Boys in Pieces

James sat on the stone flooring of the tower smiling softly at the boy in front of him. 

“You’re Regulus right?” Regulus smiled a bit, James Potter knew his name? He knew Sirius couldn’t possibly talk about him, let alone show what he looked like so how could he know? 

“Uh yeah? How do you know who I am?” James was a bit taken aback, his brows furrowing as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. 

“Well, I see you around, a lot. And you look a lot like Sirius." He shrugged, pushing his glasses up yet again. 

"Oh, yeah I guess. And you are 'The James Potter.'" James eyed Regulus up and down, wondering but knowing how he knew who he was. 

"Mhm, how exactly do you know that? A little creepy." His arms crossed and his brows furrowed, and Regulus just stood there, rolling his eyes. 

"Well, you don't exactly keep to yourself. You have quite the reputation here James." James nodded in agreement, smiling widely as he heard that people hear of him. 

"If you don’t mind me asking, why do your glasses always fall down?” Regulus was genuinely curious, he had seen James in the corridors and the great hall always pushing his glasses up with his knuckle. That couldn’t possibly be normal with glasses, and if it was normal there needed to be serious upgrades.

“Oh um, that’s an um weird question,” James smiled awkwardly, his awkwardness around new people hiding the best of him away as he continued to give a showing smile for way too long. “But er- in my first three years here I would always do stupid shit with Sirius and Remus that would break my glasses. Now they’re just at a point where they’re too broken because of it and slide down my face all the time.” James shrugged, pushing the glasses up once more as Regulus laughed softly.

“That was definitely not my first guess.” James smiled and nodded, assuming there were far worse things he could’ve been thinking. 

“I hide the tape. Wanna sit?” James patted the spot next to him, graciously offering the boy a seat. 

“I don’t know-” 

“So Reg, wait- can I call you that?” James looked at Regulus, awaiting an answer before he continued to speak. Regulus felt a swarm of butterflies pool in his stomach, one: nobody has ever called him that, and two: James asked if it was okay, he considered Regulus had feelings. Something not many people take the time to do. 

“How about you stick to Regulus, for now, Potter.”

“Potter? Alright, I’ll take it. It’s better than some of the horrid nicknames Slytherins have made up for me.” James grimaced at the mention of names he’s been called by Snape and other Marauders haters. “Anyways, what’re you doing up here this late at night?” 

“I might just ask you the same thing, why are you up here?” 

“Good one, I did ask you first but I guess I’ll give you a break. I uh come up here when everything's just too loud. Because trust me, the Gryffindor common room is loud. And so is fucking Sirius, I mean I love him but good merlin is he loud.” He widened his eyes, remembering that Sirius had run away, and how much of a soft spot that is for Regulus. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to mention him.” James looked down, avoiding eye contact with Regulus. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard. It is truly harrowing, I don’t know if I ever want to step foot in there.” James chuckled breathlessly, staring at Regulus as he spoke. 

“What about you? Why are you up here?” James was fascinated, he was intrigued by Regulus- in a good way. Regulus wasn’t anything like what James as heard, from this short interaction James had gathered that he’s almost the complete opposite. 

“I like it up here, it’s practically the only good place to see the stars.” Regulus stared at groups of stars in the sky, mapping out constellations with the movements of his eyes. James moved his head to look at the stars, and Regulus was right- they were beautiful. James was fascinated by stars and such, but he’d never taken moments to admire their beauty. 

“You’re right, they’re just brilliant.” James sat there, his eyes wide and mouth holding a smile of enjoyment and awe on his face. “You know, Remus was telling me about the way muggles study stars. There are whole jobs devoted to learning about this shit, it’s pretty neat.” 

“That does sound kinda nice, it’d be a dream to do that every day for the rest of your life.” Regulus smiled, imagining himself in a similar position for a brief moment. Not the son of pureblood pricks, just somebody who has no duties to fulfill regarding their lineage. 

“So um, how have you been?” James turned to Regulus, trying to make extremely awkward small talk with his best friend's brother. 

