Two
Remus Lupin has a couple of things going for him, if he is honest with himself, which he is either too much of, or too little, no middle ground. He has a book deal, nay, the book deal he’s been dreaming of since he knew how to dream or write or possibly both, and according to Lily, he looks good leaning against a wall, a cigarette between his lips and an effortless look about him, which is a thing he chooses to believe for the sake of having two things going for him instead of one.
And since Remus is having trouble making headway with his book, he’s opted for utilizing his other supposed skill. This is how Remus finds himself leaning against the wall of Black’s, half an hour or so before opening time, a cigarette between his lips and a not-so-effortless look about him, now that he’s actually thinking about it. If something is supposedly working, he won’t be the one to mess with it. Remus has been coming to Black’s almost every single day for a while now. At first, it was genuinely because of how comfortable and queer-friendly the place was, which is something he didn’t even know he was longing for until he stumbled upon this place. Now, while Remus certainly still appreciates the sense of belonging Black’s gives him, it is not the sole reason he keeps coming back. If he is honest with himself, which again, is a bit of a grey area for him, his frequent trips to the bar may have a little less to do with the safe space and a lot more to do with the embarrassingly cliché text-book crush he has on the bartender.
Now Remus likes to think of himself as a far from cliché person, really. Yes, he might be leaning against a wall outside of a queer bar looking like the human incarnation of bisexuality, but that’s beside the point. This is a different kind of cliché that he’s found himself walking into. The thing is, he didn’t even see it happening really, he just found himself there and even needed Lily to blatantly point it out to him.
Remus has never been one to acknowledge his feelings, it’s like they escape him or he doesn’t even seem to notice them most of the time. It has become a habit for Lily to literally have to guide Remus to his feelings, to give him a little nudge in the right direction. Remus thinks it’s because he’s always busy nudging people towards their feelings that he is not aware of his own. Lily disagrees. She thinks Remus is too aware of his feelings that he’d rather focus on others’. And you know, if Remus was the sort to be honest with himself, which we’ve established is an undecided matter, he’d agree with Lily. But then again, honesty? Remus? Directed towards himself? Well, he’d really rather not.
“Oi, Corner Booth Guy,” Remus looked up to the sound of the Marlene, if he recalled correctly, waving at him. “I mean Remus, sorry, force of habit.” She smiled at him sheepishly.
“I might start getting used to that name, Corner Booth Guy, has a ring to it,” He smiled back at her. “I hope I’m not coming off as a creep, this is the second time you’ve found me waiting for you to open up. Promise I’m not here to do any harm.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it, being a bartender for as long as I have, you know a creep when you see one,” She said as she fumbles with the keys. “You’re good, reall-“
“Babe, you forgot your-oh, Corner Booth Guy, hi.” Remus raised an eyebrow at yet another person calling him that. “Oh, sorry, that must sound really creepy. It’s just you sit in the corner and all. Anyways, proper introduction time. I am Dorcas, Marlene’s partner, nice to meet you,” They said extending a hand towards Remus, which he took.
“Remus,” He shook their hand. “Or Corner Booth Guy, really, whatever you like, I answer to both now apparently."
Dorcas laughed and shook their head as Marlene opened up the bar. “We are really sorry about that, by the way. You always seemed so engrossed in whatever it is you’re doing there all day that we didn’t want to bother you and ask about your name, kinda wanted to give you your space and all.”
“Marlene said the same thing,” He said, taking another drag of his cigarette. “Well, I’m glad it looks like I’m busy and working because I definitely am not. But hey, fooled you so, I call that a win.”
“Isn’t that just adulting?” Dorcas asked as they and Marlene stepped inside.
“Coming?” Remus smiled at Marlene and gestured to his cigarette to which she nodded and headed inside. “Will save you your seat!”
Remus smiled to himself as he took another drag. He really did love this place, hopelessly cliché crush or not, this is how a safe space should be. Warm, welcoming, nice people, a community really; all things he more or less lacked growing up and has grown to appreciate now. Remus wouldn’t say he had a troubled childhood. He thinks it was pretty mediocre really, uneventful save for a few things he didn’t like to dwell over, mostly because if he sometimes slipped and did dwell over them, he’s met with “That’s really fucked up, Remus, I’m sorry,” which he appreciates but doesn’t really, what’s the word? Feel? Like he gets it, he truly does, but also they don’t get it, so he doesn’t bother, he just accepts their I’m sorry and moves on.
