Philosophers Stone
Harry Potte r was a british lad who lived with his unslay aunt uncle and cousin. Harry was sad that his parents died but what kept him going was that he knew this meant he would be the main character or something!
All of a sudden a big man appeared! He eyed harry up and down and said “Well i’ll be damned. youre a freakin wizard!”
Harry thought this was absolute bullshit but before he could say so his auntie busted in.
“nO sWAEriNg iN mY hO-“ she cut off as she saw the big grungley man infront of her. She blushed a little. “n-nevermind swear all you want…” she scurried away uwu
“…anyways yah your a wizard so come with me to a school for wizards like you becasue youre a wizard” man said
“no! i think your high and delusional or…highly delusional uhm but im not a wizard 😩 i don’t even know your name” harry said
“im not either of those things! uhm my name is hagrid”
“thats a goofy ahh name”
“no it’s not!!! stop and just come to this school plz! this is your main character moment harry!”
“oh…oh my god IM IM NOT PREAPRED WHAT DONI DO?”
“YOU COME WITH ME TO THE SCHOOOOOOL!”
“okay!”
“good”
So Harry and Haggrid flew away on a broom stick but not the old ones the new ones.
As they were cruising through sky harry aesked harrgrid a wuestion
“do you get bitches harrgird?”
“hOh i’ve got more than you can count mate”
Harry was in awe, he had more than 5!??!!?!? that’s insane!
“will i get that many bitched haggid?”
“ofc…your the main character after all”
Harry couldn’t wait!
———————————————————————-
Harry arrived at the school and saw so many people! He was able to see after hargid gave him a glass of water and some glasses. But what harry was the most ecstatic to see was…
“holy instert stereotypical british thing to say here is that bloody grass?!” harry ran and dove into it but immediately got up and dusted himself off
“that was gross” he said disgustedly
“yeah itll stake osome time getting used too”
Harry walked into the building. There he met a red head (derogatory) and a non red head who was a female! He sat with them in a big room with big tables and things.
“hello little boy im ron” ron said
“and im hermonie” hermona said in a smart way becasue she’s smart (harry could deduced this becasue she was reading a book)
“hello im harry styles i mean potter. Harry Potter. nice to meet you”
“that’s nice, want this chockotalte?” asked ronny
“okay” harry took the chockolate and ate it. it was good.
The time came for the sorting hat and- oh me oh my who was that white haired kid? Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of him.
“your in slytherin” the hat said
“slithering huh?” harry thought “let’s hope im in that one”
it was his turn. the hat was on his head. it took a bit longer to assign him a thing but the hat finally said “uh…you um youre in griffindor congrats”
“NOOOOOO” harry thought. everyone else was celebrating though so yknow..that’s good! “this must be the first step for getting bitches!”
it wasn’t all bad as his two odd aquatences were on the same team as him! or wait no it was houses uh in the same house as him! so slay!!!!
After all of that they all moved to their dorms. The girls and boys were split up just in case but i guess this place forgort about gay people 😩 enewayz a few weeks pass of harry sleeping normally when today he woke up because of something!
So harry slipped out of his room and was now in the library looking for said something.
He looked at all the books (cuz he was in a library) but he couldn’t read…it was quite upsetting to harry but anyways as he was wallowing in sorrow he heard someone come in!!
He put his invisibility cape on that he got from ron as like a gift or something (i don’t know what happened during those weeks cuz i was busy narrating these mercs causing chaos at mcdonald’s) and walked quietly out of the library. He almost bumped into the emo man aka snap. Snap could sense somehting in his way
“What?” he quesestioned to himself. The old man emerged from the library.
“ Yo snape, you seen a kid around here somewhere?”
“Neigh, i have not but-” he looked around. “I certainly feel a yucky childs presence”
Harry was utterly offended. He was going to absolutely roast the shit out snape but held back as would get in trouble and he didnt want that…
JK he thew the cape off and started swearing and going off at this poor man creature.
