XLIII
I couldn't quite believe that I had fallen in love. Not even dating was on my to-do list, quite frankly I assumed that I would breeze the year single; much like every other year except third, but even then that was a very short lived affair and one that I don't wish to discuss.
There was a spring in my step and a smile constantly plastered on my face. The other Slytherin's were more suspicious of me now than ever, because I just wasn't snappy or argumentative.
Free period, we had congregated in the yard of the clock tower, all perched beneath the tree we had somehow claimed for our own the very first year. Sun blaring, breeze blowing, I allowed the rays to blanket my face.
It was so serendipitous that I hadn't cast my mind toward the cabinet, dark mark or dark lord in days. I felt like me again, completely in control and free.
Nothing gives you confidence like someone seeing a better side to you than you see in yourself. I was breathing for me again, deep and satisfying breaths.
"Topping up your summer tan? It'll take some work but I think you could manage upping at least one shade in your lifetime."
"Piss off Pans, do you have to rip in to me constantly?"
"Yes. Yes I literally do.." She replied, breaking in to an evil laugh when I hit the bottom of her book up in to her face. "Nice bowl cut, who did that for you Hagrid?"
Theo tipped the bottle of water he was drinking all over himself as it exited his nose from the un-containable cackle, whilst flailing himself back on to the grass. "It's her lesbo look, it's so all the other lesbian's can identify her in a crowd."
The group erupted in to bellows of laughter, even a few onlookers caught the joke and sniggered in to their collars sending little Pansy raving like a banshee. The girl's never moved so fast to chase down a group of fourth years so that she could either beat them with a book or curse and hex them to high heavens. It was a spectacle you just had to witness to appreciate.
Once the childishness had simmered down, it was time for the questions to start rolling in. Blaise re-adjusted his sitting position, laying his book face front down on the floor.
"So, what's got you all chirpy then?" He asked with a wink. "Got his dick wet deffo," Vince chimed in followed by a nodding Zabini. "Yeah well, someone has to get some. Since you lot aren't."
"I'll have you know..." Everyone recoiled at Theodore's impending admission. "I got dick last night."
"Oh god, who now?"
"Eighth year, Jordon Spitzy."
"He's gay?!" Every one of our mouths dropped open in shock, it was a miracle how any of us didn't catch flies. "Massive cock, almost choked. Easily the size of a parsnip."
Blaise was just about peeking through his fingers, after face palming himself so hard. I myself was stumped for words, and Crabbe just sort of stared in to space. Theo himself was so casual, shoving another mouthful of food in and shrugging.
"What? I'm training my throat game. I read somewhere that you can train your gag reflex but it takes time so I'm just going for the biggest dicks as soon as possible so I can get over the hurdle faster yano? It makes sense."
"You can train a gag reflex?"
"Yeah, try it on your misses unless she's just naturally gifted."
After the repercussions of discussing our sex life last time I was hesitant admittedly. But I was powerless to stop the smirk from cornering my mouth as I dropped my attention to the blade of grass between my fingers. "Oooooooh, no wonder he's in such a good mood. Ha! Nice! Can she take all three of your inches well mate?"
"Oh fuck off, it isn't three inches I've measured it."
"Okay two then."
I drew my wand on Theo who screamed like one of the mer-people, and he rolled away to take refuge behind the tree. "Yeah you'd better fucking run you dickhead, wonder where Pans got off to though. She needs to come and get her pet dog under control."
"Ooh burn ha!!!" Zabini was thoroughly amused, yet the look of satisfaction dwindled from his face as his gaze seemed to roam around to the back of me. "Who's ferret is that?"
That was when I felt something tickle at my sides, lifting an arm to peer down there was indeed a ferret. It was black in colour, with a hue of silver at the ends of it's fur. And I scrambled away from it out of shock. "EUrghgH, what the fuck?!"
The ferret just stood on it's hind legs, bounding around trying to pester me and freak me out more than it already had. "Who's fucking ferret is this?! You're not funny come and get the scrawny little rat away from me!!!"
The courtyard had erupted in to hidden sniggers and onlookers whispering beneath themselves. Okay we get it, I got transfigured in to a ferret one fucking time. But this was just another level of childish, cheeky little fuckers, whoever did this is getting beaten. Severely.
"If this is anything to do with Higgs I swear on my life I'm going to slit his throat!"
Blaise snatched out at the ferret catching it between both hands, it began spasming and trying to break free. Eventually clamping down on to one of his fingers before he flung it away. "It fucking bit me! What the fuck!"
It was the final nail in the coffin when the ferret descended in to a swirling mass and there stood y/n with the most evil looking smug smile on her face. "And that's why you don't pick someone up without asking first," she mocked, folding her arms and tilting her head.
"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding. You're a fucking-?"
"Anamagus? Yeah, I'm just the gift that keeps on giving aren't I..."
She squealed and took off running the second I jumped to my feet. I was going to bloody throttle her, firstly for thinking she's so funny, secondly for not telling me or warning me that she was an unregistered animagi and thirdly for thinking she's oh so clever.
"Y/n, come 'ere!" Her infectious giggles bounced from every single wall and down every single corridor. The girl is fucking fast considering her legs in proportion to mine are tiny. And I blasted past any student that got in my way, pushed and shoved without due care or consideration; eventually catching up to her just adjacent to the prefects bathrooms. "Oi!"
