't a laboratory creature you can study, she's a person!"
"Professor, forgive me but it was you who agreed to this meeting in the first place, citing your concerns for her health and now, her mental health."
He's really pushing it now, with both me and the two women. "That was before I got an inkling to the fact that your intentions weren't completely honourable. In fact, it's almost starting to seem that your interest in acquiring my student and moving her to another facility has a lot more to do with the fact that the child is belonging to a follower of Lord Voldemort. And if I am correct, then that is immeasurably disgusting."
The healer and official held their stoicism, pompous and unbothered expressions painted on their faces. It turned the halls colder just with their presence. It even gave me the weirdest feeling, they had gone from 'caring and concerned,' showing their true colours to be of self-service.
And being a Slytherin I'd know all about self-service, I can spot it or sniff it out a mile away.
"Well," The ministry officer huffed. "This will be taken back to the appropriate department. And if any risk is identified then rest assured we will take the necessary precautions."
My anger boiled over, and I charged the man, using my rage to muster enough energy to shove him back a good few steps and knock the wind out of him. In the momentary chaotic confusion Pomfrey raised her arm out of instinct, but had her wand still in her hand, so naturally they assumed that she had cast something
"How dare you?!" He spat with an angry scowl. "I didn't do anything?!"
"You have some nerve, this discussion is over but expect more extensive visits from the ministry in the near future!"
McGonagall straightened up defensively, moving in front of Pomfrey with an outstretched arm. "Go ahead and do whatever you feel you must, but this is my school now. And I will defend both my staff and students to any degree I have to."
This was too much to bare witness to any longer so I made off in a panicked hurry, straight back to y/n. I didn't know what I could do to warn her that there was potentially trouble afoot. Only swirl the papers she was still doodling on in the air and across the room.
Y/n shuddered before spinning her gaze around every inch of the room. She knew something was wrong, probably a gut feeling, a sort of unspoken understanding that I was trying to alert her to something I didn't like. "What's the matter? What's wrong Draco? Draco?"
Although she was interrupted by the inevitable arrival of the two women now that the little problem had disappeared into an apparition and away from the castle grounds. They tried their best to seem un-bothered though for her sake, but were evidently both shook from the disagreement they'd just had along with the fact they had stumbled upon y/n 'talking to herself' again.
Clearing her throat to cover the uncertainty in her voice, Pomfrey painted on a false smile for y/n. Disregarding the mess I had just made. "Hello sweetheart, you know that tonic we spoke of? Well I've found something that will be suitable and safe for you to take. And I'd really like you take it beca--"
"Ok." Y/n didn't miss a beat, taking us all by surprise. And she stood up, strolled over and drank the vial with no protest. "I must admit, I expected more of a resistance from you dear."
No, she nodded with a sincere half smile crawling up her cheek. "I need to start taking better care of myself. So thanks."
Both of the women peered at each other, kind of confused at first but relieved all the same. "You seem a little bit different, more energetic, you've certainly got more colour in your face."
"Yeah I was a bit washed out wasn't I.. But, I've been getting back into doing things I like and the elves made some super nice soup and sandwiches for me for lunch which I was able to keep down."
"Oh, well that's really great. Um, I know that I've asked this one hundred times but since you cannot take your prescribed potions in your condition, for your actual condition, do you feel like it's starting to affect you?"
Y/n's eyes dropped to the floor like she was thinking about her answer, before rolling back up and softly smiling. "Nope, I feel just fine. My body's coping as well as anyone else."
She's a fucking liar. And the fact that I'd just unintentionally found out made it hurt twice as badly. I don't know why she kept it from me, but so many things about how she used to behave and why she was given a free pass so often made sense to me now.
She's slowly dying, and it was uninvited pity that gave her such armour. "You're not in any physical pain at all?"
"Pain is a temporary emotion, just a chemical reaction in the brain."
I've heard that one before.
"Well? Is it hurting you?"
"Not if I let it.." She gave a curt nod before sinking back into her chair and clasping her hands together patiently.
"Very well," McGonagall shook her head, trying to find some sense in all of this but that was practically an impossible task even for her. "Okay, that's good. So actually I feel I need to warn you-"
"About what?" The Professor stalled immediately, and she must of seen the anxiety wash over y/n like a flash flood. Opting to instead keep it to herself for the time being.
"Nothing, it's fine. I'm just glad you're starting to feel better and getting back to yourself. We'll give you some peace, but please do feel free to dine with those of us who wish to later on for supper."
"Okay yeah!" Even amongst all the madness the one positive is that her mindset was shifting, and I don't know if that has anything to do with me or not. But to witness it brought comfort untold. "Merlin knows I need some company after locking myself away for months."
Everyone bid each other farewell politely so that y/n could return to her creations. But now the only thing that was rampaging through my mind was that the one I love is and always has been terminally ill.
It hurts because it couldn't of happened to a better person, y/n doesn't deserve the cards being dealt to her over and over again. Yet she continues to overcome every hurdle without a second though. It isn't fair.
Now I know why she's giving our child to my parents. It's to protect him.
Because she isn't always going to be here, so if he isn't so accustomed to a life just with her, it won't be so difficult when she's gone. When we both are.
There was never any 'deficiency' as she claimed, but chose to protect me from anyway.
And I'll never know if she was ever going to tell me, and just allow herself to wither away in front of me.