VI
Today arrangements will be made for a funeral for me and the others, I have of course already been buried and had a family funeral. Y/n was invited but declined. So I've been laid to rest at the Manor near to my grandfather and grandmother.
But this funeral is for the fallen of the war and will be held at the castle, it's more of a memorial if anything. I have absolutely no expectations that anyone will attend for me. Only the others, they call us the fallen 51.
I wouldn't class myself as 'fallen,' just stupid and unlucky.
Y/n was having cramps last night, and had me another level of terrified. I really thought the stress of everything was having a negative effect on little one and for a minute so did she. Then she bolted for the bathroom and pissed enough to fill the river Nile. Her words not mine, apparently that happens to girls when they're pregnant.
The best is when she sneezes and pisses herself a bit, and I'm no stranger to that at all. She got obscenely drunk one time and well, you know the rest. And I do laugh, so that's also another time when I'm truly thankful that she can't see or hear me.
Admittedly I couldn't imagine having a grapefruit sized object sitting on my insides 24/7, I'd likely wet myself too.
And y/n had just been changing her clothes as Lovegood decided to walk in, Luna had gone home with her father but came to help plan some of the memorial stuff. Y/n wasn't one for keeping close friends but her and Lovegood seemed to have some unspoken understanding.
"Hey y/n," she announced softly. Y/n was still naked from the waist up. "Oh god Luna I wasn't expecting you."
She shuffled her top on but Luna stepped forward and stopped her just short of her stomach. "Can I feel him?" She asked. "Well I don't know what it is yet but yeah if you want to."
Y/n hadn't let anyone touch her there unless it was absolutely necessary so this was an extremely rare and beautiful moment. So Luna gently rested her hands on the bump and smiled, before moving them around a little. "Oooh he moved, quick touch here!"
"No, I'm good thanks."
"Oh, do you not like to feel when he kicks y/n?"
"I can feel it inside but I just ignore it, and for the last time I don't know if it is a he."
Luna instantly looked deflated, her empathic and intuitive nature serving her the good sense to realise that she was perhaps pushing something that was unwelcome. And she allowed y/n to pull down the fabric to cover the bump that she still doesn't seem to know if she despises or not yet. "Are your boobs sore?!"
"Yes, very, I want to chop them off."
"Oh good!" Lovegood announced, prompting a strange look from y/n. "Oh no I don't mean your boobs hurting is good it's just I brought these special leaves from the Irid plants in my garden, and if you put them in your bra they will keep them cool and help with the swelling here look!"
Luna began tugging y/n's top and stuffing her hands with the leaves inside. "Lu-Luna, oh do you know what you've seen it all before." She gave in and just allowed Lovegood to rummage around her boobs and adjust the leaves. That was when y/n's head fell back and a long, deep sigh of relief escaped. "See feels better now?!"
"Oh my god, that is heavenly. The throbbing is already dying down."
Both girls seemed to stall at the word 'dying' leaving y/n's lips. And before either of them had a chance to address it y/n dropped to sit down on her bed again and rocked her head in to her hands. Hormones will literally catch you out when you least expect it it seems.
"I'm sorry y/n, it won't hurt forever. Sometimes when I think about my mother it makes me seem a little weary but then I remember that she is always here somewhere. Watching and smiling."
Lovegood was right about that, I'm always here. Not always smiling, but trying my best.
She wiped away the tears from y/n's tired eyes and gave her a comforting smile. "They want to see you down at McGonagalls office, do you want me to come with you?"
"No I'm alright thanks Lu, can you help me up though? This extra weight is starting to make it difficult getting up and down."
That extra weight yes, not the weight she's losing from herself. She's getting weaker, but will find any way to deny it, to everyone else and even herself.
Β
Stupidly I held out an arm to try and help her hobble down the staircases, as if she'd see it. And they just had to move so she clutched on to the rail for dear life, almost losing her footing but eventually made it down unscathed.
"I have been summoned?" She announced sarcastically as she swanned in to the office where McGonagall, weirdly Aberforth Dumbledore, and a ministerial worker were sat drinking tea. "Ah yes y/n, I'm glad you decided to come on down and join."
"Well yeah you sent for me?"
Her attitude, it still shines through every now and again. My mouthy little witch.
"Take a seat y/n, we've something I wanted to discuss with you."
"So as you know the memorials will be taking place next week, we are arranging a procession through Hogsmeade with the help of Mr Dumbledore here. Officials from the ministry will be attending excluding the obvious names and ex-members. And-- well--"
Minerva seemed to stall as the others just hung their heads sheepishly. "And what? What Professor?"
"Well it's just, some people seem to think it might be in bad taste to honour- um- Mr Mal-"
"His name was Draco, as you surely know after teaching him for seven years so don't talk to me like I'm stupid Professor. I respect you, so offer me the same grace please."
Oooh go on y/n! This just got a whole lot more interesting.
I saddled myself upon the arm of a free chair in the corner of the room, and I wish I was still able to eat because this was about to be popcorn worthy if I know my y/n like I think I do.
