Slytherin's Sweetest Kittens
The next morning, the Marauders sat at their usual spot in the Great Hall, the golden morning light streaming through the high windows. James was already halfway through his toast, animatedly recounting last night’s dream about playing Quidditch with a team of enchanted brooms. Peter listened with wide eyes, nodding along enthusiastically.
This afternoon was the first quidditch practice of this year and James was positive to impress the team captain with some tricks he learned over the summer.
They chatted happily among themselves until Severus and Barty decided to make an appearance.
“Oi, blood traitor!” they shouted across the Great Hall, drawing a few curious glances toward where Sirius was sitting. Remus saw his smile falter as the two Slytherins came to a halt behind them. Barty placed a hand on Sirius’ strong shoulder, leaning down to whisper something into his ear. Remus shouldn’t have heard it, but his damn werewolf ears made it impossible to ignore the words escaping Barty’s lips:
“Regulus said your mum beat the shit out of you this summer.”
He chuckled as Sirius went pale. Remus noticed the way his body stiffened when Barty continued, his voice dripping with amusement.
“Said you’ve got a fucking ugly scar on your back now.”
“Fuck off, Crouch,” Sirius muttered weakly, as if Barty’s words had struck a nerve.
“Yeah, get the fuck away from our table!” James snapped. “Some of us are eating, and your ugly faces are making me want to throw up all over your stupid Slytherin robes.”
“I’ll just go talk to Lily, then,” Severus scoffed, a grin forming on his face. “That girl’s been writing to me all summer, after all.”
And with that, they left, leaving behind a jealous James, a curious Peter, and a visibly shaken Sirius.
“What did he say?” Peter asked almost immediately, but Sirius brushed it off.
“Said we’d lose the Quidditch game on Sunday because Regulus is the new Slytherin Seeker.”
They continued their breakfast until James spoke up again. “We should plan something. These Slytherin idiots don’t know what they’re in for…”
“What do you have in mind?” Remus asked, finishing his cereal.
“Let’s start this year with something big.”
“I’m in,” Sirius agreed, looking slightly more relaxed now that they were alone again.
What the boys had in store was bad—not too evil, but bad enough to earn them at least a week of detention. Remus had been skeptical at first, but when he remembered Barty’s smug grin as he spoke about Sirius’ mother, all his doubts faded away.
It was the day of the Quidditch match when the Marauders finally put their plan into action.
The Great Hall buzzed with anticipation for the first Quidditch match of the season—Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. James, already in his Quidditch robes, smirked conspiratorially as he exchanged a glance with Sirius, who looked far too pleased with himself for someone about to face his younger brother on the pitch.
Remus had spent the past few days perfecting the spellwork—nothing too dangerous, just a bit of well-placed mischief. Peter had been in charge of logistics, sneaking around the Slytherin common room under James’s Invisibility Cloak. And Sirius, well, he had made sure the final touch was personal.
After breakfast everyone went to the quidditch pitch and Remus and Peter smiled at each other, waiting for their work to pay off, while James and Sirius stood on the grass along with the other team members.
Just as they waited for Madam Hooch to call start the game, the enchantment triggered.
Slytherin’s Quidditch robes—every single one of them—suddenly transformed from their sleek green and silver into a bright, horrifying shade of neon pink. But that wasn’t the worst part. Across the backs of their robes, where their last names should have been, large, glittering words appeared in swirling cursive:
Slytherin's Sweetest Kittens
Regulus was the only one who had something different spelled out on his back: Traître.
Sirius said it’s french, meaning traitor, which was kind of ironic, since their whole family would consider t+Sirius the traitor. Barty Crouch Jr., who was also on the Slytherin team, let out a horrified yell, spinning in circles to read the words across his back.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?!"
The Gryffindor team burst into laughter too, the stands erupting in hoots and whistles. Even McGonagall, who had just arrived to oversee the match, looked torn between outrage and trying not to smile.
James, already hovering on his broom, called out, "Nice uniforms, lads! Trying out a new house color? You should’ve told us—we would've sent you matching pom-poms!"
Sirius, leaning lazily against his broomstick, shouted, "I dunno, I think it suits you, Reggie. Real classy."
Regulus looked like he wanted to murder someone. Preferably his older brother.
Madam Hooch, barely suppressing a sigh, raised her whistle. "Enough of this! Play in the robes or forfeit the match!"
The Slytherins had no choice but to mount their brooms in humiliation, their bright pink robes flashing against the autumn sky.
And as the game began, Sirius caught Remus’s eye from across the stands. He grinned from ear to war and raised a thumb. Remus and Peter did too.
