nom nom
It was Saturday and Harry Potter was contemplating his will to live. This dinner had to be a trap. Wait, dinner….did Voldemort eat?
Harry blinked and looked suspiciously around him. Was he supposed to bring any food with him?
He banged the knocker on the door, a gold snake. Predictable.
"Stop hitting me! Why does everyone hit me?!" A voice cried out.
Harry jerked, eyes flying to the snake knocker.
"Hello?!" He hissed in parseltongue.
"SPEAKER! YOU MUST HELP ME!!!" The knocker hissed loudly, despite having not moved an inch.
Harry, Gryffindor he was, did not hesitate and quickly ripped it, hard, off the door and shoved it into his robes right as the door opened revealing a slightly out of breath Draco Malfoy.
"Potter, so….glad you could make it." Draco smiled and Harry resisted the urge to cry.
It was horrifying.
"SPEAKER!!! I AM FREEEEE!!" The knocker hissed loudly from inside his robes.
Draco's eyes narrowed and Harry quickly pretended to be insulting the blonde in parseltongue.
"Ooga booga, scary sounds."
Draco paled and shooed Harry in. "Come on, the dark lord awaits."
Harry stepped over the threshold and whistled appreciatively "Nice place, Malfoy. Loving the dark vibes."
The younger Malfoy stumbled a step, "Mother designed it."
Draco sneakily wrote something quickly on a notepad while Harry was distracted.
Draco led them into a dining room with a long table, where Voldemort sat at the head and Lucius sat further down.
"Harry Potter, the boy who lived...has come to dine...Sit." Red eyes gestured to the seat closest to the Dark lord himself.
Harry sat wearily. Maybe he should've told Hermione that he was doing this. Draco sat opposite his father.
"Hey….Voldemort." Food appeared on the table with a quiet pop and Harry was so startled he jumped in his seat.
His foot had kicked out and accidentally slammed against Voldemort's leg.
"Hnnngh!" Voldemort let out loudly, face twisted for a second before it abruptly smoothed and silence rang.
Harry blinked. "SPEAKER! KICK THE BLONDE ONES! THEY WILL PAY!"
Harry blanched.
".....Did your robes just...speak to me?" Voldemort asked.
Harry coughed, "Ah, no." He quickly picked up his fork and was prepared to take a big bite of food to divert the topic, when before the food reached his mouth a loud bang rang.
Harry was so startled that his leg kicked out and once again struck Voldemort in the leg.
"Potter!" Two voices rang out angrily.
Lucius had semi stood and banged his hands loudly on the table. "Nobody eats before our Lord!"
Lucius looked to Voldemort for approval. He nodded sagely.
Harry slowly lowered his fork and looked at the snake man, waiting.
Voldemort made no move to start eating and only stared at Harry unblinkingly.
Harry stared back, neither one blinking.
It turned into a staring contest that lasted at least 3 minutes. Harry's eyes burned but he wasn't going to give up.
Voldemort's eyes twitched.
Draco and Lucius looked on in anticipation.
Voldemort blinked. He looked to the side and hissed.
Harry fist bumped under the table.
Everyone sort of just..stared at one another for a few minutes.
"Are you gonna...eat that anytime soon?" Harry questioned. He was ready for some noms.
The snake man picked up his knife and fork slowly and cut into his food. A harsh squeaking sounded through the room and Harry winced. Neither Malfoy blinked at the sound.
Harry dug in and the Malfoys followed. The sound of chewing was loud in the silence. Harry noticed that Voldemort chewed kinda loudly, but he didn't mention it.
"Excuse me." Voldemort said and turned his head to the side, only to let out the loudest burp he had ever heard in his life.
Ron would've been proud.
Harry peeked at the Malfoys for a reaction in bewilderment, but again, neither Malfoy blinked.
Alright, Harry thought to himself, this is fine. Not weird at all.
"So!" Harry coughed out, "What exactly am I doing here?"
Voldemort sighed and set down his utensils, "I have called you here today, Potter, because I have recently come across a piece of information that I believe may interest you."
Harry nodded for him to continue as he took a sip of water.
"You are my soulmate."
Harry promptly spit out the water onto an unsuspecting Lucius Malfoy.
"POTTER!"