“Oh um, fine I guess.” Regulus shrugged, he really didn’t know what to say. I mean, nobody ever asks him things like this. 

“Sorry, I just hate silence, and even if I’m bad at it I always try to fill it. Not one of my best qualities.” James rambled on and on, apologizing for his awkwardness with only made it more awkward. Regulus had no idea what to say, he was never on the receiving end of an apology, he only ever gave them. James stopped talking, he looked at Regulus and realized now they were both uncomfortable. He looked at Regulus and realized the expression on his face, something Sirius tended to wear often: carefully tucked away disappointment. 

“Want a smoke?” James pulled out a crushed container of cigarettes and hit his a few times before holding it out to the boy. Regulus reluctantly took it, only having smoked a few times before. James grabbed one of his own, lighting it before pressing the end of his cigarette to the one that sat in Regulus’s mouth. 

“Thanks,” Regulus inhaled the smoke, letting it fill his lungs before letting it all out. 

“Okay to fill in this awkward silence, how about we get to know each other yeah?” 

“Oh Merlin James, that is quite a cliche yeah?” 

“Do you have a better idea?” 

“No.” 

“That’s what I thought,” James pointed matter of factly as he took another small drag off his cigarette. “Okay, favorite color.” 

“Green.” 

“That’s a lie.” 

“No, it’s not!” Regulus looked at James in awe, how did he know? I mean green wasn’t actually his favorite color, it was horrendous and reminded him too much of his parents. James sent him a knowing glare as if he was saying ‘I know you’re lying.’ His favorite color was actually blue, a lighter blue. “It’s blue.” 

“I knew it! You look like someone who likes blue.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus took that to offense, turning his body to face James as he awaited an answer. 

“I don’t know, you just do.” 

“What about you, what’s your favorite color?” Regulus flicked his cigarette, sending ashes flying in the wind. 

“Yellow, no doubt. It can be so many things you know? Like typically it means something happy, but it’s all about context with colors. If you use them right it can change the whole connotation of it.” James started at a random tree in the back, it flowed in the wind with leaves falling off every now and again. 

“Thinking about it, you do seem like a yellow guy.” 

“I take that as a compliment.” 

“Good, cause that’s what it was.” 

“Good.” As much as James hated silence, it was kinda different here. It wasn’t awkward. He didn’t hate the silence, so he chose to let it naturally fill itself, instead of him doing it. 

“Remus put the pillow down.” 

“You first.” Remus pointed with his chin to the giant pillow Sirius held in his hands, not daring to let himself get hit with a pillow first. 

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” 

“Ugh fine, on the count of three, we both put the pillows down yeah?” Sirius suggested, not wanting to get hit with a pillow by Remus who was unbelievably strong. 

“Alright. One, two,” Remus began to lower his pillow to the ground as Sirius did the same. “Three, drop it,” Remus let go of his pillow, letting his hands hover over it just in case. Sirius perked his head up to see if Remus had dropped his pillow. Both their hands lifted up in surrender, scared of the other ones' ability to throw a pillow at any moment. 

“Okay, no pillow throwing alright?” Sirius opened his arms in front of him, waiting for a response from his younger friend. 

“Yup, no pillow throwing. Wanna finish that assignment? You kept getting me distracted. Hence it is not being done.” Remus offered as he took his seat back on the couch. 

“Uh yeah sure.” Sirius walked away from his pillow, sitting on the floor and leaning himself against the couch in front of Remus. The truth is, Sirius was distracted by Remus. He couldn’t help but stare, and he didn’t know why. Remus was a magnet that Sirius was pulled to. Sirius had the same feeling he did on the train, and he had no idea what it was- but it felt good. 