Lily was the first one who truly got him. They’d met in university, specifically in Intro to Classical Literature, like the fucking clichés they refuse to admit they are. They sat together that very first day and then it became a habit and they would wordlessly sit together every class until the end of term, swapping little to no words, which they both felt the other preferred. They were both right. On the last day of the course, Lily slid her phone to Remus and he just put it in his number and gave it back, to which Lily texted him “Knew I adopted the right one,” and the rest was, as cliché as they’re definitely not, history.
Remus and Lily survived university together, found an apartment together, and ironically ended up working together. If you’d told Remus he’d end up with Lily as his editor at 25, he would’ve probably laughed at you and then his laughter would’ve suddenly died down and he would’ve looked at you seriously and said: “That’s about right,” because if Remus knows one thing it is not to question the universe, or Lily Evans, both of which were more often than not the same thing anyways.
Pandora wants to hang out tonight, will you be pretending to work and dreamily staring at your bartender from behind the screen?
Speak of the universe. Remus sighed as he read over Lily’s text and typed back a yes. He could argue that Sirius wasn’t his bartender and that he’d actually be working, but he knew better. Lily is a human bullshit detector, especially when it came to Remus, so why bother really.
Lame. Will see you there.
Remus smiled fondly and pocketed his phone. He liked Pandora. She was his favourite ex-turned-friend of Lily. The only one he’d gotten along with really, and the transition from her being Lily’s girlfriend to a friend to both of them was almost unnoticeable. That’s how amicable and mature it was. And it was telling of both of their personalities. Pandora was warm and nurturing and sweet, and an overall angelic human being, if Remus were to use this word to describe anyone, it would certainly be her. She was fun to hang out with and always made you feel included in whatever was happening. Being around her and Lily always brings Remus great comfort. Which is why tonight was already sounding great. Not that it wasn’t already headed towards greatness, with a scheduled staring session at a certain raven-haired bartender. God, maybe Remus is a creep.
He sighed, stubbed his cigarette, and prepared to get inside. Maybe today will be the day he actually gets work done.
_______________________
It was not. Remus wrote a total of 3 words today. Actually 2. It was honestly just the word ‘Chapter’. Not even a number next to it. This obviously had nothing to do with the gorgeous bartender who came in about 30 minutes after Remus had settled into his booth. It also had nothing to do with the fact that his long hair was pinned up with a pen he used early to sign for deliveries. It absolutely had nothing to do with the bartender’s cropped Queen t-shirt. Or his nose ring. Or his earrings, which happened to be a single dangly sword earring today. Or his face. Or the way he leaned flirtatiously on the bar as he served customers. Or his laugh whenever Marlene said something funny to him. Or. Or. Remus was not distracted. He was focused. Razor sharp.
Someone cleared their throat and Remus abruptly turned his gaze away from the bar. “We were going to bet on how long it would take you to stop staring and notice that we’re here but I got bored. Lily, though, could’ve gone on for hours. You’re welcome.” Yes. Absolutely focused.
Remus felt his cheeks heat up a bit. “Pandora, you are an angel, thank you for protecting me from the evils of this one,” He said, pointing at Lily. “I thought we were friends, Lils.”
“I thought we were not sappy asses, Lupin.” Lily shrugged.
“I can already tell you two will start bickering so I’m going to put an end to this right now because I am actually here to have a good time. Maybe mock Remus a little in the process. But that’s just a secondary goal.” Pandora laughed at Remus’ stricken expression. “I only kid, darling. Why didn’t you tell me this was your favourite spot though? You know it’s Reg’s brother’s, yeah?”
“Reg? As in your best friend?” Remus asked and his mind went kind of blank. He knows Regulus, or at least he’s heard of him through Pandora. They almost met a couple of times, but Remus always ended up meeting Pandora’s other friends, Evan and Barty, as if he wasn’t meant to meet Regulus for some reason, the universe, man. He actually thinks he would like Regulus, as much as Remus is prone to liking anyone outside of Lily, and now by extension, Pandora. “Wait, does that mean you know him?” He nodded his head towards the bar where Sirius also happened to be staring in his direction but averted his gaze the minute Remus turned. Remus might be blushing again. He ignored it.
Neither Pandora nor Lily ignored it though as they smirked at him before Pandora tried to hide it and spoke. “Yeah, we’ve met a few times. He’s actually pretty chill. Not to mention hot. Very hot.”
“Insanely hot.” Lily agrees. “You know he does stare almost as much as you do, right?”