“YOUR HAIRCUT SUCKS ASS GOD YOUR SO EMO ITS EMBARASSING”
The emo was in a fetal position whimpering. To harrys surprise the old man was laughing so hard he almost broke his back. “HAHAHHAHAH THATS HILARIOUS I AM LOLING SO HARD RN”
Harry cringed. Ew an old man saying ‘loling’? Bruh nah. Snape got up and practically sprinted away. The old man turned to Potter. “That was great kid. Very good. Uh but what the FUCK are you doing here at this hour?”
Harry knew he couldnt tell the truth, he had to think incredibly hard to think of a good excuse. Finally, it came to him.
“Snape was being a bitch to me earlier in the day, annoying me with all his emoness. I wanted to diss him so hard but i couldnt find him. I then remembered that emos liked to hang out at night so…yeah here i am”
The old guy stared at him with admiration in his eyes “blimey….bacl in my day there was an emo bitch just like snapey. They also made fun of me but i never had the guts to make fun of them”. The old man looked away sadly. For some reason he didnt say anything else, Harry thought he died if it werent for the fact that the guy was blinking.
Harry walked away with a big ego and sly smile. He was so slay.
The next day Harry, Ron and Harmonica were sitting eaeating their lunch. Ron and Hermoneie were having a riveting conversation about a trap door they had heard about while Harry was staring at that white haired kid. “Draco was his name wasnt it?” Harry thought to himself. Unfortunanntuly he was pulled out of his daydreaming by Hermonine. “Harry harry! Lets go explore this door thing later tonight!”
“why?” harry asked
“Because itll be fun anf interesting and like theres this stone which is red and has powerres!” exclaimed ron.
“Hmmm..ight okay i would like to see the stone”.
It was night. Harry Ron and Hermonnie where right outside the door.
“Whoes gonna open it?” asked ron scardliy like the scary cat he is (derogatory)
“Ugh move i will” Hermonyie pushed through and opened the door.
Tehey fell in or went in idk and…
“uGAHUuhjd SpInDeRS!!!” ron was scraemnig
“Ron stop its just spiiders” harry said nonchalentelly
“Okay” said ron and he stopped being scared of spiders.
After walking through the tunnel/place that was underground the three amigos came across a big game of chess.
“UWHEUWHUHW i hate chess its stinky” harry said.
“Same here” ron said
“You guys are not slay oh my god. I’ll do it” hermonite came to save the day.
Hermonie started to play chess by herself by using the remote conreoll that controlled eveyr piece. Soon tehy did it and could make it through to the next part.
“wOOoO herminoe your so cool” admired ron
“Youre so slay kweenie like #getit” harry said
“I…what the actual…*sigh* whatever lets go and get that stone”
They walked through and there it was. The red shiny stone.
“The Philosphers sotne!!!” both hermien and ron exclaimed.
“I…ypure kidding” harry said in disbeliefe
“What?” Ron said
“Yeah…how are you not like…exploding (metaphorically) rn?” asked hermonie
“Have you guys not played terraria? The philospshrts stone does nothing.” Harry said
“...”
“...”
“...”
“What?” asked harry
“Bro youre actually so cringe oh my god imagine” ron was smh-ing irl
“Harry…this is a video game…” hermonei the smart one was also smh-ing irl
“Oh….ehe” harry rubbed nape with his porcelline hand in embarrsentment
Anywyas they grabbed the stone and bolted out of there but! All of a suddnet quirell guy came out of nowhere! :0 “gimme that stone!” he said in a scottish accent (hes pretending to be scottish to be quirky)
“No!” the three musketeers shouted unanimously and ran towards the fake scottish man. Because he was a lanky little thing he fell over and died.
“Shit… we killed someone” ron said
“Just forger about it” haermonie said quickly and off they ran
They were now back at the dorms with their precious stone. Heromone was being a rebel and joining the boys in their dorm 😮
“So…what’s it do?” ask harry
“who knows” said ron with a shrug
“i do dumbass” hermonie hit ron on the red with the stone. He passed out 😵
“oh oops…definitely didn’t mean to do that ha ha” hermonie said with a grin
“wow…yknow what, i like the peace now that ron is not spiritually with us” harry potter said
“i agree” said hermonie.
Later ®on the three imposters all went back to their normal routine of doing work causing chaos, not spying on draco and other shenanigans. The only thing different is that they have a secret *cue miraculous theme song*