XLIV
"I know what you did Malfoy. You hexed her didn't you."
God, I fucking loathe Potter sometimes. He really knows how to pick his moments.
"Honestly Potter, you've got no fucking clue-- And I am not doing this with you on the first floor bathrooms if I can help it. So fuck off now, you've got about five seconds."
My eyes met his through the mirror, silently begging him to just let me be. I was desperate for some head space, it felt as though the world was spinning faster than usual.
"Why don't we go and tell your new girlfriend what you've been up to?" Said Harry, gesturing back out in to the halls. "Or maybe your mates? I'm sure they'd love to know what you've been doing.."
"Don't you dare Potter!" I span and threw a Confundo charm without any due thought which narrowly missed. And I ran through the cubicles, sending more flares and horrible curses. That alone had the pipes burst and begin filling the bathroom with water.
I slid and almost broke my wrist, dodging Potter's hexes. "Crucio!"
I'd said the word before I had time to even consider the consequences. It hurtled past Potter and in to the brick wall, missing by the breadth of a hair. It was then I froze, startled by my own prowess for throwing around unforgiveable curses. "I warned you Harry. Leave, now..."
He's not half as innocent as he makes out, and a smirk tickled the corner of his lips before the next spell left them. Like he was proud of it, proud to know it and most of all, proud to cast it.
"Sectumsempra!!"
I felt my flesh tear, the warmth trickled down my torso; soaking in to my shirt and then I hit the ground harder than I ever have before. Harry sort of shrieked in shock before trying to approach me, writhing in a bloody puddle. "Draco!"
"I didn't mean to cast that. I knew it was a risk but fuck--"
"Oh don't you worry," I strained through a cough as I clutched my sides to notice that I was actually bleeding pretty profusely, Harry just leered over me in a panic. He's always been a bit of a pussy so I could see the remorse paint his expression instantly; as if he lost control of himself for one split second. "You've just sealed your own fate. You'll pay for it."
If I had any doubts about having this prick finished now, they were long gone. We will take this place apart brick by brick, and people will die.
It should be relatively easy to just save the people I want to, surely. "I'm sorry Malfoy, but I thought you were going to kill me when you cast the Crucio."
"I still might, I'd of thought a good kicking and a broken nose before the year even started would of gotten my point more than across.." I muttered, now saturated with water and blood; trying to pant through the pain searing my bloody and broken body.
But we were disturbed by the arrival of Snape who didn't even need to say a word to have Potter run off frightened. And Snape fell to his knees, pushing on the wounds to stem the bleed.
"What did I tell you about staying out of trouble?"
"He pursued me! He knows about the cursed necklace, or so he reckons--"
I almost screamed as the healing spell began to tug at the gashes and mould them closed. Healing isn't supposed to be this painful, but as my body arched against the floor it just continued to burn and burrow. I could literally hear my skin crawl back in to place, and it's a sound I never wish to hear again. "Just one more and it'll be over.."
"Good, make sure you do it well and it doesn't leave any marks behind."
"I'm afraid that won't be possible Mr Malfoy, there will be permanent scarring." I howled in tears as the last of the injuries were healed, coming to meet the cold and wet floor again, just to catch my breath; noticing then an abnormal amount of guilt in Snape's expression.
"What did you just say to me?"
"I said the scars are permanent, there's nothing more than can be done. That is after all the sole purpose of the spell itself."
Finally able to levy myself to my elbows as my torso continued to ache, I became dumbfounded by the casualness in which dear old Severus told me that I was about to be scarred for life.. On the only part of my body that I was able to share with.. well with anyone.
"If this is some kind of sick joke, then I don't find it funny in the slightest," I grit through clenched teeth, crawling to my feet and shaking the water droplets from my wand and my hair.
Snape also rose to meet my height and peered down his crook nose at me. "It isn't a joke. I'm sor-"
"No, don't. Don't. Don't you fucking dare say that you are sorry. You don't get to apologise to me."
"Draco, I am trying my best to protect you but you keep on doing these stupid things.."
"Protect me?!" I shouted, the scream scorching my bones, a frustrated hand pointed back at the centre of my own chest. "When have you ever tried to protect me?!! When has anyone ever bothered to help me?!"
"I'm doing my best Draco?"
I had no idea about the unbreakable vow, and wouldn't find out until after my death. So to remember how I spoke to him alone is difficult, we were both in the same boat.
"Yeah well it wouldn't be the first time your best wasn't good enough would it? Hm? You're pathetic, Professor. You're even more vulnerable and useless than me and wow I've had enough time to consider just how fucking severe that is so you existing right now really has no fucking point to it. You're just taking up space on this earth and stealing oxygen from people actually worthy of it. -- Your best is my worst, and I'll die before I ask you for your help. I'd end up exactly like Potters parents if I did. What good was your best then?