Remus thinks he notices him staring, but he doesn’t have that much confidence in himself to believe that it could be at him, and even if, he lacks the confidence to think it’s in admiration. He considers saying that but instead, “You know I did talk to him, right?”
“You did? That’s so wonder-“
“No. We’re not celebrating yet,” Pandora is abruptly cut off by Lily who leans across the table to look Remus directly in the eyes. “You did The Remus, didn’t you?”
Remus is so confused right now, “I’m sorry, the what?”
“Oh, you know,” Lily makes a gesture with her hands. “The Remus. The thing where you go up to a pretty person and start flashing them your winning smile and give them a couple of compliments, all while coming off as effortless and coy when you’re an actual ball of anxiety on the inside. You know, The Remus.”
Remus gives her a blank stare. He wasn’t aware he was doing a thing or that he had a thing. He simply considered it making conversation because this is exactly what it is. Lily just likes to name everything and make him feel like he is not aware of what he’s doing, or secretly aware, or whatever she was on about these days. But Remus knew he was making conversation, the same way he does with everyone really.
“That’s called conversing, Lily. Making a conversation. You know, an exchange of words?”
“Right, sure, yes, absolutely,” Lily waves nonchalantly and turns to Pandora. “Anyways, the next phase of The Remus, after the initial exchange of words is the exchange of smokes. As in, Remus gauges the pretty person in question, finds out if they would fancy themselves a cigarette, and offers them one if they do. And you see, that’s the interesting part because the bastard knows he looks effortlessly gorgeous with a cigarette. I mean, I should know, I pointed it out to him multiple times, and I still point it out to him quite regularly. It was the reason for my crisis in third year, remember?”
Pandora nods. “Yes, when you found Remus attractive for like 2 minutes outside the dining hall. That was traumatic.”
“I’m sorry, you what?”
“Shh Remus, there was a glitch in the matrix.” She waves him off. “Right so, I haven’t gotten past the smoke exchange phase, because the pretty people on the other again are far gone by then. Which, again, can’t really blame them.”
Pandora seems to be pondering over Lily’s words with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Mate, I think she’s right. You do have a thing. The Remus is totally a thing.” She looks at him excitedly. “So, have we gotten to phase 2 yet?”
Remus honestly did not process what they both just said. Or he did and chose to ignore it. Honesty and grey areas and all. He just leaned back in his seat with a resigned look. “You know what? I am done with both of you for now,” He grabbed his lighter and pack of cigarettes and got up. “All this talk did is make me want a smoke so, I’m going to leave you there with your thoughts and your guilt over what you just put me through.”
“I hope he joins you,” Lily said as he walked away.
“I’ll manifest it!” Pandora shouted.
Remus shook his head fondly as he headed outside. His friends psychoanalyzing him is not a rare occurrence, they do that basically every time the three of them are together, or when it’s just Lily, it’s her favourite pastime. Remus gets it, really, the need to help your friends reach their destination faster by nudging them in the right direction. It’s what he does for people around him. It’s why he’s labelled a great listener and a genius and an oh my god Remus you give such great advice. He doesn’t quite enjoy being on the receiving end of that though.
He sighs and lights his cigarette while staring up at the sky. Remus is quite taken by the stars and has always been. He remembers the other day when he’d found out the bartender’s name was Sirius, it took everything in him not to visibly react to that, he didn’t want to come up too eager or too creepy. So, he masked his smile and pushed down his eagerness until he went home and told Lily all about it.
Sirius is out tonight. Not his hopeless crush, the star. As always, it takes up space and outshines everything around it, and Remus is in awe. The first time Remus got acquainted with Sirius, he was in high school. There was this abandoned tower in his hometown where he’d climb late at night with a flashlight and his favourite book and just hide from the world for a bit. He would sometimes get distracted by the twinkling bodies above and let himself marvel at them. Sirius would be there most of the time. Glistening with so much confidence, like he owned the night sky, it was all his and everyone else was a mere guest. Remus didn’t know the star’s name at the time, but being who he was, he’d brought books up with him, maps, and eventually, a telescope. And soon enough, Remus knew the night sky like the back of his hand. He knew who was out when and what to look for and when to look. But no matter how many stars he stumbled upon, and how many constellations he learned the names of, his comfort always came from seeing Sirius.
“Hey, can I borrow a lighter?”
Remus was snapped from gazing at Sirius. Oh, the irony. And Pandora’s manifestation skills. “Umm yes, here.” Remus flicked his lighter as Sirius approached him, cigarette already between his lips.