I grabbed at her waist from behind and caught her firm, her arms and legs flailed out in all directions but to no avail. "Someone's feeling better then I see!"
She was glowing again, that sparkle about her that I love so much. I was relieved to the deepest degree, my y/n was back. "Sorry, it was just too funny not to. Tell Blaise sorry though-- his finger tasted... salty."
"You tell him yourself I'm not an owl nor a message boy. But in all seriousness, I asked you if you had any secrets that evening and you said no."
"I said nothing worth declaring, and plus I wasn't about to turn in to a ferret when I was on top of you about to fuck. You might be in to that kind of thing but I'm certainly not," she answered, leaning herself against a wall beneath my towering arm as it pressed on to the stone. "Fair point, but you need to be more careful flouting the fact. If you're unregistered then you're illegal. Can you imagine what McGonagall and Dumbledore would say? They would keel over from a stroke."
"They know?"
I pinched my nose in despair. "Really? Come on y/n, how the hell are you getting away with that as well? This is becoming a little too confusing now."
She clapped her teeth at me, jumping up to try and reach my face. "Ferret's gonna get ya.."
"You know I don't have a great history with ferrets and you're going to tell me that my girlfriend can change in to one at will?"
"Uh, I was a ferret before you were so don't get it twisted. And yeah, I had the great fortune to witness that one with my own eyes. You should probably know right now that I laughed about it for months."
My brows furrowed in disapproval. My thumb and forefinger coming to pinch her cheeks together. "You're so lucky that I fancy you."
"Yeahm?" She mumbled through her squished cheeks. "Yes," I spoke, before sticking a kiss on to her puckered lips. She smiled as I released before snorting in to the kiss and completely ruining the mood. "I need to go and put my coursework in for Dark Arts. Come get me in the hall at lunch in a bit?"
"Okay, no more fucking around though. And we will be having a long discussion about you being a literal fucking animagus later."
"Ooooh I'm shivering with fear."
I grabbed her boob, I don't know why, I just did. But she recoiled, snapping her shoulder backwards before rubbing it and sighing in pain. "Don't do that right now, it's tender."
"Why? What's the issue, it's normally fine?"
"Oh I don't know it might have something to do with the blood that's gushing from my pussy at the moment, it happens every month.."
"Woah-kay, discussion over. I'm out. Bye!" Of course in place of the boob grabbing, I had to instead land a nice, firm slap to her ass. It's not as satisfying but should keep me going for a while. Y/n just squealed and went on her merry way before any of the professor's could pass by and start ranting.
It was a lot to take in, admittedly; in a few short minutes I had just been attacked by a ferret that happened to be the girl that I like. No that I love.
As if my life couldn't be any more of a fucked up and warped surprise that I have to just roll with. I had to smile to myself though, she's just other worldly, just when I think I know everything about her I find out something new.
The boys were all waiting for me when I returned, ready to bombard me with their expert opinions no doubt. "You're fucking a ferret. Malfoy, you've outdone yourself this time," Theo jeered. "Maybe," I sighed. "But that ferret has the most phenomenal tits I have ever seen in my life."
The silly boyish banter continued on until our descent to the great hall, where I broke off from the crowd to search out y/n. Instead I was met with something far more harrowing.
Potter glared at me from the head of the tables, Katie Bell stood next to him looking at me even more bizarrely. I'd almost forgotten about the cursed necklace I'd convinced her to take in the three broomsticks.
Fuck Fuck Fuck!
This isn't something I expected to happen today. Karma always strikes at the most inconvenient times. For once I'd just like a full week where something doesn't go wrong before my entire world is turned upside down.
That same feeling I got when I was in the infirmary faced with y/n not recovering overcame me in an instant. Crippling anxiety and a sharp pain in my throat like my airways had closed up. The wave of nausea that lapped over me in mere seconds was almost enough to have my legs give way from underneath me.
Everything had been going so good that it didn't even cross my mind that Potter would figure out it was me. And I just knew by the look on his face that I was well and truly fucked.
"You gonna sit down then mate?" Someone called for me from my table but I was so freaked out that I didn't even take time to identify the voice. "Malfoy, what's the matter?"
I bottled it and ran.
Storming away for dear life.
Loosening my tie did nothing to relieve the pressure building inside of me, begging to be released in a twisted, messed up cry and scream. The walls were closing in and the halls seemed to get longer and longer the faster I moved, as if the very structure of the castle was working against me.
My palms hit the porcelain of the sink with a thud, at least the bathroom was empty so I could have my panic attack in peace.
I felt as though my entire body was burning up and on fire, not even the cold water that I doused over my face could bring any relief. It was then upon staring at myself in the mirror I saw what I really was and what I'd spent the last few weeks trying to run from. Filling the void with drugs, alcohol and sex. All distractions to kid myself about the severity of my situation.
God, everyone is going to be so disappointed in me when they find out. Y/n's going to hate me, likely never come near me again. She told me that death eaters were foul and she'd spit in the face of anyone involved with such things.
It's all so, so fucked now.
If I was crying I couldn't of noticed through echoes of my incessantly banging my wrists against the sink, aching for some relief I needed to feel pain. That was when the sound of Potter dragged my attention back to reality.
"I know what you did Malfoy."
My only option now was to battle it out by wand. Because I'd been cornered like a rat in a cage, I was going for the jugular.
I'd rather go down fighting than crying.