They finished the assignment fairly quickly, and to Sirius’s dismay, it was in fact a joint effort. James didn’t come back until an ungodly hour, so they spent the night talking- something they hadn’t done with just each other in too long. Sirius hadn’t opened up about his nightmares, and he wondered if he should. Sirius had run from home months ago, but the lingering nightmares of Walburga and Orion cursing him had burnt him out. The only reason James knew about them is that he heard Sirius screaming one night, and was quite worried. Sirius had learned that when he slept with someone they weren’t as severe, sometimes not even there. James shared a bed with him for a while until school started back up again, and then it became quite difficult considering the size of Hogwarts beds. 

“Want some?” Sirius pulled a bottle of firewhiskey from under the couch, offering it to his friend first. 

“I-I’m good, thanks though.” Remus flashed his signature warm smile and watched Sirius take a sip. Remus watched Sirius drink, he took small sips until Remus decided to pull the bottle away. 

“Hey! Why’d you do that.” Sirius was laying upside down on the love seat, his legs hanging over the top cushion. 

“You’re quite tipsy, and it’s a school night. I don’t know why I let you drink to begin with.” 

“You’re not my mom Remus.” Remus gulped as soon as he heard that, he knew he wasn’t his parent, but Sirius didn’t know when to stop. 

“You would’ve drank that entire bottle Sirius!” 

“And?” 

“You can’t just drown your sorrows in liquor. Especially your sorrows about leaving Regulus.” 

“I-I,” Sirius sat up, stuttering his way through the sentence. “H-how, w-who,” His breath quickened, and through Sirius’s facade, he could see his eyes. His brown eyes shone with regret and guilt, something he refused to address. 

“Sirius it’s okay, talk to me, please.” Remus hoped that the night wouldn’t turn out this way, with Sirius crying, but he knew Sirius needed to. “Sirius, you need to say something, you can’t just bottle it all up, it’ll ruin you.” 

“I-I feel so bad,” Sirius didn’t finish the sentence, his eyes locked on the fire. 

“For what?” Remus knew why he felt guilty, it was obvious- he just needed Sirius to admit it. 

“F-for leaving Regulus with our parents.” 

“C’mere,” Remus motioned for Sirius to come sit with him, the warmth of his body making Sirius shudder much less. “He’ll be okay, he’s strong. He learned that from you.” Remus breathed as he wiped the tears from his friend's eyes. 

“He’s all alone, he’s got nobody to help him.” Sirius was on the verge of crying again, and he wanted to, he really did. He felt terrible, absolutely disgusted at the fact that Regulus could be in so much agony at home. He imagined the torture he would go through, and how much worse it must be now that Sirius is gone. 

“You can help him, maybe not at home but you can be with him when you’re here.” Remus offered up the suggestion, knowing Sirius wouldn’t take it. This situation happened quite a bit during the summer when Remus stayed over at James’s, and every time Sirius declined the idea. Remus had a rough home situation, but he never said anything because he deemed that Sirius was far more important. Sirius pressed his lips together, not daring to say anything more. 

“You know, I feel like it’s my fault my parents are like that.” 

“W-what?” 

“I mean, who knows what they were like before they had kids, but I wasn’t the most likable kid.” 

“Sirius-”

“I mean, Regulus was their picture-perfect child. He was a Slytherin, he obeyed them and he believed in their values. I was far from that, far from it. I was everything they didn’t want their kid to be, especially an heir. I can’t help but think that I did this, I mean I had to have-” 

“Sirius!” Remus covered his friend's mouth, preventing him from saying any more. “You are not the cause for your parent's behavior. Not one bit. They’re just bad people Sirius, and you’re not like them, you’re the complete opposite.” Remus removed his hand, wiping it on his pants as he looked at Sirius. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything Pads. Y-you just, you just need sleep. Please, sleep. You need it.” How did Remus know about the nightmares? Did he know about the nightmares? Did he know Sirius wasn’t sleeping? A million thoughts rushed through Sirius’s head as he tried to shut his body down, but the one thing he couldn’t help but wonder was: how does Regulus feel? Sirius soon fell asleep on the maroon and yellow couch, the feeling of Remus playing with his hair calming his nerves and thoughts. 