..Stay away from me."
Still in an obscene amount of pain I booked it as fast as I could to my dorms, grabbed the first item of clothing I could lay my hands to and ran to the bathrooms. By the time I got there I was completely out of breath.
It was empty, of course it was. Everyone else was enjoying their chatter whilst eating dinner.
But that would be the last thing on my mind as I picked away the blood stained clothes in the cubicle, disillusionment charm in full effect.
It took me a full eight and a half minutes until I was able to look down. And what I saw disgusted me.
I was disfigured, gross, torn to the high heavens and bruised beyond belief. The scars scored themselves across my chest and even curled around my ribcage. They were raised and red, angry and prominent. I looked like a monster, I didn't look like me anymore.
Feeling the warm tear roll down my cheek, it buried itself into the corner of my mouth until I could taste the saltiness of my despair.
I'm not sure how long I disassociated for before I worked myself up to step into the stream of water beating down from the shower.
The second the jets of liquid hit my skin I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut to resist the urge to sob like a pathetic mess. Again, I had returned to that place in my mind that I know is the safest spot to rest; complete cognitive dissonance. Numb. Unwavering and totally closed off.
Like a poorly written piece of literature my thoughts made no sense to me anymore. So it was easier just to not acknowledge them.
And I scrubbed away the blood mindlessly, just scrubbed until I couldn't feel a thing anymore. The shower was hot enough to have someone pass out, yet it was like ice compared to my brightly burning and now red flesh.
It was only when I heard voices calling for me did I snap out of my trance and rush to sort myself out. The drying spell enabled me to hide myself peacefully before destroying the stained clothing I had been wearing.
"Confringo!" Saw them crumble to dust and wash away like they never existed.
Outside the boys were all waiting for me, confused as to why I had taken off so skittish. "Where the fuck did you go Malfoy? Did you get your period suddenly?"
Theo was met with zero response from me, as were the rest of them; leaving them aghast at the lack of reaction as I bumped my way through the line-up silently.
Whispers broke out as I took the corner sharply, striding the common room with my stare aimed straight ahead.
Parkinson was in some sort of slander match with another female before her concerned face panned on to me. "Dracooooooo? Draaaaa-"
"Oh my god, just shut the fuck up for once in your life?!!?!"
She winced at my viper mouth, taking two steps to back away from me as she was caught entirely off guard.
"Fuck, you are so annoying. Your voice equates to a knife cutting across a porcelain plate over, and over again. And quite frankly at this point we only let you tag along with us out of pity. Because nobody likes you. So leave me alone, thank you very fucking much."
Pansy's face dropped, I just really fucking hurt her. But who cares, the less people around me the better. "Y/n's outside, shall we let her in? She's been looking for you all over."
"No," I turned to answer Blaise confidently, even though my heart was breaking so badly I could quite literally feel it. I ignored it. "Tell her to get lost. To be perfectly honest with you I'm bored of her now. Let Higgs have at it."
"Me?" Terence's voice cut across the common room. "Yes you, she's all yours."
"I don't want her, I don't even know who she is."
Just as I was about to storm into my dorm room, I froze and turned back. "I beg your pardon?"
"I don't know the girl I don't want her in here."
"I can't tell if you're being serious or not.." By the look on his face though, he was being perfectly serious, and even the black eyes he still had seemed to knit itself into the confused frown that his face now bore. "Deadly serious mate," He shrugged into his book. "I don't know who she is. And I certainly don't want your seconds thank you."
That was fucking strange, it was almost like he had no memory of her at all or of what I had done to him. Almost like... like he'd been obliviated or something.
And words weren't coming to me easily as I mumbled through a stutter. "Um, okay. My mistake."
"So shall I let her in then?" Blaise repeated, looking all together worried honestly. "No! Tell her I'm not fucking interested anymore like I said!! She was just an easy fuck."
"Wow, you really are turning into an evil git. You're fucking disgusting. She's gonna be so upset."
"TouchΓ© Zabini, why don't you have a go since you're so concerned. She's perfectly adequate at what she does.. if you know what I mean.."
Zabini's face was a picture, utterly painted in disgust at my sudden disrespect for y/n. That good 'ole feminist Blaisey.
His eyes fell to the floor as he readied himself to deliver the punch to the gut directly to y/n, doing what I was far too cowardice to do myself.
But it's just easier this way. If I'm not around her then I simply cannot hurt her. It was a practically fool proof solution. After all the only reason I got attached so fast was because she made me feel something after being dead behind the eyes for so long.
But..
We won't get to laugh or touch each other anymore because I was so disgustingly scarred up. And she can't be implicated for what I now intended to fulfil.
Hogwarts will fall. It might not happen tomorrow or next week. But Hogwarts will fall, when I will it to fall. But I don't intend on waiting for very long.