It was so worth it.
The Gryffindor team won hands down, of course. To celebrate their first victory of the season, the older students threw a party that evening, and even though James and Sirius were only in their fifth year, they were allowed to attend because they were on the team.
Meanwhile, Remus and Peter lay in their beds, hearing the music echoing from the common room not far away. Despite Remus trying to focus on the book he was reading, he couldn’t quite concentrate.
Would Sirius and James have more fun if he joined them?
Probably not. The introverted personalities he and Peter had didn’t really fit into this whole party world, even though Remus had considered trying alcohol multiple times over the summer
.
He sighed, snuggling deeper into his blanket, when the door suddenly opened.
It was James.
“Come on, guys, hurry up!”
“What are you doing here?” Peter asked, sounding tired, but Remus had already changed out of his pajamas.
“I asked the team captain if I could bring two friends, and he said yes!”
“But they’re older than we are,” Peter argued.
“Then don’t come with us,” Remus sighed, quickly fixing his hair before following James out of the dorm. Behind them, Peter’s footsteps followed.
David Bowie was playing through a record player, and the room smelled like smoke and liquor. It was filled with sixth and seventh years, some holding cups and others making out in the darker corners. Remus didn’t know how to feel, until he spotted Sirius on one of the couches.
“Is he—” Remus started, but James cut him off.
“Drunk? I think so, yeah.”
“But how?”
“He was eager to play one of those stupid drinking games,” James sighed. “But he’s fine. Come on, let’s get you two something to drink!”
“But—” Peter began, but again James cut him off.
“Without alcohol.”
“Fine, let’s go then.”
Remus watched as the two boys disappeared into the crowd, but he couldn’t bring himself to follow. Instead, he walked over to Sirius, who was giggling about nothing, holding a bright red cup in his hands.
“Oi, Moony!” Sirius laughed when Remus sat down next to him.
“How are you?” Remus asked, his face filled with concern.
“I’m great! Wanna try?” Sirius held up his cup. Remus was tempted to take a sip but decided it was better to stay sober.
“Nah, thanks, mate.” They sat in silence for a few moments until Remus’ curiosity got the better of him. “So, being drunk is as amazing as we thought?”
“It’s even better!” Sirius slurred, grinning widely.
“Are you serious?”
The black-haired boy burst into laughter. “Yes—yes I’m Sirius!”
“That’s not what I—” Remus decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Sirius seemed completely out of it. And before Remus could say anything else, Sirius stood up, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him across the room. To prevent his best friend from falling, Remus threw a hand around Sirius’ chest, though it was still difficult to walk properly.
Once they reached the empty balcony, Remus let go of him while Sirius pulled something out of his pocket. It was two cigarettes, one of which he held out to Remus. All Remus could do was blink.
“What do you want me to do, Sirius?”
“Take it and throw it off the roof.” Remus blinked again. “Oh, come on—smoke it!”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asked as Sirius pulled out a lighter.
“Hell yeah—I had to promise this girl I’d do her homework for a week!”
“But you don’t even know how to do a seventh year’s homework.”
“Nah, we’ll figure it out,” Sirius answered with a smug expression. “Come on, take it!”
Skeptical, Remus agreed, taking one of the cigarettes and inspecting it.
“Have you ever smoked before?” he asked.
“No,” Sirius chuckled. “You?”
“Obviously not.”
“Then we’ll try it together.” Sirius first lit Remus’ cigarette and then his own. “Ready? One, two, three…”
They both inhaled at the same time.
While Sirius seemed to cough out his lungs, Remus actually quite enjoyed the feeling—the way the smoke scratched his throat and made his brain feel a bit dizzy. He inhaled again right away, so when Sirius leaned over the balcony and threw up into the cold night air, Remus couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for his cigarette, which he dropped in the process.
His own cigarette followed shortly after, and he did his best to steady Sirius, who moaned in pain.
“Come on, mate, let’s get you to bed.”
As Remus helped Sirius through the common room and up the stairs, the black-haired boy kept giggling and teasing him, making comments about Remus’ scars. Each time, Remus’ heart dropped. Sirius made fun of him often, but he’d never dared to mock his condition—must be the liquor.
When they arrived in the dorm, Peter and James were nowhere to be found. Sirius went straight to the toilet to throw up again. Remus knelt beside him, holding back his hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. When Sirius was finished, Remus helped him into his bed and take off his hurt, which was wet from a few drinks Sirius probably has spilled.
That’s when Remus saw it. The thick and healed scars that were scattered across Sirius back. So Barty hadn’t lied.
But before Remus was able to say something, Sirius drifted off to sleep.