“We need to ensure that the black line stays powerful!” Orion gripped Sirius’s shoulders tightly, ensuring that there would be a mark there later. He shook Sirius vigorously, in an attempt to carry his son into his own reality. “You need to set an example.” Sirius eyed Regulus in the corner, knowing that he was so different from his brother- far from what Orion meant as an example. “You will marry first, and then you will  leave.” Orion gritted his teeth, pushing Sirius away as he turned to talk to Regulus. 

“Fine.” Sirius said to himself, not bothering to say anything more. 

Regulus sat in the corner of the den, playing a grand piano softly as his father and mother apparated to another meeting. 

“Reg?” Sirius poked his head into the room, trying not to encounter his parents. 

“Mhm.” Regulus never looked away from the keys as he played, his fingers hitting the ivory with no purpose other than to make sound. 

“You know I love you right?” Regulus’s hands froze above C. Those three words have never been said under their roof, let alone any pureblood family roof. Sirius stood there, lingering and waiting for a response. But none came. Regulus said nothing, his hands going back to the piano in an attempt to drown out the awkwardness with sweet melodies. “I uh, you know what, never mind. Sorry for bothering you.” Sirius let the gloom onto his face, not bothering to say anything more as he walked away from his younger brother. That was the night Sirius ran away, that was the last time he had talked to his brother- and there was an empty response. 

Sirius didn’t leave until well past midnight, ensuring his parents had come home before he left. As he suspected, Orion and Walburga spent hours arguing over nothing, over him. Orion had been trying to get persuade Sirius into becoming a death eater since the beginning of his third year, earlier than any other pureblood child. He was 15, a young kid who knew he wouldn’t ever want to become the monster his father was. His mother, as cruel as she was, believed they should wait until after he finishes school- so his abilities to perform magic and such would be as good as they could possibly be. 

“He’s just a kid! We need to wait until he’s stronger with his magic, you’ve seen his scores! We need to wait until he’s done with school.” 

“No! I forbid it! We are already the laughing stock of Pureblood families because of him!” Orion seethed through his teeth, refusing to acknowledge the name of his failed heir. “He’s a failure, and we need to get him back on the correct path before he rebels anymore!” Sirius could hear his parents arguing from his bedroom, and as much as he knew all this to be true, it still hurt to hear. He never wanted to admit it, but he loved his parents. They raised him, and as painful of a childhood it was, it was still his childhood. He knew his parents didn’t love him, it wasn’t a secret. He was a Gryffindor failure who refused to marry until he was ready, let alone to a person his parents picked. Regulus obeyed all of their orders, he was the Black heir, he was their heir. Sirius shoved his clothes and important belongings into his trunk, closing it and tying his hair up with his wand. It was snowing out, the bitter wind hitting the windows and muting his every movement. His door creaked when he opened it, but it drew no attention. Regulus was most likely reading in his own bedroom, and his parents were arguing doors down. The only one who may have noticed was Kreacher, but he was a bitter elf who couldn’t give two shits about Sirius. 

“Orion! He’s just a child.” Sirius paused in his tracks, his trunk in hand as he stood in the middle of the hallway, the small candles lighting his face up. He turned around, facing the creaked door, and there stood the back of his mother, the woman who just advocated for him. “Let him be, and then as soon as he turns 17 do what you want! He can’t perform magic outside of Hogwarts now anyways, he’s not of age.” He knew it was too good to be true. She wasn’t looking out for him, but rather for the good of the family name. If Sirius were to be expelled, that would do damage to the Black name- something they couldn’t possibly have. His eyes were full of tears, he didn’t know why. Was he bitter about leaving his family? Was he guilty about leaving Regulus alone? 

“We need to keep our options open Walburga.” His voice was firm, he stood his ground and refused to believe anything his wife said. “He’s a mess, a mess that we need to clean up.” 

“He-” 

“Not another word on it.” Orion shut the door, leaving Sirius alone in the hallway. The light shone softly on his face as he walked out the door and into the bitter cold of the night, taking the bitter cold words of his parents with him.