Remus tried not to stare. He really did. But in the mere seconds when the flame lit up Sirius’ face, there was no way he could avert his gaze. Every detail about him was just so beautiful. Loose strands of his hair framed his face in such meticulous detail. He was absolutely stunning. Breathtaking. True to his name. Remus felt like a cliché. He didn’t care though. He was entranced. Sirius was just so, effortless. The seconds stretched on and Remus didn’t really mind. He was so grateful for the opportunity. For the privilege. For the proximity. God, he hopes he’s not being obvious or coming off as a creep.
Sirius pulled back and smiled at Remus. “Cheers, mate,” He said as leaned against the wall next to Remus. If Lily thinks Remus with a cigarette is an effortless look that is apparently part of a grand scheme to, for lack of better words, get bitches, then she should see Sirius. Suddenly Remus’ confidence in what he thought he had going for him was non-existent, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t care. He was just grateful to be privy to the sight.
He returned the smile and turned his gaze back to the sky, allowing one Sirius to distract him from the other. He took another drag from his cigarette and watched from the corner of his eye as Sirius followed his gaze upwards and the corners of his mouth quirked up a bit. Remus wondered if he recognized himself. He wondered if Sirius knew that Remus recognized him. He wanted to say something, but the silence was too comfortable. He just sighed contentedly and leaned his head back, taking in his favourite sight, with the contender for this title looming in his peripheral vision.
Remus’ calm was interrupted by the sound of a camera snapping. He glanced to the side to find Sirius grinning. “Every time this star is out,” He points at Sirius. “I have to text my brother to brag about it.”
Remus is just looking at him, and he takes that as confusion so he continues. “This is Sirius, you know, like me. I’m named after him, yeah?” Remus doesn’t trust himself to speak and doesn’t want to ruin this by being an annoying know-it-all. “And my brother, Regulus is his name, also named after a star, always accuses me of being a dramatic attention hog, which he’s not wrong, just don’t say it to my face, you know? Anyways, I like to tease him that he’d be just as dramatic if he got his name from a beautiful star that was always shining so bright, it was infuriatingly beautiful, and he’d say something petty like ‘Well, you got the infuriating part right.’,” Sirius smiles fondly and Remus just continues to look at him. “Sorry, I’m rambling. Bottom line is, I like to remind him that despite his valiant efforts to bring me down, my star and I still shine on, while his star and he barely make an appearance. And now I realize you didn’t ask for any of this and you probably don’t care for hearing about the life of an utter stranger.” Remus smiles as Sirius’ cheeks pink up a little and he looks so flustered.
“Well, I’d like to declare that your brother is wrong. I don’t know you enough to comment on the infuriating, but I do have enough sight in me to comment on the beautiful. You know, being named after a star in the Leo constellation could’ve possibly gotten to his ego and made him blind to certain things, namely beauty in others, or in you specifically, as goes the rule of siblings and all. So, I wouldn’t take his words to heart, because he is clearly prejudiced.” Remus says and watches as Sirius gets even redder. “And I’ve been coming to your bar for ages now, I’d hardly consider us strangers at this point, don’t you agree?”
Sometimes Remus gets those fleeting moments of confidence. He doesn’t know where they come from, or how they come about, he just knows that they are and he never wants to look into it too much in fear of fucking up a good thing. So, he lets it be. If it comes right now, while he is shaking with anxiety on the inside, but can muster up enough courage to call a boy beautiful, then he would neither question it nor complain. He’s letting this happen. He’s also praying it lasts. He also really hopes he looks composed throughout all of this and not just thinks he does.
“Compliments and knowledge about the stars? Treading dangerous waters here, Corner Booth Guy. You might actually be a man after my own heart.” Sirius says after a while, trying to mask his flustered face with a smirk, Remus lets him get away with it.
“What can I say? I do have a thing for beautiful stars,” Remus is trying so hard to not make his own flustered face show. He thinks he’s doing a good job. God, he truly hopes he is.
Sirius smiles and goes on to say something before his phone interrupts him. “As much as I’d love to stay out here and bask in the glory you’re so gracefully bestowing upon me,” He says with a mock bow. “Break time is sadly over,” He stubs his cigarette and heads for the door. “I’ll see you inside, CBG.”
Remus chuckles at the nickname and takes his final drag before stubbing his own cigarette and stepping inside. He slides back into his booth opposite Lily and Pandora. “So, I think we need to talk about phase 3.”