"Look, I understand that you and Mr Malfoy had a close friendship and maybe something a little more.." She gestured to y/n's protruding pregnant belly. "Oh this you mean?" Said y/n. "So when you say close friendship do you mean like.. when I rode him hard like a spartan going in to battle until he shot his load inside of me? The moan he let out was absolutely filthy you should of heard it."
Every person in the room spat out their tea but y/n's game face never faltered even slightly, and I fell clean off the arm of the chair I'd been sat on. Of course it was only I that heard the thud but my god, that might have been the best come back I've ever heard leave her mouth.
And I can say with my whole arrogant, over confident, judgemental heart.. her insulting me is what had me fall in love with her because she's the only person who ever really had the nerve.
"That's quite inappropriate miss y/n, now I can understand that you are struggling with the events that have happened but that is no excuse for a foul mouth. We are trying our best to take care of you and your unborn child here."
"Look Minerva, either you save a spot for Draco in the memorial or rest assured I'll take the whole thing down single handedly and I'll be raising a baby in Azkaban. Your call, even if it's just at the end, everyone can leave if they like but he deserves to be recognised because he was a human being, and still a child when he was forced to do what he did and had he not helped Potter at the last minute it would be you we'd be paying respects to. I can still make that a possibility if you like."
The ministerial drew his wand. "Petulance!" Before McGonagall tugged his arm back down. "Miss y/n doesn't mean it, she's very stressed and is vulnerable to sporadic mood swings. Isn't that right?"
"Yes Professor, sorry." Y/n smiled back sweetly trying to hold back her smirk. "So it's final then, we will be honouring the father of my child. For my child. Because if any of you can live with yourselves knowing that a new life will be born in to this world with the only memory of it's father as hear say, then you're really not quite as noble as any of you try to make out."
She got herself up, flicked her hair away and hobbled back toward the door. "Are we clear?"
"It's just-" The ministerial tried to interrupt.
"AH! Oh my god, ah!" She squealed bending over a little in pain. Every person in the room turned a mixture of murky white and grey skinned. "Oh Merlin y/n, are you okay? Is it the baby?"
"I think so, it can sense when I'm stressed and it just- oh ouch. -- So, is it agreed? Draco gets his time just as anyone else does? Without it I don't think I'll be able to keep it together for you know?" She peeked down at bump with a look of pain still painted on her face.
"Yes oh of course, I will have it officialised. Oh dear, are you going to be okay?!" McGonagall pandered in panic. "Yeah I'll be alright professor, I best get to Madame Pomfrey and then back to rest."
"Yes, yes absolutely off you go y/n and please be careful!"
But as soon as she was back out in to the halls and away from prying eyes, y/n straightened up as if nothing had happened. Patted on her belly lightly and smirked to herself. "Yeah, I still got it. Too fucking gullible."
Each trick she pulls is always better than the last and I stood and stared at her looking pleased with herself, like hello y/n? Please fucking see me because I literally just want to give you a high five or something and kiss you right now you devious little cow.
She didn't go to Madame Pomfrey though, only stopped by the kitchens to grab some jam on toast that the elves were more than happy to make her; that made me jealous since I can't eat. Apparently cucumbers dipped in peanut butter, fuck knows why but I'm going to assume a craving, and some.. raw meat?
Righto then.
It made sense when she strolled leisurely out of the castle, dodging the rubble that was still being moved, swept and stacked back in to position by a small army of helpers. They tried to smile as she walked past but none were sincere, it was all pity.
But y/n being y/n ignored it anyway, until further out it was a lot more peaceful. Almost as peaceful as the day she dragged me out here to smoke cigarettes and tell me to say 'weee' jumping from the astronomy tower.
But then that's when I saw them, for the first time. Thestrals. I'd heard of their existence but always assumed it as myth, as had y/n but never argued with Lovegood about her scepticism; it made Luna happy so she just left her to it.
But now everybody knows they're real.
Because everyone can see them.
"Heeeey, come here snuggle bum!" She called at a little Thestral calf who was grazing in a small herd of others and it bounded right over to her. "I bet Luna has already been around today to give you a treat hasn't she?"
The Thestral just gave it's biggest, cutest does eyes. I found them strange looking but I must admit this one was pretty adorable. It pressed it's snout up on to y/n's stomach as if it could sense something, so she lifted the jumper. "There's a little one in here too and then soon it'll be born just like you were not so long ago!"
The calf sniffed, nibbled and tickled at the skin a little making y/n snort a giggle before pulling the fabric back down and petting it gently on the head. The purest form of any interaction, between a human and animal that both somehow knew exactly what the other was trying to say.
"Here," y/n whispered, edging out the raw meat from her pocket quietly. "But don't tell on me. It's a secret. Snitches get stitches okay cutie butt?"
The shiny little Thestral friend tilted it's head in excitement before gently taking the treat and swallowing it in one. And y/n gave it one little pat before sighing and turning her way back.
She'd never really shown an interest in Thestrals before, or at least to my knowledge but I suppose for her now it's a bridging connection to those who have passed. But me, I still find them weirdly creepy. Only because a few looked straight at me so I knew damn well they could see me even if she couldn't.
But if snuggle bum cutie butt helps her in her grieving process, then that's more than fine with me.